The all new sudden General Election thread

[Barman]

Watched it til gone 4.30 

A sort of dodgy curate's egg result.  Happy to see the lying cow humiliated and Scottish independence kicked into the long grass but not good to see Corbyn do well.  Shame to see Goldsmith sneak back in and Robertson lose out.

Most worrying thing is we now have a government beholden to Ulster Unionists and the last time that happened people died in their thousands

At least comrade Corbyn won't persuade the deluded students to get up and vote for him a second time. 

Certainly not twice in one year I shouldn't think... 

[Steve]

Watched it til gone 4.30 

A sort of dodgy curate's egg result.  Happy to see the lying cow humiliated and Scottish independence kicked into the long grass but not good to see Corbyn do well.  Shame to see Goldsmith sneak back in and Robertson lose out.

Most worrying thing is we now have a government beholden to Ulster Unionists and the last time that happened people died in their thousands

At least comrade Corbyn won't persuade the deluded students to get up and vote for him a second time. 

Certainly not twice in one year I shouldn't think... 

She's going to try and hang on for longer than that and she won't make the mistake of a nearly end of uni year election again.  But this might just have been a sea change in terms of younger voters voting and after a year of Tory infighting and fraught EU negotiations who knows what might happen in the next election.

Now who was it here that signed up to Labour just to help get Corbers as leader?

[Nick]

 

Nod wanted a Grauniad to read on the plane but could only get a Torygraph instead.

He said, "Fvck me, they hate her even more than that Guardianistas!"

[Steve]

She's bought herself a little time by sacking two of her aides but whether that's hours, days or weeks she surely is toast

[Nick]

Lord buckethead is everything that's great about uk politics. He stood against Chorizo May. His manifesto:
1. The abolition of the Lords (except me).

2. Full facial coverings to be kept legal, especially bucket-related headgear.

3. No third runway to be built at Heathrow: where we’re going we don’t need runways.

4. Ceefax to be brought back immediately, with The Oracle and other Teletext services to be rolled out by the next Parliament.

5. Regeneration of Nicholson’s Shopping Centre, Maidenhead.

6. Buckethead on Brexit: a referendum should be held about whether there should be a second referendum.

7. Nuclear weapons: A firm public commitment to build the £100bn renewal of the Trident weapons system, followed by an equally firm private commitment not to build it. They’re secret submarines, no one will ever know. It’s a win win.

8. Nationalisation of Adele: in order to maximise the efficient use of UK resources, the time is right for great British assets to be brought into public ownership for the common good. This is to be achieved through capital spending.

9. A moratorium until 2022 on whether Birmingham should be converted into a star base.

10. Legalisation of the hunting of fox-hunters.

11. New voting age limit of 16 to be introduced. New voting age limit of 80 to be introduced too.

12. Katie Hopkins to be banished to the Phantom Zone.

13. Stop selling arms to Saudi Arabia. Start buying lasers from Lord Buckethead.

14. Prospective MPs to live in the seat they wish to represent for at least five years before election, to improve local representation in Parliament.

15. Free bikes for everyone, to help combat obesity, traffic congestion and bike theft.

[Steve]

  Some promising policies in there.

But I see you a Bucket manifesto and raise you an OMRLP manifesto https://www.loonyparty.com/2017-general-election-manicfesto/

2017 General Election Manifesto
We will stand on a platform of free woollen hats  for all, so we can pull the wool over peoples eyes.

Taxation
Tax payers to receive Nectar Points from HMRC

Nationalisation.
The Loony Party will Nationalise all Political parties.. and if they don’t keep their manifesto promises.. we will sell em off.

We will nationalise crime to make sure it doesn’t pay

Austerity
Due to the fact that the Government have made cuts in almost everything around. the loony party proposes to cut the letters of the alphabet..
Starting with the letters N. H. and S

Educational funding
The Loony Party proposes that all Schools would have a Jumble sale or fete or other fundraising event at least twice per month to help raise funds for those little extras.. such as Desks, Books, paper, pens etc.

Electoral Change
The Loony party propose that voters will get a 30 day cooling off period during which, if you change your mind, didn’t like the result, or didn’t know what you were voting for, you can get your vote back.

Reduce the voting age to 16 (carried forward from our 1983 manicfesto) ..(nicked by labour))

Imigration policy
One in one out (carried forward from our 2015 manicfesto (nicked by UKIP))

Pensions or How to get the grey vote…
In keeping with the Labour Party’s latest bid to get one or two pensioners to vote for them they have brought out a new policy guaranteeing the Triple lock on pensions until 2025 if they get voted in..The Loony party of course will go one better and buy a very large padlock,

Defense
We shall replace the Trident missile.. with a three pronged fork

Economy & Pensions
We will further complicate the UK tax system so that large companies can no longer find loopholes.

Environment
We will change the English symbol of three lions to 3 badgers. How often do you see lions running round the countryside?

All Food sold in fast food establishments should be clearly marked “May contain traces of real food”

Social Media
All Social Media sites to be taken down for one day a year for a “Remember when we used to talk” day.

Transport
We will only paint yellow lines where you CAN park,

We will rename the current Oyster travel cards, ‘Sardine Cards’ to better reflect the experience when travelling on public transport

[Barman]

 

Actually, I remember reading a proposal years and years ago about the yellow line thing - seems very reasonable and ensures that picturesque villages aren't spoilt with miles of yellow paint...

[Nick]

http://newsthump.com/2017/06/12/everyone-planning-to-vote-tory-now-that-michael-gove-is-back/

[Steve]

http://newsthump.com/2017/06/12/everyone-planning-to-vote-tory-now-that-michael-gove-is-back/

[boogs]

http://newsthump.com/2017/06/12/everyone-planning-to-vote-tory-now-that-michael-gove-is-back/

 

[Steve]

Have to say Boogs I'm very disappointed that the Can't give a Flying Fuck party couldn't be arsed to put up any candidates last week.  A golden opportunity missed if I might say so

As usual the Procrastinators party were a day late putting in the required papers 

[Barman]

Dim Tim has gone! 

[Steve]

Dim Tim has gone! 

Seems so

Clever principled guy but just always came over as immature. Was showing signs that by 2022 he might have been a credible leader.

Definite crisis for the Libs as Cable is no populist vote winner

[Nick]

http://rochdaleherald.co.uk/2017/01/17/impossible-michael-gove/

[Steve]

http://rochdaleherald.co.uk/2017/01/17/impossible-michael-gove/