The all new Criminal Mongstermind thread

[Grumpmeister]

I've been thinking about doing one of these for a while now given the number of hapless criminal cockwombles who end up in the news. Basically it's similar to the Darwin awards except for criminals who are so astonishingly stupid that they may as well just walk straight to the nearest police station.

To start things off: Break into someone's home, nick some property, log into your facebook page and then forget to log out before legging it.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2667413/Burglar-busted-stopping-check-FACEBOOK-victims-computer-forgetting-log-out.html

Sometime later Mr Wood noticed a Facebook page on his computer he didn't recognize.

Realizing what must have happened, he shared a picture of Wig from Wig's profile.
Mr Wood announced Wig was a thief and shared his phone number, asking for anyone with information to call him.

He did not expect to get a text from Wig himself in the evening.

'I replied (saying) ''you left a few things at my house last night, how can I get them back to you?''' Mr Wood said.
Wig agreed to return to the house and pick up his things.

As Mr Wood saw him approaching, he called 911.

I'd say 7 out of 10 for that one. 

[Barman]

I've been thinking about doing one of these for a while now given the number of hapless criminal cockwombles who end up in the news. Basically it's similar to the Darwin awards except for criminals who are so astonishingly stupid that they may as well just walk straight to the nearest police station.

To start things off: Break into someone's home, nick some property, log into your facebook page and then forget to log out before legging it.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2667413/Burglar-busted-stopping-check-FACEBOOK-victims-computer-forgetting-log-out.html

Sometime later Mr Wood noticed a Facebook page on his computer he didn't recognize.

Realizing what must have happened, he shared a picture of Wig from Wig's profile.
Mr Wood announced Wig was a thief and shared his phone number, asking for anyone with information to call him.

He did not expect to get a text from Wig himself in the evening.

'I replied (saying) ''you left a few things at my house last night, how can I get them back to you?''' Mr Wood said.
Wig agreed to return to the house and pick up his things.

As Mr Wood saw him approaching, he called 911.

I'd say 7 out of 10 for that one. 

 

[apc2010]

 

[Steve]

I've been thinking about doing one of these for a while now given the number of hapless criminal cockwombles who end up in the news. Basically it's similar to the Darwin awards except for criminals who are so astonishingly stupid that they may as well just walk straight to the nearest police station.

To start things off: Break into someone's home, nick some property, log into your facebook page and then forget to log out before legging it.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2667413/Burglar-busted-stopping-check-FACEBOOK-victims-computer-forgetting-log-out.html

Sometime later Mr Wood noticed a Facebook page on his computer he didn't recognize.

Realizing what must have happened, he shared a picture of Wig from Wig's profile.
Mr Wood announced Wig was a thief and shared his phone number, asking for anyone with information to call him.

He did not expect to get a text from Wig himself in the evening.

'I replied (saying) ''you left a few things at my house last night, how can I get them back to you?''' Mr Wood said.
Wig agreed to return to the house and pick up his things.

As Mr Wood saw him approaching, he called 911.

I'd say 7 out of 10 for that one. 

 

[Grumpmeister]

Just released from prison and what does this genius do? He burgles a hairdressers and leaves his release papers behind. 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2700810/The-bungling-burglar-Britain-Criminal-caught-thieving-day-released-prison-dropped-release-papers-break-in.html

[Barman]

Just released from prison and what does this genius do? He burgles a hairdressers and leaves his release papers behind. 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2700810/The-bungling-burglar-Britain-Criminal-caught-thieving-day-released-prison-dropped-release-papers-break-in.html

And after pleading guilty to the salon burglary on June 25, and three other attempted burglaries on the same day, he was sent back to jail for 12 months.

 

[Steve]

Just released from prison and what does this genius do? He burgles a hairdressers and leaves his release papers behind. 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2700810/The-bungling-burglar-Britain-Criminal-caught-thieving-day-released-prison-dropped-release-papers-break-in.html

And after pleading guilty to the salon burglary on June 25, and three other attempted burglaries on the same day, he was sent back to jail for 12 months.

 

I see your
    and raise you a 

12 months FFS     

[Grumpmeister]

I'd have thought that the obvious thing if you are going to burgle someone is not to stare gormlessly at the CCTV camera for several seconds. 

The open-mouthed thief stares directly into the lens for several seconds, seemingly unable to decide what to do with himself.
He then appears to shout the word ‘camera’, before continuing to stare at the lens - still with his mouth wide open.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2718836/Moment-gormless-burglar-stares-open-mouthed-CCTV-camera-stealing-try-cover-tracks-footage-downloaded.html

Unfortunately I have a cynical feeling that the footage won't be allowed in court when he is nabbed. 

[Barman]

I'd have thought that the obvious thing if you are going to burgle someone is not to stare gormlessly at the CCTV camera for several seconds. 

The open-mouthed thief stares directly into the lens for several seconds, seemingly unable to decide what to do with himself.
He then appears to shout the word ‘camera’, before continuing to stare at the lens - still with his mouth wide open.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2718836/Moment-gormless-burglar-stares-open-mouthed-CCTV-camera-stealing-try-cover-tracks-footage-downloaded.html

Unfortunately I have a cynical feeling that the footage won't be allowed in court when he is nabbed. 

"Cunt" is the only word that works.... 

[Grumpmeister]

The manufacturers should use this video as a marketing tool "It takes more than a dickhead with a brick to break into one of our cars".

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2973808/Grand-theft-oh-no-Watch-dozy-thief-knocked-throws-brick-car-window-rebounds-strikes-head.html

[Barman]

The manufacturers should use this video as a marketing tool "It takes more than a dickhead with a brick to break into one of our cars".

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2973808/Grand-theft-oh-no-Watch-dozy-thief-knocked-throws-brick-car-window-rebounds-strikes-head.html

Hang him! 

[apc2010]

The manufacturers should use this video as a marketing tool "It takes more than a dickhead with a brick to break into one of our cars".

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2973808/Grand-theft-oh-no-Watch-dozy-thief-knocked-throws-brick-car-window-rebounds-strikes-head.html

     

[Grumpmeister]

If you are going to rob a shop, don't choose the one your mother in law works in and especially on a day she is there... 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3037219/Armed-robber-recognised-mother-law-working-shop-till.html

[apc2010]

If you are going to rob a shop, don't choose the one your mother in law works in and especially on a day she is there... 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3037219/Armed-robber-recognised-mother-law-working-shop-till.html

 

[Steve]

If you are going to rob a shop, don't choose the one your mother in law works in and especially on a day she is there... 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3037219/Armed-robber-recognised-mother-law-working-shop-till.html