Author Topic: Funeral orations  (Read 966 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Nick

  • Needs to get out more...
  • ******
  • Posts: 109648
  • Reputation: -115
Funeral orations
« on: January 21, 2013, 08:34:57 PM »
Maybe cos I was 58 yesterday. Maybe cos I have been to a lot of funerals in the last couple of years, and one today. The  dead person was always saintly and had a rich and varied life and was loved by everyone, apparently.

I wonder what they will say about me, at mine, like?  rubschin:

1. He wrote some books
2. He had the odd funny tale
3. He wrote some good reports
4. He was quite tall
5. Um......

What will/should they say about you at your funeral?


Warning: May contain Skub
Cat sitter extraordinaire
Semi-professional crocodile

Offline Pirate

  • Senior Moment
  • ****
  • Posts: 9229
  • Reputation: -2
Re: Funeral orations
« Reply #1 on: January 21, 2013, 09:45:18 PM »
The Policeman stood and faced his God, Which must always come to pass.
He hoped his shoes were shining as brightly as his brass.

"Step forward now, officer. How shall I deal with You?
Have you always turned the other cheek? To my Church have you been true?"

The officer squared his shoulders and said, "No, Lord, I guess I ain't.
Cause those of us who carry badges can't always be a saint.

But I never took a penny that wasn't mine to keep,
Though I worked a lot of overtime when the bills just got too steep.

And I never passed a cry for help, though at times I shook with fear.
And sometimes, God forgive me, I wept unmanly tears.

I know I don't deserve a place among the people here.
They never wanted me around except to calm their fear.

If you've a place for me here, Lord, it needn't be so grand.
I've never expected or had too much. But if you don't, I'll understand."

There was silence all around the throne where the saints had often trod.
As the officer waited quietly for the answer of his God.

"Step forward now, Officer, you've borne your burdens well.
Come walk a beat on Heaven's Streets. You've done your time in Hell."

Offline Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons)

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 16072
  • Reputation: 0
  • I have a keen sense of stupidity!
Re: Funeral orations
« Reply #2 on: January 22, 2013, 09:44:24 AM »
1) Her beetle farming years were good years.
2) Her passion for chickens was second to none.
3) She liked her gardening.
4) She wrote a book.
5) She was odd
6) Her greatest wish and what she strived for all of her adult life, world peace and an end to child poverty to be buried in a barrel of Pinot has finally come to pass.
7) Errrr
I have always thought that the worst thing about drowning was having to call 'help!' You must look such a fool. It's put me against drowning.
J Basil Boothroyd

Offline Darwins Selection

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 39138
  • Reputation: 6
  • I mostly despair
Re: Funeral orations
« Reply #3 on: January 22, 2013, 09:57:42 AM »
1) Who?
2) Is that knocking coming from the coffin?
I mostly despair

Offline Baldy

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 14085
  • Reputation: 0
Re: Funeral orations
« Reply #4 on: January 22, 2013, 10:03:24 AM »
1) Who?
2) Is that knocking coming from the coffin?

 lol: lol: lol:

Offline Snoopy

  • Administrator
  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 54191
  • Reputation: 0
  • In the Prime of Senility
Re: Funeral orations
« Reply #5 on: January 22, 2013, 10:40:08 AM »
I should like to think that they will be able to say "He was a decent bloke".
I used to have a handle on life but it broke.

Offline apc2010

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 66547
  • Reputation: -2
Re: Funeral orations
« Reply #6 on: January 22, 2013, 03:22:36 PM »
He's going burn a while............. noooo:

Offline Nick

  • Needs to get out more...
  • ******
  • Posts: 109648
  • Reputation: -115
Re: Funeral orations
« Reply #7 on: January 22, 2013, 03:29:52 PM »
It was luvly and warm in the crematorium.
Warning: May contain Skub
Cat sitter extraordinaire
Semi-professional crocodile

Offline Barman

  • Administrator
  • Needs to get out more...
  • *****
  • Posts: 154929
  • Reputation: -50
  • Since 1960...
    • Virtual Pub!
Re: Funeral orations
« Reply #8 on: January 22, 2013, 04:37:45 PM »
Maybe cos I was 58 yesterday. Maybe cos I have been to a lot of funerals in the last couple of years, and one today. The  dead person was always saintly and had a rich and varied life and was loved by everyone, apparently.

I wonder what they will say about me, at mine, like?  rubschin:

1. He was a ginger shambles

What will/should they say about you at your funeral?

 whistle:
Pro Skub  Thumbs:

Offline Pastis

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 14474
  • Reputation: 0
  • a continuing precarious position
Re: Funeral orations
« Reply #9 on: January 22, 2013, 07:10:44 PM »
I have penned a draft eulogy for the upcoming service next Monday. At this rate I'll end up writing my own  ...  razz:
Like the Buddhist said to the hot dog vendor...
"Make me one with everything"

Offline Misty

  • Senior Moment
  • ****
  • Posts: 8558
  • Reputation: 3
Re: Funeral orations
« Reply #10 on: January 22, 2013, 07:15:08 PM »
It was luvly and warm in the crematorium.

at yours they will say
 "we should have believed him this time when he said he was dying from man flu"

Offline Nick

  • Needs to get out more...
  • ******
  • Posts: 109648
  • Reputation: -115
Re: Funeral orations
« Reply #11 on: January 22, 2013, 07:19:30 PM »
 sad24:
Warning: May contain Skub
Cat sitter extraordinaire
Semi-professional crocodile

Offline Miss Demeanour

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 36017
  • Reputation: 2
Re: Funeral orations
« Reply #12 on: January 22, 2013, 07:22:15 PM »
Mine will say " Finally, some peace "  :thumbsup:
Skubber

Offline Nick

  • Needs to get out more...
  • ******
  • Posts: 109648
  • Reputation: -115
Re: Funeral orations
« Reply #13 on: January 22, 2013, 07:49:30 PM »
What would The Brat say?  rubschin:
Warning: May contain Skub
Cat sitter extraordinaire
Semi-professional crocodile

Offline Miss Demeanour

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 36017
  • Reputation: 2
Re: Funeral orations
« Reply #14 on: January 22, 2013, 07:50:16 PM »
She wouldn't be there  noooo:
Skubber