Pipes wires and valves 'n stuff all suffering?

[Nick]

Who should take over the cellar then?

[Uncle Mort]

Thought I'd share this with you:

We are now routing you to one of our chat team...
You are now connected with Kirsty
Kirsty: Hi, my name is Kirsty. I'm here to assist you with your BT order.

Uncle Mort: hi Kirsty, I'm looking to change to BT from Orange but when I check my broadband speed I get 256Kbps I currently get 6.5Mbps

Kirsty: BT always give you the best speed possible on your line. The speed prediction we have given here is an estimate. The actual speed is dependent on several factors such as whether you have internal wiring, our network management policy and the number of people using the internet at the same time.

Uncle Mort: Right, I read that but if I currently get 6.5Mbps through the BT line with Orange as my ISP why should I change if you don't even appear to give the same. It must be a mistake.

Kirsty: Every provider will always give the up to speed that they provide , it does not mean you are getting the exact speed , the speed on your line is not accurate Mort . sometimes it is higher and sometimes lower

Kirsty: Bt will always tell you the truth and also show the estimated speed on your line at a moment

Kirsty: Once your a BT Broadband customer you'll be able to claim your free BT Accelerator. This plugs onto your phone socket and can enhance your speed by up to 1.5MB per second!

Uncle Mort: sorry but you don't seem to understand. The line is obviously capable of allowing over 6Mbps as that is what I get at best. So why doesn't the BT test reflect that instead of showing a maximum of 256Kbps?

Uncle Mort: I cannot sign an agreement showing 256Kbps as best speed.



Uncle Mort: Hello?

Kirsty: I am here , I thought you were still typing

Kirsty: Bt will always try as much as possible to provide the highest speed on your line Mort , if your speed is too long , you will be able to use the BT accelerator and it will boost the speed on your line

Uncle Mort: But as I say, BT show a max speed that is too low. If I sign up there is no obligation for BT to provide better. This morning on that line I got a speed of 6.5Mbps so the BT test must be wrong. Is there a technical department I can call?

Kirsty: Sure , you can contact our technical team on 0800 111 4567 they will be happy to assist you
 
Uncle Mort: Thank you - bye

Kirsty: Thank you for chatting with me today, BT Values your feedback. Please click the "Close" button at top right to close the chat.
Thank you for chatting with us.

I have now spoken to Tanya, After some head scratching she's gone off to talk to some techies and will call me back.

[Darwins Selection]

"Congratulations Uncle Mort, we have been in touch with Orange and successfully changed your broadband speed to 256k. Would you like to sign up for our booster now?"

[Uncle Mort]

I wouldn't put it past them. 

[Grumpmeister]

Don't panic Mort, normally BT can't take over your broadband without the MAC code. If they do its classed as a slam, all you need to do is contact Orange and tell them to get the broadband reset again.

The accelerator is just a more advanced microfilter than you currently have.

[Uncle Mort]

No panic, I do understand the rules like.

I've got the MAC number and I'm just touting it around the ISP companies.