The Virtual Pub

Quote from: Nick on May 18, 2019, 06:23:20 AM

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/customer-reviews/RDKHK7J88SUL3/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_viewpnt?ie=UTF8&ASIN=B004FTGJUW&fbclid=IwAR3SSN5fGDm5FoSyLk4FnCDWYefo_vyYGqXIeNjeDjaAzUh51aCHnj7TbCw#RDKHK7J88SUL3

"Diana!" I said, greeting my Mother-in-Law as she walked through the door.
She said, "My name's Anna."
I said, "Yeah I know."

Quote from: Barman on May 25, 2019, 03:14:03 AM

Quote from: Steve on May 24, 2019, 10:33:33 PM

"Diana!" I said, greeting my Mother-in-Law as she walked through the door.
She said, "My name's Anna."
I said, "Yeah I know."

 

A little Yorkshire couple had been married for years, but the little old lady dies. The husband goes to a stone mason after the funeral and orders a headstone and says to the mason " I want on the stone Sacred to the memory etc. etc and ending in the words She were Thine." The mason says "No trouble come back next week I'll have it done".The following Tuesday he called round to see how the mason was getting on. It was finished, but the final words were "She were thin. "Oh no" said the husband "you've left the e off." "Don't worry" said the mason, "give us an hour and I'll put it right back." He goes back an hour later and the mason had altered it to, E she were thin.

Mary had a little skirt.
It split right up the sides,
and everywhere that Mary went,
The boys could see her thighs.
She also had another skirt,
it split right up the front,
She never wore that one.

While on a road trip up north, an elderly couple, stopped at the sevices for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their trip to Scotland.
When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't miss them until they had been driving for about forty minutes. By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance on the motorway before they could find a exit to turn around, in order to return to the services to retrieve her glasses.
All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained, and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up for a single minute.
To her relief, they finally arrived at the services. As the woman got out of the car and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her "While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and credit card as well!!..

The girl at the RyanAir check-in desk said, "Window or aisle?"

I replied, "Window or you'll what?"