The Virtual Pub
Come Inside... => The Comedy Room => Topic started by: Steve on February 03, 2019, 03:20:46 PM
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An early entry
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-china-47107609 (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-china-47107609)
'A World War One-era German hand grenade has been found among a delivery of potatoes shipped from France to a crisp factory in Hong Kong, police say . . .
. . .
The bombe de terre was safely detonated on site by bomb disposal officers.'
:facepalm:
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(https://scontent-cdg2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/83171325_827252167792852_8439368990110777344_n.jpg?_nc_cat=111&_nc_oc=AQlwMG9zxWIxuTJ4nXZgUEsAbtCLzKtP8ZPDi2LXgJ5KlyzIXLSZlVqDrmMh3PzTHOI&_nc_ht=scontent-cdg2-1.xx&oh=5eef2034fbc9fe43989013e2ed81df31&oe=5ECE4EF1)
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(https://scontent-cdg2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/83171325_827252167792852_8439368990110777344_n.jpg?_nc_cat=111&_nc_oc=AQlwMG9zxWIxuTJ4nXZgUEsAbtCLzKtP8ZPDi2LXgJ5KlyzIXLSZlVqDrmMh3PzTHOI&_nc_ht=scontent-cdg2-1.xx&oh=5eef2034fbc9fe43989013e2ed81df31&oe=5ECE4EF1)
drumroll:
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(https://scontent-lht6-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/p960x960/83535457_1526111290870502_8151836193957347328_o.jpg?_nc_cat=100&_nc_oc=AQnzISYfQWUyu4HW8ufG91ZWydeirUjwLGe9rlgK7m_iXQy9qA2S-Hrz77lSdJK_-1g&_nc_ht=scontent-lht6-1.xx&_nc_tp=6&oh=558f4884f9d575ad32cf64d5e9f40a1a&oe=5E9530DF)
get coat time
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(https://scontent-lht6-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/p960x960/83535457_1526111290870502_8151836193957347328_o.jpg?_nc_cat=100&_nc_oc=AQnzISYfQWUyu4HW8ufG91ZWydeirUjwLGe9rlgK7m_iXQy9qA2S-Hrz77lSdJK_-1g&_nc_ht=scontent-lht6-1.xx&_nc_tp=6&oh=558f4884f9d575ad32cf64d5e9f40a1a&oe=5E9530DF)
get coat time
;D Thumbs: redface:
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(https://scontent-lht6-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/p960x960/83535457_1526111290870502_8151836193957347328_o.jpg?_nc_cat=100&_nc_oc=AQnzISYfQWUyu4HW8ufG91ZWydeirUjwLGe9rlgK7m_iXQy9qA2S-Hrz77lSdJK_-1g&_nc_ht=scontent-lht6-1.xx&_nc_tp=6&oh=558f4884f9d575ad32cf64d5e9f40a1a&oe=5E9530DF)
get coat time
;D Thumbs: redface:
drumroll:
lol: lol: lol:
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(https://scontent-lht6-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/p960x960/83535457_1526111290870502_8151836193957347328_o.jpg?_nc_cat=100&_nc_oc=AQnzISYfQWUyu4HW8ufG91ZWydeirUjwLGe9rlgK7m_iXQy9qA2S-Hrz77lSdJK_-1g&_nc_ht=scontent-lht6-1.xx&_nc_tp=6&oh=558f4884f9d575ad32cf64d5e9f40a1a&oe=5E9530DF)
get coat time
;D Thumbs: redface:
drumroll:
lol: lol: lol:
drumroll: drumroll:
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AN udder wrong spelling of "immediately" cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing:
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AN udder wrong spelling of "immediately" cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing:
lol:
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Why is it you never come across porn stars in real life .......... rubschin:
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Why is it you never come across porn stars in real life .......... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol: redface:
True story: My nephew had a relationship with one... He said the sex was fantastic but in the end he couldn't cope with the thought of her fucking other blokes all day... noooo:
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Why is it you never come across porn stars in real life .......... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol: redface:
True story: My nephew had a relationship with one... He said the sex was fantastic but in the end he couldn't cope with the thought of her fucking other blokes all day... noooo:
Was gonna say .."Must be hard" ...but .... redface:
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lol: lol: lol:
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If I had to describe myself in three words,...........
I would say "Not very good at maths".............. redface:
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If I had to describe myself in three words,...........
I would say "Not very good at maths".............. redface:
lol: lol: lol:
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If I had to describe myself in three words,...........
I would say "Not very good at maths".............. redface:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
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What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?..................... rubschin:
I don’t know and I don’t care................ Thumbs:
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Errr not a pun and an Affs noooo:
https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=8111.msg651572#msg651572
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I always think this is going to be about strawberries.... redface:
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I always think this is going to be about strawberries.... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
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I always think this is going to be about strawberries.... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
drumroll:
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How they make Mufflers baffles me......... rubschin:
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How they make Mufflers baffles me......... rubschin:
drumroll:
lol: lol: lol:
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How they make Mufflers baffles me......... rubschin:
drumroll:
lol: lol: lol:
drumroll:drumroll:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
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How they make Mufflers baffles me......... rubschin:
drumroll:
lol: lol: lol:
drumroll:drumroll:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
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How they make Mufflers baffles me......... rubschin:
drumroll:
lol: lol: lol:
drumroll:drumroll:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
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A Termite walks into a bar ....
"Is the Bar tender here "..???
redface: redface:
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A Termite walks into a bar ....
"Is the Bar tender here "..???
redface: redface:
lol: lol: lol:
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A Termite walks into a bar ....
"Is the Bar tender here "..???
redface: redface:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
A Termite walks into a bar ....
"Is the Bar tender here "..???
redface: redface:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
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IF YOU CAN THINK OF A BETTER FISH PUN;
LET MINNOW.
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IF YOU CAN THINK OF A BETTER FISH PUN;
LET MINNOW.
facepalm:
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IF YOU CAN THINK OF A BETTER FISH PUN;
LET MINNOW.
facepalm:
angel1 not feeling eel after that are we
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IF YOU CAN THINK OF A BETTER FISH PUN;
LET MINNOW.
facepalm:
angel1 not feeling eel after that are we
Don't start carping on Steve noooo:
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IF YOU CAN THINK OF A BETTER FISH PUN;
LET MINNOW.
facepalm:
angel1 not feeling eel after that are we
Don't start carping on Steve noooo:
OK then best end this French style
Fin
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IF YOU CAN THINK OF A BETTER FISH PUN;
LET MINNOW.
facepalm:
angel1 not feeling eel after that are we
Don't start carping on Steve noooo:
OK then best end this French style
Fin
facepalm:
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I hate it when people don't know the difference between your and you're.
There so stupid.
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I hate it when people don't know the difference between your and you're.
There so stupid.
lol: lol: lol:
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I hate it when people don't know the difference between your and you're.
There so stupid.
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
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I hate it when people don't know the difference between your and you're.
There so stupid.
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
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Jokes about sugar are rare...........
Jokes about brown sugar...............
Demerara................... Thumbs:
Beat that .....
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Jokes about sugar are rare...........
Jokes about brown sugar...............
Demerara................... Thumbs:
Beat that .....
lol: lol: lol:
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The most gullible chemical element is easily lead.
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The most gullible chemical element is easily lead.
drumroll:
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The most gullible chemical element is easily lead.
drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll:
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The most gullible chemical element is easily lead.
drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll: drumroll:
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Meatloaf was so named because of his incredible likeness to his father, Meatlo.
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(In a French restaurant)
"Excuse me, can we see the menu please?"
"Mais oui"
"Oh, sorry. May we see the menu please"
-
(In a French restaurant)
"Excuse me, can we see the menu please?"
"Mais oui"
"Oh, sorry. May we see the menu please"
lol: lol: lol:
-
(In a French restaurant)
"Excuse me, can we see the menu please?"
"Mais oui"
"Oh, sorry. May we see the menu please"
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
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Was the Meatloaf one too subtle?
-
Was the Meatloaf one too subtle?
Yes redface:
-
Was the Meatloaf one too subtle?
Yes redface:
C'mon...Apey, care to explain it?
-
Was the Meatloaf one too subtle?
Yes redface:
C'mon...Apey, care to explain it?
rubschin:
-
Was the Meatloaf one too subtle?
Yes redface:
C'mon...Apey, care to explain it?
rubschin:
Meatlo as fuck... = Meatloaf.
Perhaps only we younger ones got it...
whistle:
-
tunble:
-
(In a French restaurant)
"Excuse me, can we see the menu please?"
"Mais oui"
"Oh, sorry. May we see the menu please"
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
tunble:
Disappointed in you noooo:
-
Was the Meatloaf one too subtle?
Yes redface:
C'mon...Apey, care to explain it?
rubschin:
Meatlo as fuck... = Meatloaf.
Perhaps only we younger ones got it...
whistle:
oh...
-
Was the Meatloaf one too subtle?
Yes redface:
C'mon...Apey, care to explain it?
rubschin:
Meatlo as fuck... = Meatloaf.
Perhaps only we younger ones got it...
whistle:
oh...
Your levity is wel restrained.
-
Was the Meatloaf one too subtle?
Yes redface:
C'mon...Apey, care to explain it?
rubschin:
Meatlo as fuck... = Meatloaf.
Perhaps only we younger ones got it...
whistle:
oh...
Your levity is wel restrained.
lol: lol: lol:
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R.I.P boiled water.
You will be mist.
-
R.I.P boiled water.
You will be mist.
lol: lol: lol:
-
R.I.P boiled water.
You will be mist.
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
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What do you call a really shit Magician .................. rubschin:
Ian.............. Thumbs:
-
What do you call a really shit Magician .................. rubschin:
Ian.............. Thumbs:
drumroll:
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What do you call a really shit Magician .................. rubschin:
Ian.............. Thumbs:
drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll:
-
What do you call a really shit Magician .................. rubschin:
Ian.............. Thumbs:
drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll: drumroll:
-
What do you call a really shit Magician .................. rubschin:
Ian.............. Thumbs:
drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll: drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll: drumroll: drumroll:
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(credit/blame a radio 2 listener the other day)
I spent the afternoon sorting out my cupboard and fridge. Every tin, jar, bottle and packet is now at least 20cm from each other. Yes I'm practicing shelf isolation
-
(credit/blame a radio 2 listener the other day)
I spent the afternoon sorting out my cupboard and fridge. Every tin, jar, bottle and packet is now at least 20cm from each other. Yes I'm practicing shelf isolation
lol: lol: lol:
-
(credit/blame a radio 2 listener the other day)
I spent the afternoon sorting out my cupboard and fridge. Every tin, jar, bottle and packet is now at least 20cm from each other. Yes I'm practicing shelf isolation
lol: lol: lol:
drumroll:
-
(credit/blame a radio 2 listener the other day)
I spent the afternoon sorting out my cupboard and fridge. Every tin, jar, bottle and packet is now at least 20cm from each other. Yes I'm practicing shelf isolation
lol: lol: lol:
drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll:
-
(credit/blame a radio 2 listener the other day)
I spent the afternoon sorting out my cupboard and fridge. Every tin, jar, bottle and packet is now at least 20cm from each other. Yes I'm practicing shelf isolation
lol: lol: lol:
drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll: drumroll:
-
A photon turns up at check in for a flight with no baggage.
The check in agent says “travelling light?”
He says “Yes, I am.”
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A photon turns up at check in for a flight with no baggage.
The check in agent says “travelling light?”
He says “Yes, I am.”
lol: lol: lol:
-
I got the sack from my job as a air traffic controller because my manager said I had a bad altitude problem.......... redface:
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I got the sack from my job as a air traffic controller because my manager said I had a bad altitude problem.......... redface:
lol:
-
I got the sack from my job as a air traffic controller because my manager said I had a bad altitude problem.......... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
-
A photon turns up at check in for a flight with no baggage.
The check in agent says “travelling light?”
He says “Yes, I am.”
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
If you think these science jokes are all too old, I’ll take them out and Barium….
but once they’re gone they Argon…
-
If you think these science jokes are all too old, I’ll take them out and Barium….
but once they’re gone they Argon…
drumroll:
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(https://i.postimg.cc/QFHFd6HP/herbs.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/QFHFd6HP)
-
(https://i.postimg.cc/QFHFd6HP/herbs.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/QFHFd6HP)
facepalm:
-
(https://i.postimg.cc/QFHFd6HP/herbs.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/QFHFd6HP)
facepalm:
lol: lol: lol:
-
(https://i.postimg.cc/QFHFd6HP/herbs.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/QFHFd6HP)
facepalm:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
(https://i.postimg.cc/QFHFd6HP/herbs.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/QFHFd6HP)
facepalm:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
Would Albert Einstein have been so successful if his father had called him Frank?
-
Would Albert Einstein have been so successful if his father had called him Frank?
lol: lol: lol: rubschin:
-
Would Albert Einstein have been so successful if his father had called him Frank?
lol: lol: lol: rubschin:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
Would Albert Einstein have been so successful if his father had called him Frank?
lol: lol: lol: rubschin:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
I've run out of toilet paper and started to use old newspapers instead.
The Times are rough.
-
I've run out of toilet paper and started to use old newspapers instead.
The Times are rough.
lol: lol: lol:
-
I've run out of toilet paper and started to use old newspapers instead.
The Times are rough.
lol: lol: lol:
;D ;D ;D
-
Just got back from my local Tesco.
I saw a bloke buying four crates of San Miguel, five Paellas, and three sombreros.
I thought to myself,
Hispanic buying.
-
Just got back from my local Tesco.
I saw a bloke buying four crates of San Miguel, five Paellas, and three sombreros.
I thought to myself,
Hispanic buying.
lol: lol: lol:
-
Just got back from my local Tesco.
I saw a bloke buying four crates of San Miguel, five Paellas, and three sombreros.
I thought to myself,
Hispanic buying.
;D ;D ;D Thumbs:
-
Just got back from my local Tesco.
I saw a bloke buying four crates of San Miguel, five Paellas, and three sombreros.
I thought to myself,
Hispanic buying.
;D ;D ;D Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
Just got back from my local Tesco.
I saw a bloke buying four crates of San Miguel, five Paellas, and three sombreros.
I thought to myself,
Hispanic buying.
;D ;D ;D Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
"I have a split personality," said Tom, being Frank.
-
"I have a split personality," said Tom, being Frank.
lol: lol: lol:
-
"I have a split personality," said Tom, being Frank.
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
"I have a split personality," said Tom, being Frank.
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
Took my dog for a walk through the cemetery yesterday.
A bloke was coming the other way with his dog.
He said "morning. "
I said "no I'm just walking my dog."
-
Took my dog for a walk through the cemetery yesterday.
A bloke was coming the other way with his dog.
He said "morning. "
I said "no I'm just walking my dog."
lol: lol: lol:
-
Took my dog for a walk through the cemetery yesterday.
A bloke was coming the other way with his dog.
He said "morning. "
I said "no I'm just walking my dog."
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
Took my dog for a walk through the cemetery yesterday.
A bloke was coming the other way with his dog.
He said "morning. "
I said "no I'm just walking my dog."
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
What do we want?..........
Race car noises................!!!
When do we want them.........................?
Neeeooowwwww............................. redface:
-
What do we want?..........
Race car noises................!!!
When do we want them.........................?
Neeeooowwwww............................. redface:
lol: lol: lol:
-
What do we want?..........
Race car noises................!!!
When do we want them.........................?
Neeeooowwwww............................. redface:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
I was the getaway driver for a robbery at a paper factory in Bristol last night.......
We took the A4....
noooo: redface:
-
I was the getaway driver for a robbery at a paper factory in Bristol last night.......
We took the A4....
noooo: redface:
lol: lol: lol:
-
I was the getaway driver for a robbery at a paper factory in Bristol last night.......
We took the A4....
noooo: redface:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
I was the getaway driver for a robbery at a paper factory in Bristol last night.......
We took the A4....
noooo: redface:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
I was the getaway driver for a robbery at a paper factory in Bristol last night.......
We took the A4....
noooo: redface:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
I’m so glad Garden centres are open,
I’ve been living on borrowed Thyme
-
I’m so glad Garden centres are open,
I’ve been living on borrowed Thyme
facepalm:
-
I’m so glad Garden centres are open,
I’ve been living on borrowed Thyme
lol:
-
Went for a walk this morning and saw this RAC patrol man crying his eyes out in his van.
Thought to myself he's heading for a breakdown.
-
Went for a walk this morning and saw this RAC patrol man crying his eyes out in his van.
Thought to myself he's heading for a breakdown.
lol: lol: lol:
-
Went for a walk this morning and saw this RAC patrol man crying his eyes out in his van.
Thought to myself he's heading for a breakdown.
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
Went for a walk this morning and saw this RAC patrol man crying his eyes out in his van.
Thought to myself he's heading for a breakdown.
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
Went for a walk this morning and saw this RAC patrol man crying his eyes out in his van.
Thought to myself he's heading for a breakdown.
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
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(https://i.postimg.cc/FdtD224d/Far-Side.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/FdtD224d)
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(https://i.postimg.cc/FdtD224d/Far-Side.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/FdtD224d)
happy001
-
(https://i.postimg.cc/FdtD224d/Far-Side.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/FdtD224d)
;D ;D ;D
-
(https://i.postimg.cc/FdtD224d/Far-Side.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/FdtD224d)
;D ;D ;D
;D ;D ;D ;D
-
(https://i.postimg.cc/FdtD224d/Far-Side.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/FdtD224d)
;D ;D ;D
;D ;D ;D ;D
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
(https://i.postimg.cc/FdtD224d/Far-Side.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/FdtD224d)
;D ;D ;D
;D ;D ;D ;D
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Best thing I've seen for a long tme :thumbsup:
-
(https://i.postimg.cc/FdtD224d/Far-Side.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/FdtD224d)
;D ;D ;D
;D ;D ;D ;D
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Best thing I've seen for a long tme :thumbsup:
sad24:
-
Where do you weigh pies.................???
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Somewhere over the rainbow....................... redface:
-
Where do you weigh pies.................???
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Somewhere over the rainbow....................... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
-
Where do you weigh pies.................???
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Somewhere over the rainbow....................... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
and redface: just wasn't getting that one so asked Mrs K who took about 5 seconds
-
I have a problem, I’m addicted to seaweed.
I’m seeking kelp
-
I have a problem, I’m addicted to seaweed.
I’m seeking kelp
lol: lol: lol:
-
Where do you weigh pies.................???
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Somewhere over the rainbow....................... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
and redface: just wasn't getting that one so asked Mrs K who took about 5 seconds
It was easier in the original version.
"Where do you go to weigh a pie"
-
Where do you weigh pies.................???
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Somewhere over the rainbow....................... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
and redface: just wasn't getting that one so asked Mrs K who took about 5 seconds
It was easier in the original version.
"Where do you go to weigh a pie"
:thumbsup:
-
I feel really sorry for Bernard Castle. He’s done nothing wrong but everyone is going on about him.......... noooo:
-
I feel really sorry for Bernard Castle. He’s done nothing wrong but everyone is going on about him.......... noooo:
He has had a rough time since Barbara died. noooo:
-
I feel really sorry for Bernard Castle. He’s done nothing wrong but everyone is going on about him.......... noooo:
He has had a rough time since Barbara died. noooo:
That was Roy ...... rubschin:
-
Tap dancing while playing the trumpet!! We need more people like that :thumbsup:
-
I feel really sorry for Bernard Castle. He’s done nothing wrong but everyone is going on about him.......... noooo:
He has had a rough time since Barbara died. noooo:
That was Roy ...... rubschin:
They all look the same to me.
-
I feel really sorry for Bernard Castle. He’s done nothing wrong but everyone is going on about him.......... noooo:
Funny you should mention that...
https://metro.co.uk/2020/05/27/man-called-bernard-castle-has-fun-twitter-12765358/
-
I feel really sorry for Bernard Castle. He’s done nothing wrong but everyone is going on about him.......... noooo:
Funny you should mention that...
https://metro.co.uk/2020/05/27/man-called-bernard-castle-has-fun-twitter-12765358/
lol: lol: lol:
-
If anyone's free there's a lockdown innuendo competition taking place tomorrow night.
I've entered myself twice.
-
If anyone's free there's a lockdown innuendo competition taking place tomorrow night.
I've entered myself twice.
lol: lol: lol:
-
If anyone's free there's a lockdown innuendo competition taking place tomorrow night.
I've entered myself twice.
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
If anyone's free there's a lockdown innuendo competition taking place tomorrow night.
I've entered myself twice.
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
If anyone's free there's a lockdown innuendo competition taking place tomorrow night.
I've entered myself twice.
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
I've bought a face mask for my pet duck.
It's nothing flashy, but it fits the bill
-
Ironman is a Fe male ............. rubschin:
-
I've bought a face mask for my pet duck.
It's nothing flashy, but it fits the bill
lol:
-
Ironman is a Fe male ............. rubschin:
lol:
-
I've bought a face mask for my pet duck.
It's nothing flashy, but it fits the bill
lol: lol: lol:
-
I bought a pen that writes underwater ........ Thumbs:
It writes other words too ......... Thumbs:
-
I bought a pen that writes underwater ........ Thumbs:
It writes other words too ......... Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Can it write 'upside down'...? rubschin:
-
I bought a pen that writes underwater ........ Thumbs:
It writes other words too ......... Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
Can it write 'upside down'...? rubschin:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
(got to be an Affs but sod it)
A lorry carrying 10 Ton of Vicks vapour rub has overturned.
Police say there will be no congestion for at least the next 12 hours !
-
(got to be an Affs but sod it)
A lorry carrying 10 Ton of Vicks vapour rub has overturned.
Police say there will be no congestion for at least the next 12 hours !
lol: lol: lol:
-
(got to be an Affs but sod it)
A lorry carrying 10 Ton of Vicks vapour rub has overturned.
Police say there will be no congestion for at least the next 12 hours !
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
I was at the hardware store and asked the man "What gets rid of grime and stains?"
He said "Ammonia cleaner."..........
I replied "Oh sorry, I thought you worked here."........... whistle:
-
I was at the hardware store and asked the man "What gets rid of grime and stains?"
He said "Ammonia cleaner."..........
I replied "Oh sorry, I thought you worked here."........... whistle:
happy001
-
I was at the hardware store and asked the man "What gets rid of grime and stains?"
He said "Ammonia cleaner."..........
I replied "Oh sorry, I thought you worked here."........... whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
-
I was at the hardware store and asked the man "What gets rid of grime and stains?"
He said "Ammonia cleaner."..........
I replied "Oh sorry, I thought you worked here."........... whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
I was at the hardware store and asked the man "What gets rid of grime and stains?"
He said "Ammonia cleaner."..........
I replied "Oh sorry, I thought you worked here."........... whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
My mate’s wife has threatened to leave him because of his obsession with collecting World War 1 artillery...........
“I can’t see Howitzer problem,” he said.......... redface:
-
My mate’s wife has threatened to leave him because of his obsession with collecting World War 1 artillery...........
“I can’t see Howitzer problem,” he said.......... redface:
lol:
-
Admin note..
To the person that submitted the "how do you keep an idiot in suspense" joke...
-
Admin note..
To the person that submitted the "how do you keep an idiot in suspense" joke...
rubschin:
-
Admin note..
To the person that submitted the "how do you keep an idiot in suspense" joke...
lol: lol: lol:
-
A priest, a minister and a rabbit walk into a blood bank............
The rabbit says "I think I might be a type O".......... Thumbs:
-
A priest, a minister and a rabbit walk into a blood bank............
The rabbit says "I think I might be a type O".......... Thumbs:
facepalm:
-
A priest, a minister and a rabbit walk into a blood bank............
The rabbit says "I think I might be a type O".......... Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
-
A priest, a minister and a rabbit walk into a blood bank............
The rabbit says "I think I might be a type O".......... Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
I have 24 separate loyalty cards, which seems wrong.//
-
I have 24 separate loyalty cards, which seems wrong.//
;D
-
I have 24 separate loyalty cards, which seems wrong.//
;D
;D ;D
-
I have 24 separate loyalty cards, which seems wrong.//
;D
;D ;D
lol: lol: lol:
-
I have 24 separate loyalty cards, which seems wrong.//
;D
;D ;D
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
I always call them disloyalty cards. Mrs K has tons of the bloody things
-
How many ants does it take to fill an apartment............. rubschin:
Ten ............ Thumbs:.
-
How many ants does it take to fill an apartment............. rubschin:
Ten ............ Thumbs:.
drumroll:
-
If anyone wants a copy of Osteopath Monthly I have plenty of back issues
-
How many ants does it take to fill an apartment............. rubschin:
Ten ............ Thumbs:.
drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll: (It took me a while)
-
How many ants does it take to fill an apartment............. rubschin:
Ten ............ Thumbs:.
drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll:
-
If anyone wants a copy of Osteopath Monthly I have plenty of back issues
drumroll:
-
How many ants does it take to fill an apartment............. rubschin:
Ten ............ Thumbs:.
drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll: drumroll:
-
If anyone wants a copy of Osteopath Monthly I have plenty of back issues
drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll:
-
If anyone wants a copy of Osteopath Monthly I have plenty of back issues
drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll: drumroll:
-
Why all the fuss over black olives ...... rubschin: surely all olives matter ... noooo:
-
Why all the fuss over black olives ...... rubschin: surely all olives matter ... noooo:
facepalm:
-
Why all the fuss over black olives ...... rubschin: surely all olives matter ... noooo:
facepalm:
doublefacepalm
-
My ears were playing up so I phoned the tinnitus hotline.
It just kept ringing.
-
My ears were playing up so I phoned the tinnitus hotline.
It just kept ringing.
;D Thumbs:
-
My ears were playing up so I phoned the tinnitus hotline.
It just kept ringing.
;D Thumbs:
;D ;D
-
A cat ate some cheese and waited for a mouse with baited breath........... redface:
-
My wife tried to talk me into wearing a napped leather shoes instead of my usual smooth ones but I wasn’t suede............ redface:
-
noooo:
-
My wife tried to talk me into wearing a napped leather shoes instead of my usual smooth ones but I wasn’t suede............ redface:
lol: lol:
-
My wife tried to talk me into wearing a napped leather shoes instead of my usual smooth ones but I wasn’t suede............ redface:
lol: lol:
lol:
-
My Wife left me because of my obsession with amateur radio..........
We just weren’t on the same wavelength........ whistle:
-
My Wife left me because of my obsession with amateur radio..........
We just weren’t on the same wavelength........ whistle:
drumroll:
-
My Wife left me because of my obsession with amateur radio..........
We just weren’t on the same wavelength........ whistle:
drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll:
-
My Wife left me because of my obsession with amateur radio..........
We just weren’t on the same wavelength........ whistle:
drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll:
Wonder if she gave a short wave goodbye ......... rubschin:
-
lol:
-
My Wife left me because of my obsession with amateur radio..........
We just weren’t on the same wavelength........ whistle:
drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll:
Wonder if she gave a short wave goodbye ......... rubschin:
Everybody hertz... sad24:
-
My Wife left me because of my obsession with amateur radio..........
We just weren’t on the same wavelength........ whistle:
drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll:
Wonder if she gave a short wave goodbye ......... rubschin:
Everybody hertz... sad24:
lol:
-
My Wife left me because of my obsession with amateur radio..........
We just weren’t on the same wavelength........ whistle:
drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll:
Wonder if she gave a short wave goodbye ......... rubschin:
Everybody hertz... sad24:
lol:
lol: Thumbs:
-
Battery chargers are revolting ............ noooo:
-
Battery chargers are revolting ............ noooo:
lol:
-
Battery chargers are revolting ............ noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
-
I got drunk and ended up at a auction once...
I don't remember a lot........ redface:
-
I got drunk and ended up at a auction once...
I don't remember a lot........ redface:
lol:
-
I got drunk and ended up at a auction once...
I don't remember a lot........ redface:
lol: lol: lol:
-
I think we're in for a bad spell of wether....... rubschin:
-
I think we're in for a bad spell of wether....... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
-
I think we're in for a bad spell of wether....... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
I think we're in for a bad spell of wether....... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
My mate is addicted to buying Beatles records ................
I told him he needed Help ........ noooo:
-
My mate is addicted to buying Beatles records ................
I told him he needed Help ........ noooo:
lol:
-
My mate is addicted to buying Beatles records ................
I told him he needed Help ........ noooo:
lol:
lol: lol:
-
My mate is addicted to buying Beatles records ................
I told him he needed Help ........ noooo:
lol:
lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol:
-
My mate is addicted to buying Beatles records ................
I told him he needed Help ........ noooo:
lol:
lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
My mate is addicted to buying Beatles records ................
I told him he needed Help ........ noooo:
lol:
lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
BTW that was Yesterday ...... whistle:
-
My mate is addicted to buying Beatles records ................
I told him he needed Help ........ noooo:
lol:
lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
BTW that was Yesterday ...... whistle:
;D
-
My mate is addicted to buying Beatles records ................
I told him he needed Help ........ noooo:
lol:
lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
BTW that was Yesterday ...... whistle:
facepalm:
-
I've just got a job making plastic Draculas.......... Thumbs:
There are only two of us on the production line...
So I have to make every second Count............ redface:
-
I've just got a job making plastic Draculas.......... Thumbs:
There are only two of us on the production line...
So I have to make every second Count............ redface:
lol: lol:
-
I've just got a job making plastic Draculas.......... Thumbs:
There are only two of us on the production line...
So I have to make every second Count............ redface:
lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol:
-
I've just got a job making plastic Draculas.......... Thumbs:
There are only two of us on the production line...
So I have to make every second Count............ redface:
lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
I've just got a job making plastic Draculas.......... Thumbs:
There are only two of us on the production line...
So I have to make every second Count............ redface:
lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
I bought 4 kindles from Amazon..............
and they sent me a Two Ronnies DVD.......... rubschin:
-
I bought 4 kindles from Amazon..............
and they sent me a Two Ronnies DVD.......... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
-
I bought 4 kindles from Amazon..............
and they sent me a Two Ronnies DVD.......... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
Told my doctor I had a problem with my left ear ..
"are you sure ? "......
Yes I am definite "............ Thumbs:
-
Told my doctor I had a problem with my left ear ..
"are you sure ? "......
Yes I am definite "............ Thumbs:
drumroll:
-
Told my doctor I had a problem with my left ear ..
"are you sure ? "......
Yes I am definite "............ Thumbs:
drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll:
-
took me a minute (or three) redface:
-
Told my doctor I had a problem with my left ear ..
"are you sure ? "......
Yes I am definite "............ Thumbs:
drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll: drumroll:
-
Told my doctor I had a problem with my left ear ..
"are you sure ? "......
Yes I am definite "............ Thumbs:
drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll: drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll: drumroll: drumroll:
-
Don’t get me started on people stealing clothes off washing lines. Been there done it and got the T-shirt.
-
Don’t get me started on people stealing clothes off washing lines. Been there done it and got the T-shirt.
lol: lol: lol:
-
Don’t get me started on people stealing clothes off washing lines. Been there done it and got the T-shirt.
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
Don’t get me started on people stealing clothes off washing lines. Been there done it and got the T-shirt.
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
Don’t get me started on people stealing clothes off washing lines. Been there done it and got the T-shirt.
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
;D ;D ;D Thumbs:
-
Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize........... Thumbs:
-
Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize........... Thumbs:
lol:
-
Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize........... Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
-
A lion, a witch and a wardrobe walk into a bar..........
The barman says, "I'm serving Narnia!".......... whistle:
-
A lion, a witch and a wardrobe walk into a bar..........
The barman says, "I'm serving Narnia!".......... whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
-
A lion, a witch and a wardrobe walk into a bar..........
The barman says, "I'm serving Narnia!".......... whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
Dad, are we pyromaniacs...... rubschin:
Yes, we arson............. redface:
-
Dad, are we pyromaniacs...... rubschin:
Yes, we arson............. redface:
lol:
-
Dad, are we pyromaniacs...... rubschin:
Yes, we arson............. redface:
lol: lol: lol:
-
Did you know the actor Yul Brynner was a lifelong Liverpool fan,and never wore aftershave?
That's right, Yul never wore cologne
-
Did you know the actor Yul Brynner was a lifelong Liverpool fan,and never wore aftershave?
That's right, Yul never wore cologne
lol: lol: lol:
-
I was in the library the other day and came across a book on altering trousers........
Now there’s a book for the turnups...........
-
I was in the library the other day and came across a book on altering trousers........
Now there’s a book for the turnups...........
facepalm:
-
I want to ask my English teacher to marry me when she gets released from prison......
Apparently you can’t end a sentence with a proposition though........... redface:
-
I want to ask my English teacher to marry me when she gets released from prison......
Apparently you can’t end a sentence with a proposition though........... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
-
I want to ask my English teacher to marry me when she gets released from prison......
Apparently you can’t end a sentence with a proposition though........... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
I want to ask my English teacher to marry me when she gets released from prison......
Apparently you can’t end a sentence with a proposition though........... redface:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
Why do ROBINSONS sponsor tennis and not squash............... rubschin:
-
Why do ROBINSONS sponsor tennis and not squash............... rubschin:
drumroll:
-
Why do ROBINSONS sponsor tennis and not squash............... rubschin:
drumroll:
Coz it's deuce ....... rubschin: redface:
-
Why do ROBINSONS sponsor tennis and not squash............... rubschin:
drumroll:
Coz it's deuce ....... rubschin: redface:
facepalm: Go to the beach.... noooo:
-
Why do ROBINSONS sponsor tennis and not squash............... rubschin:
drumroll:
Or you could answer like they did on other pub ... noooo: @coz squash aint popular @.............. noooo:
-
Why do ROBINSONS sponsor tennis and not squash............... rubschin:
drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll:
-
Why do ROBINSONS sponsor tennis and not squash............... rubschin:
drumroll:
Or you could answer like they did on other pub ... noooo: @coz squash aint popular @.............. noooo:
noooo: noooo:
-
I swallowed a camera this morning.
I am now suffering flashbacks.
-
A mate of mine gave me 500 back issues of Smash Hits.......... Thumbs:
With friends like that, who needs NME’s?................. redface: redface:
-
A mate of mine gave me 500 back issues of Smash Hits.......... Thumbs:
With friends like that, who needs NME’s?................. redface: redface:
lol: lol: lol:
-
A mate of mine gave me 500 back issues of Smash Hits.......... Thumbs:
With friends like that, who needs NME’s?................. redface: redface:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
This is .... redface:
Have you been hit by a rhythm stick...........................?
You may be entitled to an Ian Dury claim................ redface: redface: redface:
-
This is .... redface:
Have you been hit by a rhythm stick...........................?
You may be entitled to an Ian Dury claim................ redface: redface: redface:
facepalm:
-
This is .... redface:
Have you been hit by a rhythm stick...........................?
You may be entitled to an Ian Dury claim................ redface: redface: redface:
facepalm:
doublefacepalm
-
How do you get a country girl’s attention?.......... rubschin:
A tractor............ redface:
-
How do you get a country girl’s attention?.......... rubschin:
A tractor............ redface:
facepalm:
Did Mr. Darwin Sir tell you that one...? ::)
-
I didn’t keep up the payments on my herb garden..........
So they sent in the Bayleafs............. redface: redface:
-
I didn’t keep up the payments on my herb garden..........
So they sent in the Bayleafs............. redface: redface:
facepalm:
-
Anagrams are vile and evil.......... evil:
-
Anagrams are vile and evil.......... evil:
lol: lol: lol:
-
Anagrams are vile and evil.......... evil:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
Anagrams are vile and evil.......... evil:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
A Tibetan monk sees the face of Jesus in a tub of margarine.
He raises his eyes to the heavens and exclaims "I can't believe it's not Buddha!"
-
Anagrams are vile and evil.......... evil:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
I bought a rocket salad,.........
But it went off before I could eat it................ evil:
redface: redface:
-
I bought a rocket salad,.........
But it went off before I could eat it................ evil:
redface: redface:
lol:
-
I bought a rocket salad,.........
But it went off before I could eat it................ evil:
redface: redface:
lol:
lol: lol:
-
Are Nuns ..birds of pray......... rubschin:
-
Are Nuns ..birds of pray......... rubschin:
;D
-
Are Nuns ..birds of pray......... rubschin:
;D
lol: lol:
-
Are Nuns ..birds of pray......... rubschin:
;D
lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol:
-
A bloke I know had a terrible accident at work yesterday.........
He fell into an industrial grinder...
He's fine now.......... whistle:
-
A bloke I know had a terrible accident at work yesterday.........
He fell into an industrial grinder...
He's fine now.......... whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
-
A bloke I know had a terrible accident at work yesterday.........
He fell into an industrial grinder...
He's fine now.......... whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
A bloke I know had a terrible accident at work yesterday.........
He fell into an industrial grinder...
He's fine now.......... whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
A bloke I know had a terrible accident at work yesterday.........
He fell into an industrial grinder...
He's fine now.......... whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
My interest in semaphore is starting to flag........... noooo:
-
My interest in semaphore is starting to flag........... noooo:
lol:
-
My interest in semaphore is starting to flag........... noooo:
lol:
lol: lol:
-
My interest in semaphore is starting to flag........... noooo:
lol:
lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol:
-
It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally............. noooo:
-
It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally............. noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
-
It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally............. noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally............. noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
Cow farts come from the dairy air........... redface: redface: noooo:
-
Cow farts come from the dairy air........... redface: redface: noooo:
lol:
-
Painting - a Jamaican paracetamol.......... Thumbs:
-
Painting - a Jamaican paracetamol.......... Thumbs:
lol:
-
Painting - a Jamaican paracetamol.......... Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
-
Painting - a Jamaican paracetamol.......... Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
Painting - a Jamaican paracetamol.......... Thumbs:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
The world's first baby was eavesdropping.......... rubschin:
-
The world's first baby was eavesdropping.......... rubschin:
drumroll:
-
The world's first baby was eavesdropping.......... rubschin:
drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll:
Who gives A damn?
-
The world's first baby was eavesdropping.......... rubschin:
drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll:
Who gives A damn?
drumroll: drumroll: drumroll:
-
The world's first baby was eavesdropping.......... rubschin:
drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll:
Who gives A damn?
drumroll: drumroll: drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll: drumroll: drumroll:
-
The world's first baby was eavesdropping.......... rubschin:
drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll:
Who gives A damn?
drumroll: sorry delay ..
-
Selling my dogging stuff on ebay as I'm giving it up..
No bids yet but I've got 14 people watching
-
Selling my dogging stuff on ebay as I'm giving it up..
No bids yet but I've got 14 people watching
lol: lol: lol:
-
Selling my dogging stuff on ebay as I'm giving it up..
No bids yet but I've got 14 people watching
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
Selling my dogging stuff on ebay as I'm giving it up..
No bids yet but I've got 14 people watching
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
Some herb and spice company is saying I owe them £100.
If I don't pay they're sending the bay leafs round.
-
Some herb and spice company is saying I owe them £100.
If I don't pay they're sending the bay leafs round.
Given thyme, they will redface:
-
Some herb and spice company is saying I owe them £100.
If I don't pay they're sending the bay leafs round.
Given thyme, they will redface:
;D
Very Sage advice
-
Some herb and spice company is saying I owe them £100.
If I don't pay they're sending the bay leafs round.
Given thyme, they will redface:
happy001
-
Some herb and spice company is saying I owe them £100.
If I don't pay they're sending the bay leafs round.
Given thyme, they will redface:
;D
Very Sage advice
;D
-
I'm not a huge fan of innuendos
but I do like to slip one in every now and then.
-
I'm not a huge fan of innuendos
but I do like to slip one in every now and then.
;D Thumbs:
-
I'm not a huge fan of innuendos
but I do like to slip one in every now and then.
;D
-
My honest opinion on fishmongers??
Selfish....
-
My honest opinion on fishmongers??
Selfish....
lol: lol:
-
My honest opinion on fishmongers??
Selfish....
lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol:
-
My honest opinion on fishmongers??
Selfish....
lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
My honest opinion on fishmongers??
Selfish....
lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
Did Jeremy Beadle invent the mircowave ............ rubschin:
-
Did Jeremy Beadle invent the mircowave ............ rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
-
I told my suitcases there will be no vacations this year.
Now I'm dealing with emotional baggage.
-
I told my suitcases there will be no vacations this year.
Now I'm dealing with emotional baggage.
;D
-
I told my suitcases there will be no vacations this year.
Now I'm dealing with emotional baggage.
;D
;D ;D
-
If 2x2 makes..... 4.........
And 3x3 makes..... 9.........
How come 0x0 makes gravy............ rubschin:?
-
As Rick Astley once said....
Were no strangers to gloves,
You know the rules and so do I,
Corona Lockdowns what I'm thinking of,
You don't want this cough its very very dry,
I just wanna tell you how I'm sneezing,
Gotta make you understand.
Never gonna hit the pub,
Never gonna go down town,
Never gonna run around,
And contract Flu.
Never gonna make you die,
Never gonna go Shanghai,
Never gonna try a bat,
And infect you.
We've been In Quarantine for oh so long,
Your body's aching but you're too scared to say it,
Inside we both know what's been going on,
We know the virus and we're gonna slay it,
And if you ask me how I'm feeling,
Don't tell me you're too Ill to see.
Never gonna hit the pub,
Never gonna go down town,
Never gonna run around,
And contract Flu.
Never gonna make you die,
Never gonna go Shanghai,
Never gonna try a bat,
And infect you.
-
As Rick Astley once said....
Were no strangers to gloves,
You know the rules and so do I,
Corona Lockdowns what I'm thinking of,
You don't want this cough its very very dry,
I just wanna tell you how I'm sneezing,
Gotta make you understand.
Never gonna hit the pub,
Never gonna go down town,
Never gonna run around,
And contract Flu.
Never gonna make you die,
Never gonna go Shanghai,
Never gonna try a bat,
And infect you.
We've been In Quarantine for oh so long,
Your body's aching but you're too scared to say it,
Inside we both know what's been going on,
We know the virus and we're gonna slay it,
And if you ask me how I'm feeling,
Don't tell me you're too Ill to see.
Never gonna hit the pub,
Never gonna go down town,
Never gonna run around,
And contract Flu.
Never gonna make you die,
Never gonna go Shanghai,
Never gonna try a bat,
And infect you.
;D
-
I hate people who bang on about their phobias, I got a fear of heights but I don't shout it from the rooftops.
-
I hate people who bang on about their phobias, I got a fear of heights but I don't shout it from the rooftops.
lol: lol: lol:
-
I hate people who bang on about their phobias, I got a fear of heights but I don't shout it from the rooftops.
;D
-
I hate people who bang on about their phobias, I got a fear of heights but I don't shout it from the rooftops.
;D
lol: lol:
-
A girl said to me “aren’t you the guy who does a Niel Diamond act?” “I am “ I said....... whistle:
-
A girl said to me “aren’t you the guy who does a Niel Diamond act?” “I am “ I said....... whistle:
;D
-
A girl said to me “aren’t you the guy who does a Niel Diamond act?” “I am “ I said....... whistle:
;D
lol: lol:
-
What is it with people that won’t embrace modern technology? Answers on a postcard please.
-
What is it with people that won’t embrace modern technology? Answers on a postcard please.
lol: lol: lol:
-
What is it with people that won’t embrace modern technology? Answers on a postcard please.
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
What is it with people that won’t embrace modern technology? Answers on a postcard please.
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
;D ;D ;D ;D
-
What is it with people that won’t embrace modern technology? Answers on a postcard please.
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
Doctor: Your body has ran out of magnesium...
Me: 0mg...... whistle:
-
Doctor: Your body has ran out of magnesium...
Me: 0mg...... whistle:
lol:
-
Doctor: Your body has ran out of magnesium...
Me: 0mg...... whistle:
lol:
lol: lol:
-
Doctor: Your body has ran out of magnesium...
Me: 0mg...... whistle:
lol:
lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol:
-
Doctor: Your body has ran out of magnesium...
Me: 0mg...... whistle:
lol:
lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
I find these amusing, periodically
-
I find these amusing, periodically
drumroll:
eeek:
-
I find these amusing, periodically
drumroll:
eeek:
I thought you would find them a pain in the arse, Nick. No doubt Apey will table some more elementary puns. :thumbsup:
-
I find these amusing, periodically
drumroll:
eeek:
I thought you would find them a pain in the arse, Nick. No doubt Apey will table some more elementary puns. :thumbsup:
lol: lol: lol:
-
I was having a pint last night and this bloke said me, "Are those thick lens glasses you're wearing?"
I said, "No, they're mine!"
-
I was having a pint last night and this bloke said me, "Are those thick lens glasses you're wearing?"
I said, "No, they're mine!"
lol: lol: lol:
-
I was having a pint last night and this bloke said me, "Are those thick lens glasses you're wearing?"
I said, "No, they're mine!"
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
I was having a pint last night and this bloke said me, "Are those thick lens glasses you're wearing?"
I said, "No, they're mine!"
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
(https://i.postimg.cc/vgbhRX3q/no-punch-line.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/vgbhRX3q)
-
<groan>
-
(https://i.postimg.cc/vgbhRX3q/no-punch-line.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/vgbhRX3q)
lol:
-
(https://i.postimg.cc/vgbhRX3q/no-punch-line.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/vgbhRX3q)
lol: lol: lol:
-
(https://i.postimg.cc/vgbhRX3q/no-punch-line.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/vgbhRX3q)
lol: lol: lol:
::) ::) ::) ::)
drumroll:
-
Got a job in a chess factory making pieces .....
it’s shift work and I’m on knights next week.
-
Is a pub toilet an inn convenience.............................. rubschin:
redface:
-
Is a pub toilet an inn convenience.............................. rubschin:
redface:
noooo:
-
Is a pub toilet an inn convenience.............................. rubschin:
redface:
;D
-
Titanic..............
That's my favourite one liner........ whistle:
redface:
-
Titanic..............
That's my favourite one liner........ whistle:
redface:
lol:
-
Titanic..............
That's my favourite one liner........ whistle:
redface:
;D
-
Time for the birds of prey quiz.
Fingers on buzzards...
-
A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet
he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.
Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"
Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"
Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone, yer daft bugger!"
-
A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet
he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.
Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"
Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"
Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone, yer daft bugger!"
lol: lol: lol:
-
Just been to B&Q.
The assistant said "Can I help you."
I said "I'd like some nails."
"How long would you like them?" asked the assistant.
I said "Forever, if that's all right with you,"
-
Just been to B&Q.
The assistant said "Can I help you."
I said "I'd like some nails."
"How long would you like them?" asked the assistant.
I said "Forever, if that's all right with you,"
lol: lol: lol:
-
Just been to B&Q.
The assistant said "Can I help you."
I said "I'd like some nails."
"How long would you like them?" asked the assistant.
I said "Forever, if that's all right with you,"
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
I just received a text inviting me to the local nudist club.
I thought: Why not? I haven't got anything on.
-
I just received a text inviting me to the local nudist club.
I thought: Why not? I haven't got anything on.
lol: lol: lol:
-
Bought a book called " How to Hug "..................
Turns out it was volume 7 of an encyclopedia..................... rubschin:
-
Bought a book called " How to Hug "..................
Turns out it was volume 7 of an encyclopedia..................... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
-
Bought a book called " How to Hug "..................
Turns out it was volume 7 of an encyclopedia..................... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
Bought a book called " How to Hug "..................
Turns out it was volume 7 of an encyclopedia..................... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
Bought a book called " How to Hug "..................
Turns out it was volume 7 of an encyclopedia..................... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
Why don’t they just make a vaccine from Keith Richards DNA so you can do what the fuck you want and live forever.
-
Why don’t they just make a vaccine from Keith Richards DNA so you can do what the fuck you want and live forever.
lol: lol: lol:
-
Why don’t they just make a vaccine from Keith Richards DNA so you can do what the fuck you want and live forever.
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
Why don’t they just make a vaccine from Keith Richards DNA so you can do what the fuck you want and live forever.
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
Was Karl Marx’s grave just another communist plot..................... rubschin:
-
Was Karl Marx’s grave just another communist plot..................... rubschin:
facepalm:
-
Notice some one has stolen one of the local bus shelters. Where the feck do these people get off?
-
Notice some one has stolen one of the local bus shelters. Where the feck do these people get off?
lol: lol: lol:
-
Notice some one has stolen one of the local bus shelters. Where the feck do these people get off?
;D ;D ;D
-
Notice some one has stolen one of the local bus shelters. Where the feck do these people get off?
;D ;D ;D
lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
Notice some one has stolen one of the local bus shelters. Where the feck do these people get off?
;D ;D ;D
lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
Was Karl Marx’s grave just another communist plot..................... rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
-
A friend of mine has been working from home since Covid hit, and his manager has now told all his team that the team member with the worst posture may be disciplined. My friend has a hunch it might be him.
-
A friend of mine has been working from home since Covid hit, and his manager has now told all his team that the team member with the worst posture may be disciplined. My friend has a hunch it might be him.
happy001
-
A friend of mine has been working from home since Covid hit, and his manager has now told all his team that the team member with the worst posture may be disciplined. My friend has a hunch it might be him.
happy001
lol: lol: lol:
-
A friend of mine has been working from home since Covid hit, and his manager has now told all his team that the team member with the worst posture may be disciplined. My friend has a hunch it might be him.
happy001
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
I always take my own salt & pepper in to restaurants...............
That way if the food is served under seasoned I can ask the waiter to pass my condiments to the chef.............. Thumbs:
redface: redface:
-
I always take my own salt & pepper in to restaurants...............
That way if the food is served under seasoned I can ask the waiter to pass my condiments to the chef.............. Thumbs:
redface: redface:
lol: lol: lol:
-
I always take my own salt & pepper in to restaurants...............
That way if the food is served under seasoned I can ask the waiter to pass my condiments to the chef.............. Thumbs:
redface: redface:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
I always take my own salt & pepper in to restaurants...............
That way if the food is served under seasoned I can ask the waiter to pass my condiments to the chef.............. Thumbs:
redface: redface:
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
-
Fuming!!!
I paid a well known carpenter upfront, to make me a bespoke double bed and the bugger has only gone and done a bunk!!
It's just one thing on top of another!!
-
Fuming!!!
I paid a well known carpenter upfront, to make me a bespoke double bed and the bugger has only gone and done a bunk!!
It's just one thing on top of another!!
AFFS! whistle:
https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=6101.msg665390#msg665390
-
Fuming!!!
I paid a well known carpenter upfront, to make me a bespoke double bed and the bugger has only gone and done a bunk!!
It's just one thing on top of another!!
AFFS! whistle:
https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=6101.msg665390#msg665390
redface: