The Virtual Pub

Come Inside... => Saloon Bar => Topic started by: Nick on August 13, 2011, 04:49:04 PM

Title: Backhanded matchmaking
Post by: Nick on August 13, 2011, 04:49:04 PM
So sis calls. Do I want to come to lunch next SUnday. I say yes. She then asks if I can pick up a friend of hers who is also coming to lunch and happens to live near me. Her name, it seems, is Caroline. And can I give her a lift home afterwards. I say yes.

SHe then says that Caroline is very nice and needs a BF and that she has a degree in ENglish and is very attractive and funny. SHe refers me to pictures of said Caroline on her Faceache page. Caroline is, it has to be said very  eyes: eyes: eyes:

I say thanks for the information.

SIs says that she has been talking me up and that I should deffo invite Caroline (who is 48) out for dinner or something as she will leap on the proposition. I say that it's an idea, but that I haven't even met her and anyway she might not like the look of me.

No prob, says sis, Caroline has been blind since birth  evil:
Title: Re: Backhanded matchmaking
Post by: Miss Demeanour on August 13, 2011, 04:51:45 PM
 happy001 happy001 happy001

What would Yahoo advise ?  rubschin:
Title: Re: Backhanded matchmaking
Post by: apc2010 on August 13, 2011, 04:52:19 PM
A blind date........ rubschin:
Title: Re: Backhanded matchmaking
Post by: Nick on August 13, 2011, 04:53:52 PM
happy001 happy001 happy001

What would Yahoo advise ?  rubschin:
evil:
Title: Re: Backhanded matchmaking
Post by: Miss Demeanour on August 13, 2011, 04:54:36 PM
So she's good looking , intelligent , single , young ( ish) , and needs to feel her way around...I'm off to buy a hat  whistle:
Title: Re: Backhanded matchmaking
Post by: Snoopy on August 13, 2011, 04:58:45 PM
Just remember Nick .....

If you are thirsty there is no need to buy the whole fecking brewery.
Title: Re: Backhanded matchmaking
Post by: Miss Demeanour on August 13, 2011, 05:22:43 PM
 rubschin:

The Confucius Beagle is comparing wimmin to ale ...surely only one of those can make you happy  rubschin:
Title: Re: Backhanded matchmaking
Post by: Snoopy on August 13, 2011, 05:26:21 PM
rubschin:

The Confucius Beagle is comparing wimmin to ale ...surely only one of those can make you happy  rubschin:

A surfeit of either can make a man very unhappy when he wakes up in the morning.
Title: Re: Backhanded matchmaking
Post by: bodiam on August 13, 2011, 06:42:11 PM
rubschin:

The Confucius Beagle is comparing wimmin to ale ...surely only one of those can make you happy  rubschin:
Deffo the ale :thumbsup:
Title: Re: Backhanded matchmaking
Post by: Nick on August 13, 2011, 06:45:21 PM
Well the beer goggles are out in her case  :thumbsup:
Title: Re: Backhanded matchmaking
Post by: Uncle Mort on August 13, 2011, 08:37:51 PM
Like Caroline, I don't see what the problem is. 
Title: Re: Backhanded matchmaking
Post by: Grumpmeister on August 13, 2011, 09:17:40 PM
happy001 happy001 happy001

What would Yahoo advise ?  rubschin:

Dear Yahoo, I am a ginger disaster magnet and my sister has set me up on a date with a woman who has been blind since birth. What can possibly go wrong.  whistle:
Title: Re: Backhanded matchmaking
Post by: Pirate on August 13, 2011, 10:48:37 PM
A blind date........ rubschin:

 drumroll:
Title: Re: Backhanded matchmaking
Post by: Barman on August 15, 2011, 07:44:51 AM
So sis calls. Do I want to come to lunch next SUnday. I say yes. She then asks if I can pick up a friend of hers who is also coming to lunch and happens to live near me. Her name, it seems, is Caroline. And can I give her a lift home afterwards. I say yes.

SHe then says that Caroline is very nice and needs a BF and that she has a degree in ENglish and is very attractive and funny. SHe refers me to pictures of said Caroline on her Faceache page. Caroline is, it has to be said very  eyes: eyes: eyes:

I say thanks for the information.

SIs says that she has been talking me up and that I should deffo invite Caroline (who is 48) out for dinner or something as she will leap on the proposition. I say that it's an idea, but that I haven't even met her and anyway she might not like the look of me.

No prob, says sis, Caroline has been blind since birth  evil:

happy001  point:
Title: Re: Backhanded matchmaking
Post by: Nick on August 21, 2011, 07:51:04 AM
Today is the day  rubschin:
Title: Re: Backhanded matchmaking
Post by: Barman on August 21, 2011, 07:54:27 AM
Popcorn:


no...


(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.freesmileys.org%2Fsmileys%2Fsmiley-eatdrink033.gif&hash=96a676e56a9c0fbe87241b4373743c912b70b75d) (http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys.php)
Title: Re: Backhanded matchmaking
Post by: Snoopy on August 21, 2011, 07:58:22 AM
Remember the golden roolz
(i) Don't ask if she wears black underwear
(ii) Don't ask if she shaves 'down there'
(iii) Don't say things like 'Do you see what I mean'
(iv) Don't do any of your more visual stories e.g. The hovercraft demonstration
(v) Don't guide her through doorways or up steps by placing your hand on her arse


What can possibly go wrong?  razz:
Title: Re: Backhanded matchmaking
Post by: Barman on August 21, 2011, 07:59:50 AM
Remember the golden roolz
(i) Don't ask if she wears black underwear
(ii) Don't ask if she shaves 'down there'
(iii) Don't say things like 'Do you see what I mean'
(iv) Don't do any of your more visual stories e.g. The hovercraft demonstration
(v) Don't guide her through doorways or up steps by placing your hand on her arse


What can possibly go wrong?  razz:

Without piling on the pressure....  whistle:

Don't talk about movies or the TV like....  noooo:
Title: Re: Backhanded matchmaking
Post by: Barman on August 21, 2011, 12:46:39 PM
Oh, and don't get blind drunk... happy002
Title: Re: Backhanded matchmaking
Post by: apc2010 on August 21, 2011, 12:47:38 PM
Oh, and don't get blind drunk... happy002

 drumroll:
Title: Re: Backhanded matchmaking
Post by: Nick on August 21, 2011, 02:02:25 PM
What a fooking minefield  noooo:

I had not realised how hard it is to make small talk in a car with a stranger without saying things like:

"Ooh, what a nice dog" redface:
"I went to Lincoln last week, isn't it a lovely cathedral?" redface:
"Nottingham has so many trees, doesn't it?" redface:
"My sister has a lovely garden." redface:
"Do you want some more of that?" redface:

Compliments

"That colour really suits you" Banghead
Title: Re: Backhanded matchmaking
Post by: Snoopy on August 21, 2011, 02:13:59 PM
Not your finest hour then ........  confused:
Title: Re: Backhanded matchmaking
Post by: Nick on August 21, 2011, 02:14:42 PM
 noooo:
Title: Re: Backhanded matchmaking
Post by: Snoopy on August 21, 2011, 02:18:51 PM
Perhaps mention the black underwear and downstairs trimming next time then  razz:
Title: Re: Backhanded matchmaking
Post by: bodiam on August 21, 2011, 02:21:03 PM
Oh, and don't get blind drunk... happy002

 drumroll:
best to get her drunk  eyes: eyes: :thumbsup:
Title: Re: Backhanded matchmaking
Post by: Barman on August 21, 2011, 02:27:42 PM
What a fooking minefield  noooo:

I had not realised how hard it is to make small talk in a car with a stranger without saying things like:

"Ooh, what a nice dog" redface:
"I went to Lincoln last week, isn't it a lovely cathedral?" redface:
"Nottingham has so many trees, doesn't it?" redface:
"My sister has a lovely garden." redface:
"Do you want some more of that?" redface:

Compliments

"That colour really suits you" Banghead

Oh dear oh dear....  noooo:

What was she like tho... like....?  eyes: