The Virtual Pub
Come Inside... => Saloon Bar => Topic started by: Just One More on August 12, 2011, 06:42:41 AM
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My car has gone in for repairs, so they have provided me with an all singing/dancing Toyota Avensis. I might as well not be there cussing:
Turned the key, I couldn't start the thing... oh you need to press the brake and clutch down together said the guy who had it before when I called him
It said the handbrake is on, could I find it, could I bollocks ... It doesn't have a conventional handbrake said the guy who had it before when I called him again, you have to pull that button just to the left of the steering wheel, and press it to put it on... I've never realised that I like the feel of pulling the handbrake on, and then releasing it until yesterday redface:
Light comes on - you need to move up a gear... I f*****g know that
Light comes on - you need to move down a gear... I f*****g know that too
Ooh, it's a bit dark ... I'll put the lights on for you
Ooh, a drop of rain hit me... I'll put the wipers on for you
I get home, turn off the engine (after pressing my handbrake on) cussing: , opens the door and a light comes on and a bleeping noise... your drivers door is open ... I f*****g know that, that's how I get out of the car
The cruise control buttons are staring at me urging me to press them, I've never used them on the Mondeo in two years, so they can f**k off too
I am know thumbing through the manual, it's the size of War and Peace cussing:
I want my Renault 16 back cloud9:
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There's a surprise .....a man that doesn't know what buttons to press whistle:
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There's a surprise .....a man that doesn't know what buttons to press whistle:
Sounds like she is a bit too sophisticated for him.... whistle:
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Renault 16???
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And he prefers to yank his own lever whistle:
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Should have posted this in the Petrol/Diesel/Red Diesel Head Zone then maybe Miss D wouldn't have sullied it. noooo:
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Not a chance ;D
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Don't worry, you can have proper grown up conversations for the next couple of weeks like.
If you like it that much you could always change my password and stuff so I can't get back in sad24:
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Wanna borrow me Land Rover JOM?
A real MAN'S motor. All the basics but nooooooooooo gadgets.
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Don't worry, you can have proper grown up conversations for the next couple of weeks like.
If you like it that much you could always change my password and stuff so I can't get back in sad24:
rubschin:
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JOM. You have my utmost of sympathy's.
I have to shift and move some of this modern utter shite around through me job.
After 15 minutes of struggling with one of those Toyota Tree Huggers things a couple of years ago, I finally gave up and had to go back in to the showroom for assistance. redface:
Electronic hand brakes are a scurge on society, as are most of these modern gadgetry things.
Meanwhile, I've been congtaulated on a forum I frequent regarding mychoice of werds and description for a car that I'm currently selling in the 'Bed Of Fleas" cloud9:
Part of the af for your perusal and amusement:
Standing on 4 Michelin Energy tyres with thousands of miles left on them,it has the following exremely exiciting 100% reliabilty features: .... NO ECU, NO engine management light to scare you rigid (££££'s) NO power steering, NO ABS, NO electric windows, NO catalytic converter, NO central locking, NO air conditioning, (has got a manual sunroof that doesn't leak though) NO elecrtic mirrors, and NO air bags, all in all leaving you with potentially massive money saving NON expensive rectification bills.
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lol:
Excellent ad :thumbsup:
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I looked out on the destruction. Smashed windows, cars turned upside down, a bus on fire, people running scared, police unsure what move to make. . . .
I turned to Nick and said 'Chin up mate, you did your best, but maybe I should park the car!'
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evil: cussing:
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lol: lol: lol:
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lol:
Excellent ad :thumbsup:
A bit more:
Ultimate in simplicity for cheap and less troublesome motoring with factory fitted....MUDFLAPS, YAY!!
..and a bit more:
Drives absolutely spot on, and even though it doesn't have power steering, it still feels light, probably aided by pumping the tyres up to 100psi.....joking!
Passed its mot in mid May needing a small amount of welding underneath only.
Everything (not much in that department granted) works as it should, Drives, steers and stops straight, and the engine is a sweet a nut could be.
35-45 mpg easily achieevable depending on driving style.
Oh. It has a CHOKE to aid starting in the winter by the way, thus indicating that it has a carburretor NOT that complicated fuel injection nonsense with all the expensive associated gubbins that goes with it.
This car is so cheap to run it could almost EARN you money, never mind cost you.
It's also SO old (20 just last week in fact) that it will now qualify for classic car insurance!
This is all looking and sounding so attractive now, that I'm thinking of buying it off myself!.
Low purchase price, low insurance, low ,maintainance.
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I looked out on the destruction. Smashed windows, cars turned upside down, a bus on fire, people running scared, police unsure what move to make. . . .
I turned to Nick and said 'Chin up mate, you did your best, but maybe I should park the car!'
happy001
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I looked out on the destruction. Smashed windows, cars turned upside down, a bus on fire, people running scared, police unsure what move to make. . . .
I turned to Nick and said 'Chin up mate, you did your best, but maybe I should park the car!'
happy001
Would have commented earlier but apparently had been logged out, wondered why there were no 'new' buttons to be seen.
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I looked out on the destruction. Smashed windows, cars turned upside down, a bus on fire, people running scared, police unsure what move to make. . . .
I turned to Nick and said 'Chin up mate, you did your best, but maybe I should park the car!'
happy001
Would have commented earlier but apparently had been logged out, wondered why there were no 'new' buttons to be seen.
point:
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lol:
Excellent ad :thumbsup:
A bit more:
Ultimate in simplicity for cheap and less troublesome motoring with factory fitted....MUDFLAPS, YAY!!
..and a bit more:
Drives absolutely spot on, and even though it doesn't have power steering, it still feels light, probably aided by pumping the tyres up to 100psi.....joking!
Passed its mot in mid May needing a small amount of welding underneath only.
Everything (not much in that department granted) works as it should, Drives, steers and stops straight, and the engine is a sweet a nut could be.
35-45 mpg easily achieevable depending on driving style.
Oh. It has a CHOKE to aid starting in the winter by the way, thus indicating that it has a carburretor NOT that complicated fuel injection nonsense with all the expensive associated gubbins that goes with it.
This car is so cheap to run it could almost EARN you money, never mind cost you.
It's also SO old (20 just last week in fact) that it will now qualify for classic car insurance!
This is all looking and sounding so attractive now, that I'm thinking of buying it off myself!.
Low purchase price, low insurance, low ,maintainance.
Top marks Growler :thumbsup:
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Wanna borrow me Land Rover JOM?
A real MAN'S motor. All the basics but nooooooooooo gadgets.
Love to Snoopy. I had the use of a Freelander for a few months about two years ago. I enjoyed that car, and that extra bit of height means you can see a lot more eyes:
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Is this pub entirely preoccupied with cleavages ::)
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No, but they often figure largely rubschin:
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Just got to sell it now JOM.
1 bid for a staggering £190 so far. ::)
Hate flea bay. Bet he doesn't turn up. Banghead
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I looked out on the destruction. Smashed windows, cars turned upside down, a bus on fire, people running scared, police unsure what move to make. . . .
I turned to Nick and said 'Chin up mate, you did your best, but maybe I should park the car!'
happy001
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any further bids on the jalopy Growler? scared:
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any further bids on the jalopy Growler? scared:
Yup! Auction ended tonight.
SOLD...and for a great deal more than I'd ever have dreamed it'd go for too! eeek:
Just hope the geezer turns up for it now. whistle:
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Back to the Avensis ... when I went to see my daughter on Saturday I was going the scenic route and trying to find a pub I'd never visited before. In the middle of nowhere the Satnav said it was low on battery, and packed up five minutes later. Turns out the cigar lighter and additional power source were fubar'ed.
The pub was recommended by Nick rubschin: (thanks Nick, nice to find a proper country pub)
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http://youtu.be/jeFNunnYiKY (http://youtu.be/jeFNunnYiKY) is this growler having one last drive of the jalopy ?? whistle: