The Virtual Pub
Come Inside... => Saloon Bar => Topic started by: Miss Demeanour on August 04, 2011, 07:51:44 AM
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Ok - conversations you never thought you would have ? noooo:
To those that may not be aware when my mother was ill last year she decided to order her own wicker coffin thing off t’internet. She measured her height standing up but apparently you need to add an inch or two when lying down !! confused:
So it wasn’t big enough ::). Me and my brothers just bought a new one and the said to the undertaker to keep the old one and use it if you can .
Anyways my aunt phoned me yesterday . An unusual occurrence seeing as I haven’t spoken to her since the funeral. ::)
Usual customary polite questions then she launches into her purpose. Enquired as to what we did with the coffin that mum bought. Told her we left it with the undertaker to do with as he could. She then asked if I thought he still had it ?
I was getting a bit bemused now and concerned that she was just about to announce her imminent demise.
But apparently she is just planning ahead and as she was an inch or so shorter than mum thought it would be ideal for her and that mum would like it to go to someone in the family noooo: noooo: noooo:
I told her to ring the undertaker and check if he still had it.
30 minutes later I get a call back. She is delighted eeek: . Yes they still have it and if it is ok with me she is going to go in today and try it for size. I was gobsmacked – but yes she is going to get in it and say “ oh yes this is lovely “ kind of thing . eeek:
She then said “ Oh I’ll pay you for it of course” - I just said make a donation to the hospice I don’t want any money for it .
I rang my brother and confirmed conversation – I cannot repeat the words he used redface:
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I have it on good authority that elderly people can be a little eccentric.
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It clearly runs in the family noooo:
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Not me , that's why i moved away whistle:
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I've encountered Aunts going through the deceased's wardrobe and sharing out the clothes at the "wake" but never nicking the coffin.
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She is of course the richest of mum's siblings - they have a villa in Spain , home over here, travel a lot. But why waste money eh when yer mum would have wanted it to be used by one of us Banghead Banghead Banghead
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That's how you get to afford a villa in Spain as well as a home in the UK rubschin:
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My big sis is well off AND careful with money. SHe is making plans for her living arrangements for after her husband dies ::)
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Older people do like to get these matters sorted in advance.
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We've just had a new wheelie bin delivered that I wasn't aware that we needed. eeek:
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Is it in your size? rubschin:
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Coffins to wheely bins rubschin: I can see your point ... P'raps your family plan to recycle you.
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Is it in your size? rubschin:
I'd probably fit in a treat if you sort of jumped up and down on me a bit, yes. whistle:
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Ok - conversations you never thought you would have ? noooo:
To those that may not be aware when my mother was ill last year she decided to order her own wicker coffin thing off t’internet. She measured her height standing up but apparently you need to add an inch or two when lying down !! confused:
So it wasn’t big enough ::). Me and my brothers just bought a new one and the said to the undertaker to keep the old one and use it if you can .
Anyways my aunt phoned me yesterday . An unusual occurrence seeing as I haven’t spoken to her since the funeral. ::)
Usual customary polite questions then she launches into her purpose. Enquired as to what we did with the coffin that mum bought. Told her we left it with the undertaker to do with as he could. She then asked if I thought he still had it ?
I was getting a bit bemused now and concerned that she was just about to announce her imminent demise.
But apparently she is just planning ahead and as she was an inch or so shorter than mum thought it would be ideal for her and that mum would like it to go to someone in the family noooo: noooo: noooo:
I told her to ring the undertaker and check if he still had it.
30 minutes later I get a call back. She is delighted eeek: . Yes they still have it and if it is ok with me she is going to go in today and try it for size. I was gobsmacked – but yes she is going to get in it and say “ oh yes this is lovely “ kind of thing . eeek:
She then said “ Oh I’ll pay you for it of course” - I just said make a donation to the hospice I don’t want any money for it .
I rang my brother and confirmed conversation – I cannot repeat the words he used redface:
As I was reading it, it sounded like the start of some BBC sitcom, it then hit me which one, somewhat ironically, it was "One Foot in the Grave" ;D
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Is it in your size? rubschin:
I'd probably fit in a treat if you sort of jumped up and down on me a bit, yes. whistle:
What sort of treat? rubschin:
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lol: lol: lol:
People are banonkers noooo: - I am the only normal one left angel1
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Oi!
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Yes, my poor ol war torn soldier, you called whistle:
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I need a soothing massage with oinkment angel1
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Miss D - I prefer the term "battle hardened" :-)
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I consider myself told lol:
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I prefer the term "battle hardened" :-)
Not bottle hardened?
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People are banonkers noooo: - I am the only normal one left angel1
eeek:
We're doomed scared2:
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The Brat is off out to her friends house now. She has just sent me a text
" Mum I have done a poo in the toilet and it won't go down . When you get home can you flush it away "
sick2:
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eeek: sick2:
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The Brat is off out to her friends house now. She has just sent me a text
" Mum I have done a poo in the toilet and it won't go down . When you get home can you flush it away "
sick2:
Wait until you are old enough to send her a similar message. noooo:
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Think Miss D should do it anyway. Someone pass the all-bran.
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Think Miss D should do it anyway. Someone pass the all-bran.
Passing all-bran is somewhat tautological.
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I have just accused some bloke at work of trying to schmooze me ......his retort was that I must be joking. He would rather take his chances with a polar bear in Norway eeek:
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rubschin: So not all men are stoopid eh?
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I have just accused some bloke at work of trying to schmooze me ......his retort was that I must be joking. He would rather take his chances with a polar bear in Norway eeek:
happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001
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That's so wrong Miss D.
Polar bears are white haired - you're more of a Grizzly ;-)
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sad24:
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Oh dear.
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Sorry, I meant Kodiak :-)
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Growler's soul mate.
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fupload.wikimedia.org%2Fwikipedia%2Fcommons%2Fthumb%2Fc%2Fce%2FMale_kodiak_bear_face.JPG%2F800px-Male_kodiak_bear_face.JPG&hash=b8f890460bb0379a6c35c8832cffedc9b803d81f)
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You sure it's not Koala?
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Growler's soul mate.
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fupload.wikimedia.org%2Fwikipedia%2Fcommons%2Fthumb%2Fc%2Fce%2FMale_kodiak_bear_face.JPG%2F800px-Male_kodiak_bear_face.JPG&hash=b8f890460bb0379a6c35c8832cffedc9b803d81f)
Jeeez the poor man has enough problems noooo: