The Virtual Pub

Come Inside... => Saloon Bar => Topic started by: The Moan Ranger on July 03, 2011, 04:40:40 PM

Title: Directions
Post by: The Moan Ranger on July 03, 2011, 04:40:40 PM
Right. This has been going on for years, but now I need to ask the question.

WHY? do so many people stop their cars to ask ME directions?  There could be 10 people walking along a pavement and I guarantee they will ask me. Why?

It happened twice today on the way to the pub within 20 yards. First a big black mamma looking for a children's playcentre, then 2 East Europeans looking for a road (which unfortunately for them was in the exact opposite direction that they were heading).

Why ME? Do I look honest, knowledgeable, approachable, helpful? WHY?

(Awaits sarcastic responses)
Title: Re: Directions
Post by: Barman on July 03, 2011, 04:43:53 PM
Right. This has been going on for years, but now I need to ask the question.

WHY? do so many people stop their cars to ask ME directions?  There could be 10 people walking along a pavement and I guarantee they will ask me. Why?

It happened twice today on the way to the pub within 20 yards. First a big black mamma looking for a children's playcentre, then 2 East Europeans looking for a road (which unfortunately for them was in the exact opposite direction that they were heading).

Why ME? Do I look honest, knowledgeable, approachable, helpful? WHY?

(Awaits sarcastic responses)

Is it the day-glo jacket do you think...?  rubschin:
Title: Re: Directions
Post by: Uncle Mort on July 03, 2011, 04:45:19 PM
Don't know but it always seems to happen to me as well.  rubschin:
Title: Re: Directions
Post by: Miss Demeanour on July 03, 2011, 04:45:34 PM
It's obviously the air of authority he has  8)
Title: Re: Directions
Post by: Barman on July 03, 2011, 04:45:57 PM
Don't know but it always seems to happen to me as well.  rubschin:

Have you got a day-glo jacket?
Title: Re: Directions
Post by: Uncle Mort on July 03, 2011, 04:46:52 PM
Yes, in the boot of the car.
Title: Re: Directions
Post by: Barman on July 03, 2011, 04:47:40 PM
Yes, in the boot of the car.

Bingo!  happy088
Title: Re: Directions
Post by: The Moan Ranger on July 03, 2011, 04:49:45 PM
Miss D, you will go far :-)

BM - may your testes turn to lava.
Title: Re: Directions
Post by: Barman on July 03, 2011, 04:53:13 PM
Miss D, you will go far :-)

BM - may your testes turn to lava.

 eeek:

May the flies of a thousand camels infect your arsehole... As my dear old mother used to say....
Title: Re: Directions
Post by: Miss Demeanour on July 03, 2011, 04:54:01 PM
Miss D, you will go far :-)

How far and how do I get there ?  lol:
Title: Re: Directions
Post by: Barman on July 03, 2011, 04:55:43 PM
Miss D, you will go far :-)

How far and how do I get there ?  lol:

Any Systeme Internationale des Unites Populaires measurement is acceptable but you must show your workings...

 whistle:
Title: Re: Directions
Post by: Darwins Selection on July 03, 2011, 05:00:37 PM
Right. This has been going on for years, but now I need to ask the question.

WHY? do so many people stop their cars to ask ME directions?  There could be 10 people walking along a pavement and I guarantee they will ask me. Why?

It happened twice today on the way to the pub within 20 yards. First a big black mamma looking for a children's playcentre, then 2 East Europeans looking for a road (which unfortunately for them was in the exact opposite direction that they were heading).

Why ME? Do I look honest, knowledgeable, approachable, helpful? WHY?

(Awaits sarcastic responses)

It is Sweet Little Old Man syndrome. You must look older than you are.

I get it all the time and always do my best to explode the myth by looking hostile and shouting at them that I have no idea, as I have just been released into the community.
Title: Re: Directions
Post by: Nick on July 03, 2011, 05:02:53 PM
AS if...  rubschin:
Title: Re: Directions
Post by: Barman on July 03, 2011, 05:03:12 PM
Right. This has been going on for years, but now I need to ask the question.

WHY? do so many people stop their cars to ask ME directions?  There could be 10 people walking along a pavement and I guarantee they will ask me. Why?

It happened twice today on the way to the pub within 20 yards. First a big black mamma looking for a children's playcentre, then 2 East Europeans looking for a road (which unfortunately for them was in the exact opposite direction that they were heading).

Why ME? Do I look honest, knowledgeable, approachable, helpful? WHY?

(Awaits sarcastic responses)

It is Sweet Little Old Man syndrome. You must look older than you are.

I get it all the time and always do my best to explode the myth by looking hostile and shouting at them GET ORF MOI LAND! before giving them 28g of number eight...

 whistle:
Title: Re: Directions
Post by: The Moan Ranger on July 03, 2011, 05:05:26 PM
DS, most people say I look about 35. And that's years of age, not inches before BM pipes up...
Title: Re: Directions
Post by: Barman on July 03, 2011, 05:07:04 PM
DS, most people say I look about 35. And that's years of age, not inches before BM pipes up...

35? happy001
Title: Re: Directions
Post by: Snoopy on July 03, 2011, 05:08:14 PM
DS, most people say I look about 35. And that's years of age, not inches before BM pipes up...

Just goes to show the truth of the old adage "You can fool some of the people most of the time and most of the people some of the time".  whistle:


Yes I know ~ I'm p*ssing orf now ..... OK?
Title: Re: Directions
Post by: The Moan Ranger on July 03, 2011, 05:09:04 PM
Something amuses thee, BM?
Title: Re: Directions
Post by: Barman on July 03, 2011, 05:12:22 PM
Something amuses thee, BM?

35? is that some bizarre Systeme Internationale des Unites Populaires measure perchance...?  whistle:
Title: Re: Directions
Post by: Darwins Selection on July 03, 2011, 05:21:34 PM
Something amuses thee, BM?

35? is that some bizarre Systeme Internationale des Unites Populaires measure perchance...?  whistle:

Hexadecimal perhaps?  whistle:
Title: Re: Directions
Post by: Barman on July 03, 2011, 05:26:54 PM
Something amuses thee, BM?

35? is that some bizarre Systeme Internationale des Unites Populaires measure perchance...?  whistle:

Hexadecimal perhaps?  whistle:

Oh noes... that would only be 53....  whistle:
Title: Re: Directions
Post by: Snoopy on July 03, 2011, 05:29:08 PM
35? .......  rubschin: ........... Shoe size? (Continental sizing that is)
Title: Re: Directions
Post by: Snoopy on July 03, 2011, 05:29:59 PM
 rubschin: rubschin:

Whenever I ask for directions I seem to get the local loony ~ Just a thought.
Title: Re: Directions
Post by: Barman on July 03, 2011, 05:35:03 PM
rubschin: rubschin:

Whenever I ask for directions I seem to get the local loony ~ Just a thought.

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: Directions
Post by: The Moan Ranger on July 03, 2011, 05:39:11 PM
Snoopy - do us a favour and feck off back to Oswestry, there's a good dog. You weren't missed, like ;-)
Title: Re: Directions
Post by: Barman on July 03, 2011, 05:39:42 PM
 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: Directions
Post by: Snoopy on July 03, 2011, 05:41:13 PM
 redface:
Title: Re: Directions
Post by: Miss Demeanour on July 03, 2011, 05:42:57 PM
 happy100
Title: Re: Directions
Post by: Barman on July 03, 2011, 05:43:12 PM
redface:

Give him this one snoopy! >>>  violent073:
Title: Re: Directions
Post by: Snoopy on July 03, 2011, 05:48:24 PM
Nah ~ He's OK ..... I used to load and unload aircraft in the RAF so I know what it can do to a chap.
Title: Re: Directions
Post by: Miss Demeanour on July 03, 2011, 05:48:54 PM
Make him unhinged  lol:
Title: Re: Directions
Post by: The Moan Ranger on July 03, 2011, 05:49:17 PM
Spookily - whilst outside smoking a Golden Virginia roll-up a couple just asked me for directions to the Fox + Hounds! I said "the hound is in Oswestry". They looked blankly at me. So I sent them to the Rose and Crown instead - same shite beer, but with extra fights thrown in for free.
Title: Re: Directions
Post by: Barman on July 03, 2011, 05:51:33 PM
Nah ~ He's OK ..... I used to load and unload aircraft in the RAF so I know what it can do to a chap.

Yes... with that and the smoking...  noooo:
Title: Re: Directions
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 04, 2011, 06:08:14 PM
Miss D, you will go far :-)

BM - may your testes turn to lava.

That's a waste of a good curse TMR, we all know LL has them in a jar on the bedside table.  lol:
Title: Re: Directions
Post by: Pirate on July 04, 2011, 06:51:25 PM
Right. This has been going on for years, but now I need to ask the question.

WHY? do so many people stop their cars to ask ME directions?  There could be 10 people walking along a pavement and I guarantee they will ask me. Why?

It happened twice today on the way to the pub within 20 yards. First a big black mamma looking for a children's playcentre, then 2 East Europeans looking for a road (which unfortunately for them was in the exact opposite direction that they were heading).

Why ME? Do I look honest, knowledgeable, approachable, helpful? WHY?

(Awaits sarcastic responses)

Your awaited sarcastic response...

National Orgasm Week - Directions (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gIKVG0V_kAk#)