The Virtual Pub

Come Inside... => Saloon Bar => Topic started by: Baldy on December 22, 2010, 01:54:39 PM

Title: The All New Baldy's Top Tips Thread....
Post by: Baldy on December 22, 2010, 01:54:39 PM
Do not kiss or go anywhere near your mate's wife when they come over to see you.

Especially when she has a shitty cold and wants to give it to you before her return to freezing blighty as a Christmas pressy.  evil:

It could possibly turn into man flu.  cry: cry:
Title: Re: The All New Baldy's Top Tips Thread....
Post by: Barman on December 22, 2010, 01:59:02 PM
Shouldn't this be in The Medical Centre?  rubschin:
Title: Re: The All New Baldy's Top Tips Thread....
Post by: Nick on December 22, 2010, 02:04:50 PM
Give her one back, like.
Title: Re: The All New Baldy's Top Tips Thread....
Post by: Baldy on December 22, 2010, 02:06:00 PM
Not if it doesn't go off of the original thread and I have to go on again about me burning the hole in the downstairs ceiling through the pipework and the acid problem.

Nick could prolly join in.  whistle:
Title: Re: The All New Baldy's Top Tips Thread....
Post by: Baldy on December 22, 2010, 02:10:18 PM
Give her one back, like.
I wouldn't mind eyes: But he is bigger than me and a mate like.
Title: Re: The All New Baldy's Top Tips Thread....
Post by: Nick on December 22, 2010, 02:11:36 PM
And if he was smaller than you............?
Title: Re: The All New Baldy's Top Tips Thread....
Post by: Baldy on December 22, 2010, 02:12:53 PM
And if he was smaller than you............?

 whistle: whistle: whistle:
Title: Re: The All New Baldy's Top Tips Thread....
Post by: Barman on December 22, 2010, 02:13:11 PM
Sounds like he needs to get a real man in like...  whistle:
Title: Re: The All New Baldy's Top Tips Thread....
Post by: Nick on December 22, 2010, 02:14:52 PM
 angel1
Title: Re: The All New Baldy's Top Tips Thread....
Post by: Baldy on December 22, 2010, 02:15:41 PM
Sounds like he needs to get a real man in like...  whistle:

Join the queue. You are currently in 2nd position.
Title: Re: The All New Baldy's Top Tips Thread....
Post by: Barman on December 22, 2010, 02:17:25 PM
Sounds like he needs to get a real man in like...  whistle:

Join the queue. You are currently in 2nd position.

After Nick...?  rubschin:
Title: Re: The All New Baldy's Top Tips Thread....
Post by: Baldy on December 22, 2010, 02:18:34 PM
Sounds like he needs to get a real man in like...  whistle:

Join the queue. You are currently in 2nd position.

After Nick...?  rubschin:

As long as he does not want man flu.
Title: Re: The All New Baldy's Top Tips Thread....
Post by: Barman on December 22, 2010, 02:20:26 PM
Sounds like he needs to get a real man in like...  whistle:

Join the queue. You are currently in 2nd position.

After Nick...?  rubschin:

As long as he does not want man flu.

I'm not sure about sloppy seconds...  noooo:
Title: Re: The All New Baldy's Top Tips Thread....
Post by: Nick on December 22, 2010, 02:21:49 PM
Mr Thread? Meet Mr Gutter  noooo:
Title: Re: The All New Baldy's Top Tips Thread....
Post by: Baldy on December 22, 2010, 02:24:37 PM
Sounds like he needs to get a real man in like...  whistle:

Join the queue. You are currently in 2nd position.

After Nick...?  rubschin:

As long as he does not want man flu.

I'm not sure about sloppy seconds...  noooo:
Possibly the next tip could be for Gingers to make sure they wear a condom before the others have a go?  whistle:
Title: Re: The All New Baldy's Top Tips Thread....
Post by: Barman on December 22, 2010, 02:30:03 PM
Sounds like he needs to get a real man in like...  whistle:

Join the queue. You are currently in 2nd position.

After Nick...?  rubschin:

As long as he does not want man flu.

I'm not sure about sloppy seconds...  noooo:
Possibly the next tip could be for Gingers to make sure they wear a condom before the others have a go?  whistle:

happy001
Title: Re: The All New Baldy's Top Tips Thread....
Post by: Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons) on December 22, 2010, 03:07:52 PM
Naughty step the lot of you. noooo:
Title: Re: The All New Baldy's Top Tips Thread....
Post by: Snoopy on December 22, 2010, 03:16:40 PM
Not me miss, it wuz the big boys  angel1
Title: Re: The All New Baldy's Top Tips Thread....
Post by: Barman on December 22, 2010, 03:36:48 PM
Naughty step the lot of you. noooo:

 redface:
Title: Re: The All New Baldy's Top Tips Thread....
Post by: Pastis on December 22, 2010, 04:27:53 PM
Naughty step the lot of you. noooo:

I should retire to The Snug MissC; you don't get the smutty talk in there ... much
Title: Re: The All New Baldy's Top Tips Thread....
Post by: Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons) on December 22, 2010, 07:25:04 PM
Quite so Pastis I will away.
Title: Re: The All New Baldy's Top Tips Thread....
Post by: Baldy on December 25, 2010, 11:16:53 AM
When the bitch ex wife allows you to see the kids before Christmas and you take them to the playground....

do not muck about pretending that you are going to kick the youngest one up the bum, if you miss and kick the slide instead you brake your big toe.  noooo:

Believe me it fooking hurts and also takes ages to hobble down to the nearest bar.  redface:
Title: Re: The All New Baldy's Top Tips Thread....
Post by: Barman on December 25, 2010, 11:39:25 AM
STP Heavy Duty Brake Parts Cleaner

Don't spray it on yer fridge...  noooo:
Title: Re: The All New Baldy's Top Tips Thread....
Post by: Baldy on December 26, 2010, 08:56:49 AM
STP Heavy Duty Brake Parts Cleaner

Don't spray it on yer fridge...  noooo:
Did it clean the fridge proper like?
Title: Re: The All New Baldy's Top Tips Thread....
Post by: Barman on December 26, 2010, 08:59:56 AM
STP Heavy Duty Brake Parts Cleaner

Don't spray it on yer fridge...  noooo:
Did it clean the fridge proper like?

Oh yes... good 'n proper like....  redface:
Title: Re: The All New Baldy's Top Tips Thread....
Post by: Baldy on December 26, 2010, 09:05:05 AM
Has it got that stainless steel look?
Title: Re: The All New Baldy's Top Tips Thread....
Post by: Barman on December 26, 2010, 09:15:01 AM
Has it got that stainless steel look?

Yes...  redface:

I've stuck a calendar over it...  whistle:
Title: Re: The All New Baldy's Top Tips Thread....
Post by: Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons) on December 26, 2010, 09:17:27 AM
When the bitch ex wife allows you to see the kids before Christmas and you take them to the playground....

do not muck about pretending that you are going to kick the youngest one up the bum, if you miss and kick the slide instead you brake your big toe.  noooo:

Believe me it fooking hurts and also takes ages to hobble down to the nearest bar.  redface:

Ooo that hurts broke mine a year or so ago still hurts sometimes.

BM I'm sure LL will never notice but suggest you start formulating an escape plan now just in case like...
Title: Re: The All New Baldy's Top Tips Thread....
Post by: Barman on December 26, 2010, 09:19:50 AM
When the bitch ex wife allows you to see the kids before Christmas and you take them to the playground....

do not muck about pretending that you are going to kick the youngest one up the bum, if you miss and kick the slide instead you brake your big toe.  noooo:

Believe me it fooking hurts and also takes ages to hobble down to the nearest bar.  redface:

Ooo that hurts broke mine a year or so ago still hurts sometimes.

BM I'm sure LL will never notice but suggest you start formulating an escape plan now just in case like...

I have a year...  cloud9:

Just have to make sure I buy another calendar in time for next year...  whistle:
Title: Re: The All New Baldy's Top Tips Thread....
Post by: apc2010 on February 03, 2015, 06:15:31 AM
Don't help your mates with a flip-flop maid..... whistle:
Title: Re: The All New Baldy's Top Tips Thread....
Post by: Steve on February 03, 2015, 10:22:07 AM
Don't help your mates with a flip-flop maid..... whistle:

 :thumbsup: lol:

Never rely on your mates to smuggle you an hacksaw blade
Title: Re: The All New Baldy's Top Tips Thread....
Post by: Baldy on February 03, 2015, 10:37:55 AM
All sorted....after a bit of Baldy heart to heart chat.  whistle:

Stavros is now my bestest friend and has offered to 'organise' anything I need for freebies.

I should introduce him to Apey at the current going rate.  Thumbs: