The Virtual Pub
Come Inside... => The Comedy Room => Topic started by: Tipsy Gipsy on December 14, 2010, 09:52:23 PM
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Subj: Fwd: Food
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> Dear Fellow Eater, In the beginning God covered the earth with
broccoli, cauliflower & spinach, with green, yellow & red vegetables of
all kinds so Man and Woman would live long & healthy lives. Then, using
God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Ice cream & Magnums. And Satan
said "You want hot fudge sauce with that?" And Man said "Yes!" And
Woman said "I'll have one too with chocolate chips". And lo, they
gained 10 pounds. And God created healthy yoghurt that Woman might
keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white
flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them. And
Woman went from size 12 to size 14. So God said "Try my fresh green
salad". And Satan presented Blue cheese dressing and garlic croutons on
the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the
repast.
> God then said "I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil in
which to cook them". And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut king
prawns, butter-dipped crayfish tails and fried chicken steaks. And
Man's cholesterol went through the roof. Then God brought forth
the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good
nutrition. Then Satan peeled off the healthy skin and sliced the
starchy centre into chips and deep-fried them in animal fats adding
copious quantities of salt. And Man put on more pounds. God then
brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those extra
pounds. And Satan came forth with Sky TV with remote control so Man
would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed
and cried before the flickering light and started to wear stretch
jogging suits. Then God gave lean beef so that Man might consume
fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created
McDonalds and the 99p cheeseburger. Then
>Satan said "You want fries with that?" and Man replied "Yes, and super
size 'em". And Satan said "It is good". And Man and Woman went into
cardiac arrest. God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
And Satan chuckled and created the NHS. THE FINAL WORD ON
NUTRITION After an exhaustive review of the research literature,
here's the final word on nutrition and health:
> 1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than
us. 2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than
us. 3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks than us. 4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and
suffer fewer heart attacks than us. 5. Germans drink beer and eat lots
of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is
apparently what kills you!!