The Virtual Pub

Come Inside... => Saloon Bar => Topic started by: Just One More on December 09, 2010, 07:17:33 AM

Title: Crackers
Post by: Just One More on December 09, 2010, 07:17:33 AM
 I'm all ready for Christmas dinner  (http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2010/12/09/condems-ban-sale-of-xmas-crackers-to-under-16s-115875-22770847/) .... Unbelievable

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Title: Re: Crackers
Post by: Snoopy on December 09, 2010, 07:30:13 AM
Going a bit far this Elfin Safety lark but I do recall that mother always used to caution us kids not to hold the crackers close to our faces when we "snapped" them. I confess I tell my kids the same. Also not to play with the "Snaps" if they tear in the wrong place without going "CRACK". They can, like "caps" for cap guns, give a bit of a burn to young fingers.
Title: Re: Crackers
Post by: Barman on December 09, 2010, 07:34:59 AM
Going a bit far this Elfin Safety lark but I do recall that mother always used to caution us kids not to hold the crackers close to our faces when we "snapped" them. I confess I tell my kids the same. Also not to play with the "Snaps" if they tear in the wrong place without going "CRACK".

You're not thinking of Rice Crispies are you...?  rubschin:

The world has gone mad tho...  noooo:

One one hand they're banning crackers... but I just heard on the wireless that they're introducing a system in Birmingham to detect and triangulate gun shots - to reduce shootings...  noooo:

How the feck can so many guns be on the streets to justify such a system when they are illegal...?  Banghead
Title: Re: Crackers
Post by: Miss Demeanour on December 09, 2010, 08:13:58 AM
Going a bit far this Elfin Safety lark but I do recall that mother always used to caution us kids not to hold the crackers close to our faces when we "snapped" them. I confess I tell my kids the same. Also not to play with the "Snaps" if they tear in the wrong place without going "CRACK". They can, like "caps" for cap guns, give a bit of a burn to young fingers.

Aaaahh when parents tell you not to do it  - which means you definitley, would never ever, in a million squillion years try such a thing  whistle:
Title: Re: Crackers
Post by: Snoopy on December 09, 2010, 09:00:47 AM
Going a bit far this Elfin Safety lark but I do recall that mother always used to caution us kids not to hold the crackers close to our faces when we "snapped" them. I confess I tell my kids the same. Also not to play with the "Snaps" if they tear in the wrong place without going "CRACK". They can, like "caps" for cap guns, give a bit of a burn to young fingers.

Aaaahh when parents tell you not to do it  - which means you definitley, would never ever, in a million squillion years try such a thing  whistle:

Correct ~ I couldn't wait to be old enough to make the faulty "snaps" CRACK with my thumbnail the way my Dad could. I now do it in the full knowledge that the boys will also be itching to try it as soon as they can.  ;D
Title: Re: Crackers
Post by: Barman on December 09, 2010, 10:11:55 AM
We just opened an Xmas card - on the back it says that five year olds should be supervised because of small parts...  noooo:
Title: Re: Crackers
Post by: Pastis on December 09, 2010, 10:14:19 AM
But 5 year olds do have small parts, specially in Nativity plays  rubschin:
Title: Re: Crackers
Post by: Snoopy on December 09, 2010, 10:16:00 AM
Rumour has it that BM has small parts too ..... but I NEVER spread gossip.  angel1
Title: Re: Crackers
Post by: Barman on December 09, 2010, 10:16:58 AM
Rumour has it that BM has small parts too ..... but I NEVER spread gossip.  angel1

Only in the UK when it is very cold like...  ;)
Title: Re: Crackers
Post by: Pastis on December 09, 2010, 10:56:02 AM
I can just see the Christmas Dinner table, already groaning under the weight of food, drink, decorations, glasses and cutlery... and now,

"BEWARE! CATEGORY ONE FIREWORKS"

 noooo:
Title: Re: Crackers
Post by: Just One More on December 09, 2010, 06:24:23 PM
How long before we all have to have one of these in the kitchen, or bathroom

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Title: Re: Crackers
Post by: Nick on December 09, 2010, 06:56:17 PM
We just opened an Xmas card - on the back it says that five year olds should be supervised because of small parts...  noooo:

Did LL take it off you?
Title: Re: Crackers
Post by: Barman on December 09, 2010, 07:47:28 PM
We just opened an Xmas card - on the back it says that five year olds should be supervised because of small parts...  noooo:

Did LL take it off you?

Yes Nick...  ::)
Title: Re: Crackers
Post by: Pirate on December 09, 2010, 08:03:29 PM
I love crackers...especially with a bit of Stilton and an apple...bit of pickle maybe, throw in a tomato...

I'm bloody hungry now...
Title: Re: Crackers
Post by: Barman on December 09, 2010, 08:04:33 PM
I love crackers...especially with a bit of Stilton and an apple...bit of pickle maybe, throw in a tomato...

I'm bloody hungry now...

With Brie...  Drool:
Title: Re: Crackers
Post by: Pirate on December 09, 2010, 08:39:39 PM
and warm bacon...
Title: Re: Crackers
Post by: Barman on December 09, 2010, 08:40:34 PM
and warm bacon...

 Drool: Drool:
Title: Re: Crackers
Post by: DDD on December 09, 2010, 10:02:33 PM
Nah, a bit of cheddar from Spar and a McVities.  Drool:
Title: Re: Crackers
Post by: Barman on December 09, 2010, 10:04:35 PM
Nah, a bit of cheddar from Spar and a McVities.  Drool:

 cloud9:
Title: Re: Crackers
Post by: Miss Demeanour on December 10, 2010, 08:24:13 AM
I pulled a cracker yesterday ( not a bloke but an actual cracker !!! ) . It had a tape measure in it ....who the heck wants those at Christmas  redface:
Title: Re: Crackers
Post by: Snoopy on December 10, 2010, 08:37:21 AM
I pulled a cracker yesterday ( not a bloke but an actual cracker !!! ) . It had a tape measure in it ....who the heck wants those at Christmas  redface:

I dunno .... Give some people an inch and they want a yard. noooo:
Title: Re: Crackers
Post by: Darwins Selection on December 10, 2010, 08:41:24 AM
I pulled a cracker yesterday ( not a bloke but an actual cracker !!! ) . It had a tape measure in it ....who the heck wants those at Christmas  redface:

Ladies would like one which indicates 3 inches less around waist or bum.

Gentlemen would like one which indicates 3 inches extra.
Title: Re: Crackers
Post by: Tipsy Gipsy on December 10, 2010, 08:22:44 PM
I pulled a cracker yesterday ( not a bloke but an actual cracker !!! ) . It had a tape measure in it ....who the heck wants those at Christmas  redface:

Ladies would like one which indicates 3 inches less around waist or bum.

Gentlemen would like one which indicates 3 inches extra.

I was stood by a Doctor asking for a tape measure once, to measure a patients leg (something to do with DVT indicators).  No one near had one to hand so I fished out one from my hand bag that I had picked up from IKEa.  They seemed pleased with it.  shrugs:
Title: Re: Crackers
Post by: Barman on December 10, 2010, 08:26:25 PM
I pulled a cracker yesterday ( not a bloke but an actual cracker !!! ) . It had a tape measure in it ....who the heck wants those at Christmas  redface:

Ladies would like one which indicates 3 inches less around waist or bum.

Gentlemen would like one which indicates 3 inches extra.

I was stood by a Doctor asking for a tape measure once, to measure a patients leg (something to do with DVT indicators).  No one near had one to hand so I fished out one from my hand bag that I had picked up from IKEa.  They seemed pleased with it.  shrugs:

So the leg measured 1½ sink units...?  rubschin:
Title: Re: Crackers
Post by: Nick on December 10, 2010, 08:27:05 PM
Were you in a nurse's uniform?   eyes:
Title: Re: Crackers
Post by: Tipsy Gipsy on December 10, 2010, 08:34:28 PM
I pulled a cracker yesterday ( not a bloke but an actual cracker !!! ) . It had a tape measure in it ....who the heck wants those at Christmas  redface:

Ladies would like one which indicates 3 inches less around waist or bum.

Gentlemen would like one which indicates 3 inches extra.

I was stood by a Doctor asking for a tape measure once, to measure a patients leg (something to do with DVT indicators).  No one near had one to hand so I fished out one from my hand bag that I had picked up from IKEa.  They seemed pleased with it.  shrugs:

So the leg measured 1½ sink units...?  rubschin:

 happy001
Title: Re: Crackers
Post by: Tipsy Gipsy on December 10, 2010, 08:35:13 PM
Were you in a nurse's uniform?   eyes:

I don't wear a uniform... well not at work anyway.  whistle:
Title: Re: Crackers
Post by: Barman on December 10, 2010, 08:37:06 PM
Were you in a nurse's uniform?   eyes:

I don't wear a uniform... well not at work anyway.  whistle:

Just in the bedroom eh...?  eyes:

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Title: Re: Crackers
Post by: Miss Demeanour on December 10, 2010, 08:44:43 PM
Oh gawd ....Cleaner to Barman's keyboard please  whistle:
Title: Re: Crackers
Post by: Barman on December 10, 2010, 08:46:33 PM
Oh gawd ....Cleaner to Barman's keyboard please  whistle:

 redface: