The Virtual Pub
Come Inside... => Saloon Bar => Topic started by: Miss Demeanour on October 12, 2010, 07:34:30 AM
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We have a bloke in the team who is a little weird to say the least. He is getting on a bit so everyone lets him be . He is getting worse ....He sent an email yesterday ..to the whole team ...which I have enclosed. I have now been asked by other team members if I should not be referring him to Occupational Health for an assessment rubschin:
Hi Out There and beyond reality,
and to those Keeping It Real .....
I was faced last night with the a TV dilemma...nothing new......
Should I watch 'Nigella Kit' or 'Delta Divers' or perhaps Madonna the 'so not to miss' Buenos Aires concert perhaps or local news and weather...
Hmmm I thought....there's a reality show here! plus Madonna.....must be win win with three screens - surely..
Suddenly, the phone rang.......I took the call ( SO SO stateside)
' Hi Peder (American accent ?) can we check your Home Peanut status? '
' Who's calling' said moi ?
' Randy from Dodgy Pet Products Peder ' came the response.....
'What's the deal Randy?' I replied confidently......
Randy replied ' Peder..all branded dwarf rabbit enhancement products are on recall '
' Say that again Randy? said moi with trepidation.
' Hopefully Peder, you haven't purchased High Energy Organic Muesli ....The dwarf muncher rabbits are out there....!
EEK and THEN the reality suddenly hit home ........ my new silky ears, the involuntary sprinting and stroking ......
I HAD become the City Central Bunny incarnate, the one and only scary muesli muncher.....
Ian H was so right!! ' That's not ****** muesli Peter’s on..
A Fourth Floor South Production (Syndicated)
All Rights Reserved
Technical Advisors - Tossy and Flossy
Direction - Honeybuns Rabbitry
Distraction - Nigela's Fahitas
Production - A 'Life's to Short' Production
Artistic Direction - Peter Previous
Distribution - Lovely Furry Animals
eeek:
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Don't get stuck in a lift with him... noooo:
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I think I like him. happy088
Sign him up.
I need someone to talk to. cloud9:
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scared2:
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I think I like him. happy088
Sign him up.
I need someone to talk to. cloud9:
Classic! drumroll:
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That's not eccentricity, that's pure loopyness eeek:
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This is the man that bought a remote controlled rat to our last team Christmas dinner and let it whizz around the floor much to the managers distress as the other punters thought it was real noooo:
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I used to work with a guy that was obsessed by cats and would sit at his desk and mioww... noooo:
That is when he wasn't chewing cleanex tissues or had his feet on his desk cutting his toenails and sending the bits flying around the lab... sick2:
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scared2:
Wha'? Shrugs:
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I used to work with a guy that was obsessed by cats and would sit at his desk and mioww... noooo:
So? Shrugs:
Don't know if you know, or even remotely care, but sometimes I do owl impressions at work you know.
Most excellent so others tell me. cloud9:
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This is the man that bought a remote controlled rat to our last team Christmas dinner and let it whizz around the floor much to the managers distress as the other punters thought it was real noooo:
Oh yes yes yes yes. happy088
I'm REALLY warming to this guy....in a manly friendly matey sort of way that is. cloud9:
He's heading for my best friend status, and that's before I've even met or spoken to him. eeek:
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I used to work with a guy that was obsessed by cats and would sit at his desk and mioww... noooo:
So? Shrugs:
Don't know if you know, or even remotely care, but sometimes I do owl impressions at work you know.
Most excellent so others tell me. cloud9:
You wouldn't take your shoes and socks off in the office and cut your toenails tho would you?
We sent him 101 uses for a dead cat... whistle:
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Growler is an nutty bear noooo:
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I used to work with a guy that was obsessed by cats and would sit at his desk and mioww... noooo:
So? Shrugs:
Don't know if you know, or even remotely care, but sometimes I do owl impressions at work you know.
Most excellent so others tell me. cloud9:
You wouldn't take your shoes and socks off in the office and cut your toenails tho would you?
We sent him 101 uses for a dead cat... whistle:
No, and I don't like cats either, but that isn't the point.
It's not so much what you do, it's how you do it that counts.
I really do warm to 'nutters' and wish I was a bit more of a raging barking nutter myself tbqh.
I am trying though, and this is exactly were wimmin actually do have some use.
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Growler ~ we would be willing to sign a declaration of nutterdom for you if you need one.
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Agree with the Bear on this one . Sounds an ideal chap to take shopping in Morrisons with me on a kid tripping up expedition eveilgrin:
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Agree with the Bear on this one . Sounds an ideal chap to take shopping in Morrisons with me on a kid tripping up expedition eveilgrin:
You'll do for me chummy, bloody raging tosspot. cloud9:
Haven't really spoken to any nutters today sadly. cry:
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Tomorrow is my last day. Collapso?
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Oooo yes please. cloud9:
Seriously, good luck chap. happy100
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Tomorrow is my last day. Collapso?
Well if you'd care to actually answer the pm I sent you over 24 hours ago...like. ::)
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redface:
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redface:
Well don't forget to check them this time, or the Bear will not be saying good riddance bye to you.
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This morning's missive noooo:
Hi Out There and perhaps further out,
Nick Ferrari commented on LBC this morning on the unfolding storey of the continuing rescue of the Chilean miners ,that have been trapped for
69 days in the collapsed copper mine.
There are 33 miners and Nick commented on the reports that the group may have split into five factional groups.
I mused that were we to be in that situation, the camaraderie that so characterises our happy group would sustain us all.
Peter
Here’s hoping I would get out!
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scared2:
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whacky115
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This morning's missive noooo:
Hi Out There and perhaps further out,
Nick Ferrari commented on LBC this morning on the unfolding storey of the continuing rescue of the Chilean miners ,that have been trapped for
69 days in the collapsed copper mine.
There are 33 miners and Nick commented on the reports that the group may have split into five factional groups.
I mused that were we to be in that situation, the camaraderie that so characterises our happy group would sustain us all.
Peter
Here’s hoping I would get out!
He is looking for retirement with full pension on medical grounds.
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This morning's missive noooo:
Hi Out There and perhaps further out,
Nick Ferrari commented on LBC this morning on the unfolding storey of the continuing rescue of the Chilean miners ,that have been trapped for
69 days in the collapsed copper mine.
There are 33 miners and Nick commented on the reports that the group may have split into five factional groups.
I mused that were we to be in that situation, the camaraderie that so characterises our happy group would sustain us all.
Peter
Here’s hoping I would get out!
He is looking for retirement with full pension on medical grounds.
Like that bloke on Colditz...
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This morning's missive noooo:
Hi Out There and perhaps further out,
Nick Ferrari commented on LBC this morning on the unfolding storey of the continuing rescue of the Chilean miners ,that have been trapped for
69 days in the collapsed copper mine.
There are 33 miners and Nick commented on the reports that the group may have split into five factional groups.
I mused that were we to be in that situation, the camaraderie that so characterises our happy group would sustain us all.
Peter
Here’s hoping I would get out!
He is looking for retirement with full pension on medical grounds.
Like that bloke on Colditz...
I think you mean this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uk37TD_08eA&feature
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That bloke in Colditz put porridge on his head instead of underpants. And I now have the Colditz theme tune as an earworm, thanks Barman!
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That bloke in Colditz put porridge on his head instead of underpants. And I now have the Colditz theme tune as an earworm, thanks Barman!
And he really went mad... eeek:
I've had the bloody earworm all day... ::)
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Today's message noooo: noooo:
Hi Out There and Far Out,
I awoke with misgivings! Phew! Miss Givings I'm SO SO SORRY ......I dream recipes I insisted .
'Yeah right' Ms Givings replied.
And what about Nigella's Kit Peder? (she was American!)
Reality kicked in.... whoah..... Miss Givings had misunderstood my exclamation ' cream softly but thickly whipped' !
and then the phone rang... ! bbrrrrring bbrrriing bbbrriinng bbbrriinnnngghh
Hi Pedder....Guess who's calling....?
'Randy', what's going down sunshine..?
Hey Pedder.......that's great you've recovered from the High Pressure Tensile Injected Lifescape Treatment.
Look Randy..... just don't mention Fryontology or I'm meat....
(I confessed the HPTILT treatment had been particularly challenging, nevertheless, my student experiences had proved invaluable and the adverbs rolled ... but I was not confident that the effects of withdrawal were still dictating my responses.. ...... )
Perfect Pet Products have the complete solution Peder......Trust Me? I' m in sales...!
You're in sales Randy? said Moi..
Look Randy I replied..... 'Trust me? .. I'm in sales..! ' call me back when you've engaged first gear......
Have a Good Day....
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Has he tried the underpants and pencils trick yet?
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That bloke in Colditz put porridge on his head instead of underpants. And I now have the Colditz theme tune as an earworm, thanks Barman!
They are running the Colditz series on "Yesterday", Sky channel 537 from 2200hr's tonight. I know it gave a poor portrayal of what actually happened, but I enjoyed it in the 70's, vidjo is set
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I too am planning to record the whole series.
I don't know how many liberties were taken with the truth but I do know that Pat Reid, who did escape from Colditz and reached Switzerland, was advisor to the series as it was based on the books he wrote about his time there.
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Will we see the Colditz Cock ??
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and so for today's message noooo:
Hi Out there and beyond.....
I have been struck by the reportage in the media that has displayed both Queenslanders and our Aussi mates as such a resilient and positive breed. Just getting on with helping out and moving on. Not about today..all about tomorrow and driven forward by a distinct mindset of a 'young of view' population.
So expressed in the most important first two lines of Advance Australia Fair
Australians all let us rejoice,
For we are young and free
I have been fortunate to work with this young breed and it has been, so so good karma, apart from that unfortunate Walkabout experience, well let's just say fewer tinnis..enough I reckon..!
But seriously, look to your Aussi colleague and say 'you can be proud'... !
Peter
(apparently the last two versus are rarely sung)
Advance Australia Fair
Australians all let us rejoice,
For we are young and free;
We've golden soil and wealth for toil,
Our home is girt by sea;
Our land abounds in Nature's gifts
Of beauty rich and rare;
In history's page, let every stage
Advance Australia fair!
In joyful strains then let us sing,
"Advance Australia fair!"
When gallant Cook from Albion sail'd,
To trace wide oceans o'er,
True British courage bore him on,
Till he landed on our shore.
Then here he raised Old England's flag,
The standard of the brave;
With all her faults we love her still,
"Brittannia rules the wave!"
In joyful strains then let us sing
"Advance Australia fair!"
Beneath our radiant southern Cross,
We'll toil with hearts and hands;
To make this Commonwealth of ours
Renowned of all the lands;
For those who've come across the seas
We've boundless plains to share;
With courage let us all combine
To advance Australia fair.
In joyful strains then let us sing
"Advance Australia fair!"
While other nations of the globe
Behold us from afar,
We'll rise to high renown and shine
Like our glorious southern star;
From England, Scotia, Erin's Isle,
Who come our lot to share,
Let all combine with heart and hand
To advance Australia fair!
In joyful strains then let us sing
"Advance Australia fair!"
Shou'd foreign foe e'er sight our coast,
Or dare a foot to land,
We'll rouse to arms like sires of yore
To guard our native strand;
Brittannia then shall surely know,
Beyond wide ocean's roll,
Her sons in fair Australia's land
Still keep a British soul.
In joyful strains the let us sing
"Advance Australia fair!"
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Sack him! cussing:
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Kick him in the goolies!
He is beyond eccentric ~ he is raving.
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He is getting a great deal of abuse at the moment ...especially by the Aussies in the team lol: lol: lol:
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Sounds to me like he thinks such drivel will be seen by management as "Inspirational" and "Team Building" and he hopes it will get him promoted.
I suggest you all start call him Patience Strong
And for those too young to remember her here is an example:
Today is the beginning
In the years that lie ahead
may you always share the love you have
this day as you are wed
I pray you'll each be one on whom
the other can depend
and may you share not only love,
but be each others friend
some hopes may not be realised
some dreams may not come true
but many of them will I know
to bless the two of you
within the home that you will have
I pray you'll always find
contentment, joy,security
good health and peace of mind.
This sort of drivel was published daily in the "Mirror" for years and the woman went on to publish many books of her work. She was also very popular for those awful "Inspirational" books published for the Christmas market and subsequently many excerpts of her work were used on those mawkish pictures that management used to stick up in offices to try to foster an esprit de corps among the workers.
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Sounds to me like he thinks such drivel will be seen by management as "Inspirational" and "Team Building" and he hopes it will get him promoted.
I suggest you all start call him Patience Strong
And for those too young to remember her here is an example:
Today is the beginning
In the years that lie ahead
may you always share the love you have
this day as you are wed
I pray you'll each be one on whom
the other can depend
and may you share not only love,
but be each others friend
some hopes may not be realised
some dreams may not come true
but many of them will I know
to bless the two of you
within the home that you will have
I pray you'll always find
contentment, joy,security
good health and peace of mind.
This sort of drivel was published daily in the "Mirror" for years and the woman went on to publish many books of her work. She was also very popular for those awful "Inspirational" books published for the Christmas market and subsequently many excerpts of her work were used on those mawkish pictures that management used to stick up in offices to try to foster an esprit de corps among the workers.
Otherwise you quite enjoyed her work?
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lol:
No but Mother was a "fan" ::)
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and so for today's message noooo:
Hi Out there and beyond.....
I have been struck by the reportage in the media that has displayed both Queenslanders and our Aussi mates as such a resilient and positive breed. Just getting on with helping out and moving on. Not about today..all about tomorrow and driven forward by a distinct mindset of a 'young of view' population.
So expressed in the most important first two lines of Advance Australia Fair
Australians all let us rejoice,
For we are young and free
I have been fortunate to work with this young breed and it has been, so so good karma, apart from that unfortunate Walkabout experience, well let's just say fewer tinnis..enough I reckon..!
But seriously, look to your Aussi colleague and say 'you can be proud'... !
Peter
(apparently the last two versus are rarely sung)
Advance Australia Fair
Australians all let us rejoice,
For we are young and free;
We've golden soil and wealth for toil,
Our home is girt by sea;
Our land abounds in Nature's gifts
Of beauty rich and rare;
In history's page, let every stage
Advance Australia fair!
In joyful strains then let us sing,
"Advance Australia fair!"
When gallant Cook from Albion sail'd,
To trace wide oceans o'er,
True British courage bore him on,
Till he landed on our shore.
Then here he raised Old England's flag,
The standard of the brave;
With all her faults we love her still,
"Brittannia rules the wave!"
In joyful strains then let us sing
"Advance Australia fair!"
Beneath our radiant southern Cross,
We'll toil with hearts and hands;
To make this Commonwealth of ours
Renowned of all the lands;
For those who've come across the seas
We've boundless plains to share;
With courage let us all combine
To advance Australia fair.
In joyful strains then let us sing
"Advance Australia fair!"
While other nations of the globe
Behold us from afar,
We'll rise to high renown and shine
Like our glorious southern star;
From England, Scotia, Erin's Isle,
Who come our lot to share,
Let all combine with heart and hand
To advance Australia fair!
In joyful strains then let us sing
"Advance Australia fair!"
Shou'd foreign foe e'er sight our coast,
Or dare a foot to land,
We'll rouse to arms like sires of yore
To guard our native strand;
Brittannia then shall surely know,
Beyond wide ocean's roll,
Her sons in fair Australia's land
Still keep a British soul.
In joyful strains the let us sing
"Advance Australia fair!"
I think that we should introduce him to Lurkio they would get on like a house on fire or they would set the house on fire.
I have been looking up mental conditions regarding Lurkio and Co scary stuff. shocked003
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Today's latest missive.
If anybody can tell me what the feck it means I'll buy the cakes noooo:
Peder Peder..you seen the news...?.
No No Randy ' Have you seen the news Peter?' NOT 'you seen the news?'....! This is so not good Randy....language being degraded ......where's this going Randy? and remember punctuation..
UP Peder , UP Peder.....rocket and peppers.....
Hold the bus Randy.....are these your vegetable sourced (ethically of course) drugs speaking?
Not a bit Peder. I'm on a journey Peder to a more sustainable life style....!
Look Randy .....the language has changed....we don't mention ' lifestyle' ....think optioning, ladders of opportunity and personal financial choices....softer language,. poverty for example...it informs the poor person but .....
'Rocket' Randy.what's the deal?
Peder ... I bought a deal of 'rocket salad' from a high street vendor....an 80 mg hit man.......I was spaced out man!
Well Randy what do you expect ...mainlining on hyper mushrooms will space you out!
No No Peder.....real rocket, rocket leaves man..
Look Randy..just go home and sort yourself out...
Peder.....the cost of living, the RPI , the CPI, taxes , vat . commodity price increases, fuel, and National Insurance..Peder
that 80 mg hit cost £1.50..
Peder a pepper cost me 80 pence.....EEK
That's better Randy...talking real language but whoah....You're so right..all that imported food (miles apart food Inc) ....yeah.cherry tomatoes in December from the Dominican Republic...return flight ChaseFreight Global (CF Global)..so what's your plan Randy?......more mushrooms?
No No Peder...I'm gonna (Oh Randy just say 'going') acquire market products at zero cost!
How does that work Randy?
Shop lifting! Peder....I'm making a personal financial choice.......check out (there's a joke) the big trousers and skateboard...so street.....Peder
Look Randy....it's getting tougher to sustain a rocket lifestyle but check out Northern Bird Gazdox the new online alcoline for affordabe evening entertainment in Uberland , the London Imperative.
The Gazaratti inform me that they're hitting the Verve ce soir, d'accord ...
Gazdox app available..99 pence .....
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It means it is time to sack the silly b@st@rd or at least refer him for counselling.
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Looking for one of those well paid early retirement schemes on behalf of the taxpayer? rubschin:
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He is already 'flexibly' retired ...and is only supposed to work 3 days but still comes in 5 noooo:
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Seriously >
In your position I would escalate my concerns about the effect this person's behaviour is having on the "team" to HR and get them to oust him altogether. If nothing else it is blatant misuse of the intrenet system.
< Returning to p*ss taking mode
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I would not like to meet this guy in a dark alley. Anyone who rocks up for work on 5 days of the week instead of 2 and circulates this sort of 'stuff' is seriously out of kilter. I rather think that psychiatric help is needed.
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Today's latest missive noooo:
Hi Out There and beyond.......
Yes....News from the Times.... Nerd note : Page 37 Tuesday October 4 2011
'The French are planning to ration the use of Tomato Ketchup in Primary and Secondary school canteens as a part of a wider strategy to combat and to protect the Fench ancestral culture that purists say is increasingly spurned in favour of US-style snacks.....Derrrr
It so gets better.....!
Nerd Notes
Heinz ketchup bottles have a spot marked '57' on the neck that when tapped, slides the sauce out more quickly.
Ketchup has an official speed limit: 0.028mph . It is tested and if the sauce pours faster, then, yes, the bottle is rejected.
Journalist's comments:
The days of inappropriate office banter have long gone but do however live on in cloaked conversation between trusted colleagues....hmmm....
Clearly some personal freedom lies within the continuity of the brands which clutter our memory that remind us of our lives as kids of our time....
Oxidol, Daz, Pepsodent, Pears (the oldest continually produced soap.....originated in Oxford Street) , Mars bars have shrunk, Marathon to Snickers (what happened there?) the Ford Edsel (son of Henry) , Access Credit card.......Memorex, etcetera
Thoughts on the back of a fag packet, Embassy, Gold Leaf Untipped, No 1, Players, Menthol, Russian, Silk Cut, chicks with that chocolate gold flake going on, cinders, fire lighters and Swan Vestas (BS3795:1990) , anthracite , anything from Sweden ! ,
Please feel free to reply with your memories and brands that have warmed your life....and fly...
ps with product placement legislation being relaxed....we will continue to see more of the past in the present and more of the present in the present ....all clear?
relax before you reply...feel the freedom.. no policy, no procedure, just do it! not 'just in time'
Ciao ciao... Peter
No animals have suffered, ask the phone bill payer person before calling, you will be scared when the bill arrives, modern communication prevents you from having a good laugh or insulting people...that is a bad thing...
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Instigate disciplinary proceedings for misuse of office time and computers. ::)
Alternatively walk over to his desk and slap him
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Tag him then send him to Tel.
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Tag him then send him to Tel.
happy001
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On the other hand, we could play him at his own game and try to out weird him instead.
Nick, time to work your madness magic. whistle:
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whacky115 shocked003 Cant we send im up an 'ill with Growler? he seems to quite like him. failing that send him to a West Ham game wearing a Millwall shirt whistle:
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You are in favour of the death penalty I see then Bodiam.
Growler could take him up his 'ill and as part of his new health kick,( he's sacked me you know, didn't let me work out my notice like, no redundancy payout) cannibalise him. eveilgrin:
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You are in favour of the death penalty I see then Bodiam.
I am deffo in favour of the death penalty...........as long as it is long drawn out and extremely painful. eveilgrin:
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You're getting mixed up, that's marriage
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You're getting mixed up, that's marriage
happy001 Of course it is.....I should know that I have been married 30 years man and boy noooo: surrender:
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You're getting mixed up, that's marriage
Of course it is.....I should know that I have been married 30 years man and boy
Believe me, it is no better when you are married to a girl. noooo:
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You're getting mixed up, that's marriage
Of course it is.....I should know that I have been married 30 years man and boy
Believe me, it is no better when you are married to a girl. noooo:
drumroll: ;D ;D ;D ;D
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You're getting mixed up, that's marriage
Of course it is.....I should know that I have been married 30 years man and boy
Believe me, it is no better when you are married to a girl. noooo:
tunble: tunble: whacky115
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http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p00bzj33 (http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p00bzj33)
The chap is a nutter his animals are amazing IMO.
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I think they're fantastic, I want mini-ones in the garden
Now that me-mi is nearly done, Barman could do one as his new project. I know which would get the most comments
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I think they're fantastic, I want mini-ones in the garden
Now that me-mi is nearly done, Barman could do one as his new project. I know which would get the most comments
Quite so JOM. We could all send him our rubbish spare parts like. angel1
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Excellent! :thumbsup: They move a bit like crabs rubschin:
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Yumster cloud9:
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Excellent! :thumbsup: They move a bit like crabs rubschin:
Never 'ad crabs ! whistle:
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I have some I can send you how many hundreds would you like?
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http://youtu.be/qOe5Lmyyxiw (http://youtu.be/qOe5Lmyyxiw) ignore the feckin ad that you tube insist on adding
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I regret watching that I will have nightmares tonight. evil:
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It could have been worse Miss C, it could have been a video of camel spiders. whistle:
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Is his avatar a camel spider? Spider varieties are not one of my strengths.
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This is a camel spider Miss C
Camel Spider (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NXbwi1XFPXo#)
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Thanks for that Grumpmeister.
Mr C and I are going to Hampshire for a few days starting tomorrow. Taking a laptop to my mother amongst other things.
Is it dreadfully eccentric to take your sprouting sweet pea seeds with you to ensure that they don't dry out? confused: