The Virtual Pub
Come Inside... => The Snug => Topic started by: GROWLER on July 10, 2007, 09:50:40 AM
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I've just had one. redface:
Someone in here very kindly asked me if they could view my new website cloud9:
Now not having much conversation with this person either in here or over on the bbc, I...wisely I think...asked one of the admin for a 2nd opinion as to if they thought it'd be ok, suspecting they know more about the membership than I do.
A 2nd pm was required, and I duly sent it....to the person I was enquiring about!!!! eeek:
All sorted now anyway. Just be careful that you send pm's to the correct recipient ey? lol:
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It's called a "senior moment". point:
Trust me on this old chap, they will happen more and more often. noooo:
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Too many to mention. have I evermentioned the time I impersonated a hovercraft in a job interview? Just a silly misunderstanding recenlty. Oh, and flooding that dinner party. And dyeing all my landlady's underwear dark brown. And Asking a stragne female if she was "busty" over the email. And..........
Not enough time now.
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Indeed there are some people from whom the pm facility should be removed for their safety. evil:
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It's called a "senior moment". point:
Trust me on this old chap, they will happen more and more often. noooo:
Ahh, Darwin, I was reliably informed in this thread (http://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=706.0) that this is no longer the correct term. It is now known as CRAFT.
O.K.?
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Too many to mention. have I evermentioned the time I impersonated a hovercraft in a job interview? Just a silly misunderstanding recenlty. Oh, and flooding that dinner party. And dyeing all my landlady's underwear dark brown. And Asking a stragne female if she was "busty" over the email. And..........
Not enough time now.
And just how the hell did you manage that Nick? Were you trying to drop a crafty one hoping no one would notice? Inquiring minds wish to know!
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It's called a "senior moment". point:
Trust me on this old chap, they will happen more and more often. noooo:
Ahh, Darwin, I was reliably informed in this thread (http://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=706.0) that this is no longer the correct term. It is now known as CRAFT.
O.K.?
Ah yes, I forgot. redface:
Nowadays one has a CRAFT moment*
*As in Can't Remember A Fucking Thing
However, CRAFT seems to cover oubliation rather than just doing downright stupid things for no reason.
A "friend" recently loaded all the dirty plates into the oven and turned it on, instead of the dishwasher. whistle:
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It's called a "senior moment". point:
Trust me on this old chap, they will happen more and more often. noooo:
Ahh, Darwin, I was reliably informed in this thread (http://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=706.0) that this is no longer the correct term. It is now known as CRAFT.
O.K.?
Ah yes, I forgot. redface:
Nowadays one has a CRAFT moment*
*As in Can't Remember A Fucking Thing
However, CRAFT seems to cover oubliation rather than just doing downright stupid things for no reason.
A "friend" recently loaded all the dirty plates into the oven and turned it on, instead of the dishwasher. whistle:
happy001
. . . and putting the butter into the microwave to soften it for 2 minutes instead of 20 seconds! Still, made good ghee for the curry making session!
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And micro waving the dish cloths (recuerdo?) and setting fire to them (see also: Warming up your underpants in winter)
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Putting the garage key in the fridge under the packet of ham.
No. I don't know why I did either. confused:
Took bloody ages to find it though.
Mrs GROWLER hid her so called 'valuable' jewellery when we went on holiday 4 years ago. Hid it so well she still hasn't found it. ::)
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My Dad did something like that once. Hid a stack of cash in the chimney and then a couple of weeks later lit a fire. ::)
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Putting the garage key in the fridge under the packet of ham.
No. I don't know why I did either. confused:
Took bloody ages to find it though.
Mrs GROWLER hid her so called 'valuable' jewellery when we went on holiday 4 years ago. Hid it so well she still hasn't found it. ::)
I put a vital door key in a safe place yesterday and am damned if I can find it now. But it is very safe.
And I just found Mrs Nick's spectacles in a bathroom cupboard. Why?
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Too many to mention. have I evermentioned the time I impersonated a hovercraft in a job interview? Just a silly misunderstanding recenlty. Oh, and flooding that dinner party. And dyeing all my landlady's underwear dark brown. And Asking a stragne female if she was "busty" over the email. And..........
Not enough time now.
And just how the hell did you manage that Nick? Were you trying to drop a crafty one hoping no one would notice? Inquiring minds wish to know!
It is a complex tale and requires actions, sound effects and a Spanish accent. One day..............
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Putting the garage key in the fridge under the packet of ham.
No. I don't know why I did either. confused:
Took bloody ages to find it though.
Mrs GROWLER hid her so called 'valuable' jewellery when we went on holiday 4 years ago. Hid it so well she still hasn't found it. ::)
I put a vital door key in a safe place yesterday and am damned if I can find it now. But it is very safe.
And I just found Mrs Nick's spectacles in a bathroom cupboard. Why?
Mine weren't there too by any chance?
Put them down after reading the saturday paper a few sundays ago, and they haven't been seen since.
I'm now having to wear me specs that I used when i was a teenager.....errrr, groovy man. 8)
Can't see anything through them mind, but they don't 'arf make me look a sexy stud muffin...I think.
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Mine have gone too. Having to wear prescription shades all the time.
Mind you, I look like James Bond when I do so.....................
not cry:
And it's "embarrassing" btw
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1) Buying my Jewish boss a pork pie for his lunch - I didn't know his religion and I was only 17 at the time, so not very worldy wise
2) Finding out you don't spell doubt 'dought' after sending out zillions of mailers for the company I was then working for (see 1 above)
3) Explaining recently to the doctors over here that the reason I had sustained a hairline fracture to my heel bone and ankle, plus torn the ligaments in both sides of my ankle was because I chose to willingly jump in the shallow end of the pool ............. guess I should have lied and said Barman threw me down the stairs lol:
4) Sustaining a very nasty tear to the top of my lip last year because I chose to see what it was like to stick my head inside the upturned chemical tub that I had sunk to the bottom of the pool which had been left floating on the pool and filled up with very hot water just to see how hot it WOULD be when it sunk to the bottom of the pool and THEN finding out that once my head had gone in it wasn't quite so easy to extract it ! Oh no that wasn't me that was Mr. Barman happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001
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4) Sustaining a very nasty tear to the top of my lip last year because I chose to see what it was like to stick my head inside the upturned chemical tub that I had sunk to the bottom of the pool which had been left floating on the pool and filled up with very hot water just to see how hot it WOULD be when it sunk to the bottom of the pool and THEN finding out that once my head had gone in it wasn't quite so easy to extract it ! Oh no that wasn't me that was Mr. Barman happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001
You may as well admit it now, you are both related to Nick...you have to be. point:
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4) Sustaining a very nasty tear to the top of my lip last year because I chose to see what it was like to stick my head inside the upturned chemical tub that I had sunk to the bottom of the pool which had been left floating on the pool and filled up with very hot water just to see how hot it WOULD be when it sunk to the bottom of the pool and THEN finding out that once my head had gone in it wasn't quite so easy to extract it ! Oh no that wasn't me that was Mr. Barman happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001
You may as well admit it now, you are both related to Nick...you have to be. point:
I was thinking that. ::)
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4) Sustaining a very nasty tear to the top of my lip last year because I chose to see what it was like to stick my head inside the upturned chemical tub that I had sunk to the bottom of the pool which had been left floating on the pool and filled up with very hot water just to see how hot it WOULD be when it sunk to the bottom of the pool and THEN finding out that once my head had gone in it wasn't quite so easy to extract it ! Oh no that wasn't me that was Mr. Barman happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001
point: point: point: point:
Seriously though, damn good job you two left the UK don't think we could cope with Nick and you! eeek:
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4) Sustaining a very nasty tear to the top of my lip last year because I chose to see what it was like to stick my head inside the upturned chemical tub that I had sunk to the bottom of the pool which had been left floating on the pool and filled up with very hot water just to see how hot it WOULD be when it sunk to the bottom of the pool and THEN finding out that once my head had gone in it wasn't quite so easy to extract it ! Oh no that wasn't me that was Mr. Barman happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001
point: point: point: point:
Seriously though, damn good job you two left the UK don't think we could cope with Nick and you! eeek:
cussing:
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I once had a disastrous holiday job at a posh hotel in Hunstanton. Embarrassing moments include:-
- Spilling whole contents of tray of 3 meals on floor in posh restaurant
- Tripping over step with another tray of food - 5 meals and went headfirst into prawn curry (gave the restaurant's guests a good laugh cussing:)
- Kicked 2 way swinging door to restaurant open so hard it flew back into my face and - yes tray of food flew out of hands
- Serving soup some g*t threw his arms up when telling a story and knocked a very hot bowl of soup over me
- Dropping spoon, fork and contents of bowl on to guest's head when attempting silver service
- Managed to topple dessert trolley with full contents
I guess I was never destined to be a waitress!! redface:
Many others including toga slipping down at toga party (no bra) and the hold up stocking episode where it fell down in the middle of Bentalls and had to hitch up behind shoe racks in full view of very shocked man. eeek:
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- a posh hotel
- in Hunstanton.
That part did make the tale seem a bit far fetched. ::)
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- a posh hotel
- in Hunstanton.
That part did make the tale seem a bit far fetched. ::)
Look, DS, just because your competitor hales from that part of the country is no justification for running it down like that!
It can do it perfectly well on its own thankyou!
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- a posh hotel
- in Hunstanton.
That part did make the tale seem a bit far fetched. ::)
Look, DS, just because your competitor hales from that part of the country is no justification for running it down like that!
It can do it perfectly well on its own thankyou!
Just kneejerk reaction, sorry. redface:
I see I got smote by someone cry:
My life in double figure Karma looks as if it will be a short one.
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- a posh hotel
- in Hunstanton.
That part did make the tale seem a bit far fetched. ::)
Well not posh as in the Ritz but still fairly posh. confused:
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- a posh hotel
- in Hunstanton.
That part did make the tale seem a bit far fetched. ::)
Well not posh as in the Ritz but still fairly posh. confused:
What, a roof and everything?
And a menu offering things that don't contain turnip?
My mistake. ;)
worthy:
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- a posh hotel
- in Hunstanton.
That part did make the tale seem a bit far fetched. ::)
Well not posh as in the Ritz but still fairly posh. confused:
What, a roof and everything?
And a menu offering things that don't contain turnip? or turkey ;)
My mistake. ;)
worthy:
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- a posh hotel
- in Hunstanton.
That part did make the tale seem a bit far fetched. ::)
Well not posh as in the Ritz but still fairly posh. confused:
What, a roof and everything?
And a menu offering things that don't contain turnip?
My mistake. ;)
worthy:
Yes there was definitely baked beans on the menu as well - and they put the chips on a doily! On special nights they'd even change the chip pan oil!
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- a posh hotel
- in Hunstanton.
That part did make the tale seem a bit far fetched. ::)
Well not posh as in the Ritz but still fairly posh. confused:
What, a roof and everything?
And a menu offering things that don't contain turnip?
My mistake. ;)
worthy:
Yes there was definitely baked beans on the menu as well - and they put the chips on a doily! On special nights they'd even change the chip pan oil!
Class!!
lol: lol:
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I once had a disastrous holiday job at a posh hotel in Hunstanton. Embarrassing moments include:-
- Spilling whole contents of tray of 3 meals on floor in posh restaurant
- Tripping over step with another tray of food - 5 meals and went headfirst into prawn curry (gave the restaurant's guests a good laugh cussing:)
- Kicked 2 way swinging door to restaurant open so hard it flew back into my face and - yes tray of food flew out of hands
- Serving soup some g*t threw his arms up when telling a story and knocked a very hot bowl of soup over me
- Dropping spoon, fork and contents of bowl on to guest's head when attempting silver service
- Managed to topple dessert trolley with full contents
I guess I was never destined to be a waitress!! redface:
Many others including toga slipping down at toga party (no bra) and the hold up stocking episode where it fell down in the middle of Bentalls and had to hitch up behind shoe racks in full view of very shocked man. eeek:
I ?spec management were fine with that lot but kicked you out when they saw the size of your handbag! point:
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I once had a disastrous holiday job at a posh hotel in Hunstanton. Embarrassing moments include:-
- Spilling whole contents of tray of 3 meals on floor in posh restaurant
- Tripping over step with another tray of food - 5 meals and went headfirst into prawn curry (gave the restaurant's guests a good laugh cussing:)
- Kicked 2 way swinging door to restaurant open so hard it flew back into my face and - yes tray of food flew out of hands
- Serving soup some g*t threw his arms up when telling a story and knocked a very hot bowl of soup over me
- Dropping spoon, fork and contents of bowl on to guest's head when attempting silver service
- Managed to topple dessert trolley with full contents
I guess I was never destined to be a waitress!! redface:
Many others including toga slipping down at toga party (no bra) and the hold up stocking episode where it fell down in the middle of Bentalls and had to hitch up behind shoe racks in full view of very shocked man. eeek:
I ?spec management were fine with that lot but kicked you out when they saw the size of your handbag! point:
Yes that handbag came in useful. The Blackforest Gateaux didn't work too well tho!
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I once had a disastrous holiday job at a posh hotel in Hunstanton. Embarrassing moments include:-
- Spilling whole contents of tray of 3 meals on floor in posh restaurant
- Tripping over step with another tray of food - 5 meals and went headfirst into prawn curry (gave the restaurant's guests a good laugh cussing:)
- Kicked 2 way swinging door to restaurant open so hard it flew back into my face and - yes tray of food flew out of hands
- Serving soup some g*t threw his arms up when telling a story and knocked a very hot bowl of soup over me
- Dropping spoon, fork and contents of bowl on to guest's head when attempting silver service
- Managed to topple dessert trolley with full contents
I guess I was never destined to be a waitress!! redface:
Many others including toga slipping down at toga party (no bra) and the hold up stocking episode where it fell down in the middle of Bentalls and had to hitch up behind shoe racks in full view of very shocked man. eeek:
Is your name Nickola by any chance point:
Ok my turn. When I was in college I had a 'philosophical' discussion with one of my tutors that ended up turning into a full scale row (we both had valid points of view they just werent compatible) so he went storming off in one direction and I went in the other and still completely narked off went straight past a corridor full of people and into the toilets.
I just enough time to think 'that wall wasnt there this morning' before walking headlong into someone leaving the toilets.........................SHE wasnt amused I helped her up, red faced and stammering something along the lines of thats why the wall was there. Unfortunately for me as the corridor had been full of student nurses who saw me head into the ladies it took months for me to live that down.
Mind you it was far less embarrasing than what happened to another student. Her boyfriend had been away on a course for a month so as you can imagine the weekend he came back was fairly emotional for them. Anyway we all hit the town and ultimately made it back the the nurses block in various states of drunkenenss. About 5ish I was woken up by this strange 'thump thump moan screech' sound. I then heard muted chatting so opened my door and saw that it wasnt just out corridor that had been woken up but the ones above and below us and we had all congregated in our one (about 45 - 50 people). Anyway we are all quietly chatting when they finally come to an end. Some evil bugger whistle: then started clapping..............everyone else joined in. I'll never forget the looks on their faces when they poked their heads out into the corridor.
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[snigger] Mrs DS (#3) poured boiling water over her 'Special K Red Berries' this morning.[/snigger]
Not amused at my suggestion that it was how her berries got red. redface:
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[snigger] Mrs DS (#3) poured boiling water over her 'Special K Red Berries' this morning.[/snigger]
Not amused at my suggestion that it was how her berries got red. redface:
So that's you sleeping in the Turkey Shed tonight then?
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[snigger] Mrs DS (#3) poured boiling water over her 'Special K Red Berries' this morning.[/snigger]
Not amused at my suggestion that it was how her berries got red. redface:
So that's you sleeping in the Turkey Shed tonight then?
If i'm lucky sad32:
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[snigger] Mrs DS (#3) poured boiling water over her 'Special K Red Berries' this morning.[/snigger]
Not amused at my suggestion that it was how her berries got red. redface:
So that's you sleeping in the Turkey Shed tonight then?
If i'm lucky sad32:
I think I passed your farm gate the other week. The sign said:
Darwin's Selection Farm
Feather Ruffling a Speciality
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OK. It's 'fess up' time.
My current starter for 10 is the number of times in the past month that I've tried to phone someone using the TV remote and, of course, tried to change channels using the wireless phone.
In my defence, both appliances have striking similarities... colour, weight and possessing an array of buttons redface:
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Lounging around today I've managed to remember the following list of EM's I'm willing to additonaly own up to redface:
1) At a business function doing the rounds of ?polite small talk? chatting to a couple of which the wife of the two displayed a rather rotund tummy I made the assumption that the rotund?ness was due to pregnancy and enquired when the ?happy event? was due? Was informed, though gritted teeth I think, that the ?happy event? had occurred three months previously and that YES she was finding it difficult to shift the additional weight gained during pregnancy! Exit left obviously as speedily as possible?.
2) Being with Barman at the christening of a friend?s baby and over hearing Barman telling the happy father that ?wasn?t his baby really ugly? ? Strong desire to exit stage left again. Barman now trained to always respond with the innocuous but generally perfectly acceptable ?You must be very proud? at all future baby focussed gatherings.
3) Being quite young (around 17/18 I think) and going to first afternoon tea invitation at relatively new and quite posh boyfriends parents house. Things going quite well until, whilst sat at the dining table having posh tea and sandwiches I passed a little wind from the rear channel (Parp parp ) ? must have been the nerves. Thought ?just in case? would re-create a similar noise by rubbing new shiny boots against each other. New posh (but obviously not very gentlemanly boyfriend) responded with ??No need to do that now, we all know you farted??
4) One evening out my daughter and some other younger female friends on the razz. Wearing some type of top thing with loads of stringy tie up bits at the back which was obviously too much of a temptation to the general male population in the bar we were then at. Put up with about 5 or 6 attempted unties of the stringy top thing by responded with witty banter. However on the 7+ attempt warned the group of lads that ?enough was enough? and if they didn?t decease I would retaliate. As boys will be boys felt another attempt occur, so quickly spun around and place my hands between the nearest male legs and squeezed the ball area, saying ?now did you enjoy that?? Mortified when said MALE turned around (yes he had had their back to me) and it wasn?t a male but a FEMALE who wasn?t impressed and accused me of being a lesbian??.. The group who had been doing the untying had move off to the side and were cracking up with laughter as were my daughter and friends.
5) Meeting the CY local Mayor of our village for the first time and on being introduced asking him if he spoke and was able to understand English? Feeling totally smote when he replied in perfect English ?Yes I should think so, as I have taught English at schools here for the past 20 years, but thank you very much for enquiring.?
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Mrs Degsy says she once put a hot water bottle on the doorstep and took two milk bottles to bed.. whistle:
(And she's assumed a friend we hadn't seen for a long time was pregnant too like the post above)
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Lounging around today I've managed to remember the following list of EM's I'm willing to additonaly own up to redface:
1) At a business function doing the rounds of ?polite small talk? chatting to a couple of which the wife of the two displayed a rather rotund tummy I made the assumption that the rotund?ness was due to pregnancy and enquired when the ?happy event? was due? Was informed, though gritted teeth I think, that the ?happy event? had occurred three months previously and that YES she was finding it difficult to shift the additional weight gained during pregnancy! Exit left obviously as speedily as possible?.
2) Being with Barman at the christening of a friend?s baby and over hearing Barman telling the happy father that ?wasn?t his baby really ugly? ? Strong desire to exit stage left again. Barman now trained to always respond with the innocuous but generally perfectly acceptable ?You must be very proud? at all future baby focussed gatherings.
3) Being quite young (around 17/18 I think) and going to first afternoon tea invitation at relatively new and quite posh boyfriends parents house. Things going quite well until, whilst sat at the dining table having posh tea and sandwiches I passed a little wind from the rear channel (Parp parp ) ? must have been the nerves. Thought ?just in case? would re-create a similar noise by rubbing new shiny boots against each other. New posh (but obviously not very gentlemanly boyfriend) responded with ??No need to do that now, we all know you farted??
4) One evening out my daughter and some other younger female friends on the razz. Wearing some type of top thing with loads of stringy tie up bits at the back which was obviously too much of a temptation to the general male population in the bar we were then at. Put up with about 5 or 6 attempted unties of the stringy top thing by responded with witty banter. However on the 7+ attempt warned the group of lads that ?enough was enough? and if they didn?t decease I would retaliate. As boys will be boys felt another attempt occur, so quickly spun around and place my hands between the nearest male legs and squeezed the ball area, saying ?now did you enjoy that?? Mortified when said MALE turned around (yes he had had their back to me) and it wasn?t a male but a FEMALE who wasn?t impressed and accused me of being a lesbian??.. The group who had been doing the untying had move off to the side and were cracking up with laughter as were my daughter and friends.
5) Meeting the CY local Mayor of our village for the first time and on being introduced asking him if he spoke and was able to understand English? Feeling totally smote when he replied in perfect English ?Yes I should think so, as I have taught English at schools here for the past 20 years, but thank you very much for enquiring.?
We would make a great team!
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We would make a great team!
Christ. ANOTHER proposal coming up? ::)
Isn't ONE bad enough man?
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if they didn?t decease I would retaliate.
eeek:
Great stories, but the death penalty for a bit of strap twanging. noooo:
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Getting changed in a car park in Oldham. Had just dropped my trousers when a busload of teenage girls arrived. redface:
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Getting changed in a car park in Oldham. Had just dropped my trousers when a busload of teenage girls arrived. redface:
Heard about men like you. eeek:
Black mac too? rubschin:
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Getting changed in a car park in Oldham. Had just dropped my trousers when a busload of teenage girls arrived. redface:
Heard about men like you. eeek:
Black mac too? rubschin:
Strange eh Growler...
I reckon it was more like...
A busload of teenage girls arrived - dropped my trousers. redface:
point:
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Getting changed in a car park in Oldham. Had just dropped my trousers when a busload of teenage girls arrived. redface:
Heard about men like you. eeek:
Black mac too? rubschin:
Strange eh Growler...
I reckon it was more like...
A busload of teenage girls arrived - dropped my trousers. redface:
point:
thatsit:
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Getting changed in a car park in Oldham. Had just dropped my trousers when a busload of teenage girls arrived. redface:
Sounds like a lot of fuss over a very small matter to me.