The Virtual Pub
Come Inside... => Saloon Bar => Topic started by: Nick on August 13, 2009, 10:34:18 AM
-
A couple of months back a box appeared in the kitchen. It contained a dozen lights for the garden, the sort that charge up in sunlight and then glow eerily as it gets dark. Last night, sick of the sight of this box I went up to the garden and assembled said lights and planted them around the edges of the lawn.
Job done.
Mrs Nick just came in in one of her moods. ::)
'We can't leave those in the garden, someone might steal them.'
'Why did you buy them then?'
''My plan is to charge them up in the day [presumably no danger of theft] and then BRING THEM IN AT NIGHT.'
'So let me get this straight. We leave the lamps out all day to charge assuming no one will steal them, and then, when they start to cast their eery illumination, which is what they are for, we gather them up every fooking night and bring them into the house where they will glow in a corner of the kitchen all night while we stumble about the garden in the dark. Yes?'
She stormed off Shrugs:
-
happy001 happy001 happy001
Hey don't blame all females ...just the one you are married to whistle:
Some of us are logical and make sense and not prone to moods you know angel1
-
happy001 happy001 happy001
Hey don't blame all females ...just the one you are married to whistle:
Some of us are logical and make sense and not prone to moods you know angel1
I am speechless.
-
You must need a pint then ;)
-
Wot Tel said.
-
lol:
Excellent - it will be quiet here today then whistle:
-
Bah... evil: wot Miss D said. angel1
-
Haven't you two girlies got some ironing to do, or summat? whistle:
-
scared:
-
Haven't you two girlies got some ironing to do, or summat? whistle:
Sure hun ...as soon as you give me some housekeeping to buy some more Febreeze whistle:
-
Haven't you two girlies got some ironing to do, or summat? whistle:
Sure hun ...as soon as you give me some housekeeping to buy some more Febreeze whistle:
Hmmm. I would certainly stump up for some Febreze, but I am not sure what that other stuff is. Is it some sort of Bacardi based alcopop?
-
Hey - what's one E between friends ;)
-
Hey - what's one E between friends ;)
Up to 5 years in chokey noooo:
-
Hey - what's one E between friends ;)
Up to 5 years in chokey noooo:
Why? are they hard to swallow?
-
Hey - what's one E between friends ;)
Up to 5 years in chokey noooo:
Why? are they hard to swallow?
DS does the funnies Unc, get thee back to work!
-
DS has very specific posting times though....he won't be back until later.
Keep up the good work Unc happy088
-
DS has very specific posting times though....he won't be back until later.
Keep up the good work Unc happy088
It's usually just after he has taken his medication. 8)
-
happy001 happy001 happy001
Hey don't blame all females ...just the one you are married to whistle:
Some of us are logical and make sense and not prone to moods you know angel1
OK, I've got my tongue back -
Understanding Female Logic - Chapter 1
A translation of what women say and what they really mean ........
"Yes" = No
"No" = Yes
"Maybe" = No
"I'm sorry" = You'll be sorry
"We need" = I want
"It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now
"Do what you want" = You'll pay for this later
"We need to talk" = I need to complain
"Sure go ahead" = I don't want you to
"I'm not upset" = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
"You're so manly" = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
"Be romantic, turn out the lights" = I have flabby thighs
"This kitchen is so inconvenient" = I want a new house
"I want new curtains" = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper
"I heard a noise" = I noticed you were almost asleep
"Do you love me?" = I'm going to ask for something expensive
"How much do you love me?" = I did something today you're going to hate
"I'll be ready in a minute" = Just going to wash my hair
"You have to learn to communicate" = Just agree with me
"Are you listening to me!?" = Too late, you're dead
-
Recycled I know but worth mentioning again!
Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present again!
Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
We don't remember dates. . . .Period!!
Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been tricked before!!
If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)
BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know, it's like camping
-
DS has very specific posting times though....he won't be back until later.
Keep up the good work Unc happy088
It's usually just after he has taken his medication. 8)
evil: > > > > > ;D
Maybe you're right. rubschin:
-
Morning sweety - did you have a nice nap ;D
-
DS has very specific posting times though....he won't be back until later.
Keep up the good work Unc happy088
It's usually just after he has taken his medication. 8)
evil: > > > > > ;D
Maybe you're right. rubschin:
That'll be the usual four fingers of Talisker without water, taken three time after dinner, will it?
-
Morning sweety - did you have a nice nap ;D
cloud9:
She called me sweety, with barely a smidgen of patronising.
Is it lunchtime yet?
-
DS has very specific posting times though....he won't be back until later.
Keep up the good work Unc happy088
It's usually just after he has taken his medication. 8)
evil: > > > > > ;D
Maybe you're right. rubschin:
That'll be the usual four fingers of Talisker without water, taken three time after dinner, will it?
happy088
-
Morning sweety - did you have a nice nap ;D
cloud9:
She called me sweety, with barely a smidgen of patronising.
Is it lunchtime yet?
We may have to call her Matron when the Social Services Inspectors come round.
-
No please don't - I am not the bossy or overbearing sort cry:
-
No please don't - I am not the bossy or overbearing sort cry:
happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001
redface: No Ma'am of course you aren't. scared2:
-
and I'd always liked you noooo:
lol:
-
and I'd always liked you noooo:
lol:
redface: redface:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.ciaranbrown.com%2Fagutteryorkustinovlogansruna200.jpg&hash=4452c91c75f0b6d375291bec67bce8e96e78d88b)
-
We have a plague of teeny-tiny ants in the kitchen at the moment... cussing:
I caught two this morning carrying a crumb which they had obviously nicked from the toaster... whistle:
BM: Watch those two and see where they take that crumb - it will obviously be the nest.
LL: Okay
LL: (half an hour later) They took it down that tiny hole in the utility room (points at hole)
BM: Okay, I'll seal it up with silicone later. eveilgrin:
LL: It is amazing how they can get down such a small hole!
BM: Yes, being such large creatures... ::)
-
We have a plague of teeny-tiny ants in the kitchen at the moment... cussing:
I caught two this morning carrying a crumb which they had obviously nicked from the toaster... whistle:
BM: Watch those two and see where they take that crumb - it will obviously be the nest.
LL: Okay
LL: (half an hour later) They took it down that tiny hole in the utility room (points at hole)
BM: Okay, I'll seal it up with silicone later. eveilgrin:
LL: It is amazing how they can get down such a small hole!
BM: Yes, being such large creatures... ::)
Good grief and you lived to tell the tale? razz:
-
We have a plague of teeny-tiny ants in the kitchen at the moment... cussing:
I caught two this morning carrying a crumb which they had obviously nicked from the toaster... whistle:
BM: Watch those two and see where they take that crumb - it will obviously be the nest.
LL: Okay
LL: (half an hour later) They took it down that tiny hole in the utility room (points at hole)
BM: Okay, I'll seal it up with silicone later. eveilgrin:
LL: It is amazing how they can get down such a small hole!
BM: Yes, being such large creatures... ::)
Good grief and you lived to tell the tale? razz:
I said it fairly quietly... redface:
-
lol: lol:
-
Not quietly enough I suspect. Anybody want to give odds that LL is just biding her time... whistle:
-
Not quietly enough I suspect. Anybody want to give odds that LL is just biding her time... whistle:
I spoke it too softly for the human ear... whistle:
-
Soooo you didn't actually say it you just thought it? rubschin:
-
Soooo you didn't actually say it you just thought it? rubschin:
No... I did say it! I did! evil:
-
Army of ants...monster spiders ....tis a land full of creepy crawlies lol:
-
Army of ants...monster spiders ....tis a land full of creepy crawlies lol:
And me like... eyes:
-
That was the sub text doh:
lol: lol: lol: