The Virtual Pub
Come Inside... => Saloon Bar => Topic started by: Uncle Mort on August 11, 2009, 08:10:38 AM
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Shouldn't have long to wait.
Popcorn:
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BASTARDO. cussing:
What can possibly go wrong?
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BASTARDO. cussing:
What can possibly go wrong?
With a PaintPod? Everything! point:
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BASTARDO. cussing:
What can possibly go wrong?
With Nick? Everything! point:
Corrected for you.
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Today was meant to be Pod day. I am resigned to my fate.
Fortunately Mrs Nick is 'getting organised'. I doubt we shall get started before 3 (and we have to buy paint yet) noooo:
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Can you imagine how long it is going to take to choose the paint?
Colour charts to ponder over,do you know how many shades of cream there are, brand name to be decided and then the weighty matter od whether to go for matt, silk, textured, waterproof, boy proof, (with extra added teflon) Oh the fun. noooo:
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Magnolia. Gallons of the stuff. Well, that's what I told her to do. rubschin:
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Can you imagine how long it is going to take to choose the paint?
Colour charts to ponder over,do you know how many shades of cream there are, brand name to be decided and then the weighty matter od whether to go for matt, silk, textured, waterproof, boy proof, (with extra added teflon) Oh the fun. noooo:
Fortunately the PaintPod range is quite limited Miss C... whistle:
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Can you imagine how long it is going to take to choose the paint?
Colour charts to ponder over,do you know how many shades of cream there are, brand name to be decided and then the weighty matter of whether to go for matt, silk, textured, waterproof, boy proof, (with extra added teflon) Oh the fun. noooo:
Fortunately the PaintPod range is quite limited Miss C... whistle:
Bit like me then. confused:
Magnolia. Gallons of the stuff. Well, that's what I told her to do.
That will; be cream then, do you have any idea how many shades of cream there are?
Buttermilk
Country Cream
Chantilly cream
Vanilla cream
Rancid cream
Cream Linen
Cornish cream
White with a hint of daffodil
White with a hint of cream
Baby vomit cream
Ivory cream Parsonage cream
Barley cream
Cream suede
Baileys Irish cream
And that's just a few of them. whistle:
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We are about to have two rooms decorated in this house. That will be a colour choosing nightmare noooo:
As for the other? MAGNOLIA!!
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Recycled I know but worth mentioning again!
ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
whistle:
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Start time was planned for 9 a.m.
Mrs Nick informs me that we are leaving in five minutes noooo:
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You've got hours yet then ;D
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She and Boy are going out at 5.00. There may just be time to buy some magnolia ::)
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Tomorer... whistle:
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I am about to be called. Wait for it.......
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.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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NOW
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I have some Almond White left over...
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That will brillaint white with dandruff flakes in it whistle:
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I am about to be called. Wait for it.......
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.
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NOW
Why on earth is she calling you Now?
I have some Almond White left over...
That will be cream then?
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No, it is Almond Bloody White! cussing:
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Well that was a waste of time. Who sells these Pod gizmos anyhoo?
We get back. Mrs Nick meeting a friend in Scallypool at 5.30.
'Oooops I must get her a birthday present.'
I suggest raiding the stock of crone made Andean aprons and hats, but she scoffs at this whacky115
Anyhoo, off they go again in a squeal of tyres and still no PaintPod noooo:
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(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg40.imageshack.us%2Fimg40%2F5159%2F12841525.jpg&hash=2615bbecb1e22bbdb0dc56b43126666bc6fdb0ae) (http://www.postimage.org/)
I give you Dulux almond white and
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg41.imageshack.us%2Fimg41%2F4042%2F94661850.jpg&hash=d0fae1dac840d96d1880abd0338fb499dbd8ede2) (http://www.postimage.org/)
Dulux crazy cream.
I am now going to see if there is somewhere local that I can get a life from. redface:
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Well that was a waste of time. Who sells these Pod gizmos anyhoo?
We get back. Mrs Nick meeting a friend in Scallypool at 5.30.
'Oooops I must get her a birthday present.'
I suggest raiding the stock of crone made Andean aprons and hats, but she scoffs at this whacky115
Anyhoo, off they go again in a squeal of tyres and still no PaintPod noooo:
But this is a good thing surely it means no painting until the end of the week at the earliest.
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It has to be finished by Wednesday evil:
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(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg40.imageshack.us%2Fimg40%2F5159%2F12841525.jpg&hash=2615bbecb1e22bbdb0dc56b43126666bc6fdb0ae) (http://www.postimage.org/)
I give you Dulux almond white and
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg41.imageshack.us%2Fimg41%2F4042%2F94661850.jpg&hash=d0fae1dac840d96d1880abd0338fb499dbd8ede2) (http://www.postimage.org/)
Dulux crazy cream.
I am now going to see if there is somewhere local that I can get a life from. redface:
Ah yes, Crazy Cream. We need that apparently
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It has to be finished by Wednesday evil:
Why? Popcorn:
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Because it is being completely recarpetted on Thursday
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How many coats of paint are you planning on scared2:
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Mrs Nick is in charge of this project and she has not a clue angel1
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I have resolved over the past few years that there is only one way with redecorations:
#1. Find a reliable and trustworthy decorator.
#2. Fix a price and time.
#3. Leave home (holiday or working away)
#4. Return to a completed job cloud9:
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I completely agree. Do you want the loan of a slightly used Mrs Nick while I do some sensible things at this end
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I completely agree. Do you want the loan of a slightly used Mrs Nick while I do some sensible things at this end
scared2:
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Scaredy. point:
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This is not turning into an episode of Wife Swap is it eeek:
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(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg40.imageshack.us%2Fimg40%2F5159%2F12841525.jpg&hash=2615bbecb1e22bbdb0dc56b43126666bc6fdb0ae) (http://www.postimage.org/)
I give you Dulux almond white and
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg41.imageshack.us%2Fimg41%2F4042%2F94661850.jpg&hash=d0fae1dac840d96d1880abd0338fb499dbd8ede2) (http://www.postimage.org/)
Dulux crazy cream.
I am now going to see if there is somewhere local that I can get a life from. redface:
Ahem ~ "From where I can get a life" surely
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Is that pedant white lol:
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That's the one ~ it should sit well on Nick's walls. whistle:
Or perhaps apostrophe cream rubschin:
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This is not turning into an episode of Wife Swap is it eeek:
Too feckin' right it isn't! shocked003
Although, I'm sure Mrs Nick has her, errrr, qualities .... whistle:
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Oh she has many qualities eveilgrin:
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Waspish at both ends I gather
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happy001 happy001 happy001
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drumroll:
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Would it be improper to enquire after your good lady's bum?
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How are the 'injuries' noooo:
Great minds Snoops - well yours that is ...mine is on a bit of a delay I'm afraid redface:
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She appears to have returned to normal now. Not necessarily a good thing noooo:
I have not checked closely, of course
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Are you not administering soothing balms and suchlike? whistle:
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More than my life is worth scared2:
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Do they do a bum balm rubschin:
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I am sure there is some amongst the ten million pots of shite in her bathroom, but I am not looking for it.
Something homeoepathic praps. Like water ;)
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(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg40.imageshack.us%2Fimg40%2F5159%2F12841525.jpg&hash=2615bbecb1e22bbdb0dc56b43126666bc6fdb0ae) (http://www.postimage.org/)
I give you Dulux almond white and
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg41.imageshack.us%2Fimg41%2F4042%2F94661850.jpg&hash=d0fae1dac840d96d1880abd0338fb499dbd8ede2) (http://www.postimage.org/)
Dulux crazy cream.
I am now going to see if there is somewhere local that I can get a life from. redface:
Ahem ~ "From where I can get a life" surely
redface:
I read that as "somewhere local that I can get a life form"
Naturally I assumed she was on the pull for some super-endowed alien being.
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She is razz:
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Do aliens come in super-endowed size? eeek:
Oh and Snoops you are of course quite correct.
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Do aliens come in super-endowed size? eeek:
That's what the Macro function is for Miss C ;)
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Do aliens come in super-endowed size? eeek:
Apparently so.
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fcontent.humorpix.com%2Fimages%2F2955%2Fp001.jpg&hash=4239a3c5382d2229771978750c89e78583c3f1a9)
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Consider the tone lowered noooo:
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I'm impressed 8)
Hiding 'that' in that costume all along eeek:
No wonder he was always talking about the Captain's log whistle:
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noooo:
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I'm impressed 8)
Hiding 'that' in that costume all along eeek:
No wonder he was always talking about the Captain's log whistle:
lol: lol:
He certainly seems to have his beam up. 8)
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good grief noooo:
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I'm impressed 8)
Hiding 'that' in that costume all along eeek:
No wonder he was always talking about the Captain's log whistle:
lol: lol:
He certainly seems to have his beam up. 8)
Poor Scotty eeek:
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shutup:
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Wot he said
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A survey last month revealed that there were more complaints about TV adverts last year than ever before. Well, whoever these serial complainants are, they're going to have a field day with the year's most vile, morally debased commercial, for Dulux PaintPod.
A young man unveils his freshly painted living room to the foxy young lady who lives opposite. She gives it a disinterested once-over, then shakes her head. So, using his high-speed PaintPod applicator, he creams up the walls and swishes back the curtains; she barely even raises her head from her dinner. Undaunted, he goes at his walls again, rendering them a warm and inviting russet. Within minutes there is a knock at the door. The neighbour has capitulated; in fact, she practically pounces on him. They are totally going to do it tonight!
Now, on the surface, Dulux is simply doing here what advertisers have been doing since the dawn of time: saying, "Hey, blokes! If you buy our product, that attractive acquaintance you've been lusting after for so long will want to have sex with you!" But a deeper reading leads to some troubling questions. For example: how lazy/cheap/socially inept do you have to be, that you choose to woo someone by submitting them to a series of paint stimuli? And similarly, how emotionally damaged do you have to be that you allow your sexual froideur to be blowtorched not by the force of a man's personality nor the steeliness of his abs, but by him simply finding the right shade of woodland brown? "Hey blokes!" says Dulux PaintPod, "Buy me and I will facilitate your passage into the underwear of sexually attractive lunatics!" Truly, truly sickening.
whistle: whistle: whistle:
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"Buy me and I will facilitate your passage into the underwear of sexually attractive lunatics!"
Looks like it's a visit to Homebase for me this evening. ;)
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That 9.00 start looks unlikely noooo:
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Is this the revised time for
choosing the paint
buying the paint
buying the paint pod
starting the painting
delaying the carpet fitters until next week
whistle:
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I know not. Mrs Nick has lost the list I made for her Banghead
And the Boy is to be given a hosepipe (washing down the shed), a pot of gloss and a brush to paint a shed. I don't think that is going to go well noooo:
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I know not. Mrs Nick has lost the list I made for her Banghead
And the Boy is to be given a hosepipe (washing down the shed), a pot of gloss and a brush to paint a shed. I don't think that is going to go well noooo:
This really is not a good idea, apart from anything else why do you want a shiny shed, that's just bad and wrong, even if it is a blotchy shiny shed. noooo:
Just out of interest what coulour gloss, please tell me that it isn't white.
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Dark Green (shed in question is currently an unbelievable custard yellow!)
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What could possibly go wrong? whistle:
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Almost everything I fear noooo:
And Mrs Nick is still faffing about. ::)
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I think that when you get the paint etc, you had better also buy great swathes of that special floor protecting plastic sheeting - you know, the stuff that actually adheres to the carpet/floor but is easy to rip off afterwards.
(Guess who was watching a DIY prog last night)
Either that or ring 60 minute makeover & see if they will come round & do it tonight for you.
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Dark Green (shed in question is currently an unbelievable custard yellow!)
Ahh well that will be an improvement of sorts, possibly.
Have you worked out how to remove 2 litres of gloss paint from a wriggling child? Total submersion is an option worth considering. eveilgrin:
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Dark Green (shed in question is currently an unbelievable custard yellow!)
Ahh well that will be an improvement of sorts, possibly.
Have you worked out how to remove 2 litres of gloss paint from a wriggling child? Total submersion is an option worth considering. eveilgrin:
In white spirit! eveilgrin:
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Or turps, are they the same thing?
Nick smokes, what could possibly go wrong? whistle:
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Or turps, are they the same thing?
Nick smokes, what could possibly go wrong? whistle:
Turps, white spirit, paraffin, petrol... whatever comes to hand... whistle:
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I fear something may have gone horribly wrong rubschin:
Summat about the house being flooded via text. Not sure whether that's water, paint, turps or wot Shrugs:
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As long as it's not blood scared2:
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Has he sent out an S.O.S? We should rally round. Where is GOS he could organise a band, we could get that nice MR Brown to pay a visit and mumble his condolences, that should cheer them all up. I will organise some food parcels and start knitting some socks. Has anyone got a spare tent and some cooking equipment.
I do so like a good disaster. eveilgrin:
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doh: Bandages, of course I forgot the bandages and the rubber gloves, can you assist Miss D?
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Latex or non latex Miss C - are we aware of any allergies eyes:
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I fear something may have gone horribly wrong rubschin:
Summat about the house being flooded via text. Not sure whether that's water, paint, turps or wot Shrugs:
Are you sure he didn't say "Flooded with Texts"?
No ~ the silly arse has probably drilled through a water pipe. ::)
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Wasn't it The Boy who was given the task of hosing something?
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Oh shit! You're right.
But the garden is miles from the house (well twenty five yards at least) the construction is odd but one has to go into the lane and walk up it to re-enter the garden. Other property lies between them. The constituent parts are well apart I promise ~ unless Nick connected the hose to the kitchen tap, which I suppose given his track record is probable. Personally I'd have used an outside tap or forgotten the hosing bit of the task.
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This is an aerial photograph of the lane adjacent to Nick's property....
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg33.imageshack.us%2Fimg33%2F6375%2F47484425.jpg&hash=d03ba9020f0004aece942281f8e0a1f528ed41e2) (http://www.postimage.org/)
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Let me guess, Nick followed BM's paintpod instructions so the moment he switched it on it exploded flooding Nick Towers with magnolia.
On the bright side, other than a Nick shaped void on one wall, the room is now painted.
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Nick Hazard - Interstellar Agent - has sent a communiqu? eeek:
"crackle crackle....flooding under control...crackle..skkvo[vwv[o...shed painted..miopjivwd... podding next...mvw["
message ends eeek:
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The tide is out here so his flood should have receded. May come back in 12 hours though whistle:
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Nick Hazard - Interstellar Agent - has sent a communiqu? eeek:
"crackle crackle....flooding under control...crackle..skkvo[vwv[o...shed painted..miopjivwd... podding next...mvw["
message ends eeek:
Wasn't there a horror film made about just such an event in the 70s?
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Wasn't there a horror film made about just such an event in the 70s?
Plan 9 From Outer Space whistle:
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Oh shit! You're right.
But the garden is miles from the house (well twenty five yards at least) the construction is odd but one has to go into the lane and walk up it to re-enter the garden. Other property lies between them. The constituent parts are well apart I promise ~ unless Nick connected the hose to the kitchen tap, which I suppose given his track record is probable. Personally I'd have used an outside tap or forgotten the hosing bit of the task.
This is the other house you numpty with a garden in teh usual place!!
I had turned off the water last week/ The Boy, well trained, went to the bog and tried to wash his hands. He turned on all the bathroom taps without success and then abandoned the plan. Taps left on. evil:
I turned the water back on and carried on hacking at the lawn which has not been mown for 2 fooking years Banghead
Mrs Nick screams. Niagara Falls on the stairs sad24:
At least it didn't come through the ceilings. Pictures follow.
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Shed: before
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg21.imageshack.us%2Fimg21%2F5296%2F90071204.jpg&hash=c94839e539f96e787668e94554de1931ed2427fd) (http://www.postimage.org/)
Shed: after
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg20.imageshack.us%2Fimg20%2F5453%2F16876801.jpg&hash=1d56c9e340cf747c5d9c225e01bfa5cc64d75e5e) (http://www.postimage.org/)
cloud9:
Yes, and I know I missed a bit redface: evil:
I am, of course, covered in green paint evil:
Paint Pod is challenging but today I shall master, nay dominate, it eveilgrin:
Oh, and thanks to Pastis for pointing out that Mrs Nick, bizzy washing walls, is still glowing a bit in her nether regions eveilgrin:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg29.imageshack.us%2Fimg29%2F5186%2F96904450.jpg&hash=b88f4f5b2516e4181a91ea8ceabbe54a586b7500) (http://www.postimage.org/)
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Paint Pod is challenging but today I shall master, nay dominate, it eveilgrin:
noooo:
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The instructions don't mention those coggy things, do they? evil:
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The instructions don't mention those coggy things, do they? evil:
No.... noooo:
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And why didn't YOU tell me? evil:
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And why didn't YOU tell me? evil:
Shrugs:
Am I your mother or something? ::)
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No you're not BM but as the resident expert rubschin: then you have a 'duty' to other members whistle:
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You claim to be an experienced Podmeister, you bastard. You could at least warn Podvirgins about the fooking cogs and stuff cussing:
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No you're not BM but as the resident expert rubschin: then you have a 'duty' to other members whistle:
Great minds cloud9:
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You claim to be an experienced Podmeister, you bastard. You could at least warn Podvirgins about the fooking cogs and stuff cussing:
redface:
What do you need to know about the cogs then...? ::)
Podmeister... I like that... cloud9:
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I have conquered the cogs now. Too late!! evil:
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I have conquered the cogs now. Too late!! evil:
Did you put the little drip-catcher in like...?
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Nick the cog conqueror ....now that is a tongue twister lol:
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I have conquered the cogs now. Too late!! evil:
Did you put the little drip-catcher in like...?
eh?
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I have conquered the cogs now. Too late!! evil:
Did you put the little drip-catcher in like...?
eh?
Don't worry about it - it doesn't work anyway... noooo:
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Oh shit! You're right.
But the garden is miles from the house (well twenty five yards at least) the construction is odd but one has to go into the lane and walk up it to re-enter the garden. Other property lies between them. The constituent parts are well apart I promise ~ unless Nick connected the hose to the kitchen tap, which I suppose given his track record is probable. Personally I'd have used an outside tap or forgotten the hosing bit of the task.
This is the other house you numpty with a garden in teh usual place!!
I had turned off the water last week/ The Boy, well trained, went to the bog and tried to wash his hands. He turned on all the bathroom taps without success and then abandoned the plan. Taps left on. evil:
I turned the water back on and carried on hacking at the lawn which has not been mown for 2 fooking years Banghead
Mrs Nick screams. Niagara Falls on the stairs sad24:
At least it didn't come through the ceilings. Pictures follow.
Well if you'd made yourself clear in the first place! <Stalks off with nose in the air> (I can do that~ Wenchy trained me)
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So much for today's 9.00 start noooo:
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It's 11:00, Popcorn:
Coffee break whistle:
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This is all more than the human frame can stand. And I really really bodged the bathroom today redface:
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Popcorn:
Pray do tell...
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I bodged it, OK? evil:
Anyhoo.
1. We stripped all the carpets out of the house yesterday, along with an old sideboard and a vast piece of unidentifiable furniture which fell apart when I tried to move it.
I call the council about getting it taken away.
Standard charge (for 6 items) is ?21.50
'How many items are there?'
'Um, 6.'
'Describe them.'
whacky115
'Well, a sort of sideboard (1), one other piece of furniture which fell into about 12 pieces, but it is only one thing (2). And some carpet. angel1'
'Can you count the carpet?'
HOW THE FOOK DO YOU COUNT A CARPET?
'Well, a carpet for landing and stairs, so that is 1, but it is in about 12 little pieces.'
'So is that 1 or 12?'
'I say ONE'
'What else?'
'Um, three other carpets'
We shall see what happens on Monday evil:
2. We put other stuff in Mrs Nick's car.
1 lawnmower (slightly exploded), a hedge trimmer, other garden tools, cables, various shite and a living room carpet. (This is so we can cover the newly sanded floor when men in boots come to rectify the cock up they made with the skirting boards). At 6.30 Mrs Nick wakes me violently.
She has just recalled that her car is being taken away today (bodged repair to be rectified after her last crash) - the rear light clusters are full of water ::)
A courtesy car is being delivered.
'We have to empty my car' cussing:
We remove:
Vast carpet
Lawnmower
Trimmer
Tools
Shite
Shite from door pockets and glove compartment
Boy related shite (crisp packets, old biscuits etc)
Coats
'Is there anything in the boot?'
Her: 'It's full' (more shite)
It's like unpacking the fooking Tardis evil:
Boxes of shite, swimming stuff, old cables, old newspapers not taken to the dump, unidintifiable shite. The driveway is full!!
And as soon as the replacement vehicle comes it's back to PODDING Banghead Banghead Banghead
PS She is concerned that her car is dirty and that the garage will think she is a slut (or summat). She is washing the car. I point out they are going to dismantle it. She carries on washing it anyway. Wimmin Banghead
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lol: lol: lol:
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And now the shite is all wet in the torrential rain Banghead
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Leave all the stuff on the driveway and see what the Council will pick up on Monday noooo: noooo: noooo:
Podding should surely be a blessed relief after all this eeek:
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I have to de-bodge the bathroom first sad24:
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On a scale of 1 - 10 - how bad was the bodge ???
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12 prolly... point:
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happy100
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9 evil:
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Popcorn:
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Mrs Nick hasn't seen what I have done yet scared2:
Though it's not my fault that when you run the washbasin tap the kitchen floods noooo:
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Mrs Nick hasn't seen what I have done yet scared2:
Popcorn:
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scared2:
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She has just dented the courtesy car point: point:
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scared2:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.freesmileys.org%2Fsmileys%2Fsmiley-eatdrink033.gif&hash=96a676e56a9c0fbe87241b4373743c912b70b75d) (http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys.php)
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She has just dented the courtesy car point: point:
happy001
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Well if we don't leave soon we will get fook all done today ::)
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She has just dented the courtesy car point: point:
happy001
It is bigger than hers. Wing/brick wall noooo:
I may purchase a canoe later evil:
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She has just dented the courtesy car point: point:
happy001
It is bigger than hers. Wing/brick wall noooo:
I may purchase a canoe later evil:
Why didn't you dri- Oh... redface:
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evil:
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Are you videoing any of this - you could be making loads of money at ?250 a pop rubschin:
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Are you videoing any of this - you could be making loads of money at ?250 a pop rubschin:
Minus the cost of a paint-ruined video camera Miss D... whistle:
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Thew worst part is that whenever there is a disaster everyone starts shouting. We all shout quite a lot noooo:
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Time for the headphones to go in ......the blinkers to go on ...and retreat into your inner sanctuary cloud9:
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Time for the headphones to go in ......the blinkers to go on ...and retreat into your inner sanctuary cloud9:
That's full of shite and stuff too noooo:
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I feel like death and we have to be there at 7.30 a.m.! cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead
So you paint. You put newspaper on the floor to cover it. Paint falls. You tread in it. Your feet stick to the newspaper. Next thing: you waddle about with fooking newspaper stuck to your feet. You pull it off. It sticks to your hands. I am made of papier mache cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: Also: masking tape!!! cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing:
And as for the WASH thing on the fooking POD Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead
I must keeeeeeel them Angry9: Angry9: Angry9: Angry9: Angry9:
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eeek:
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I feel like death and we have to be there at 7.30 a.m.! cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead
So you paint. You put newspaper on the floor to cover it. Paint falls. You tread in it. Your feet stick to the newspaper. Next thing: you waddle about with fooking newspaper stuck to your feet. You pull it off. It sticks to your hands. I am made of papier mache cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: Also: masking tape!!! cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing:
And as for the WASH thing on the fooking POD Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead
I must keeeeeeel them Angry9: Angry9: Angry9: Angry9: Angry9:
whistle:
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Firstly you should never undertake to decorate unless you know what you are doing.
Secondly no one in their right mind ever uses newspaper on the floor ~ buy proper dust sheets you cheapskate
Thirdly who paddles in spilt paint? That is asking for trouble. You spill any then you clean it up immediately.
Fourthly PaintPods and other such devices may come and go but look at what a professional would use ~ not a paint pod, nor a paint pad but a brush or at most a roller (depending on job and finish required)
And lastly follow Snoopy's maxim ~ If you don't know what you are doing ~ get a man in, it will save you effort, time and money in the end. whistle:
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I've used dust sheets before and have still managed to paddle in paint redface:
I would agree that it would be better to get a man in ...but sometimes the purse strings dictate cry:
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But then again how hard is it to paint a couple of rooms?
I just finished painting my daughter's bedroom, no mess, no fuss, no problem.
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But then again how hard is it to paint a couple of rooms?
I just finished painting my daughter's bedroom, no mess, no fuss, no problem.
You obeyed my first rule Uncle. whistle:
I too know how to decorate a room.
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What are your daily rates rubschin:
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Same as most men ~ plenty of cups of tea, to be left alone to do the job without "advice" and a shag when I've finished.
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Ditto. ;D
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lol: lol: lol:
Do you take sugar ???
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Nope
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Ditto
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lol: lol: Should I start the VP all new and exciting 'threesome' thread now or later?
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I think it is more a trade fair .....set your stalls out now whistle:
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I'm just off for a shower whistle:
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I think it is more a trade fair .....set your stalls out now whistle:
Are you asking for CVs?
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Oh no - that's far too formal
Just tell me what you're good at whistle:
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Do you need references?
I have a friend who is a magistrate - she will testify to my upstandingness.
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Do you need references?
I have a friend who is a magistrate - she will testify to my upstandingness.
eyes:
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What have you started Miss D?
You will have a veritable stampede now. I would go and reinforce that new fence of your's if I was you. noooo:
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Couple of sturdy Poles shold do it ;)
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drumroll:
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Do you need references?
I have a friend who is a magistrate - she will testify to my upstandingness.
references not required...I trust you all whistle:
As for your 'friend'....
Popcorn:
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A young lady, from my past.
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A young lady, from my past.
And your future...? eyes:
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Ever tried messing with a magistrate?
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Puts a whole new meaning to being "Up before the beak"
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Ever tried messing with a magistrate?
rubschin:
I don't think so... I have a vague memory of massing with a megistrate once but I was drunk... surrender:
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I asked her once what she thought when the clerk called out "all rise".
Apparently after that, she got a fit of the giggles on her next session - she forbad me from attending when she was sitting - said I was a bad influence. cry:
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Wll all the new carpets are in.
And none of the internal doors close evil:
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Evenin' Nick ;D
Popcorn:
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Just shave a quarter of an inch of every door he said noooo:
How? Shrugs:
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Get a carpenter in ~ if you'd got a carpet fitter (usually free when you buy carpets from a reputable shop but charged for when you buy cheap carpets) he would have done it for you.
Unless you feel capable of taking down all the doors, planing off the bottoms to the required height and replacing them all.
Usual charge is about £25 a door ~ should have got that carpet fitter in.whistle:
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We did get a carpet fitter in. He said he wasn't a carpenter noooo:
Nor am I confused:
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Just shave a quarter of an inch of every door he said noooo:
How? Shrugs:
Shaving foam and a razor should do the trick.....
I know that I shouldn't but it is far too tempting to resist. redface:
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Re: the doors...
Ah well, they'll wear down in time.... prolly 2109 ;)
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We did get a carpet fitter in. He said he wasn't a carpenter noooo:
Nor am I confused:
If he was any good he would have seen that you had purchased carpet that was too thick before he put it down.
Looks like a carpenter then. How many doors? A dozen should set you back about £300 for a day's work.
Do not let Mrs Nick tell you it is easy because it ain't and you will not be able to do it. The equipment alone will cost more that £300.
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noooo:
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Some acid will sort the doors for you! happy088
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Can't you sleep?
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Can't you sleep?
sleep017
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Mrs Nick announces we have to buy new curtains for the whole fooking house today Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead
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Tomorer then...? whistle:
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She can buy them. I refuse to go back there till Monday evil:
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Some acid will sort the doors for you! happy088
My life feels like one long hallucination already, thank you
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Explain to Mrs Nick the principle of the 6Ps
Proper Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance
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She does everything in the wrong order Banghead Banghead Banghead
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Mrs Nick announces we have to buy new curtains for the whole fooking house today Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead
Spray paint some nice cream with a hint of almond barley linen taupe paint on the windows job done. If that nice Mr Whistler can managed it so can you... whistle:... Pun intended. eveilgrin:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg44.imageshack.us%2Fimg44%2F2379%2F84937961.jpg&hash=7de6c595aa8423d9ad374f6e46c209c1d466a93a) (http://www.postimage.org/)
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This is not going well evil:
Because of faffing on Mrs Nick's part the building and decorating work at our liveing in house has got out of sequence. A man is coming tomorrow to paint the Boy's room. It will take him three days.
I enquired where Boy would sleep.
Mrs Nick: rubschin: On the floor in our room
Me: It's full of furniture
Her: In the spare room
Me:That too is full of furniture
Um
On the sofa in the dining room seems to be the solution.
He is not happy evil:
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This is not so much a decorating disasters thread as a saga noooo:
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Estimated completion date for this part of the work has moved to about September 15th Banghead Banghead
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This is not so much a decorating disasters thread as a saga noooo:
The PaintPod Saga - the BBC would buy that.... whistle:
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She's gone mad. We have just spent about ?3K on House 2 (all cosmetic) and I dread to think on the works here.
SHe has just turned up with some estate agents bumf and is proposing MOVING HOUSE!! Banghead Banghead Banghead
She does this about twice a year noooo:
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If she wants to move house then let her. If you don't want to move house even better. Could be a win win situation whistle:
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It's a hobby of hers. Wherever we go she gazes into estate agents' windows noooo:
NO MORE UPHEAVALS!! cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing:
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Just think of the peace after she has moved out though cloud9:
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Start packing whistle:
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Careful Miss D, you could find you have a new neighbour. whistle:
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Careful Miss D, you could find you have a new neighbour. whistle:
Lodger! eeek: scared2:
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Might be an improvement to the House of Polish builders and there ever increasing family members eeek:
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Polish builders on one side, Nick on the other.... eeek:
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I only have one side whistle:
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I only have one side whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
scared2:
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Bliss. Mrs Nick and The Boy solve the sleeping problem by moving into House 2 until Thursday cloud9:
I stay here to supervise painters and also invigilate The Boy's first electric guitar lesson at 9.00 tomorrow morning evil:
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Bliss. Mrs Nick and The Boy solve the sleeping problem by moving into House 2 until Thursday cloud9:
I stay here to supervise painters and also invigilate The Boy's first electric guitar lesson at 9.00 tomorrow morning evil:
Electric...? Are you mad? scared2:
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It is going to be a trial noooo:
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Bliss. Mrs Nick and The Boy solve the sleeping problem by moving into House 2 until Thursday cloud9:
I stay here to supervise painters and also invigilate The Boy's first electric guitar lesson at 9.00 tomorrow morning evil:
But if The Boy is not in house 1 and traditionally Mrs Nick is never very good at early morning starts will this not mean you will spend tomorrow morning darting between houses to collect the boy for his lesson rubschin:
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It is going to be a trial noooo:
I got an electric shock today... changing a light bulb like... noooo:
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Naturally ::)
She has to get him here for breakfast noooo:
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It is going to be a trial noooo:
I got an electric shock today... changing a light bulb like... noooo:
You are a nincompoop
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It is going to be a trial noooo:
I got an electric shock today... changing a light bulb like... noooo:
You are a nincompoop
It woke me up tho... noooo:
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point: point: point: point:
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point: point: point: point:
It was a bizarre sequence of events... rubschin:
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It is going to be a trial noooo:
I got an electric shock today... changing a light bulb like... noooo:
Those mini maglites are fiddly aren't they noooo:
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point: point: point: point:
It was a bizarre sequence of events... rubschin:
Popcorn:
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It is going to be a trial noooo:
I got an electric shock today... changing a light bulb like... noooo:
Those mini maglites are fiddly aren't they noooo:
evil:
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point: point: point: point:
It was a bizarre sequence of events... rubschin:
Popcorn:
I was replacing a couple of blown bulbs on the patio with low energy ones like...
First one was fine... Half our house is bayonet bulbs and half Edison screw. These were screw-ins...
Switched on the power to make sure it was working and attacked the second light...
Tried to unscrew it and the entire glass globe broke off in my hand...
So, I removed the globe and placed it carefully in the bin so as not to cause harm like...
Then I grasped the remaining bit of the bulb and tried to unscrew it eeek:
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Had you just got out of the pool as well noooo: noooo: noooo:
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point: point: point: point:
It was a bizarre sequence of events... rubschin:
Popcorn:
I was replacing a couple of blown bulbs on the patio with low energy ones like...
First one was fine... Half our house is bayonet bulbs and half Edison screw. These were screw-ins...
Switched on the power to make sure it was working and attacked the second light...
Tried to unscrew it and the entire glass globe broke off in my hand...
So, I removed the globe and placed it carefully in the bin so as not to cause harm like...
Then I grasped the remaining bit of the bulb and tried to unscrew it eeek:
Official idiot
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Had you just got out of the pool as well noooo: noooo: noooo:
Luckily not... noooo:
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point: point: point: point:
It was a bizarre sequence of events... rubschin:
Popcorn:
I was replacing a couple of blown bulbs on the patio with low energy ones like...
First one was fine... Half our house is bayonet bulbs and half Edison screw. These were screw-ins...
Switched on the power to make sure it was working and attacked the second light...
Tried to unscrew it and the entire glass globe broke off in my hand...
So, I removed the globe and placed it carefully in the bin so as not to cause harm like...
Then I grasped the remaining bit of the bulb and tried to unscrew it eeek:
Official idiot
High praise indeed! cloud9:
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Where have all the real men gone....the ones that have skills...will save the day.....come to your rescue......can fix washing machines and stuff noooo:
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Where have all the real men gone....the ones that have skills...will save the day.....come to your rescue......can fix washing machines and stuff noooo:
whistle:
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oh sorry just to clarify further - the ones that can change a lightbulb without fuss or injury noooo:
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Where have all the real men gone....the ones that have skills...will save the day.....come to your rescue......can fix washing machines and stuff noooo:
angel1
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I think not... noooo:
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I can hang curtains angel1
I had a lot of practice earlier evil:
I hate all those fiddley curtain hooks though noooo:
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And so you did what instead, just looped them over the curtain poles?
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I did bodge it a bit but I hid the evidence redface:
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Where have you hidden it?
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oh sorry just to clarify further - the ones that can change a lightbulb without fuss or injury noooo:
redface:
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And so you did what instead, just looped them over the curtain poles?
Nails! lol:
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Where have you hidden it?
Pockets redface:
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Right. Painter has started here (up since 6 moving fooking furniture cussing:
Now Mrs Nick tells me that House 2 needs an Energy Performance Certificate which is some sort of new labour lentil hugging piece of shite costing ?50 for no good reason cussing:
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Well if you are going to rent it out it's a legal requirement and a copy should be given to the tenants. whistle:
If any excess cold hazards are identified some interfering people from the Council could just come around and make life even more difficult for you as well. whistle:
By the way ?50 sounds way to cheap - but that is based on London prices. However it will last you 10 years so it's positively a bargain lol:
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some interfering people from the Council could just come around and make life even more difficult for you as well
Precisely, interfering bastards evil:
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Then sell the property and see if the interest on the capital raised would come anywhere near the return on the rental. whistle:
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some interfering people from the Council could just come around and make life even more difficult for you as well
Precisely, interfering bastards evil:
That may be your opinion but I obviously couldn't possibly comment lol:
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Then sell the property and see if the interest on the capital raised would come anywhere near the return on the rental. whistle:
He'd have to get a HIP then... whistle:
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Then sell the property and see if the interest on the capital raised would come anywhere near the return on the rental. whistle:
He'd have to get a HIP then... whistle:
Yup! Still these Landlords ::) Never happy unless they are complaining.
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Tell me about it cussing:
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And Friday is House 3 day
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I mean, it's not like anyone forced them into the position is it? Free choice, they could have sold up and just had one property like normal people. 'Course they've sort of missed the boat now and would not get what they would consider "full value" for their second/third properties. We could do with a proper socialist revolution like.
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Good point, well made
Now fook off
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razz:
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Things are looking up. House 2 is finished. In House 1 the painter has finished the Boy's room and will come back next week to do RUG room. House 3 is let.
All we have to do now is move all the furniture about again cussing:
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And with a new term about to begin at the Vet College no doubt house 2 will soon be let ~ the money will be rolling in.
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House 2 remains a bit of a worry. No interest at all! But there is time I guess.
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I'm not surprised if none of the doors shut ::)
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And Mrs Nick is in a temporarily better mood as the numpties who have failed to fix her car three times have now brought it back in seemingly good order noooo:
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I'm not surprised if none of the doors shut ::)
They do now. Dopey Ben gave them a seeing to.
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House 2 remains a bit of a worry. No interest at all! But there is time I guess.
Maybe we could have this as a designated VP sanctuary , therapy and rehabilitation centre rubschin:
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House 2 remains a bit of a worry. No interest at all! But there is time I guess.
Maybe we could have this as a designated VP sanctuary , therapy and rehabilitation centre rubschin:
scared2:
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House 2 remains a bit of a worry. No interest at all! But there is time I guess.
Maybe we could have this as a designated VP sanctuary , therapy and rehabilitation centre rubschin:
As opposed to Cyprus?
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The train fare from London up there will prolly be more expensive than flights to Cyprus noooo:
However any sentence with sanctuary in it should not contain BM or his abode eeek:
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You could wait and see if Greyhound buses will venture there.
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You could wait and see if Greyhound buses will venture there.
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We now have the vital EPC (Miss D knows). What an utterly useless piece of New Labour shite noooo:
Recommendations to reduce the house's carbon fooking footprint include:
Solar powered water heater ::)
Solar cells ::)
A new boiler ::)
Cost if we did it? Astro-fooking-nomical
Where do they think we live? Cyprus? This arrives on a fine august day when it has been pissing with rain for what seems like for ever noooo:
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A new condensing boiler .....
Boilers over 15 years old are considered inefficient and in need of replacing regardless of whether they are working or not
I take it your insulation was all right then 8)
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I have filed it and forgotten about it. New BOILER? eeek:
What the fook for?
It will save me ?127 a year and cost nearer ?3000. I don't pay the gas bills eveilgrin:
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Which is what happens to most Landlord's EPC's.
Course you will need to supply your tenants with a copy when they move in whistle:
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We will. If they want solar panels and a new boiler they can pay for them themselves eveilgrin:
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Unless they contact the Council about the crap boiler in their property whistle:
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The boiler is fine. And what will the Council make me do, eh? EH?
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How about PAT? (Portable Appliance Testing)
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The boiler is fine. And what will the Council make me do, eh? EH?
boxing
Never mind - it won't happen whistle:
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How about PAT? (Portable Appliance Testing)
I used the kettle, the toaster and the microwave this morning. I appear to be still alive razz:
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Typical council example ~ as you know I have spent two years battling the local council over my boiler and oil tank. Latest man sent to inspect the now completed work scratched his head and asked (i) Why did you not have a condensing boiler? and (ii) Why did you elect to have an oil fired system rather than gas?
Answers which he received (i) If I had said yes to a condensing boiler I would have had no hot water for two f*cking years whilst you lot have been p*ssing about and (ii) Because there is no gas main in this village, the nearest gas supply is three miles away and the last time they were asked Transco said they wanted ?half a million to supply gas to the village PLUS ?3000 per house for actual connection.
I then asked if he felt qualified for the job he held. He left eveilgrin:
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PAT testing is only 'required' in commercial properties
-
Typical council example ~ as you know I have spent two years battling the local council over my boiler and oil tank. Latest man sent to inspect the now completed work scratched his head and asked (i) Why did you not have a condensing boiler? and (ii) Why did you elect to have an oil fired system rather than gas?
Answers which he received (i) If I had said yes to a condensing boiler I would have had no hot water for two f*cking years whilst you lot have been p*ssing about and (ii) Because there is no gas main in this village, the nearest gas supply is three miles away and the last time they were asked Transco said they wanted ?half a million to supply gas to the village PLUS ?3000 per house for actual connection.
I then asked if he felt qualified for the job he held. He left eveilgrin:
Someone hadn't read your file before visiting you had they - lol:
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Typical council example ~ as you know I have spent two years battling the local council over my boiler and oil tank. Latest man sent to inspect the now completed work scratched his head and asked (i) Why did you not have a condensing boiler? and (ii) Why did you elect to have an oil fired system rather than gas?
Answers which he received (i) If I had said yes to a condensing boiler I would have had no hot water for two f*cking years whilst you lot have been p*ssing about and (ii) Because there is no gas main in this village, the nearest gas supply is three miles away and the last time they were asked Transco said they wanted ?half a million to supply gas to the village PLUS ?3000 per house for actual connection.
I then asked if he felt qualified for the job he held. He left eveilgrin:
Someone hadn't read your file before visiting you had they - lol:
That'll be the file with AWKWARD BASTARD on the cover would it? angel1
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They wouldn't have anything thing like that on it - what with the Freedom of Information Act an all.
There may be some abbreviations you wouldn't necessarily recognise though whistle:
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NFNW?
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They wouldn't have anything thing like that on it - what with the Freedom of Information Act an all.
There may be some abbreviations you wouldn't necessarily recognise though whistle:
I have some of those on my medical file ~ I do understand them eveilgrin:
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Concerned to get some paint splatters of the bathroom mirror I resorted to sandpaper.
This was a mistake redface:
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The blade from a Stanley knife would have been better but it's a bit late to tell you that now so I won't. angel1
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I tried that first evil:
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What sort of paint are you using? eeek:
Surely even you recognised that Glass paper (sand paper if you like) would scratch glass. They are equally hard.
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I received a text stating as much surrender:
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What sort of paint are you using? eeek:
Surely even you recognised that Glass paper (sand paper if you like) would scratch glass. They are equally hard.
I was getting frustrated and wasn't thinking redface:
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New mirror then eh?
Better that than have the council round whistle: