The Virtual Pub

Come Inside... => Saloon Bar => Topic started by: Miss Demeanour on July 16, 2009, 11:59:07 AM

Title: Clipboard Cretins
Post by: Miss Demeanour on July 16, 2009, 11:59:07 AM
Every lunchtime and evening I leave work and then enter in the world of stealth operations in order to avoid the 4 or 5 bastards with clipboards who want to stop you and talk about their latest cause.

To invite you closer to the clipboard they compliment you, joke with you, obstruct you, entice you. I have just been out to buy a sandwich and had to endure this game of dodge and weave with some muppet walking alongside me and calling me Princess. He nearly had his clipboard inserted where the sun don't shine  evil:

take your brightly coloured T shirt and you're matching pens and feck right off.

Annoying twats  Angry9:

If I wanted to support some cause or the other I would contact them  evil:

Title: Re: Clipboard Cretins
Post by: Nick on July 16, 2009, 12:01:42 PM
Loads around Oxford Circus. I always give them one of my looks  eveilgrin:
Title: Re: Clipboard Cretins
Post by: Snoopy on July 16, 2009, 12:02:34 PM
You want to carry one of those air operated rape alarms. Next time one of these cretins approaches you utter a brisk ~ "No comment" and walk on ~ if they persist activate the alarm and start screaming that you are being stalked. That should gain a response. whistle:
Title: Re: Clipboard Cretins
Post by: The Moan Ranger on July 16, 2009, 12:02:47 PM
Loads around Oxford Circus. I always give them one of my looks  eveilgrin:

Or sneeze flies all over them  point:
Title: Re: Clipboard Cretins
Post by: Miss Demeanour on July 16, 2009, 12:06:03 PM
You want to carry one of those air operated rape alarms. Next time one of these cretins approaches you utter a brisk ~ "No comment" and walk on ~ if they persist activate the alarm and start screaming that you are being stalked. That should gain a response. whistle 

That would require them to listen and hear and understand what you are saying - which lets face it is most of the time feck off and leave me alone  evil:

Why aren't they arrested for obstructing the public highway  rubschin:
Title: Re: Clipboard Cretins
Post by: Snoopy on July 16, 2009, 12:07:57 PM
You want to carry one of those air operated rape alarms. Next time one of these cretins approaches you utter a brisk ~ "No comment" and walk on ~ if they persist activate the alarm and start screaming that you are being stalked. That should gain a response. whistle 

That would require them to listen and hear and understand what you are saying - which lets face it is most of the time feck off and leave me alone  evil:

Why aren't they arrested for obstructing the public highway  rubschin:

I can't imagine ~ why not ask your local council ~ they are the ones that issue the licences for this sort of thing.  eveilgrin:
Title: Re: Clipboard Cretins
Post by: Miss Demeanour on July 16, 2009, 12:12:37 PM
Do you need a walk or something - you have far too much bite left in you for this time of day  whistle:
Title: Re: Clipboard Cretins
Post by: Snoopy on July 16, 2009, 12:32:02 PM
 angel1
Title: Re: Clipboard Cretins
Post by: Nick on July 16, 2009, 12:33:29 PM
You want to carry one of those air operated rape alarms. Next time one of these cretins approaches you utter a brisk ~ "No comment" and walk on ~ if they persist activate the alarm and start screaming that you are being stalked. That should gain a response. whistle 

That would require them to listen and hear and understand what you are saying - which lets face it is most of the time feck off and leave me alone  evil:

Why aren't they arrested for obstructing the public highway  rubschin:

I can't imagine ~ why not ask your local council ~ they are the ones that issue the licences for this sort of thing.  eveilgrin:

 point:
Title: Re: Clipboard Cretins
Post by: Darwins Selection on July 16, 2009, 01:05:21 PM
I use two solutions for these leeches.

1. Shrug shoulders a lot and gabble a in a made-up Nordic/Far eastern language, somewhere between the Muppets Swedish chef and Dr Fumanchu.

2. Listen to the subject of their survey then adopt the role of a religion/ethnic group/political supporter who would be horrified at the subject then lambast them.
a) Gay Marriage questions=Become Ian Paisley
b) EEC livestock policy=Clement Freud in Vegetarian mode
c) Housing for Immigrants=Oswald Moseley with heartburn

etc
Title: Re: Clipboard Cretins
Post by: Snoopy on July 16, 2009, 01:11:22 PM
Many years ago whilst waiting for Mrs S#1 to emerge from a shop I was standing in the newly pedestrianised shopping centre known as "Above Bar" Southampton. I had a child holding each of my hands and was approached by a man in a black suit. He was carrying a clipboard and a bundle of leaflets and his opening words, spoken in an American accent all of which I took to mean he was probable a Mormon, were "I can see you are a family man"
"Good Lord no!" I exclaimed "I've just bought these for dinner tonight". He turned and walked away.
Title: Re: Clipboard Cretins
Post by: Darwins Selection on July 16, 2009, 01:14:52 PM
Many years ago whilst waiting for Mrs S#1 to emerge from a shop I was standing in the newly pedestrianised shopping centre known as "Above Bar" Southampton. I had a child holding each of my hands and was approached by a man in a black suit. He was carrying a clipboard and a bundle of leaflets and his opening words, spoken in an American accent all of which I took to mean he was probable a Mormon, were "I can see you are a family man"
"Good Lord no!" I exclaimed "I've just bought these for dinner tonight". He turned and walked away.
That's the kind of thing.  happy088