The Virtual Pub
Come Inside... => The Snug => Topic started by: Nick on July 13, 2009, 09:24:51 AM
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We have not paid enough attention to his trip to the lands of the nubile blondes, distracted perhaps by Miss D's forthcoming trip to the land of terrorism and food poisoning..
I wonder what can possibly go wrong rubschin:
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I wonder what can possibly go wrong rubschin:
It doesn't bear thinking about. noooo:
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocBPidckKcg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocBPidckKcg) rubschin:
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Thanks! ::)
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whistle:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.britmovie.co.uk%2Fgenres%2Fcarryon%2Fimages%2F018a.jpg&hash=4f68a9601acedcf702767c99220d5086869f922d)
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.carryongold.com%2Fuserimages%2Fcarryoncruisingquad.jpg&hash=f208dc7df544979457ae465772549dbd21b0d098)
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That's more like it ;)
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rubschin:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.bfi.org.uk%2Ffilmtvinfo%2Flibrary%2Feventsexh%2Fimages%2Fcarry-on-cruising.jpg&hash=d139e30f0493f239c76186c3d9a8b290f8216ff9)
eyes:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.hawicklittletheatre.fsnet.co.uk%2Fc6.jpg&hash=6f7f8de8b89610c62fc1cdbd9bb0aabb62628fa2)
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I have been reunited with my trousers ~ phew! I can now Carry On Packing.
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I note from an Important News Update that passengers will be required to undergo a new, stringent medical questionnaire eeek:
Apparently I will be subjected to this around 1:00pm tomorrow scared2:
Any advice will be considered...
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Eschew the anal probe happy088
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Under any known allergies list ugly and uninteresting people and also standard class accommodation whistle:
Suggest you say you are all up to date with your vaccinations including Tamiflu whistle:
Emergency contacts - Nick - he's bound to be a rock in a crisis scared2:
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So that's anal probe eschewed... tick
Allergies: horrid people and 2nd class cabins... tick
I think I might also include camp entertainment officers and surly stewards rubschin:
Emergency contacts have already been given, so Nick's off the hook there
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Avoid gays!
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No.
Much better to greet them with a smile and a piercing look that says "I'll crush your nuts so hard that your eyes'll pop out of their manicured sockets! Oh, and mine's a pint of best while you're there!" razz:
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No.
Much better to greet them with a smile and a piercing look that says "I'll crush your nuts so hard that your eyes'll pop out of their manicured sockets! Oh, and mine's a pint of best while you're there!" razz:
Umm isn't that just playing into their hands, as it were?
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eeek: eeek: eeek: eeek: eeek:
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No.
Much better to greet them with a smile and a piercing look that says "I'll crush your nuts so hard that your eyes'll pop out of their manicured sockets! Oh, and mine's a pint of best while you're there!" razz:
Umm isn't that just playing into their hands, as it were?
Alas, MissC, you know not the devastating Chinese self defense technique known as White Gibbon Plucks Fruit!
It can be quite eye watering, I assure you 8)
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eeek: eeek: eeek: eeek: eeek: eeek: eeek:
Also
eeek:
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Whassssa problem? I'm only being assertive ... angel1 .... evil:
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Enjoy your cruise eyes:
THE GAY FLIGHT ATTENDANT
My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super."
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."
She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one."
To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, B**ch."
eveilgrin:
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Nick - he's bound to be a rock in a crisis scared2:
Somehow I doubt anything to do with Nick and rocks is what you need on a ship. noooo:
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Well, it looks like he has gone off to the land of the midnight blonde. Maybe he should try to bring an -ova back for Uncle
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Just received some info on my fellow travellers. 10 adults and 14 children in all, of the ten adults 8 are women. Roll on the yummy mummy tour. eyes:
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And the heart tablets....
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Just received some info on my fellow travellers. 10 adults and 14 children in all, of the ten adults 8 are women. Roll on the yummy mummy tour. eyes:
How dare another bloke go though eh lol: lol: lol:
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He will be going overboard on the first night eveilgrin:
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It's not going to take a great detective to work that one out is it lol:
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Uncle returns from his hols
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg200.imageshack.us%2Fimg200%2F1798%2F25631950.gif&hash=acd5a21a6839b562ed5cbc036ff51edec4e92cf1) (http://www.postimage.org/)
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Just received some info on my fellow travellers. 10 adults and 14 children in all, of the ten adults 8 are women. Roll on the yummy mummy tour. eyes:
How dare another bloke go though eh lol: lol: lol:
I'll need some support. The women can get bit cliquey.
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You could go for the transvestite look to blend in like.
On second thoughts.... noooo:
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Just received some info on my fellow travellers. 10 adults and 14 children in all, of the ten adults 8 are women. Roll on the yummy mummy tour. eyes:
With a bit of luck the women will have one mature child each and the other bloke will have 5 toddlers to look after. eyes:
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Noooooooooooooooooo, they will come over all maternal then and help the wretched man noooo:
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I would guess that the children will on average be a bit older than the ones on the beach holidays, it being a cruise.
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A pubescent shaggerama then. Jolly good happy088
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eeek:
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Someting tells me that Uncle had not considered this possibility whistle:
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Someting tells me that Uncle had not considered this possibility whistle:
It looks that way. noooo:
If the olive-skinned crew don't get the girl, the pierced and shaved boy-monkeys will.
You can get chastity belts with floatation devices you know.
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eeek: eeek:
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It'll all be going on in the lifeboats. Orgies, drinking parties, heavy petting, the lot. The kids will have a great time
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eeek: eeek: eeek:
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Popcorn:
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I think Uncle deserves his own thread... whistle:
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Well, it looks like he has gone off to the land of the midnight blonde. Maybe he should try to bring an -ova back for Uncle
Ova.The plural of ovum, female sex cell or gamete. Why on earth would uncle want an egg? noooo:
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I think we have been over this ground before ::)
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I think we have been over this ground before ::)
No, that was Onan.
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drumroll:
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I think we have been over this ground before ::)
No, that was Onan.
Or Conan
http://www.fantasticfiction.co.uk/j/robert-jordan/conan-invincible.htm
Colon the Invincible is an entirely different matter! whistle:
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Are we talking librarians here?
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Libertarians more like, IMHO and in his absence his colon needs to be liberated/inebriated
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Do you think he's made it past his medical yet rubschin:
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Do you think he's made it last his medical yet rubschin:
Made what last?
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Butterfingers noooo:
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I've never claimed they were nimble or accurate whistle:
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Sven applies arnica noooo:
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Sven is no longer in my life. He has been , he has erected , he has left Shrugs:
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happy100
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Sven is no longer in my life. He has been , he has erected , he has left Shrugs:
So like a man lol:
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Sven is no longer in my life. He has been , he has erected , he has left Shrugs:
No doubt he just felt 'used'. noooo:
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After the Rohypnol wore off... noooo:
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I have a special memory wiping device whistle:
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Mallet?
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Timmy?
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And lo, Pastis moves amongst us mysteriously.
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Indeed, I am in the Baltic, just popped into a free hotspot / internet place; ok actually it's a Cuban Cafe in Germany on the Baltic coast ;)
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Have you nothing better to do? eeek:
Nice to see you really. happy100
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Indeed, I am in the Baltic, just popped into a free hotspot / internet place; ok actually it's a Cuban Cafe in Germany on the Baltic coast ;)
Agreed! happy088
inetnum: 87.186.192.0 - 87.189.255.255
netname: DTAG-DIAL22
descr: Deutsche Telekom AG
Good to see you! lol:
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Any nice blondes? eyes:
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I needed to check business emails and the charges to connect on board are silly, so.... and ... they do a nice Rostocker Pilsener here whistle:
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Any nice blondes? eyes:
How's your Ukrainian? eyes:
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Fine today thank you.
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Any nice blondes? eyes:
What's wrong with brunettes evil:
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They tend to be violent
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I avoided going to Berlin today... too warm and sunny for a six hour round trip drive although it'd be good to see the place sometime.
There are still some relics of the GDR here like blocks of flats and old Heinkel factory walls.... weird
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See how he cleverly changed the subject there razz:
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They tend to be violent
Only in their later years whistle:
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After they turn 40 whistle:
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That's not late ......that's early to middling evil:
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Changing the subject again whistle:
Seems you have to put up with a 5 minute commercial break with this free hotspot thingy noooo: Then they let you back on
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Funny places ~ foreign
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Hairy women noooo:
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Aggressive old ladies in shops
Militaristic Police with guns
Nobody speaks English
Nasty place Foreign ~ bit like Wales really tunble:
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Little English .... I have about 10 werds of German.. surrender:
Next stop Estonia ... toodle pip folks
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Estonia. -ovas to ogle eyes:
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Apart from ordering food and drink and exchanging the time of day my German only extends to "Wer hat die L?wen freigegeben?" which has saved me on many occasions.
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Apart from ordering food and drink and exchanging the time of day my German only extends to "Wer hat die L?wen freigegeben?" which has saved me on many occasions.
Why would you want to know the whereabouts of the Lions fritter maker?
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Apart from ordering food and drink and exchanging the time of day my German only extends to "Wer hat die L?wen freigegeben?" which has saved me on many occasions.
Why would you want to know the whereabouts of the Lions fritter maker?
It translates as "Who has released the Lions?"
Sensibly deployed it can bring all aggressive conversation to a halt enabling an honourable escape by sprinting through the assembled listeners and into the bogs whence, via a convenient window, one can be out and sauntering down the street as the aforementioned protagonists are still looking fearfully for lions. Invaluable ~ whistle:
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I use it a lot. But in English redface:
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I use it a lot. But in English redface:
I should have thought "Hello, I'm Nick" would have had the same effect.
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Back.
12 night party surrender:
Fab! lol:
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He Lives!
Welcome back old boy ~ sounds like you had a good time.
Lottsa shite to read your way through I'm afraid.
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I know; I think I'll start anew from now and not bother with all the shite.... unless I can't sleep or need tranquilizers
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Welcome back bloke. ;D
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Welcome home Pastis! cloud9:
Now just Uncle, Wenchy and Miss D to wait up for... rubschin:
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Welcome back bloke. ;D
Wot she said
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Aye thank you ;)
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Aye thank you ;)
Welcome I'm sure! happy088