The Virtual Pub
Come Inside... => The Restaurant => Topic started by: Nick on June 22, 2009, 03:51:26 PM
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Need help with frying and burning food?
Ask the expert!!
Mr Barman!
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cloud9:
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Dear BM
I have a goat to barbecue. How many hours will it take? Should I remove its entrails first? Can they be used in a sauce of some kind? Is it ok to use its horns to turn it over with? SHould I remove its feet? How many will it serve (it is a very large goat)? What marinade do you recommend?
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Dear BM
I have a goat to barbecue. How many hours will it take? Should I remove its entrails first? Can they be used in a sauce of some kind? Is it ok to use its horns to turn it over with? SHould I remove its feet? How many will it serve (it is a very large goat)? What marinade do you recommend?
Hello peeeps!
a) Two hours
b) Yes
c) No
d) Yes
e) No
f) Ten
g) Just salt and cook in its own juices.
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg3.imageshack.us%2Fimg3%2F4465%2F62502001.th.jpg&hash=6cb8b0da1ee589e855acd16d04a158d9e37784a7) (http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=gxDrcIA)
OK?
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I wish to serve this goat with potatoes.
I can do one of the following:
Sautee them gently with some chives
Mash them delicately with butter and black pepper
Cook them carefully in a Dauphinoise Sauce
Immerse them in boiling fat
What do you recommend?
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(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg3.imageshack.us%2Fimg3%2F4465%2F62502001.th.jpg&hash=6cb8b0da1ee589e855acd16d04a158d9e37784a7) (http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=gxDrcIA)
Looks like you have put on a bit of weight.
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He's just as I always pictured him. ;)
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I wish to serve this goat with potatoes.
I can do one of the following:
Sautee them gently with some chives
Mash them delicately with butter and black pepper
Cook them carefully in a Dauphinoise Sauce
Immerse them in boiling fat
What do you recommend?
Boiling fat... oh yes, no question... cloud9:
Cut them into little 'strips' first - so they cook faster like... happy088
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Can I cook this goat whole, like? And can I leave the head on?
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Can I cook this goat whole, like? And can I leave the head on?
Oh yes! cloud9:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg37.imageshack.us%2Fimg37%2F1713%2F40566956.th.jpg&hash=8a3db188d27a36013ac69ec9ecd7e8f89b53cdc2) (http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=Pq1pcSl0)
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What is your favourite meringue recipe?
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Can I cook this goat whole, like? And can I leave the head on?
Oh yes! cloud9:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg37.imageshack.us%2Fimg37%2F1713%2F40566956.th.jpg&hash=8a3db188d27a36013ac69ec9ecd7e8f89b53cdc2) (http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=Pq1pcSl0)
Looks like that chap has trapped his privates in the collapsed seat. eeek:
Still, at least it wasn't the goat. . .
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What is your favourite meringue recipe?
Do what now...? Shrugs:
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Meringues. I also need to make some fairy cakes. And a small trifle
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Meringues ~ Whisk egg whites and sugar until it "peaks". Place a tablespoonful of mixture on baking parchment. Continue until all the mix is used. This will depend on how many egg whites you have used. Leave a space between each spoonful or they will "merge". Alternatively for a pavlova spoon out two equal quantities into large heaps. Bake in a moderate oven until cooked. Should be hard on the outside but not dark brown! Leave to set after baking.
Whip cream and if desired soft fruit. Place layer of cream/fruit between the halves of meringue and Robert is your father's brother.
Fairy cakes ~ you need some paper cake cases. Beat equal amounts of flour, butter and castor sugar until creamy smooth mixture is obtained (I usually go for 225 grms of each) Beat in three large eggs. Spoon mixture into cake cases (about half fill each case) and bake in a moderate oven for 10 to 15 minutes.
A small trifle ~ Look inside your Y fronts!
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Meringues. I also need to make some fairy cakes. And a small trifle
Are you having a party eastdrink048
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No. I am asking BM for his expert advice. Not Snoopy evil:
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No. I am asking BM for his expert advice. Not Snoopy evil:
Take eggs, fry them... serve with chips like...
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In layers like ....a fry up trifle rubschin:
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Do not give him ideas noooo:
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Fairy cakes ~ you need some paper cake cases. Beat equal amounts of flour, butter and castor sugar until creamy smooth mixture is obtained (I usually go for 225 grms of each) Beat in three large eggs. Spoon mixture into cake cases (about half fill each case) and bake in a moderate oven for 10 to 15 minutes.
I started using the Magnolia Bakery recipe for their vanilla cupcakes for fairy cakes. Much nicer.
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I am sure BM will be rushing to buy some as we speak
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Dear BM
I have a lot of carrots and am not sure what to do with them. Do you have any delicious suggestions?
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Dear BM
I have a lot of carrots and am not sure what to do with them. Do you have any delicious suggestions?
Carrot cake! cloud9:
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Is your name BM? evil:
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No but carrot cake is yumster! cloud9:
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Can you fry it?
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You could make a sort of bubble and squeak affair if you were insistant on frying I suppose.
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More BM's style I think
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(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg36.imageshack.us%2Fimg36%2F9781%2F38821366.th.jpg&hash=577ae25b219f10febee9070ee0151c80b4b65753) (http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=Pq1u1Fl9)
eeek:
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Meringues. I also need to make some fairy cakes. And a small trifle
Would that be a trifling trifle?
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No, a serious trifle. The Unigates are coming! evil:
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Dear BM
I have a lot of carrots and am not sure what to do with them. Do you have any delicious suggestions?
Oh yes... cloud9:
Whack them in a juicer - with some peeled oranges... Carrot and orange juice is luvleee and contains essential antioxidants which combat the effects of egg and chips... cloud9:
Oh, and vitamin C too so you don't get scurvy from eating chips all the time... whistle:
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Pudding? Drink? Ingredient? WOt
He is useless noooo:
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Routine...
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three metre exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.
Here comes the important part:
(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
More routine...
(6) The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat.
Important again:
(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
More routine...
(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauce and brings them to the table.
(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
And most important of all:
(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed her 'night off ', and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing
some women.
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lol: lol: lol:
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Hold on tho... rubschin:
See Also: - http://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=99.0
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Observe at your next BBQ
Simon was at the barbecue and Dave was at the barbecue and I was at the barbecue; three men standing around a barbecue, sipping beer, staring at sausages, rolling them backwards and forwards, never leaving them alone. We didn't know why we were at the barbecue; we were just drawn there like moths to a flame. The barbecue was a powerful gravitational force, a man-magnet.
Dave said the thin ones could use a turn, I said yeah I reckon the thin ones could use a turn, Simon said yeah they really need a turn - it was a unanimous turning decision. Simon was the Tong-Master, a true artist, he gave a couple of practice snaps of his long silver tongs, SNAP SNAP, before moving in, prodding, teasing, and with an elegant flick of his wrist, rolling them onto their little backs. A lesser tong-man would've flicked too hard; the sausages would've gone full circle, back to where they started. Nice, I said. The others went yeah.
Dan was passing us, he heard the siren-song-sizzle of the snags, the barbecue was calling, beckoning, Dannnnn ...come. He stuck his head in and said any room? We said yeah and began the barbecue shuffle; Simon shuffled to the left, Dave shuffled to the left, I shuffled to the left, Dan slipped in beside me, we sipped our beer.
Now there were four of us staring at sausages, and Simon gave me the nod, my cue. I was second-in-command, and I had to take the raw sausages out of the plastic bag and lay them on the barbecue; not too close together, not too far apart, curl them into each other's bodies like lovers -fat ones, thin ones, herbed and continental. The chipolatas were tiny, they could easily slip down between the grill, falling into the molten hot-bead-netherworld below. Carefully I laid them sideways ACROSS the grill, clever thinking. Simon snapped his tongs with approval; there was no greater barbecue honour. P.J. came along, he said looking good, looking good - the irresistible lure of the barbecue had pulled him in too. We said yeah and did the shuffle, left, left, left, left, he slipped in beside Dan, we sipped our beer. Five men, lots of sausages.
Dave was the Fork-pronger; he had the fork that pronged the tough hides of the Bavarian bratwursts and he showed a lot of promise. Stabbing away eagerly, leaving perfect little vampire holes up and down the casing. P.J. was shaking his head, he said I reckon they cook better if you don't poke them. There was a long silence, you could have heard a chipolata drop, and this newcomer was a rabble-rouser, bringing in his crazy ideas from outside. He didn't understand the hierarchy; first the Tong-master, then the Sausage-layer, then the Fork-pronger - and everyone below was just a watcher. Maybe eventually they'll move up the ladder, but for now - don't rock the Weber.
Dianne popped her head in; hmmm, smells good, she said. She was trying to jostle into the circle; we closed ranks, pulling our heads down and our shoulders in, mumbling yeah, yeah, yeah, but making no room for her. She was keen, going round to the far side of the barbecue, heading for the only available space . . . the gap in the circle where all the smoke and ashes blew. Nobody could survive the gap; Dianne was going to try. She stood there stubbornly, smoke blinding her eyes, ashes filling her nostrils, sausage fat spattering all over her arms and face. Until she couldn't take it anymore, she gave up, backed off.
Dan waited till she was gone and sipped his beer. We sipped our beer, yeah. Simon handed me his tongs. I looked at him and he nodded. I knew what was happening, I'd waited a long time for this moment - the abdication. The tongs weighed heavy in my hands, firm in my grip - was I ready for the responsibility? Yes, I was. I held them up high and they glinted in the sun. Don't forget to turn the thin ones Simon said as he walked away from the barbecue, disappearing toward the house. Yeah I called back, I will, I will. I snapped them twice, SNAP SNAP, before moving in, prodding, teasing, and with an elegant flick of my wrist, rolling them back onto their little bellies. I was a natural, I was the TONG-MASTER. But only until Simon got back from the toilet.
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Sad thing is it's true. ::)
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Sad thing is it's true. ::)
You've stood in the smoke gap then? point:
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No I'm normally in the kitchen making all the side dishes and providing more beer. Then when we've eaten Mr Wench asks why I haven't said thank you for him cooking dinner. All he has done is sit there and poke at stuff! cussing:
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How many burn marks does he have on his body whistle:
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No I'm normally in the kitchen making all the side dishes and providing more beer. Then when we've eaten Mr Wench asks why I haven't said thank you for him cooking dinner. All he has done is sit there and poke at stuff! cussing:
It isn't just poking - you need to read it again... ::)
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No I'm normally in the kitchen making all the side dishes and providing more beer. Then when we've eaten Mr Wench asks why I haven't said thank you for him cooking dinner. All he has done is sit there and poke at stuff! cussing:
It isn't just poking - you need to read it again... ::)
It certainly isn't chopping, marinading, stirring, baking, mixing etc etc etc that is what happens when we have a bbq!
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New Standard Operating Procedures released today please learn
BBQ RULES
We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion: -
Routine...
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert ..
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exube rance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.
Here comes the important part:
(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
More routine...
(6) The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat
Important again:
(eight) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
More routine...
(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
And most important of all:
(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ' her night off ', and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women
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And turning all the meat over... you forgot the turning... ::)
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And lighting the BBQ, with real flames and stuff cloud9:
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And lighting the BBQ, with real flames and stuff cloud9:
Indeed...
And throwing spirit on it to clean the grease off... and burning all your hair and eyebrows in the resulting explosion... prolly... redface:
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You clean the grill!?!?! eeek:
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You clean the grill!?!?! eeek:
Nooooo... noooo:
But for the new season like - you don't know what might have made nests in there... sick2:
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You have a BBQ season?
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You have a BBQ season?
Of course... May to November... You don't want to BBQ in bad weather do you...? noooo:
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I once BBQd indoors in an emergency, like. Not wise.
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Have you used indoor fireworks as well noooo:
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Oh yes! cloud9:
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You clean the grill!?!?! eeek:
Nooooo... noooo:
But for the new season like - you don't know what might have made nests in there... sick2:
Phew! That is a bit of a relief!
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I bet they have hooge malevolent spiders in Cyprus. Lethal ones with lots of legs that bite your bum from under the toilet seat
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I bet they have hooge malevolent spiders in Cyprus. Lethal ones with lots of legs that bite your bum from under the toilet seat
Mahoosive bird-eating spiders like... whistle: char062
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With fangs. And a bite that could lead to an agonising death (but not before many male doctors have embarrassingly examined your bottom)
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eeek:
Deffo shan't be visiting there then!
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eeek:
Deffo shan't be visiting there then!
sad24:
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Buy SPIDERDEATHSPRAY (tm)
only available from Nick Enterprises at a reasonable price angel1
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However he only does bulk orders whistle:
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::)
Barman's Spider-B-Gone spray, free to every visitor at chez Barman... whistle:
(Only in the spider-death season obviously Miss D... ;) )
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I was going to say eeek:
There was none in 'my' room whistle:
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I was going to say eeek:
There was none in 'my' room whistle:
I cleaned all the spiders and webs out when I put the cameras in before you arrived Miss D... whistle:
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Not sure there wasn't some creepy crawlies that came out at night though whistle:
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Not sure there wasn't some creepy crawlies that came out at night though whistle:
eeek:
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I was going to say eeek:
There was none in 'my' room whistle:
I cleaned all the spiders and webs out when I put the cameras in before you arrived Miss D... whistle:
TEDDY BEAR CAMERA
WIRELESS COVERT VIDEO CAMERA IN TEDDY BEAR
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi40.tinypic.com%2F2vuio7p.jpg&hash=e30e4d9a1d9e8a8326c7b823e40d0ca4fbf42bbc)
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eeek:
I bet BM will be on the t'internet tomorrow trying to source one of those noooo:
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eeek:
I bet BM will be on the t'internet tomorrow trying to source one of those noooo:
Don't you remember the little teddy...? whistle:
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Hold on tho... rubschin:
See Also: - http://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=99.0
Ye gods! That Bikini Girl needs to get some clothes on, she'll catch her death
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Hold on tho... rubschin:
See Also: - http://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=99.0
Ye gods! That Bikini Girl needs to get some clothes on, she'll catch her death
That was a trip down mamory lane.
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eeek:
I bet BM will be on the t'internet tomorrow trying to source one of those noooo:
He doesn't need to ~ I have a source. Covert surveillance was just one of many tools in my armoury whistle:
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What am I doing now rubschin:
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(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.postimage.org%2FPq1HLf2J.jpg&hash=3b1ccbe14e9ceedcd033f9ba53cb531601b05b9d) (http://www.postimage.org/)
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Two minds ~ same thought. lol:
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Blimey - where's the Teddy eeek:
I am facing towards Mecca aren't I rubschin:
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