The Virtual Pub
Come Inside... => Saloon Bar => Topic started by: Nick on June 18, 2009, 02:29:56 PM
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I am knackered already.
The dust eeek:. The rubbish eeek:, The bedmaking. evil: The towels. eeek: The inspections to make sure they don't find anything they shouldn't noooo:
I wish they had been and gone already.
Next: chit chat evil:
Fook me: the bathroom ceiling is covered in cobwebs. I have had to sweep it! eeek:
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My ex used to go through the production until one day a visiting Aunt of mine said to her ~ "Look dear, you have two children and I know your house will not always look like a new pin ~ I come to see you not the house". I have maintained that attitude ever since. If visitors don't like the way they find us they needn't come again ..... no skin off my nose.
As Quentin Crisp almost said "After the first four years the dust just doesn't get any thicker"
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You haven't met my sister!!! She does those 'looks'. Come on men, we all know those 'looks' scared2:
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Have you spent your entire life being afraid of wimmin?
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I see that you have NOT met my sister
Her husband is coming noooo:. I have laid in extra supplies of cheese
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He's a mouse as well?
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He is only obeying orders noooo:
She doesn't allow him out normally
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Ye Gods! Banghead
I spend my life teaching, or trying to teach, my children the values of mutual respect and the acceptance of differences in the way people live. Visit your sister in your oldest clothes, go unshaven, look a slob, drink beer out of a tin and belch a lot. See if she gets the message.
rubschin: Mind ~ that sounds like you anyway whistle:
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I thought men were meant to marry women like their mohters ...not like their sisters whistle:
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No wife of mine has been anything like my Mum ~ not even remotely. The only similarity has been in gender.
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My ex was nothing like my mother either.
However, there were a number of similarities between me and the Father-in Law.
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Life is meant for living not cleaning.
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in your oldest clothes, go unshaven, look a slob, drink beer out of a tin and belch a lot.
redface: Have you been peeking?
Anyhoo, WTF is this visit about? Some kind of annual kit inspection? You could have asked GOS to do you a rehearsal ;D
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in your oldest clothes, go unshaven, look a slob, drink beer out of a tin and belch a lot.
redface: Have you been peeking?
Anyhoo, WTF is this visit about? Some kind of annual kit inspection? You could have asked GOS to do you a rehearsal ;D
And you get a band. ;)
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She has already asked about the pile of shite next to the cellar stairs! Feck off!
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Sounds like she's asking to be pushed down there whistle:
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She has already asked about the pile of shite next to the cellar stairs! Feck off!
For heavens sake - she is staying at your house evil:. If she isn't happy with the standards then feck off to a hotel near you or clean up your house until it meets her standards.
If either of my brothers or their women stayed at mine and were that fussy they would either be given a dishcloth or an A - Z noooo:
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She has already asked about the pile of shite next to the cellar stairs! Feck off!
For heavens sake - she is staying at your house evil:. If she isn't happy with the standards then feck off to a hotel near you or clean up your house until it meets her standards.
If either of my brothers or their women stayed at mine and were that fussy they would either be given a dishcloth or an A - Z noooo:
That is roughly what I was saying earlier.
Nick checks that the coast is clear
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.dreamstime.com%2Frat-mousetrap-and-cheese-thumb788983.jpg&hash=49d7c7e83138e5483678f96503e6530e3d3b53f8)
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All that cleaning, dusting, hoovering...and then six months later you gotta do it all again noooo:
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lol:
Boats are easier to maintain though eh lol:
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Everything has to be de-caffeinated. She has brought special tea bags ::)
I have just made coffee. Real coffee. Her husband leapt upon it like a leaping thing, despite being told he would not sleep well noooo:
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The hit of a real coffee and a digestif or two will have him sleeping like a baby... 8)
Mind you, I had a double ristretto at Euston yesterday prior to a meeting... that woke me up eeek:
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lol:
Boats are easier to maintain though eh lol:
It's not a boat evil: ...it's a ship
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Oh bless, sorry - I don't mean to downsize your vessel whistle:
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If I remember rightly, ships can carry boats, boats can't carry ships. Above the waterline it's ships and below it's boats rubschin:
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rubschin:
It's not even my ship anyhoo. I commandeered it like fence:
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Are you Somalian ???
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No...I'm with the Woolwich
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But they're dead now rubschin:
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But they're dead now rubschin:
He is quite ruthless. scared2:
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We've had guests this week (leaving today)...
LL just made them clean their room... noooo:
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It's a sad state of affairs that she had to ask - surely they should be doing that anyway rubschin:
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Our visitors are off out for the day. They will be near to Snoopy's place. rubschin: Perhaps I should send her round to discipline him. eveilgrin: I caught her rearranging a book shelf into alphabetical order last night. I think it may be OCD
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I think it may be OCD
Probably ~ these things do run in a family.
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evil:
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It's a sad state of affairs that she had to ask - surely they should be doing that anyway rubschin:
A quick clean yes...
Not scrub the floors, take the curtains down, re-grout the bath, etc. noooo:
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Did they mess up my room evil:
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Did they mess up my room evil:
Gosh no... we wouldn't let them in your room... scared2:
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Shrine you mean surely whistle:
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Shrine you mean surely whistle:
Yes, sorry I meant the sacred shrine to your humbleness... ::)
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Right. Not worth starting a new thread for, unless others have similar humiliations to endure.
I have been out shopping, like.
I went into the barber's shop for a trim.
Not the usual laydee.
It always costs £10. Every time I go it is £10. Always.
Today it was £8.
I asked why.
"It's the pensioners' discount, dear"
cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing:
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point:
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You got a pensioner to cut your hair angel1
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Right. Not worth starting a new thread for, unless others have similar humiliations to endure.
I have been out shopping, like.
I went into the barber's shop for a trim.
Not the usual laydee.
It always costs £10. Every time I go it is £10. Always.
Today it was £8.
I asked why.
"It's the pensioners' discount, dear"
cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing:
point:
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Ooh, I accidentally smote you all
evil:
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Ooh, I accidentally smote you all
evil:
Back atcha! point:
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And I lost my bank card at the market evil:. I had just cancelled the fecking thing when some old lady (behind me in the bank queue) handed it in Banghead
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And I lost my bank card at the market evil:. I had just cancelled the fecking thing when some old lady (behind me in the bank queue) handed it in Banghead
point:
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Not a good day evil:
And I caught my sister tidying our fridge contents this morning cussing:
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(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.fotosearch.com%2Fbthumb%2FIST%2FIST508%2F89-685.jpg&hash=5301937f4bfb4f1e8fce6f0c72670458163f33fe)
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Ooh, I accidentally smote you all
evil:
But I attempted to be nice sad24:
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You must be out of practice then
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So it would seem noooo:
May the wrath of your sister find every dusty corner of your abode evil:
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She has already recommended several home improvements we might make evil:
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Does she like your rug whistle:
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That rug is still rolled up awaiting further decorating werks.
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That rug is still rolled up awaiting further decorating werks.
Christ on a bike don't let Growler find that out scared2:
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My sister enquired why the bathroom door only locks from the outside ::)
How would I know? It's always done that.
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My sister enquired why the bathroom door only locks from the outside ::)
How would I know? It's always done that.
Can't she whistle when having a crap like everyone else does?
Actually the answer is, and I know it is too late now, that it stops small boys locking themselves in there.
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My sister enquired why the bathroom door only locks from the outside ::)
How would I know? It's always done that.
Can't she whistle when having a crap like everyone else does?
Actually the answer is, and I know it is too late now, that it stops small boys locking themselves in there.
Small boys? rubschin: or Nick
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They just got back scared2:
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Popcorn:
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Our visitors are off out for the day. They will be near to Snoopy's place. rubschin: Perhaps I should send her round to discipline him. eveilgrin: I caught her rearranging a book shelf into alphabetical order last night. I think it may be OCD
Surely that would CDO ;)
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Continuous Duty Overnight ?
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Couldn't Do Owt Shrugs:
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Alphabetical ordering ::)
;)
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worthy: You are so wise.
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Years of lateral thinking... sometimes horizontal thinking redface:
We await MissC's confirmation rubschin:
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.. sometimes horizontal thinking redface: We await Miss C's confirmation rubschin:
Popcorn: Popcorn: Popcorn:
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Years of lateral thinking... sometimes horizontal thinking redface:
We await MissC's confirmation rubschin:
It does have the ring of truth about it.
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They have left happy088
Now we have the effing Unigate family arriving on Thursday. She is barking mad (the one who breast fed her kids till they were 7 eeek:)
noooo:
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Life is meant for living not cleaning.
Whats Cleaning...? since Tg at home i aint seen a hoover for 8 months...or the kitchen at that either..... i have the attitude the same as Snoops, take u as they find u...no1 comes to my house if they gona be any hassle...LOL surrender:
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They have left happy088
Now we have the effing Unigate family arriving on Thursday. She is barking mad (the one who breast fed her kids till they were 7 eeek:)
noooo:
Have you opened a hotel or something?
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shrugs:
It's coping with the food fads that does my head in. Everyone nowadays seem to be allergic to something and no two members of the same set of visitors have the same allergies noooo:
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shrugs:
It's coping with the food fads that does my head in. Everyone nowadays seem to be allergic to something and no two members of the same set of visitors have the same allergies noooo:
Am I invited then...? I'm not allergic to anything like... angel1
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shrugs:
It's coping with the food fads that does my head in. Everyone nowadays seem to be allergic to something and no two members of the same set of visitors have the same allergies noooo:
Am I invited then...? I'm not allergic to anything like... angel1
Apart from decent motorbikes... whistle:
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shrugs:
It's coping with the food fads that does my head in. Everyone nowadays seem to be allergic to something and no two members of the same set of visitors have the same allergies noooo:
Am I invited then...? I'm not allergic to anything like... angel1
You would have to do cleaning and stuff. And babysit The Boy eveilgrin:
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We suffer the same problem. It's living at/near the seaside that attracts them ~ like fecking midges the b@st@rds invite themselves as soon as the summer starts. Never see them when there is a force 9 whipping off the Irish Sea ~ Oh no noooo:
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shrugs:
It's coping with the food fads that does my head in. Everyone nowadays seem to be allergic to something and no two members of the same set of visitors have the same allergies noooo:
Am I invited then...? I'm not allergic to anything like... angel1
Apart from decent motorbikes... whistle:
evil:
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Years of lateral thinking... sometimes horizontal thinking redface:
We await MissC's confirmation rubschin:
It does have the ring of truth about it.
I assure you it is the correct punchline.
I have a daughter in the mental health business. An investment for my twilight years. ;)
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Well they got here at midnight having turned the drive from Bristol into an extended driving lesson for the 17 year old, so they had to avoid motorways noooo:
I had forgotten that she smiles all the time, which makes her look like a loony.
This evening she wishes to meet the CBFT eeek:
I am curious as to how they will greet each other, since shaking hands will be a physical impossibility
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Like an Eskimo kiss but with nipples rubschin:
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happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 eeek:
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We need pictures... whistle:
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I need a wide angle lens!
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TdS9ZJ_Wf4k (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TdS9ZJ_Wf4k)
whacky115
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Mrs Nick explains that they have their own bathroom
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s8HvjchxBVA&feature=related (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s8HvjchxBVA&feature=related)
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Well they have gone. What a fafferama. She has some ancient Nissan Micra and needs to top it up with oil. Except she has no idea how to get the filler cap open (or the bonnet) and can't find the dipstick and can't open the mahoosive oil can she keeps int he car.
Guess who is now covered in oil evil:
And as they left she asked me if I knew the way to fooking St Albans!! eeek:
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How does she know it needs oil if she doesn't know where it goes...? rubschin:
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She has to put a litre in every 200 miles noooo:
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She has to put a litre in every 200 miles noooo:
eeek:
That's more than TMRs old bike.
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She has to put a litre in every 200 miles noooo:
So, does she have a very poor mammary memory then? rubschin:
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I think
Mr Banana Head her husband does it normally