The Virtual Pub

Come Inside... => Saloon Bar => Topic started by: Nick on April 03, 2009, 11:32:13 AM

Title: Job Applications
Post by: Nick on April 03, 2009, 11:32:13 AM
I am presently acting as an adviser to an outfit which is going through a recruitment process. I have been shortlisting applicants.

 noooo:

If the job demands 'exceptionally good communication skills' then they really ought not to say things like 'I am an excelent communicater' (sic) BIN!

If the job demands 'experience of managing a large budget' then they ought not to mention that they failed Maths GCSE or that they have no budget management experience BIN!

And if the job demands that they have 'an understanding of Government policy' then why do they write 'I know little of Government policy'? BIN!

CHrist, the job pays £50K a year FFS  Banghead Banghead
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Barman on April 03, 2009, 11:57:12 AM
I am presently acting as an adviser to an outfit who is going through a recruitment process. I have been shortlisting applicants.

 noooo:

If the job demands 'exceptionally good communication skills' then they really ought not to say things like 'I am an excelent communicater' (sic) BIN!

If the job demands 'experience of managing a large budget' then they ought not to mention that they failed Maths GCSE or that they have no budget management experience BIN!

And if the job demands that they have 'an understanng of Government policy' then why do they write 'I know little of Government policy'? BIN!

CHrist, the job pays £50K a year FFS  Banghead Banghead
I could do that like...  whistle:
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Nick on April 03, 2009, 11:57:54 AM
What? Do the job or shortlist for it?
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Barman on April 03, 2009, 11:59:09 AM
What? Do the job or shortlist for it?
The job like...  whistle:
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Nick on April 03, 2009, 11:59:54 AM
I doubt it. You would have to be diplomatic and stuff
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Barman on April 03, 2009, 12:00:54 PM
I doubt it. You would have to be diplomatic and stuff
I can be diplo-doo-dah...  whistle:

And you can eliminate all the other CVs except mine like... . ;)
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Nick on April 03, 2009, 12:02:01 PM
I have only shortlisted gerls  eyes:

Next stop: the interview  eyes:
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Barman on April 03, 2009, 12:02:58 PM
I have only shortlisted gerls  eyes:

Next stop: the interview  eyes:
bah!
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Nick on April 03, 2009, 12:03:25 PM
The 2 day long interview  cloud9:
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Barman on April 03, 2009, 12:04:37 PM
The 2 day long interview  cloud9:
What a waste of time and money... give it to the oine with the biggest tits...  ;)
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Nick on April 03, 2009, 12:05:08 PM
After 2 days of careful selection only  eveilgrin:
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: GROWLER on April 03, 2009, 12:05:37 PM
I doubt it. You would have to be diplomatic and stuff
I can be diplo-doo-dah...  whistle:

And you can eliminate all the other CVs except mine like... . ;)

Haven't you got enough to be getting on with, like fitting this 'exciting' shower project,  ::) and keeping us all fully informed updated and  riveted of the so called 'progress'? sleep017
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Nick on April 03, 2009, 12:06:18 PM
He is very quiet on the shower front  noooo:
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Barman on April 03, 2009, 12:06:55 PM
I doubt it. You would have to be diplomatic and stuff
I can be diplo-doo-dah...  whistle:

And you can eliminate all the other CVs except mine like... . ;)

Haven't you got enough to be getting on with, like fitting this 'exciting' shower project,  ::) and keeping us all fully informed updated and  riveted of the so called 'progress'? sleep017
I am quite busy actually...  rubschin:

this job really appealed to me tho... or the fifty grand did anyway....  whistle:
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Nick on April 03, 2009, 12:07:20 PM
And the werking in Doncaster bit?
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Barman on April 03, 2009, 12:08:02 PM
He is very quiet on the shower front  noooo:
I picked up all the tiles this morning.. and the glue and the grout like... and the tile drill.... and the diamond tipped tile cutter whatsit...  cloud9:
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: GROWLER on April 03, 2009, 12:08:20 PM
He is very quiet on the shower front  noooo:

Thank F for that. Wish I'd kept me gob shut now though...again. ::)

Stand no doubt, by for more overwhelming tales of excitement on the bloody shower front.....zzzzzz. sleep021
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Nick on April 03, 2009, 12:08:50 PM
He is very quiet on the shower front  noooo:
I picked up all the tiles this morning.. and the glue and the grout like... and the tile drill.... and the diamond tipped tile cutter whatsit...  cloud9:

And then you put them all down again?
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Barman on April 03, 2009, 12:09:01 PM
And the werking in Doncaster bit?
I'd naturally assumed that someone of my calibre would be allowed to work from home like.... In Cyprus...  whistle:
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Barman on April 03, 2009, 12:09:29 PM
He is very quiet on the shower front  noooo:
I picked up all the tiles this morning.. and the glue and the grout like... and the tile drill.... and the diamond tipped tile cutter whatsit...  cloud9:

And then you put them all down again?
I jus' sets them up for yer don't I like!  lol:
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Nick on April 03, 2009, 12:10:17 PM
Someone of your calibre?


(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.postimage.org%2FgxwugQJ.jpg&hash=bad57e076bcd9baa0e2fb6ad81227e87ca5e2989) (http://www.postimage.org/)
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Barman on April 03, 2009, 12:10:54 PM
Someone of your calibre?


(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.postimage.org%2FgxwugQJ.jpg&hash=bad57e076bcd9baa0e2fb6ad81227e87ca5e2989) (http://www.postimage.org/)

That's it... 38R  happy088
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Nick on April 03, 2009, 12:11:32 PM
I thought that was Wench's Bra size  rubschin:
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Barman on April 03, 2009, 12:13:07 PM
I thought that was Wench's Bra size  rubschin:
scared2:

Is she still on holiday?
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Nick on April 03, 2009, 12:14:54 PM
Satellite passes over Spain reveal


(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.postimage.org%2FPqXGGz9.jpg&hash=89fccbcef456210748000708b5aebac5b1cc0fd3) (http://www.postimage.org/)
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Barman on April 03, 2009, 12:15:39 PM
Satellite passes over Spain reveal


(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.postimage.org%2FPqXGGz9.jpg&hash=89fccbcef456210748000708b5aebac5b1cc0fd3) (http://www.postimage.org/)

lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Snoopy on April 03, 2009, 12:48:53 PM
My ex wife has huge tits and lives close to Doncaster ~ she also fits the other requirements as named. whistle:
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Nick on April 03, 2009, 12:53:04 PM
Presumably when she goes into Doncaster she employs a man with a red flag to walk in front of her
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Snoopy on April 03, 2009, 12:58:18 PM
She is also short and in temper(ament) SOOoooooooooooo much like Mrs Nick that they could be sisters  whistle:
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Nick on April 03, 2009, 01:05:14 PM
Scarey indeed. Mrs Nick's knockers would not qualify her for the present job though
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Miss Demeanour on April 03, 2009, 01:07:46 PM
Don't make me call the Equal Opps police now will you  lol:
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Nick on April 03, 2009, 01:09:07 PM
No one eyed Chinaman has applied, as far as I can detect. I had to interview one once. Half blind  noooo: Three quarters blind in truth  noooo:

'So, about this job as a graphic designer then?'

Not good  noooo:
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Snoopy on April 03, 2009, 01:21:57 PM
Mrs Snoopy#1 sported a set of 36 DD ~ Very slender back, had problems with balance at times. whistle:
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Nick on April 03, 2009, 01:22:42 PM
Presumably you bought her some crutches or suchlike for a Valentine's present

She ought to have talked to the CBFT!   razz:
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Miss Demeanour on April 03, 2009, 01:23:34 PM
Mrs Snoopy#1 sported a set of 36 DD ~ Very slender back, had problems with balance at times. whistle:

Was she a drunk then  rubschin:
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Snoopy on April 03, 2009, 01:25:25 PM
Nick: Nah ~ six inch heels to make her lean backwards like and to add needed inches as she was only 5ft tall.


Miss D: Nah ~ just top heavy with a tendancy not to be able to see steps as she walked down them. Mind you if she fell forwards she never damaged her face.
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Miss Demeanour on April 03, 2009, 01:26:36 PM
Miss D: Nah ~ just top heavy with a tendancy not to be able to see steps as she walked down them. Mind you if she fell forwards she never damaged her face.

Or was pushed  rubschin:
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Snoopy on April 03, 2009, 01:26:58 PM
Miss D: Nah ~ just top heavy with a tendancy not to be able to see steps as she walked down them. Mind you if she fell forwards she never damaged her face.

Or was pushed  rubschin:

 angel1
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Nick on April 03, 2009, 01:27:29 PM
I guess she bounced  noooo:

Still, no chance of drowning ever  happy088
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Snoopy on April 03, 2009, 01:28:52 PM
I was in more danger of that  redface:
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Nick on April 03, 2009, 01:29:06 PM
Snorkel!
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Snoopy on April 03, 2009, 01:30:06 PM
Never thought of that.

I do recall putting my nose into her cleavage and thinking I'd gone deaf.
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Miss Demeanour on April 03, 2009, 01:30:57 PM
Mrs Snoopy#1 sported a set of 36 DD ~ Very slender back, had problems with balance at times. whistle:

So comfy pillows does not a marriage make  rubschin:
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Snoopy on April 03, 2009, 01:32:39 PM
They do whilst only one head is resting on them ~ OK?  evil:
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Miss Demeanour on April 03, 2009, 01:34:38 PM
Ok  scared2:
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Nick on April 03, 2009, 01:34:55 PM
I had a girlfriend like that once .................

It was her or me. I like my oxygen  evil:
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Miss Demeanour on April 03, 2009, 01:35:49 PM
I had a girlfriend like that once .................

It was her or me. I like my oxygen  evil:

How many questions can one statement provoke ?????????
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Nick on April 03, 2009, 01:36:58 PM
No one has mentioned balloons yet. Which strikes me as odd  rubschin:
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Snoopy on April 03, 2009, 01:37:58 PM
Or Melons
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Miss Demeanour on April 03, 2009, 01:38:34 PM
No one has mentioned balloons yet. Which strikes me as odd  rubschin:

What is the job for then ???  lol:
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Nick on April 03, 2009, 01:39:36 PM
I forget
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons) on April 03, 2009, 02:28:21 PM
Balloons





Hope that helps
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Nick on April 03, 2009, 03:49:23 PM
Ah yes, I recall now
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Mr Happy on April 03, 2009, 06:33:06 PM
My wife has large breasts, does logic dictate the pillows are already being shared.







Because frankly, divorce is expensive...

£50k pa in Doncaster, I take it that's £4 in wages and the rest in danger money, a town where the fish complain of the smell of fish...

Oh and:

Baps
Humps
Eye Magnets
Jugs
Boobs
Top Bollocks
Knockers
Hooters
Fun Bags
Bazookas
Mams
Bristols
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Nick on April 03, 2009, 06:34:31 PM
Do you too have a snorkel?  eeek:
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Mr Happy on April 03, 2009, 06:37:22 PM
I actually have a full wet suit, mask, oxygen tank and flippers for travelling down south like...



Growler, stop putting like at the end of my posts






like

Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: GROWLER on April 03, 2009, 06:51:11 PM
I actually have a full wet suit, mask, oxygen tank and flippers for travelling down south like...



Growler, stop putting like at the end of my posts






like



WTF have I done/said NOW then FFS? ::)

I get the bastard blame for every bastard thing here there everybastardwhere, and tbqavvth I'm getting well pissed off about it.
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Nick on April 03, 2009, 06:51:56 PM
Come round and man bear the barricades against all comers. I am fit to kill  cussing:
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: grumpyoldsoldier on April 03, 2009, 07:20:36 PM
The 2 day long interview  cloud9:
What a waste of time and money... give it to the oine with the biggest tits...  ;)
Bloody outstanding!!!!!! I almost pissed myself laughing drumroll:
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Miss Demeanour on April 03, 2009, 08:27:49 PM
Bloody outstanding!!!!!! I almost pissed myself laughing drumroll:

Still not had that operation yet GOS  rubschin:
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: grumpyoldsoldier on April 03, 2009, 09:40:25 PM
My bag floweth over Miss D
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 03, 2009, 09:49:09 PM
My bag floweth over Miss D
Nurse will change it for you.  ;)
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Barman on April 04, 2009, 06:03:47 AM
My bag floweth over Miss D
drumroll:
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Barman on April 04, 2009, 06:05:01 AM
I actually have a full wet suit, mask, oxygen tank and flippers for travelling down south like...

Fins, they're fins not flippers...  ::)

And the tank is not filled with Oxygen either.... noooo:
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Snoopy on April 04, 2009, 08:35:56 AM
Come round and man bear the barricades against all comers. I am fit to kill  cussing:

 Popcorn:
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Miss Demeanour on April 04, 2009, 10:56:38 AM
My bag floweth over Miss D

An attractive thought  lol:
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Grumpmeister on April 07, 2009, 11:08:23 AM
My bag floweth over Miss D
Nurse will change it for you.  ;)

BM probably will, after all he needs something to flavour the beer with.  whistle:
Title: Re: Job Applications
Post by: Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons) on April 07, 2009, 02:25:24 PM
 sick2:  Umm yummy