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Come Inside... => The Snug => Topic started by: Barman on June 18, 2007, 09:56:06 AM

Title: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on June 18, 2007, 09:56:06 AM
We?ve just met some Russians who are staying in a house across the road from us. They speak no English at all and my Russian is limited to ?yes?, ?no? and ?goodbye?.

Miraculously, through a series of hand gestures and grunts Mrs. Barman invited them round to dinner on (we think) Thursday night at (we think) seven?

So, I thought it would be a good idea to print out some useful Russian phrases from the tinterweb so that we could communicate a little ? even if we have to point at the words on the paper.

And that is how I?ve just discovered that Моё судно на воздушной подушке полно угрей is a ?useful Russian phrase? for ?my hovercraft is full of eels?.

Advice please on how I can squeeze this gem into the conversation?

 noooo:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Nick on June 18, 2007, 09:57:35 AM
I have a terrible story about a hovercraft. In Mexico City. In a job interview. Not good cry:

Also, eels and hovercraft. It is a risk. In my experience, so it could be fun lol:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 18, 2007, 11:09:13 AM
I should obtain the Russian for:

1."Have another Vodka?"
2."You're my best mate, you are"


Also, don't eat anything they bring, while they are watching.

It is easy to offend by spitting "speciality of wife's village" into the sink and using Jeyes Fluid as a mouthwash to remove the aftertaste.
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Misunderstood on June 18, 2007, 12:20:30 PM
We?ve just met some Russians who are staying in a house across the road from us. They speak no English at all and my Russian is limited to ?yes?, ?no? and ?goodbye?.

Miraculously, through a series of hand gestures and grunts Mrs. Barman invited them round to dinner on (we think) Thursday night at (we think) seven?

So, I thought it would be a good idea to print out some useful Russian phrases from the tinterweb so that we could communicate a little ? even if we have to point at the words on the paper.

And that is how I?ve just discovered that Моё судно на воздушной подушке полно угрей is a ?useful Russian phrase? for ?my hovercraft is full of eels?.

Advice please on how I can squeeze this gem into the conversation?

 noooo:

Advice:

D'y'know, I have a friend called Nick...  That should introduce the hovercraft/eel subject quite neatly.

That leads me naturally to timorously inquire after the fate of Mexico City...
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Nick on June 18, 2007, 12:42:32 PM
They have daily earthquakes.........

OK?
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Misunderstood on June 18, 2007, 12:54:21 PM
They have daily earthquakes.........

OK?

Not OK! - Unless you are responsible for them.   

Give!
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Nick on June 18, 2007, 12:57:18 PM
 evil:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Snoopy on June 18, 2007, 01:18:57 PM
They have daily earthquakes.........

OK?

Not OK! - Unless you are responsible for them.   

Give!

He has been there ~ they now have daily earthquakes ....., QED
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on June 18, 2007, 01:27:40 PM
We?ve just met some Russians who are staying in a house across the road from us. They speak no English at all and my Russian is limited to ?yes?, ?no? and ?goodbye?.

Miraculously, through a series of hand gestures and grunts Mrs. Barman invited them round to dinner on (we think) Thursday night at (we think) seven?

So, I thought it would be a good idea to print out some useful Russian phrases from the tinterweb so that we could communicate a little ? even if we have to point at the words on the paper.

And that is how I?ve just discovered that Моё судно на воздушной подушке полно угрей is a ?useful Russian phrase? for ?my hovercraft is full of eels?.

Advice please on how I can squeeze this gem into the conversation?

 noooo:

Advice:

D'y'know, I have a friend called Nick...  That should introduce the hovercraft/eel subject quite neatly.

That leads me naturally to timorously inquire after the fate of Mexico City...
Yes, I suppose if I can work Nick into the conversation anything is plausible.  whistle:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 18, 2007, 02:03:25 PM
And that is how I?ve just discovered that Моё судно на воздушной подушке полно угрей is a ?useful Russian phrase? for ?my hovercraft is full of eels?.

Advice please on how I can squeeze this gem into the conversation?

 noooo:


Get a trenchcoat and hat and with your best Michael Caine/Harry Palmer impression knock on the door then say the line when they answer....




Either they will think you are nuts (I'll leave Wenchy to add a comment here) or they will be current/former KGB/FSB/ABC/B&Q whatever the current incarnation is and think you are an agent  whistle:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on June 18, 2007, 02:13:11 PM
And that is how I?ve just discovered that Моё судно на воздушной подушке полно угрей is a ?useful Russian phrase? for ?my hovercraft is full of eels?.

Advice please on how I can squeeze this gem into the conversation?

 noooo:


Get a trenchcoat and hat and with your best Michael Caine/Harry Palmer impression knock on the door then say the line when they answer....




Either they will think you are nuts (I'll leave Wenchy to add a comment here) or they will be current/former KGB/FSB/ABC/B&Q whatever the current incarnation is and think you are an agent  whistle:
Or they?ll spray me with a lethal dose of polonium?  noooo:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Snoopy on June 18, 2007, 02:23:41 PM
 freddy:  "The Corn Grows High In The Ukraine"
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 19, 2007, 04:20:44 PM
 freddy: "but the polonium lies low in the colon"
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Misunderstood on June 19, 2007, 11:05:04 PM
The elves cavort until the cock crows.
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on June 20, 2007, 05:57:14 AM
The elves cavort until the cock crows.
Elves or elvers?  whistle:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 20, 2007, 07:24:03 AM
The elves cavort until the cock crows.
Elves or elvers?  whistle:
No stupid, the elvers are learning to fly the hovercraft. ::)
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on June 20, 2007, 08:12:14 AM
The elves cavort until the cock crows.
Elves or elvers?  whistle:
No stupid, the elvers are learning to fly the hovercraft. ::)
Ah... I see....  doh:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 20, 2007, 06:53:32 PM
The elves cavort until the cock crows.
Elves or elvers?  whistle:
No stupid, the elvers are learning to fly the hovercraft. ::)
Ah... I see....  doh:

I did warn you about letting Darwin try your 'special ale' before it had finished brewing  point:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 20, 2007, 07:03:54 PM
The elves cavort until the cock crows.
Elves or elvers?  whistle:
No stupid, the elvers are learning to fly the hovercraft. ::)
Ah... I see....  doh:

I did warn you about letting Darwin try your 'special ale' before it had finished brewing  point:
Luckily, my skin is even thicker than my head. Banghead
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 20, 2007, 07:06:49 PM
 shocked003 But..but..but..but..but that must make you nigh indestructible  scared:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Snoopy on June 20, 2007, 07:30:51 PM
Careful Comrades ~ we have an evesdropper freddy:


The Barman is not secure rubschin:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Misunderstood on June 21, 2007, 12:16:41 AM
The elves cavort until the cock crows.
Elves or elvers?  whistle:

Dunno... Might have been elfers, thinking about it. confused:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 21, 2007, 07:51:12 AM
The elves cavort until the cock crows.
Elves or elvers?  whistle:
Dunno... Might have been elfers, thinking about it. confused:

No, definitely Elves. The hovercraft is whistling "Blue suede shoes".
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 21, 2007, 08:54:19 AM
The elves cavort until the cock crows.
Elves or elvers?  whistle:

Dunno... Might have been elfers, thinking about it. confused:

Nah, can't be them. They arent allowed to under Elf and Safety  drumroll:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 21, 2007, 08:56:54 AM
The elves cavort until the cock crows.
Elves or elvers?  whistle:
Dunno... Might have been elfers, thinking about it. confused:
Nah, can't be them. They arent allowed to under Elf and Safety  drumroll:

That sir, was too, too Arthur Askey.  cussing: cussing: cussing:

Consider yourself smitten.  thatsit:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 21, 2007, 09:12:13 AM
Are you sayinf that you wouldnt have posted it yourself Darwin?  eyes:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 21, 2007, 09:21:42 AM
Are you sayinf that you wouldnt have posted it yourself Darwin?  eyes:
I will stoop quite low, but 1950's Arthur Askey "National Elf Service" styled gags are a bridge too far. Angry9:



In answer to your question, only as a last resort. e.g. Bridlington


Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Bar Wench on June 21, 2007, 11:44:25 AM
Hang on. Why on earth would you invite people to dinner that you can't speak to?
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Nick on June 21, 2007, 12:46:18 PM
Think of your family. And then consider your position
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on June 21, 2007, 12:54:59 PM
Hang on. Why on earth would you invite people to dinner that you can't speak to?
A remarkably astute question?  rubschin:

I dunno.  shrugs:

I have printed two-side crib sheets in Russian and English so that we can just point. It will be like a piss-up at the deaf and dumb club.  noooo:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Nick on June 21, 2007, 01:09:19 PM
Oh they are fun. Later in the evening everyone is gesturing rude stuff by accident. Go for it!
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 21, 2007, 01:51:00 PM
Hang on. Why on earth would you invite people to dinner that you can't speak to?

Wenchy this is Nick we are talking about, how many threads has he started in the past where nobody has been able to understand him. Its business as usual for him  point:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Nick on June 21, 2007, 01:55:56 PM
I understand my own threads perfectly. It is everyone else who is out of step!
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Bar Wench on June 21, 2007, 02:30:47 PM
Think of your family. And then consider your position

Ahhh but I could talk to them if I wanted to.
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on June 21, 2007, 02:42:39 PM
I?m sure it will all make perfect sense after a few vodka toasts?   whistle:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 21, 2007, 02:54:24 PM
I?m sure it will all make perfect sense after a few vodka toasts?   whistle:

Vodka toast? Hang on, Nick, alcohol, bread mix, oven...........  scared2:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on June 21, 2007, 03:12:03 PM
I?m sure it will all make perfect sense after a few vodka toasts?   whistle:

Vodka toast? Hang on, Nick, alcohol, bread mix, oven...........  scared2:
They'll be here in 50 mins!  scared2:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Bar Wench on June 21, 2007, 03:19:44 PM
Greet them with this ancient Russian welcome


хотели бы Вы иметь секс с моим козлом
khoteli by Vy imet' seks s moim kozlom
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 21, 2007, 03:22:14 PM
Ok Wenchy what does that really mean, you know that Nick is likely to use that as a greeting if he isnt put straight  eyes:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on June 21, 2007, 03:24:51 PM
Greet them with this ancient Russian welcome


хотели бы Вы иметь секс с моим козлом
khoteli by Vy imet' seks s moim kozlom
eeek: Your hovercraft is full of eels too?
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Bar Wench on June 21, 2007, 03:25:36 PM
No!

Welcome to my humble abode, partake of the delicious goat.
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Uncle Mort on June 21, 2007, 03:27:32 PM
Babelfish gave me:

Quote
would want you to have a sex with my goat khoteli by Vy imet ' seks s moim kozlom

You little minx!
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Bar Wench on June 21, 2007, 03:29:49 PM
Bastard! He'd have said it too!  point:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 21, 2007, 03:36:31 PM
Yes and knowing Nick's luck they would have been KGB and he would have been well buggered Wenchy.
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Bar Wench on June 21, 2007, 03:37:10 PM
Yes and knowing Nick's luck they would have been KGB and he would have been well buggered Wenchy.

 eveilgrin:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 21, 2007, 03:39:12 PM
Nick I think Wenchy has just volunteered to be your culinary guinea pig  point:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on June 21, 2007, 04:23:38 PM
They don't drink!  shocked003
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Nick on June 21, 2007, 04:29:10 PM
At all? Not even milk?
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Bar Wench on June 21, 2007, 05:53:51 PM
They don't drink!  shocked003

Are they vegetarians too?!?!  eeek:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 21, 2007, 06:59:53 PM
They don't drink!  shocked003

Give them time, a meal with Nick with all the resulting calamities should be enough to turn anyone to drink  eastdrink048
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Nick on June 21, 2007, 07:44:55 PM
 evil:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on June 21, 2007, 07:48:04 PM
Well, that was three hours of fun?  noooo:

?and we?re going to theirs on Sunday.  sad32:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on June 21, 2007, 07:48:27 PM
At all? Not even milk?
Water.
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on June 21, 2007, 07:49:11 PM
They don't drink!  shocked003

Are they vegetarians too?!?!  eeek:
Luckily not - the BBQ would have been a complete disaster...  noooo:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 22, 2007, 09:29:54 AM
Aw hell if I'd known it would be a BBQ I'd have recommended one of my favourite sweet dishes - BBQ'd bananas filled with armangnac  eyes:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on June 22, 2007, 09:37:33 AM
Aw hell if I'd known it would be a BBQ I'd have recommended one of my favourite sweet dishes - BBQ'd bananas filled with armangnac  eyes:
We wanted top eat stuff not blow the whole villa down...  noooo:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Nick on June 22, 2007, 09:39:41 AM
I seem to recall a Collins Italian phrase book which contained the useful phrase (in the Hairdressing section)

"Stop, the water is too hot. You are scalding me."

Probably better ways to communicate that than reading it out in phonetic italian.

ASnd speaking of phones, mine has just stopped working Banghead Banghead
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Snoopy on June 22, 2007, 09:41:36 AM
I seem to recall a Collins Italian phrase book which contained the useful phrase (in the Hairdressing section)

"Stop, the water is too hot. You are scalding me."

Probably better ways to communicate that than reading it out in phonetic italian.

ASnd speaking of phones, mine has just stopped working Banghead Banghead

'Spect Mrs Nick has worn it out.
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 22, 2007, 09:42:26 AM
Take the batteries out, rub them between yr hands and put them back in again...  whistle:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on September 09, 2010, 02:09:51 PM
Invited out to dinner this evening to the Russians across the road again... will try and squeeze Моё судно на воздушной подушке полно угрей into the conversation once more....  rubschin:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons) on September 09, 2010, 03:02:22 PM
Persistant buggers aren't they?  They must really really like you what with all these invitations. whistle:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on September 09, 2010, 03:39:30 PM
Persistant buggers aren't they?  They must really really like you what with all these invitations. whistle:

Well, you can understand that I'm sure...  angel1
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Snoopy on September 09, 2010, 03:42:32 PM
 rubschin: I reckon they are setting you up to be a "mole".

First it's the party invites, then the intimate evenings, then the hidden cameras and before you know it the trap will be sprung and you will be ordered to Moscow for special training.


You could end up seeing Cuba from the inside of orange overalls.
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons) on September 09, 2010, 04:56:48 PM

(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs2.postimage.org%2FtkNTr.jpg&hash=c7bf983b699b1802733e1f71a87fd20c8ddd118a) (http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=TstkNTr)

Yep BM the 'mole' is certainly sex on a stick. noooo:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on September 09, 2010, 07:38:15 PM
I'm back safely...  cloud9:

Not too bad... bit of confusion (four of them, non with any English) after pictures were shown of their house and their cat... Apparently "eye" in Russian is "glass" so their cat doesn't in fact have a green glass eye but just green eyes...  ::)

So pleased to spend an hour clarifying that...  noooo:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Miss Demeanour on September 09, 2010, 07:45:14 PM
How pissed did you have to get ?  noooo:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on September 09, 2010, 07:50:54 PM
How pissed did you have to get ?  noooo:

These are the non-drinkers...  noooo:

They had two cold bottles of Becks on the table as they know I enjoy a beer or ten... then they tried to cool down some more by putting them in the freezer (they'll be cracked open by the morning prolly) so it was a fairly sober evening... apart from the collapso I glugged down before leaving and since I got back...  redface:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Miss Demeanour on September 09, 2010, 07:52:53 PM
2 beers  eeek:

That would hardly wet your whistle  whistle:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on September 09, 2010, 07:53:34 PM
2 beers  eeek:

That would hardly wet your whistle  whistle:

It is a very large whistle...  whistle:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Miss Demeanour on September 09, 2010, 07:55:25 PM
Vuvuzela no doubt  ::)
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on September 09, 2010, 07:58:11 PM
Vuvuzela no doubt  ::)

Larger...  whistle:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons) on September 11, 2010, 04:14:47 PM
Alpine horn? eeek: eeek:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on September 11, 2010, 04:20:00 PM
Alpine horn? eeek: eeek:

 drumroll:  lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Just One More on September 11, 2010, 04:46:36 PM
I'd have loved to have one of those  ;)
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Miss Demeanour on September 11, 2010, 04:58:36 PM
...or are you now too old to remember  lol:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Pastis on September 11, 2010, 05:03:20 PM
It's not often JOM blows his own trumpet  whistle:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on October 02, 2010, 09:38:02 AM
I just remembered! doh:

On my way out to get pissed eat last night the Russians caught me (and there is nothing worse than being caught by the Russians I can tell you  drumroll:)...

They want me to go in their sauna with them today!  eeek:

I shall keep a low profile...  scared2:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Just One More on October 02, 2010, 11:50:05 AM
You'll be stooping that low  eeek: Sooner you than me  point:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Pastis on October 02, 2010, 05:46:29 PM
He'll be sweating it out  whistle:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Darwins Selection on October 02, 2010, 05:46:43 PM
You'll be stooping that low  eeek: Sooner you than me  point:

Quite. Don't drop the soap.  eeek:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on October 02, 2010, 05:53:32 PM
Managed to avoid them today... they go back on the 5th...  scared2:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 02, 2010, 06:56:56 PM
They want me to go in their sauna with them today!  eeek:

Got a thinble to match your bucket?  whistle:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on October 02, 2010, 07:25:06 PM
They want me to go in their sauna with them today!  eeek:

Got a thinble to match your bucket?  whistle:

 evil:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 04, 2010, 05:05:05 PM
It could have been worse BM, I could have quoted the famous line from Scarface:

"Say hello to my lil' friend"  whistle:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on June 11, 2011, 01:55:43 PM
Invited over again tonight....  scared2:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: apc2010 on June 11, 2011, 02:11:13 PM
Invited over again tonight....  scared2:


So you will be   surrender:  tomorrow morning
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on June 11, 2011, 03:22:25 PM
Invited over again tonight....  scared2:


So you will be   surrender:  tomorrow morning

No!  evil:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 11, 2011, 03:25:14 PM
Invited over again tonight....  scared2:


So you will be   surrender:  tomorrow morning

No!  evil:

Later this evening then?
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on June 11, 2011, 03:28:19 PM
Invited over again tonight....  scared2:


So you will be   surrender:  tomorrow morning

No!  evil:

Later this evening then?

 lol: lol: lol:

Hopefully it won't be a late one....  noooo:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: apc2010 on June 11, 2011, 03:29:58 PM
Invited over again tonight....  scared2:


So you will be   surrender:  tomorrow morning

No!  evil:

Later this evening then?

 lol: lol: lol:

Hopefully it won't be a late one....  noooo:

free booze ........early night...... rubschin:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 11, 2011, 03:32:26 PM
Invited over again tonight....  scared2:


So you will be   surrender:  tomorrow morning

No!  evil:

Later this evening then?

 lol: lol: lol:

Hopefully it won't be a late one....  noooo:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fearthtodave.com%2Fwp%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2009%2F02%2Fflying-pig-400x350.jpg&hash=72ed1a4b7ecbdfab399fdef1a662871537145e55)
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on April 29, 2012, 04:16:56 PM
The Russians have turned up!  scared2:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: apc2010 on April 29, 2012, 04:28:29 PM
The Russians have turned up!  scared2:

Give em some home brew .......... :thumbsup:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on April 29, 2012, 04:36:10 PM
The Russians have turned up!  scared2:

Give em some home brew .......... :thumbsup:

They only drink vodka - I'll give them some of Miss D's Absolut stash....  Thumbs:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Miss Demeanour on April 29, 2012, 04:54:18 PM
 sad32: sad32: sad32: sad32: sad32:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on April 29, 2012, 05:40:22 PM
sad32: sad32: sad32: sad32: sad32:

It has a 'Use by' date you know....  ::)
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: apc2010 on April 29, 2012, 05:41:26 PM
sad32: sad32: sad32: sad32: sad32:

It has a 'Use by' date you know....  ::)

You think she has it that long................ noooo:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Misty on April 29, 2012, 05:42:19 PM
The Russians have turned up!  scared2:

Give em some home brew .......... :thumbsup:

They only drink vodka - I'll give them some of Miss D's Absolut stash....  Thumbs:


wait! I'm on my way.
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Miss Demeanour on April 29, 2012, 05:45:32 PM
sad32: sad32: sad32: sad32: sad32:

It has a 'Use by' date you know....  ::)

Lasts a feck of a long time though ......time enough yet  sad32: sad32: sad32:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on April 29, 2012, 06:24:12 PM
sad32: sad32: sad32: sad32: sad32:

It has a 'Use by' date you know....  ::)

Lasts a feck of a long time though ......time enough yet  sad32: sad32: sad32:

You haven't been here for two years....  ::)
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on April 29, 2012, 06:27:43 PM
The Russians have turned up!  scared2:

Give em some home brew .......... :thumbsup:

They only drink vodka - I'll give them some of Miss D's Absolut stash....  Thumbs:


wait! I'm on my way.

Do you like Mini Magnums too...?  lol:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Misty on April 29, 2012, 06:33:54 PM
The Russians have turned up!  scared2:

Give em some home brew .......... :thumbsup:

They only drink vodka - I'll give them some of Miss D's Absolut stash....  Thumbs:


wait! I'm on my way.

Do you like Mini Magnums too...?  lol:

 noooo: sick2:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on April 29, 2012, 06:36:38 PM
The Russians have turned up!  scared2:

Give em some home brew .......... :thumbsup:

They only drink vodka - I'll give them some of Miss D's Absolut stash....  Thumbs:


wait! I'm on my way.

Do you like Mini Magnums too...?  lol:

 noooo: sick2:

 whacky115
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: apc2010 on April 29, 2012, 06:39:11 PM
The Russians have turned up!  scared2:

Give em some home brew .......... :thumbsup:

They only drink vodka - I'll give them some of Miss D's Absolut stash....  Thumbs:


wait! I'm on my way.

Do you like Mini Magnums too...?  lol:

Are they free like ............. rubschin:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on April 29, 2012, 06:40:23 PM
The Russians have turned up!  scared2:

Give em some home brew .......... :thumbsup:

They only drink vodka - I'll give them some of Miss D's Absolut stash....  Thumbs:


wait! I'm on my way.

Do you like Mini Magnums too...?  lol:

Are they free like ............. rubschin:

Not to you, no....  noooo:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: apc2010 on April 29, 2012, 06:41:24 PM
The Russians have turned up!  scared2:

Give em some home brew .......... :thumbsup:

They only drink vodka - I'll give them some of Miss D's Absolut stash....  Thumbs:


wait! I'm on my way.

Do you like Mini Magnums too...?  lol:

Are they free like ............. rubschin:

Not to you, no....  noooo:

Tight-ass........... evil:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on April 29, 2012, 06:47:00 PM
The Russians have turned up!  scared2:

Give em some home brew .......... :thumbsup:

They only drink vodka - I'll give them some of Miss D's Absolut stash....  Thumbs:


wait! I'm on my way.

Do you like Mini Magnums too...?  lol:

Are they free like ............. rubschin:

Not to you, no....  noooo:

Tight-ass........... evil:

Padlock pockets!  point:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: apc2010 on April 29, 2012, 06:48:39 PM
Fog em to rambo whippy........... :thumbsup:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on April 29, 2012, 06:50:17 PM
Fog em to rambo whippy........... :thumbsup:

Your pockets???? Shrugs:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: apc2010 on April 29, 2012, 06:51:32 PM
Fog em to rambo whippy........... :thumbsup:

Your pockets???? Shrugs:

The ice cream van you mong........... noooo:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on April 29, 2012, 06:52:29 PM
Fog em to rambo whippy........... :thumbsup:

Your pockets???? Shrugs:

The ice cream van you mong........... noooo:

He needs fog????  rubschin:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Misty on April 29, 2012, 06:53:45 PM
 happ096

now who's the mong apc?!   point:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on April 29, 2012, 06:55:30 PM
happ096

now who's the mong apc?!   point:

happy001
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on February 08, 2013, 08:35:49 AM
The Russians are here again - invited over at 4...  scared2:

Only two of them - not a werd of English between them...  noooo:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Uncle Mort on February 08, 2013, 08:39:41 AM
Just make sure they don't break anything.
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: apc2010 on February 08, 2013, 01:01:05 PM
The Russians are here again - invited over at 4...  scared2:

Only two of them - not a werd of English between them...  noooo:

Voddy time,,,,, :thumbsup:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on February 08, 2013, 01:03:00 PM
The Russians are here again - invited over at 4...  scared2:

Only two of them - not a werd of English between them...  noooo:

Voddy time,,,,, :thumbsup:

Exactly... voddy shots!  Thumbs:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: apc2010 on April 07, 2013, 05:10:43 PM
Awaits OMPH........tomorrow........ noooo:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons) on April 07, 2013, 05:26:29 PM
Again. ::)  How difficult is it to say 'net' instead of 'da', it must be the fools grin he wears (or the stockings and skirt) that keeps them topping him upski. noooo:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: apc2010 on April 07, 2013, 05:35:23 PM
Again. ::)  How difficult is it to say 'net' instead of 'da', it must be the fools grin he wears (or the stockings and skirt) that keeps them topping him upski. noooo:

He is not fussy about his friends ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,wait ............. rubschin:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Steve on April 07, 2013, 05:53:51 PM
Being Johnny come lately person at the VPub can I ask if this thread is related to the old Python sketch about the dodgy phrase book?
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 07, 2013, 09:34:25 PM
Being Johnny come lately person at the VPub can I ask if this thread is related to the old Python sketch about the dodgy phrase book?

Broadly yes, but Nick is the hovercraft specialist.
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Steve on April 07, 2013, 09:41:25 PM
ta

hovercraft specialist eh?   scared2:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits) on April 08, 2013, 07:20:28 AM
Ah, 'HOVERcraft' - I thought it was about the art of using a vacuum cleaner . . . .
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on April 08, 2013, 07:44:53 AM
Again. ::)  How difficult is it to say 'net' instead of 'da', it must be the fools grin he wears (or the stockings and skirt) that keeps them topping him upski. noooo:

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on September 13, 2015, 04:54:37 PM
So, the Russians are here again....

The Mum can't speak English at all but can read and write it somewhat....

...so she brings us a note over just now....


(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs3.postimg.org%2Fozqh2l2b3%2FP1000906.jpg&hash=c1403e9dbe1530075f019e8d839a940d3bff466f) (http://postimg.org/image/ozqh2l2b3/)

 eeek:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Nick on September 13, 2015, 04:55:50 PM
"pliz helpp us joyn threemassons"?
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Miss Adventure on September 13, 2015, 04:57:12 PM
I knew it, swinger-alert!
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Nick on September 13, 2015, 05:00:56 PM
Viagra: check
Blindfolds: check
Three bags: check
Vaseline: check
Eels: check
Thong: check
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on September 13, 2015, 05:04:41 PM
Viagra: check
Blindfolds: check
Three bags: check
Vaseline: check
Eels: check
Thong: check

 rubschin:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Nick on September 13, 2015, 05:05:28 PM
You can just take your Gameboy, or whatever
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on September 13, 2015, 05:08:49 PM
You can just take your Gameboy, or whatever

I was gonna take LL....?  rubschin:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Nick on September 13, 2015, 05:10:53 PM
Up the Troodos?
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on September 13, 2015, 05:15:16 PM
Up the Troodos?

 Spank2: Spank2: Spank2:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Nick on September 13, 2015, 05:16:44 PM
 Shrugs:

I am taking Miss I up the Erewash later this week.
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on September 13, 2015, 05:19:16 PM
Shrugs:

I am taking Miss I up the Erewash later this week.

I'm sure you will both find it enlightening....


(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs13.postimg.org%2Frebkub0fn%2Findex.jpg&hash=52c48e1470d27d9c08ba08b8b1fdec65eaf84f21) (http://postimg.org/image/rebkub0fn/)
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Nick on September 13, 2015, 05:21:00 PM
You think she misheard?  rubschin:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Steve on September 13, 2015, 05:25:12 PM
So, the Russians are here again....

The Mum can't speak English at all but can read and write it somewhat....

...so she brings us a note over just now....


(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs3.postimg.org%2Fozqh2l2b3%2FP1000906.jpg&hash=c1403e9dbe1530075f019e8d839a940d3bff466f) (http://postimg.org/image/ozqh2l2b3/)

 eeek:
eeek: eeek:

happy001

Viagra: check
Blindfolds: check
Three bags: check
Vaseline: check
Eels: check
Thong: check

happy001 happy001
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Darwins Selection on September 13, 2015, 07:31:57 PM
So, the Russians are here again....

The Mum can't speak English at all but can read and write it somewhat....

...so she brings us a note over just now....


(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs3.postimg.org%2Fozqh2l2b3%2FP1000906.jpg&hash=c1403e9dbe1530075f019e8d839a940d3bff466f) (http://postimg.org/image/ozqh2l2b3/)

 eeek:

Life in the Home Counties must seem very tame now.
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Nick on September 13, 2015, 07:33:16 PM
I am sure you have your moments Mr Darwin. sir.  eyes:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Darwins Selection on September 13, 2015, 07:34:37 PM
I am sure you have your moments Mr Darwin. sir.  eyes:

A distant memory now.  surrender:  sad32:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 13, 2015, 07:37:46 PM
I am sure you have your moments Mr Darwin. sir.  eyes:

Middle ages wasn't it...  rubschin:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Darwins Selection on September 13, 2015, 07:42:17 PM
I am sure you have your moments Mr Darwin. sir.  eyes:

Middle ages wasn't it...  rubschin:

It was all downhill after Magna Carta.  noooo:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Nick on September 13, 2015, 07:43:09 PM
Was she that Spanish bird? Had a map tattooed on her arse?
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Darwins Selection on September 13, 2015, 07:44:47 PM
Was she that Spanish bird? Had a map tattooed on her arse?

Showing where the treasure was buried?
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Nick on September 13, 2015, 07:45:43 PM
The very same. I am off up the Erewash soon  cloud9:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: apc2010 on September 13, 2015, 07:48:42 PM
I knew it, swinger-alert!

 rubschin:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on September 17, 2015, 05:59:14 AM
It is this evening.... scared2:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on September 17, 2015, 06:57:40 PM
Intercourse is over....  redface:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Steve on September 17, 2015, 07:35:26 PM
Popcorn:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on September 17, 2015, 07:39:23 PM
Popcorn:

It was hard werk like....  whistle:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on May 07, 2016, 09:24:36 AM
The Russians are here!

...sort of...  rubschin:

They (the son that likes a drink) arrived just over a week ago....

We've been avoiding them, not looking in the garden when we walk the dog, etc. for fear of being sucked into a big drinking session....

But yesterday we realised that they have been very quiet... and that the car had been moved off the drive when they first got here but hadn't moved from the road outside their house since...

So we went to investigate...

No sign of them, knocked on the door no answer...

Garden furniture blown all over the garden...

Garage door hanging off its hinges...

Washing on the line...

We tidied up the garden, I managed to 'fix' the garage door...

Then we let ourselves in to see if they were dead in their beds...

Front door wasn't locked - just pulled-to...

Downstairs bathroom window open...

His wallet on the kitchen table with all his credit cards and ID...

It was like the Mary Celeste...  eeek:

We have no idea what has happened!  noooo:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Steve on May 07, 2016, 09:27:49 AM
 rubschin: rubschin: rubschin:  Popcorn:


Did you check for Polonium?
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on May 07, 2016, 09:31:49 AM
rubschin: rubschin: rubschin:  Popcorn:


Did you check for Polonium?

No!  scared2:

I have left my bleddy fingerprints all over the place tho!  Banghead
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Steve on May 07, 2016, 09:38:18 AM
rubschin: rubschin: rubschin:  Popcorn:


Did you check for Polonium?

No!  scared2:

I have left my bleddy fingerprints all over the place tho!  Banghead
Ah.  This could have been quadcopter's finest moment

Does sound time to call in the professionals but I guess you'd have to just use the Cyprus police instead so why bother.
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Nick on May 07, 2016, 09:43:29 AM
 Popcorn: Popcorn: Popcorn: Popcorn:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on May 07, 2016, 11:39:17 AM
Well...

...the only things we could think of where : -

a) Contact the police but as Steve said, that would be a complete farce and very difficult to explain.
b) Send an e-mail to all of their addresses and family contacts.

We chose Plan B   Thumbs:

An hour ago I set off for the village and they are there! doh:

This will take some explaining....  noooo:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Nick on May 07, 2016, 05:14:50 PM
 point: point: point: point: point:

This reminds me of the time I had my sister's house broken into by burly men while she was naked in the bathroom rubschin: angel1
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on May 07, 2016, 05:37:11 PM
point: point: point: point: point:

This reminds me of the time I had my sister's house broken into by burly men while she was naked in the bathroom rubschin: angel1

Keeping a low profile....  redface:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on May 11, 2016, 10:59:17 AM
Summoned to The Russians for lunch!  scared2:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Uncle Mort on May 11, 2016, 12:27:46 PM
gulaged   noooo:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on May 11, 2016, 01:17:49 PM
Back!  ;D

We expected to cross the road and eat at theirs but they were waiting outside the gate in their car...

...they'd booked a table at a local restaurant that is frequented by expats at lunchtime...

So, it was full of expats wearing wife-beater vests - and that was just the 'ladies'....  noooo:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Nick on May 11, 2016, 02:08:22 PM
Back!  ;D

We expected to cross the road and eat at theirs but they were waiting outside the gate in their car...

...they'd booked a table at a local restaurant that is frequented by expats at lunchtime...

So, it was full of expats wearing wife-beater vests - and that was just me'....   redface:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on May 11, 2016, 02:10:55 PM
Back!  ;D

We expected to cross the road and eat at theirs but they were waiting outside the gate in their car...

...they'd booked a table at a local restaurant that is frequented by expats at lunchtime...

So, it was full of expats wearing wife-beater vests - and that was just the 'lme'....  noooo:

sAausage fingers...  noooo:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Nick on May 11, 2016, 02:13:47 PM
 whistle:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on May 11, 2016, 02:25:45 PM
whistle:

You Snoozed and loozed.... ::)
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Nick on May 11, 2016, 02:29:22 PM
Of course, you now owe a return invite to the Russians. Do they favour burnt pizza or LL's sketty surprise?? whistle:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on May 11, 2016, 02:43:28 PM
Of course, you now owe a return invite to the Russians. Do they favour burnt pizza or LL's sketty surprise?? whistle:

I invited them over for Souvla next week...  whistle:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Nick on May 11, 2016, 02:44:10 PM
What can possibly go wrong? razz:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on May 11, 2016, 02:47:58 PM
What can possibly go wrong? razz:

 rubschin:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 13, 2016, 10:29:08 AM
What can possibly go wrong? razz:

 rubschin:

I see a trip to Gubyanka in BM's future...  rubschin:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on May 13, 2016, 10:46:37 AM
What can possibly go wrong? razz:

 rubschin:

I see a trip to Gubyanka in BM's future...  rubschin:

 scared2:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Steve on February 10, 2017, 05:53:09 PM
And the saga has yet another chapter

Tourist: "Hi. My visit to Tanzania has been beautiful, gorgeous. The people are fabulously wonderful and friendly. Greetings are always jambo [the Swahili equivalent of Hello]. Happy to be here. The land is beautiful, beautiful. The animals are wonderful."

Guide (translating): "You Tanzanians complain/cry a lot about hunger. Everyday you cry about hunger when you have flowers at home. Why don't you boil the flowers and drink [them]. It is not good to cry/complain about hunger."

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-38930058 (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-38930058)


Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on February 10, 2017, 06:26:00 PM
And the saga has yet another chapter

Tourist: "Hi. My visit to Tanzania has been beautiful, gorgeous. The people are fabulously wonderful and friendly. Greetings are always jambo [the Swahili equivalent of Hello]. Happy to be here. The land is beautiful, beautiful. The animals are wonderful."

Guide (translating): "You Tanzanians complain/cry a lot about hunger. Everyday you cry about hunger when you have flowers at home. Why don't you boil the flowers and drink [them]. It is not good to cry/complain about hunger."

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-38930058 (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-38930058)

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Barman on June 25, 2018, 04:52:19 PM
In the apartment next to ours there is a Russian family on holibobs...

They don't speak English.

They spend all day on the beach and Dad cooks pork chops on the BBQ when they get home.

Had to explain to them this evening that a cat had been licking all the grease off the BBQ and tools all day using just mime... facepalm:

On another front, it appears that our Russian neighbours at the big house have fallen on hard times!  eeek:

They need to sell the house, the cars, etc. and can we help? They prolly won't be back!  scared2:
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: apc2010 on June 25, 2018, 05:27:20 PM
In the apartment next to ours there is a Russian family on holibobs...

They don't speak English.

They spend all day on the beach and Dad cooks pork chops on the BBQ when they get home.

Had to explain to them this evening that a cat had been licking all the grease off the BBQ and tools all day using just mime... facepalm:

On another front, it appears that our Russian neighbours at the big house have fallen on hard times!  eeek:

They need to sell the house, the cars, etc. and can we help? They prolly won't be back!  scared2:

 ;D
Title: Re: My hovercraft is full of eels
Post by: Nick on June 25, 2018, 06:17:11 PM
Had to explain to them this evening that a cat had been licking all the grease off the BBQ and tools all day using just mime... facepalm:


Video of this? Did Mrs Russian get all excited??  redface: