The Virtual Pub

Come Inside... => Saloon Bar => Topic started by: Nick on June 13, 2007, 12:39:53 PM

Title: Ahem!!
Post by: Nick on June 13, 2007, 12:39:53 PM
The Bar Wench and I have arranged a secret assignation in Epsom (home of the more famous salts).

Does anyone have any advice on how best to handle things?

(DS - here you go. On a plate!)
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Bar Wench on June 13, 2007, 12:47:47 PM
Well now it's not a secret is it!!!!  evil:
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Barman on June 13, 2007, 12:48:41 PM
A high powered rifle with telescopic sights? oh, hold on? assignation you say?  redface:
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 13, 2007, 12:52:28 PM
Given that the boy shows an uncanny ability to crack your passwords I'd say start hiding from Mrs Nick now as he's bound to show her this thread...  scared:
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Bar Wench on June 13, 2007, 12:53:30 PM
Given that the boy shows an uncanny ability to crack your passwords I'd say start hiding from Mrs Nick now as he's bound to show her this thread...  scared:

Hadn't thought of that!  eeek: Where can one buy a Mrs Nick-proof suit?  scared:
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 13, 2007, 12:58:15 PM
The Bar Wench and I have arranged a secret assignation in Epsom (home of the more famous salts).

Does anyone have any advice on how best to handle things?

(DS - here you go. On a plate!)

 eeek: eeek:

Have you been watching "Hannibal Rising"?
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Nick on June 13, 2007, 01:07:22 PM
Given that the boy shows an uncanny ability to crack your passwords I'd say start hiding from Mrs Nick now as he's bound to show her this thread...  scared:

Hadn't thought of that!  eeek: Where can one buy a Mrs Nick-proof suit?  scared:

Tell me that and I shall reward you!
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 13, 2007, 01:12:48 PM
Simple, take Mrs Nicks prized saucepans and attach them to your body. Mrs Nick then can't hurt you without damaging the pans  eyes:
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Bar Wench on June 13, 2007, 01:13:36 PM
There is a flaw in that plan. How will I get the saucepans?
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Nick on June 13, 2007, 01:15:25 PM
I think the idea is that I should carry them with me.

Noisy though. Alternatively, we have a lot of mattresses suddenly cry:
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 13, 2007, 01:22:31 PM
 eeek: This thread starts off about a secret assignation with Wenchy and now you are saying you have a lot of mattresses?  eyes:




just getting in there before Darwin and Berek
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Bar Wench on June 13, 2007, 01:26:09 PM
I think I have to wash my hair that evening!  eeek:
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Nick on June 13, 2007, 01:26:51 PM
Me too!

And I still have hair!
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Bar Wench on June 13, 2007, 01:27:41 PM
Good point. How does one recognise the other on these occasions? Or do I just stand at Epsom station looking for a harrassed man with the weight of the world on his shoulders?
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 13, 2007, 01:30:22 PM
Just follow the sounds of chaos Wenchy, you can't miss him.  point:
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Nick on June 13, 2007, 01:32:51 PM
Good point. How does one recognise the other on these occasions? Or do I just stand at Epsom station looking for a harrassed man with the weight of the world on his shoulders?

That was meant to be our secret (Epsom Station I mean).

6' 2". Fair hair. Blue eyes ( Danish grandparents), handsome. Dark blue suit. Sexy rimless specs. Sexy shoes (possibly). er..........and you have my "number" eyes:
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Snoopy on June 13, 2007, 01:35:19 PM
The Bar Wench and I have arranged a secret assignation in Epsom (home of the more famous salts).

Does anyone have any advice on how best to handle things?

(DS - here you go. On a plate!)

Nick ~ Assuming you don't know what one another looks like an exchange of photographs might be a good idea.
Alternatively you could carry a copy of the Times and wear a red Carnation in your buttonhole. Then if Wench doesn't like the look of you she can catch the next bus out and you'll be none the wiser. She will of course offer a later excuse like "I couldn't get out of work".
With the copy of the Times and the Carnation you could be accosted by some Russians and/or MI5 and open a whole new income stream.

If you have met before what's your problem?

You should, of course, pay for lunch and ~ If you are (a) a gentleman OR (b) scared of Mr Wench and/or Mrs Nick ~ refuse the offer of coffee "back at my place".

Wench ~ all I can suggest is DON'T DO IT!!!!!
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Nick on June 13, 2007, 01:36:59 PM
Ignore him! evil:
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Bar Wench on June 13, 2007, 01:38:57 PM
I'll just call the number until I see someone answer it then.  redface: You're right. Silly question.
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Nick on June 13, 2007, 01:39:50 PM
 evil: rubschin: sad24:
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Bar Wench on June 13, 2007, 01:49:33 PM
How are we going to manage to have a real life conversation without the aid of

 point: evil: eveilgrin: rubschin: sad24: noooo:
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Nick on June 13, 2007, 01:51:25 PM
I shall bring flash cards
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Snoopy on June 13, 2007, 01:57:33 PM
Good point. How does one recognise the other on these occasions? Or do I just stand at Epsom station looking for a harrassed man with the weight of the world on his shoulders?

That was meant to be our secret (Epsom Station I mean).

6' 2". Fair hair. Blue eyes ( Danish grandparents), handsome. Dark blue suit. Sexy rimless specs. Sexy shoes (possibly). er..........and you have my "number" eyes:

Nick ~ you just described Bridget Nielsen  point:
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Bar Wench on June 13, 2007, 01:58:18 PM
Bugger.  sad24:
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Nick on June 13, 2007, 01:59:14 PM
Good point. How does one recognise the other on these occasions? Or do I just stand at Epsom station looking for a harrassed man with the weight of the world on his shoulders?

That was meant to be our secret (Epsom Station I mean).

6' 2". Fair hair. Blue eyes ( Danish grandparents), handsome. Dark blue suit. Sexy rimless specs. Sexy shoes (possibly). er..........and you have my "number" eyes:

Nick ~ you just described Bridget Nielsen  point:

SHe may be a cousin. Most people are!
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Berek on June 13, 2007, 02:01:10 PM
Nick = Blair

wandering the country meeting everyone

is he about to leave his job  rubschin:
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Snoopy on June 13, 2007, 02:01:57 PM
Good point. How does one recognise the other on these occasions? Or do I just stand at Epsom station looking for a harrassed man with the weight of the world on his shoulders?

That was meant to be our secret (Epsom Station I mean).

6' 2". Fair hair. Blue eyes ( Danish grandparents), handsome. Dark blue suit. Sexy rimless specs. Sexy shoes (possibly). er..........and you have my "number" eyes:

Nick ~ you just described Bridget Nielsen  point:

SHe may be a cousin. Most people are!

You wish.
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.criticaldance.com%2Ffind%2Fnielsen.jpg&hash=777795d06a3a3238c90189e124050256c56e238e)
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Nick on June 13, 2007, 02:02:48 PM
I have some very interesting information about Barrow in front of me. Are you man enough?

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Nick on June 13, 2007, 02:03:47 PM
Good point. How does one recognise the other on these occasions? Or do I just stand at Epsom station looking for a harrassed man with the weight of the world on his shoulders?

That was meant to be our secret (Epsom Station I mean).

6' 2". Fair hair. Blue eyes ( Danish grandparents), handsome. Dark blue suit. Sexy rimless specs. Sexy shoes (possibly). er..........and you have my "number" eyes:

Nick ~ you just described Bridget Nielsen  point:

SHe may be a cousin. Most people are!

You wish.
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.criticaldance.com%2Ffind%2Fnielsen.jpg&hash=777795d06a3a3238c90189e124050256c56e238e)

That's her. She was here for tea last week. Mind you, she had clothes on.
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Berek on June 13, 2007, 02:05:03 PM
I have some very interesting information about Barrow in front of me. Are you man enough?

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

http://www.chavtowns.co.uk/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=2215
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Nick on June 13, 2007, 02:07:20 PM
 scared2:
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 13, 2007, 02:12:27 PM
"Body of tall, fair-haired man found in Surrey with large designer saucepan in rectum."
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Bar Wench on June 13, 2007, 02:16:05 PM
 happy001
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 13, 2007, 02:17:51 PM
I'd be careful Wenchy, you may find he's bequethed the boy to you....  point:
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Bar Wench on June 13, 2007, 02:25:34 PM
Not even in jest!  eeek:
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Nick on June 13, 2007, 03:05:53 PM
Ahem evil:
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Bar Wench on June 13, 2007, 03:07:29 PM
Sorry. Love The Boy really. In a perfectly normal adult way of course. 
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Nick on June 13, 2007, 03:08:46 PM
He is currently drenched and watching tennis. If you know how wet dogs smell, then wet boys are not far off. cry:
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Bar Wench on June 13, 2007, 03:09:57 PM
I quite like wet dog smell.  redface:
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Nick on June 13, 2007, 03:10:43 PM
DS!!!! Quick!
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 13, 2007, 03:26:54 PM
DS!!!! Quick!

I do have some standards you know. noooo:
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 13, 2007, 03:32:25 PM
You have a flag collection that smells of wet dog?  whistle:
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Bar Wench on June 13, 2007, 03:34:41 PM
Newspapers that smell of wet dog?
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 13, 2007, 03:45:26 PM
 lol: lol:

You are learning well my young apprentices.

Soon you will be able to wreak havoc on any forum.
 whistle:
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 13, 2007, 03:47:21 PM
lol: lol:

You are learning well my young apprentices.

Soon you will be able to wreak havoc on any forum.
 whistle:

I'm going to be geeked by Wench for this but Darth Darwin?  eeek:
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Bar Wench on June 13, 2007, 03:51:54 PM
I was going with Mr Miagywin. So I may out geek you oh fellow grasshopper.  redface:
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 13, 2007, 04:10:16 PM
Took me a while to work out who you were on about there Wenchy  redface:
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Nick on June 13, 2007, 05:13:02 PM
 eeek:
Title: Re: Ahem!!
Post by: Snoopy on June 13, 2007, 06:41:17 PM
I quite like wet dog smell.  redface:


Coughs Loudly

(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.animationartgallery.com%2Fimages%2FEVE%2FEVEDIR.gif&hash=e6bf080ba69d499f74a4b860222ebbf8dfda601d)