The Virtual Pub

Come Inside... => The Library => Topic started by: Nick on October 02, 2008, 07:29:31 AM

Title: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Nick on October 02, 2008, 07:29:31 AM
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7647663.stm (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7647663.stm)

(Flapping and sound of trumpet)

Yer pregnant
Fook me eeek:
No, not like that.Magic way, like
Fook me! eeek:

Get to Bethlehem, sharpish like
OK. JOE!!

(Clip clop)

Full up shrugs:
Bugger evil:
Fook me. I'm having a babby eeek:
Christ! eeek:

Who are all these blokes? rubschin:
We brought some presents smile:
What's Myrrh for fook's sake? rubschin:
Dunno. Have it anyway.
Ta. And thanks for the Gold
Yer welcome

Watch out. Herod on the way.Everyone hide

The End

Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Barman on October 02, 2008, 08:51:43 AM
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.freesmileys.org%2Fsmileys%2Fhappy107.gif&hash=e116ff37f4c18507dced3bf3dab1628671a833da) (http://www.freesmileys.org)
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Nick on October 02, 2008, 08:55:20 AM
Your turn!
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Barman on October 02, 2008, 09:20:04 AM
Darling demands tax
Catch train to Bethlehem to pay
All B & Bs full of immigrants, single mothers and benefit cheats
Sleep in an old garage in a block of flats
Mary gets knocked up on a night out with the girls drinking white lightening
Joseph goes ballistic and knocks her about a bit
Mary claims god is father
Joseph gives her a good shoeing
Three PCSOs turn up
Joseph gets Mace, handcuffs and a good going over with a truncheon
Mary gives birth prematurely and is taken into care
They all live off the state happily ever after
The end
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Nick on October 02, 2008, 09:22:14 AM
The Archbishop will be so thrilled.

NEXT!
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Uncle Mort on October 02, 2008, 09:50:57 AM
Boy meets girl,
Girl meets God
Girl gets pregnant
Both to Bethlehem
Girl has baby
Baby gets presents
Angels sing hallelujah
Boy has doubts
Baby has halo.
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Nick on October 02, 2008, 09:51:24 AM
There's money in this!
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Snoopy on October 02, 2008, 09:54:26 AM
Shepherds washing socks
Angel appears and says get yerselves down to yonder stable
On arrival they find a mother, baby and bewildered carpenter
Some wise men turn up, flash the cash and wolves eat the unguarded sheep.
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Nick on October 02, 2008, 09:55:09 AM
Succinct, but lacking in religion!

4/10
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Barman on October 02, 2008, 09:55:31 AM
There's money in this!
Not for us I suspect...  noooo:
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Snoopy on October 02, 2008, 09:58:19 AM
Succinct, but lacking in religion!

4/10

I saw it more as a tale of modern times.  whistle:
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Barman on October 02, 2008, 09:59:29 AM
Succinct, but lacking in religion!

4/10

I saw it more as a tale of modern times.  whistle:
i think mine was a tale of modern times!  cussing:
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Nick on October 02, 2008, 09:59:53 AM
BM 8/10
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Snoopy on October 02, 2008, 10:01:15 AM
 censored:
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Barman on October 02, 2008, 10:02:01 AM
BM 8/10
cloud9:
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Bar Wench on October 02, 2008, 10:02:18 AM
They're all pretty crap.  lol:
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Barman on October 02, 2008, 10:02:41 AM
They're all pretty crap.  lol:
Except mine you mean...?  whistle:
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Bar Wench on October 02, 2008, 10:03:03 AM
 whistle:
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Nick on October 02, 2008, 10:03:44 AM
She is in a mood
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Uncle Mort on October 02, 2008, 10:04:46 AM
Indeed!

Can she do better?
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Nick on October 02, 2008, 10:05:14 AM
I think Virgin Birth is a sore subject for her at the moment  noooo:
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Snoopy on October 02, 2008, 10:06:01 AM
She'd also have trouble finding three wise men around here methinks
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Bar Wench on October 02, 2008, 10:06:43 AM
She'd also have trouble finding three wise men around here methinks

Sheep, goats and turd no problem though.
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Nick on October 02, 2008, 10:07:18 AM
Sounds like her desk needs tidying  noooo:
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Nick on October 02, 2008, 12:52:19 PM
From a friend

Quote
Headline from the Nazareth Daily Mail:

 

Stable-dwelling Travellers swell Bethlehem illegitimate birth rate

 

Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: TG on October 02, 2008, 04:13:38 PM
There's money in this!
Not for us I suspect...  noooo:

Maybe for you though. This thread seems to have kicked off some Xmas themed Google ads at the top of the page.

clicky clicky click click.

Have you had a pay out yet? If so, lend me a quid.  cloud9:
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Barman on October 02, 2008, 05:02:50 PM
There's money in this!
Not for us I suspect...  noooo:

Maybe for you though. This thread seems to have kicked off some Xmas themed Google ads at the top of the page.

clicky clicky click click.

Have you had a pay out yet? If so, lend me a quid.  cloud9:
Yes actually... they sent me a cheque for $106  eeek:

The guys at the Bank of Cyprus are still scratching their heads working out what to do with it...  noooo:
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Snoopy on October 02, 2008, 05:21:37 PM
There's money in this!
Not for us I suspect...  noooo:

Maybe for you though. This thread seems to have kicked off some Xmas themed Google ads at the top of the page.

clicky clicky click click.

Have you had a pay out yet? If so, lend me a quid.  cloud9:
Yes actually... they sent me a cheque for $106  eeek:

The guys at the Bank of Cyprus are still scratching their heads working out what to do with it...  noooo:

Cool ~ We survive for another year  cloud9:
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 02, 2008, 06:03:20 PM
There's money in this!
Not for us I suspect...  noooo:

Maybe for you though. This thread seems to have kicked off some Xmas themed Google ads at the top of the page.

clicky clicky click click.

Have you had a pay out yet? If so, lend me a quid.  cloud9:
Yes actually... they sent me a cheque for $106  eeek:

The guys at the Bank of Cyprus are still scratching their heads working out what to do with it...  noooo:

Are they trying to decide if its from the real Amazon or the dodgy Cypriot version...  whistle:



(the office firewall STILL blocks all your links but lets the normal Amazon site through)  point:
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Nick on October 02, 2008, 06:09:58 PM
WE could mention GOLD then!
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Barman on October 02, 2008, 07:38:51 PM
WE could mention GOLD then!
In them thar hills...?  rubschin:
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Bar Wench on October 03, 2008, 07:40:34 AM
No with Nick it's more a case of where there's muck there's brass.
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Nick on October 03, 2008, 07:41:40 AM
 eeek:
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Bar Wench on October 03, 2008, 07:45:28 AM
There's money in this!
Not for us I suspect...  noooo:

Maybe for you though. This thread seems to have kicked off some Xmas themed Google ads at the top of the page.

clicky clicky click click.

Have you had a pay out yet? If so, lend me a quid.  cloud9:
Yes actually... they sent me a cheque for $106  eeek:

The guys at the Bank of Cyprus are still scratching their heads working out what to do with it...  noooo:

Why didn't you choose the pay direct to paypal option? Much easier.
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Snoopy on October 03, 2008, 07:46:07 AM
There's money in this!
Not for us I suspect...  noooo:

Maybe for you though. This thread seems to have kicked off some Xmas themed Google ads at the top of the page.

clicky clicky click click.

Have you had a pay out yet? If so, lend me a quid.  cloud9:
Yes actually... they sent me a cheque for $106  eeek:

The guys at the Bank of Cyprus are still scratching their heads working out what to do with it...  noooo:

Why didn't you choose the pay direct to paypal option? Much easier.

Lack of forethought  noooo:
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Bar Wench on October 03, 2008, 07:47:17 AM
Ahhhhh! A common male issue.
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Snoopy on October 03, 2008, 07:49:13 AM
Ahhhhh! A common male issue.

No ~ You are thinking of Lack of Foreplay.
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Barman on October 03, 2008, 11:00:18 AM
There's money in this!
Not for us I suspect...  noooo:

Maybe for you though. This thread seems to have kicked off some Xmas themed Google ads at the top of the page.

clicky clicky click click.

Have you had a pay out yet? If so, lend me a quid.  cloud9:
Yes actually... they sent me a cheque for $106  eeek:

The guys at the Bank of Cyprus are still scratching their heads working out what to do with it...  noooo:

Why didn't you choose the pay direct to paypal option? Much easier.
rubschin:
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Snoopy on October 03, 2008, 11:05:05 AM
There's money in this!
Not for us I suspect...  noooo:

Maybe for you though. This thread seems to have kicked off some Xmas themed Google ads at the top of the page.

clicky clicky click click.

Have you had a pay out yet? If so, lend me a quid.  cloud9:
Yes actually... they sent me a cheque for $106  eeek:

The guys at the Bank of Cyprus are still scratching their heads working out what to do with it...  noooo:

Why didn't you choose the pay direct to paypal option? Much easier.
rubschin:

You didn't see that box did you  point:
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Barman on October 03, 2008, 11:30:54 AM
There's money in this!
Not for us I suspect...  noooo:

Maybe for you though. This thread seems to have kicked off some Xmas themed Google ads at the top of the page.

clicky clicky click click.

Have you had a pay out yet? If so, lend me a quid.  cloud9:
Yes actually... they sent me a cheque for $106  eeek:

The guys at the Bank of Cyprus are still scratching their heads working out what to do with it...  noooo:

Why didn't you choose the pay direct to paypal option? Much easier.
rubschin:

You didn't see that box did you  point:
noooo:

However, PayPal won't send money to someone in Cyprus so there!  point:
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Snoopy on October 03, 2008, 11:38:46 AM
Why not? They accept it or so they say from anywhere.
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Bar Wench on October 03, 2008, 11:39:10 AM
But you wouldn't necessarily ever have to remove the money from paypal, just use it to pay for goods.
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Snoopy on October 03, 2008, 12:12:35 PM
We seem to have wandered a long way from Bethlehem  ::)
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Nick on October 03, 2008, 12:14:58 PM
Barman has been out on an ogling expedition involving lady healthcare professionals  point:
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Snoopy on October 03, 2008, 12:17:41 PM
Barman has been out on an ogling expedition involving lady healthcare professionals  point:

Oh? And I wonder where he got that idea from?  ::)
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Nick on October 03, 2008, 12:18:12 PM
He tells me she is "Babetastic"  point:
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Snoopy on October 03, 2008, 12:19:26 PM
How's yer back?
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Nick on October 03, 2008, 12:23:05 PM
Fine thanks. He was taking LL in for a service or summat.
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Barman on October 03, 2008, 01:18:51 PM
Why not? They accept it or so they say from anywhere.
It is only recently that their site recognised Cyprus at all...  noooo:
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Snoopy on October 03, 2008, 01:20:09 PM
Why not? They accept it or so they say from anywhere.
It is only recently that their site recognised Cyprus at all...  noooo:

Well ~ I'm sure American Express will have an office there somewhere.
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Barman on October 03, 2008, 01:21:17 PM
Why not? They accept it or so they say from anywhere.
It is only recently that their site recognised Cyprus at all...  noooo:

Well ~ I'm sure American Express will have an office there somewhere.
And...?  rubschin:
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Snoopy on October 03, 2008, 01:22:15 PM
They would cash a cheque drawn in dollars on an American Bank  whistle:

They always have for me.
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Barman on October 03, 2008, 01:23:14 PM
They would cash a cheque drawn in dollars on an American Bank  whistle:

They always have for me.
rubschin:

Well if Nitsa and Athos don't come up with something in The Bank of Cyprus I may give it a try...
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Snoopy on October 03, 2008, 01:26:11 PM
They would cash a cheque drawn in dollars on an American Bank  whistle:

They always have for me.
rubschin:

Well if Nitsa and Athos don't come up with something in The Bank of Cyprus I may give it a try...

Meanwhile we'll keep clicking and you arrange a credit transfer for next time.
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Nick on December 20, 2011, 07:20:58 PM
Time to revive this  angel1
Title: Re: Nativity in 30 seconds
Post by: Darwins Selection on December 20, 2011, 09:21:11 PM
Time to revive this  angel1

Resurrect would seem a more suitable word.