The Virtual Pub
Come Inside... => Saloon Bar => Topic started by: Snoopy on September 25, 2008, 12:23:30 PM
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So SWMBO is at work this morning and again this afternoon ~ two courses in two different locations. She decided that she would come home for lunch, change her handbag or whatever and go off again. She gets home, I make a sandwich and a cup of coffee and as she devours these she remarks "I think I have a flat tyre on my car"
I go into the garden and her front nearside is as flat as the proverbial pancake. "When did you notice that?" I asked
"When I parked at XXXXX Hall this morning, it seemed flatter when I came out after the lesson"
Me "And you decided to drive it home like that?"
Her "Well what else should I have done?"
Me "Phoned the RAC that I pay for you to belong to when you first got there and they would have replaced it whilst you taught"
Her "Oh ..... but I need the car for this afternoon"
Me "And had you done the sensible thing you would have had it for this afternoon now you haven't ~ by the way, why did you drive home on a flat tyre, passing our helpful village garage to get here?"
Her "I never thought of that"
Me "Well you know I cannot jack that bloody car up or change the wheel, apart from my obvious disability precluding me from such physical effort you have parked it on the slope and no fool would try to jack a car up in that position"
Her "Oh .... but I need the car for this afternoon"
Me "And you want to leave at what time"
Her "In about fifteen minutes"
Me "And how do you propose to do that?"
Her "I thought you would think of something"
Me "If you want to take my car please feel free, I'm not going anywhere"
Her "But you know I can't drive your car"
Me "Mine is a two year old Citroen Picasso .... why can't you drive it?"
Her "I don't like to because I never have before"
Me Banghead Banghead Banghead OK I'll have to take you to this afternoon's venue, come back here, get the garage to sort out your wheel, come back and collect you, race back across country to collect the boys from school ~ would you like me to perhaps sing you the fvcking Desert Song whilst I'm at it?"
Her "Sniff ~ there is no need to be nasty"
Me "Just put your stuff in my car and GIVE ME YOUR CAR KEYS before you go"
Her "Why do you want my car keys"
Me "censored: to let the man from the garage, who I have called whilst you have been dicking about, get the spare out of the boot"
Her "Oh ~ you think of everything"
Me "Unfortunately I didn't twentyone fvcking years ago or you would be having this conversation with someone else"
She is now at work, I await the man from the garage due at 1.30. I have her car keys on my desk, I have warned the school to hang on to Minimus until I get there in case I meet a tractor or herd of cattle or something en route. Meanwhile I have prepared a quick sausage casserole and put it in the oven for dinner.
The question is ............ better put by Rex Harrison.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6iktQ2y1Rs
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Didn't Mrs. Nick do something similar once rubschin:
Women have been conditioned to think that the workings of motor vehicles are nowt to do with them.
I once had a flat coming through the Dartford tunnel so I had to keep going. I pulled over once I had the space and started to change it. A police car came up and stopped. "good" I thought "someone to help me" No such luck, they took one look and drove off.
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Her car is fixed ~ spare fitted and the flat in my car to take to the tyre shop later.
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Right ~ I'm off to collect her. Still Angry9: though.
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They all do it one way or another. The common sense part of their brains fades away even more with the menopause.
Mrs DS#3: *Sniff* "You talk to me as if I were a stupid old woman"
DS: "Yes, and. . . . . "
*Slap*
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That'll be it ~ Menopause.
Nothing to do with simply being addled brained wimmin then.
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I admit to giving the tyres a cursory glance each time I use the car now redface: Having knackered one trying to get to the garage... well, it was getting dark and beginning to rain.
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So SWMBO is at work this morning and again this afternoon ~ two courses in two different locations. She decided that she would come home for lunch, change her handbag or whatever and go off again. She gets home, I make a sandwich and a cup of coffee and as she devours these she remarks "I think I have a flat tyre on my car"
I go into the garden and her front nearside is as flat as the proverbial pancake. "When did you notice that?" I asked
"When I parked at XXXXX Hall this morning, it seemed flatter when I came out after the lesson"
Me "And you decided to drive it home like that?"
Her "Well what else should I have done?"
Me "Phoned the RAC that I pay for you to belong to when you first got there and they would have replaced it whilst you taught"
Her "Oh ..... but I need the car for this afternoon"
Me "And had you done the sensible thing you would have had it for this afternoon now you haven't ~ by the way, why did you drive home on a flat tyre, passing our helpful village garage to get here?"
Her "I never thought of that"
Me "Well you know I cannot jack that bloody car up or change the wheel, apart from my obvious disability precluding me from such physical effort you have parked it on the slope and no fool would try to jack a car up in that position"
Her "Oh .... but I need the car for this afternoon"
Me "And you want to leave at what time"
Her "In about fifteen minutes"
Me "And how do you propose to do that?"
Her "I thought you would think of something"
Me "If you want to take my car please feel free, I'm not going anywhere"
Her "But you know I can't drive your car"
Me "Mine is a two year old Citroen Picasso .... why can't you drive it?"
Her "I don't like to because I never have before"
Me Banghead Banghead Banghead OK I'll have to take you to this afternoon's venue, come back here, get the garage to sort out your wheel, come back and collect you, race back across country to collect the boys from school ~ would you like me to perhaps sing you the fvcking Desert Song whilst I'm at it?"
Her "Sniff ~ there is no need to be nasty"
Me "Just put your stuff in my car and GIVE ME YOUR CAR KEYS before you go"
Her "Why do you want my car keys"
Me "censored: to let the man from the garage, who I have called whilst you have been dicking about, get the spare out of the boot"
Her "Oh ~ you think of everything"
Me "Unfortunately I didn't twentyone fvcking years ago or you would be having this conversation with someone else"
She is now at work, I await the man from the garage due at 1.30. I have her car keys on my desk, I have warned the school to hang on to Minimus until I get there in case I meet a tractor or herd of cattle or something en route. Meanwhile I have prepared a quick sausage casserole and put it in the oven for dinner.
The question is ............ better put by Rex Harrison.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6iktQ2y1Rs
You are a wonderful husband! cloud9:
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So SWMBO is at work this morning and again this afternoon ~ two courses in two different locations. She decided that she would come home for lunch, change her handbag or whatever and go off again. She gets home, I make a sandwich and a cup of coffee and as she devours these she remarks "I think I have a flat tyre on my car"
I go into the garden and her front nearside is as flat as the proverbial pancake. "When did you notice that?" I asked
"When I parked at XXXXX Hall this morning, it seemed flatter when I came out after the lesson"
Me "And you decided to drive it home like that?"
Her "Well what else should I have done?"
Me "Phoned the RAC that I pay for you to belong to when you first got there and they would have replaced it whilst you taught"
Her "Oh ..... but I need the car for this afternoon"
Me "And had you done the sensible thing you would have had it for this afternoon now you haven't ~ by the way, why did you drive home on a flat tyre, passing our helpful village garage to get here?"
Her "I never thought of that"
Me "Well you know I cannot jack that bloody car up or change the wheel, apart from my obvious disability precluding me from such physical effort you have parked it on the slope and no fool would try to jack a car up in that position"
Her "Oh .... but I need the car for this afternoon"
Me "And you want to leave at what time"
Her "In about fifteen minutes"
Me "And how do you propose to do that?"
Her "I thought you would think of something"
Me "If you want to take my car please feel free, I'm not going anywhere"
Her "But you know I can't drive your car"
Me "Mine is a two year old Citroen Picasso .... why can't you drive it?"
Her "I don't like to because I never have before"
Me Banghead Banghead Banghead OK I'll have to take you to this afternoon's venue, come back here, get the garage to sort out your wheel, come back and collect you, race back across country to collect the boys from school ~ would you like me to perhaps sing you the fvcking Desert Song whilst I'm at it?"
Her "Sniff ~ there is no need to be nasty"
Me "Just put your stuff in my car and GIVE ME YOUR CAR KEYS before you go"
Her "Why do you want my car keys"
Me "censored: to let the man from the garage, who I have called whilst you have been dicking about, get the spare out of the boot"
Her "Oh ~ you think of everything"
Me "Unfortunately I didn't twentyone fvcking years ago or you would be having this conversation with someone else"
She is now at work, I await the man from the garage due at 1.30. I have her car keys on my desk, I have warned the school to hang on to Minimus until I get there in case I meet a tractor or herd of cattle or something en route. Meanwhile I have prepared a quick sausage casserole and put it in the oven for dinner.
The question is ............ better put by Rex Harrison.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6iktQ2y1Rs
You are a wonderful husband! cloud9:
You are taking the p*** lol:
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Women other than your spouse can be very grateful for your efforts though Snoopy eyes:
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Women other than your spouse can be very grateful for your efforts though Snoopy eyes:
eyes:
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Women other than your spouse can be very grateful for your efforts though Snoopy eyes:
eyes:
eyes:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.postimage.org%2FPq4LhRr.jpg&hash=d912ae0a61cd68704b3fa184c62456275ec13715) (http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=Pq4LhRr)
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eeek:
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So SWMBO is at work this morning and again this afternoon ~ two courses in two different locations. She decided that she would come home for lunch, change her handbag or whatever and go off again. She gets home, I make a sandwich and a cup of coffee and as she devours these she remarks "I think I have a flat tyre on my car"
I go into the garden and her front nearside is as flat as the proverbial pancake. "When did you notice that?" I asked
"When I parked at XXXXX Hall this morning, it seemed flatter when I came out after the lesson"
Me "And you decided to drive it home like that?"
Her "Well what else should I have done?"
Me "Phoned the RAC that I pay for you to belong to when you first got there and they would have replaced it whilst you taught"
Her "Oh ..... but I need the car for this afternoon"
Me "And had you done the sensible thing you would have had it for this afternoon now you haven't ~ by the way, why did you drive home on a flat tyre, passing our helpful village garage to get here?"
Her "I never thought of that"
Me "Well you know I cannot jack that bloody car up or change the wheel, apart from my obvious disability precluding me from such physical effort you have parked it on the slope and no fool would try to jack a car up in that position"
Her "Oh .... but I need the car for this afternoon"
Me "And you want to leave at what time"
Her "In about fifteen minutes"
Me "And how do you propose to do that?"
Her "I thought you would think of something"
Me "If you want to take my car please feel free, I'm not going anywhere"
Her "But you know I can't drive your car"
Me "Mine is a two year old Citroen Picasso .... why can't you drive it?"
Her "I don't like to because I never have before"
Me Banghead Banghead Banghead OK I'll have to take you to this afternoon's venue, come back here, get the garage to sort out your wheel, come back and collect you, race back across country to collect the boys from school ~ would you like me to perhaps sing you the fvcking Desert Song whilst I'm at it?"
Her "Sniff ~ there is no need to be nasty"
Me "Just put your stuff in my car and GIVE ME YOUR CAR KEYS before you go"
Her "Why do you want my car keys"
Me "censored: to let the man from the garage, who I have called whilst you have been dicking about, get the spare out of the boot"
Her "Oh ~ you think of everything"
Me "Unfortunately I didn't twentyone fvcking years ago or you would be having this conversation with someone else"
She is now at work, I await the man from the garage due at 1.30. I have her car keys on my desk, I have warned the school to hang on to Minimus until I get there in case I meet a tractor or herd of cattle or something en route. Meanwhile I have prepared a quick sausage casserole and put it in the oven for dinner.
The question is ............ better put by Rex Harrison.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6iktQ2y1Rs
Every bit of this is awesomely familiar noooo:
Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead
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Poor Mrs Snoopy noooo:
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eeek: eeek: eeek: eeek: eeek:
F*cking wimmin!!!!
Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead
I have already been caught hiding in a bush today because of the wimmin of the world cussing:
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OK I'll ask - Why were you hiding in a bush?
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It's a long story
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It's my lunch hour - fire away.
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I am bizzy
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It's a long story
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.freesmileys.org%2Fsmileys%2Featdrink062.gif&hash=b3abaf9b2c446ed752be0e69a9bda8266b12e368) (http://www.freesmileys.org)
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We are all waiting Nick!
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ffarm3.static.flickr.com%2F2009%2F1557922545_731dcd4003.jpg%3Fv%3D0&hash=4cd83baf8581ba051009fc6c6e875bb4fbe49ed2)
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I was hiding in a bush from Mrs Nick when a neighbour caught me. It was raining.
Ask Pastis
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I was hiding in a bush from Mrs Nick when a neighbour caught me. It was raining.
Ask Pastis
Why were you hiding from Mrs Nick?
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I was hiding in a bush from Mrs Nick when a neighbour caught me. It was raining.
Ask Pastis
Why were you hiding from Mrs Nick?
He is scared! point:
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It's a long story
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It's a long story
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I may have to phone you.Reverse charges of course
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I may have to phone you.Reverse charges of course
I'll be out... prolly... whistle:
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Banghead
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Can we be sure that Captain Calamity was actually hiding from Mrs Nick and it isnt a less embarrassing excuse....? rubschin:
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I'm very tempted but Nick tells the tale so much better...
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BUT HE WON'T TELL IT! Banghead
And why do you know anyway? rubschin:
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Perhaps if I list all the ingredients in the tale, folk could then rearrange them into something plausible rubschin:
In no particular order then:
Flashing headlights
A large bush
Getting The Boy to school
Wet hair
Being very late
Mrs Nick's ability to faff
An inquisitive neighbour
Returning to find a car in the drive
Rain
Blood pressure
Forgetting things (ref. Mrs Nick's ability to)
I think that just about covers it eeek:
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It does cloud9:
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Perhaps if I list all the ingredients in the tale, folk could then rearrange them into something plausible rubschin:
In no particular order then:
Flashing headlights
A large bush
Getting The Boy to school
Wet hair
Being very late
Mrs Nick's ability to faff
An inquisitive neighbour
Returning to find a car in the drive
Rain
Blood pressure
Forgetting things (ref. Mrs Nick's ability to)
I think that just about covers it eeek:
You left out the cakes and the rolling stock.
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Perhaps if I list all the ingredients in the tale, folk could then rearrange them into something plausible rubschin:
In no particular order then:
Flashing headlights
A large bush
Getting The Boy to school
Wet hair
Being very late
Mrs Nick's ability to faff
An inquisitive neighbour
Returning to find a car in the drive
Rain
Blood pressure
Forgetting things (ref. Mrs Nick's ability to)
I think that just about covers it eeek:
You left out the cakes and the rolling stock.
Haven't you got jobs to do...? whistle:
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cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing:
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Perhaps if I list all the ingredients in the tale, folk could then rearrange them into something plausible rubschin:
In no particular order then:
Flashing headlights
A large bush
Getting The Boy to school
Wet hair
Being very late
Mrs Nick's ability to faff
An inquisitive neighbour
Returning to find a car in the drive
Rain
Blood pressure
Forgetting things (ref. Mrs Nick's ability to)
I think that just about covers it eeek:
You left out the cakes and the rolling stock.
Haven't you got jobs to do...? whistle:
sad24:
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Oh, I forgot one thing:
The possibility of a complete "Life Swop" eeek:
Or: John Stonehouse
See also: Canoes
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Pastis has it quite rightly.Trust him.
Must get back to my bush, she is due back soon
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Pastis has it quite rightly.Trust him.
Must get back to my bush, she is due back soon
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6J4PGiJl2dQ
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BUSH, not BEACH, you idiot
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16.00 Nick hides in the bush
16.01 Born again cretins gather around the blazing bush thinking its a sign from God.
whistle:
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16.00 Nick hides in the bush
16.01 Born again cretins gather around the blazing bush thinking its a sign from God.
whistle:
16:02 Ebrell cuts down bush with axe... whistle:
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Ebrell have Chainsaw...
Wonder if he has a Leatherface mask as well..... whistle:
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I live!
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Franken-Nick?
Nickenstein?
scared2:
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que
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que
Good boy... ;)
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I live!
I had always assumed you were one of the undead.