The Virtual Pub
Come Inside... => Saloon Bar => Topic started by: The Moan Ranger on September 22, 2008, 09:28:21 AM
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Mrs TMR(to be) decided we should do the two hour horse riding alond the beach/over the sand dunes thing.
First off, I've only been on a horse once before and secondly, I am allergic to them - blotchy skin rashes.
But no matter, it would be nice plodding along in the late afternoon
Four of us in the group, plus the guide - Makkarone.
The other three in the group declared themselves "competent riders". Me - beginner.
No problem I thought.
It started off gently enough and the warm late afternoon breeze was lovely along the first bit.
Then, quite without warning, the guide shouted something and all horses took off like the devil herself were after them
Holy shit.
I am hanging on for dear life - not a clue what to do, so I think John Wayne stylee - lean back legs straight out in front and somehow manage to stay on, despite me falling as the horse is rising. I feel like someone has a piledriver up my back. After about a minute, the guide shouts something else and the horses all slow to a gentle trot. I am sweating and my back is killing me. Mrs TMR(to be) says "that was great - they are very fast!" I give a slight wimper and smile.
This goes on for two more hours. During one gallop, it was lobbed clean out of the saddle and was hanging on at the side, round the horse's neck, stones and small rocks only feet away from my head. And my foot was caught in the stirrup. Eventually the horse stopped and I righted myself.
On a few occasions, I thought I was going to meet my maker.
Makkarone was laughing. Mrs TMR(to be) could see I was in a lot of trouble.
Eventually, we finished and I got off the horse - my legs barely functioning.
This morning, I can barely walk and Mrs TMR(to be) is suffering too - with big bruises in tender areas.
The force of me landing on the uprising horse has also led to a fairly large tear in the scrotum region - I didn't realise until this morning.
From now on, I will stick to things with wheels...
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Sounds like you are going to stick to most things for a while point:
Horses? Don't trust them!
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How long is this holiday anyway?
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Makkarone also had the cheek at the end to ask for a tip!
In my best "East-End" gangster voice said "You, son, can fvck right off".
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Three weeks Snoops - back home Sunday night. Assuming I can walk.
I am taking lots of medicinal lager to dull the pain.
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Oh dear.
You will be missing John Chips 80th do on saturday then.
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Bugger. JC is a legend and Mrs TMR(to be) always gets him dancing. If there is a collection going round for him, can you lob some in and I will pay you back?
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Nothing has been mentioned so far, will ask around this evening. His actual birthday is monday 29th.
Not sure about attending yet, as it also Mrs Tels birthday.
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Horses are to be avoided at all costs unless cooked slightly rare and served with frites… cloud9:
Last time I went on one of the bastard things was Gulf Shores Alabama… the group I was with thought it would be ‘great to ride the things along the beach and in the surf…’ noooo:
The bastard thing I was on took off into the water and tried to drown me! It was swimming along with me the soaking wet, somewhat reluctant passenger clinging to its back… cussing:
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Well that certainly goes on my list of things not to do before I die.
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I learned to ride (A Horse!) when I was fourteen ~ easy when you know how. whistle:
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Well that certainly goes on my list of things not to do before I die.
Indeed... you turn the steering thing and they go off in a completely different direction - mostly under low branches or sharp scratchy things! cussing:
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I learned to ride (A Horse!) when I was fourteen ~ easy when you know how. whistle:
Fourteen is rather old to learn new tricks isn't it...? rubschin:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsimplymarvelous.files.wordpress.com%2F2007%2F07%2Ffreddie-on-shetland-pony.jpg&hash=2b46e91add2851abfea1c7e1dd04d860c18f01dc)
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It's only two in human years
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Why is that horse wearing socks?
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Because it would look fvcking silly in tights
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14, Snoops? Had horses been invented then?
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14, Snoops? Had horses been invented then?
point:
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Dunno wot you're larfin' at old 'un.
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Dunno wot you're larfin' at old 'un.
'Twas a good quip and worthy of recognition.
His scrotum will be festering properly by now so it is a good time to cheer him up anyway.
It will be like a Tesco bag holding a couple of Jaffas by the morning. noooo:
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Dunno wot you're larfin' at old 'un.
'Twas a good quip and worthy of recognition.
His scrotum will be festering properly by now so it is a good time to cheer him up anyway.
It will be like a Tesco bag holding a couple of Jaffas by the morning. noooo:
sick2:
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Dunno wot you're larfin' at old 'un.
Uncle Snoop, Uncle Snoop, I've been watching the coverage and debte in the news. Can you remember why Stonehenge was built and what they actually used it for.. whistle:
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Dunno wot you're larfin' at old 'un.
Uncle Snoop, Uncle Snoop, I've been watching the coverage and debte in the news. Can you remember why Stonehenge was built and what they actually used it for.. whistle:
I went there once ~ didn't have a leg to stand on.
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I was hoping he could tell me about how he helped to build the Pyramids, too...
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I was hoping he could tell me about how he helped to build the Pyramids, too...
I thought spacemen built them...? rubschin:
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Of course, of course happy100
Now tell LL it's yor bedtime noooo:
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I was hoping he could tell me about how he helped to build the Pyramids, too...
I thought spacemen built them...? rubschin:
In that case maybe we should ask Nick. There is no way in hell anyone with his capability for chaos and cock ups can be from earth. whistle:
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Of course, of course happy100
Now tell LL it's yor bedtime noooo:
eyes:
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I didn't realise horse riding was so hard on the body.
Today I can barely walk and it's not down to the slight tear in delicate parts
I feel like I used to after the first game of rugby of the season - like I've been run over by a truck.
I am walking like C3PO. Not good.
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I am talking like C3PO. Not good.
I say, the old plums are a bit tender R2.
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Because it would look fvcking silly in tights
drumroll: Boom boom!!!
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I was hoping he could tell me about how he helped to build the Pyramids, too...
I thought spacemen built them...? rubschin:
I was abducted by them you know, I still have the anal probe!
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I was hoping he could tell me about how he helped to build the Pyramids, too...
I thought spacemen built them...? rubschin:
I was abducted by them you know, I still have the anal probe!
I think you'll find that is anal lube GOS...? point:
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You sure? (I was asked if I wanted to assist in their breeding programme though)
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Present company excepted of course but I've noticed that in the main 'abductees' tend to be dozy Americans hicks.
I can't help wondering if our visitors are Betelgeuse Hillbillies... whistle:
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DS - the plums are fine, I used Mrs TMR(to be's) sewing kit for a bit of home surgery. Job done.
The pain is down to various muscles being stretched to bursting point in my efforts to hang on to the wretched beast.
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The pain is down to various muscles being stretched to bursting point in my efforts to hang on to the wretched beast.
That is no way to speak of your espoused. noooo:
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Camel Cock point:
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You had better hope she doesn't see that, DS...
;-)
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I hate horses evil:
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I hate horses evil:
Popcorn:
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1. When I was 6 a horse I was feeding was stung by a bee and reared up over me with its hooves and everyfink
2. A police horse in London sneezed through my car window once and fired a ball of snot about the size of a football onto my steering wheel sick2:
3. I gave a neighbour's horse and apple and it bit me evil:
4. They know I don't like them and all the horses I meet now put their ears back and roll their eyes at me scared2:
5. They are all bastards
OK
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Okay... so why did you post on a 2008 thread about horses...? confused2:
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I am the Affs and you owe me ?5 angel1
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I am the Affs and you owe me ?5 angel1
No, you are nutty... whacky115
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sad32:
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As a fruitcake... noooo:
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With a train on top? cussing:
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I like horses despite being trodden on by one at the age of 6 ..........
........................and bitten by one at the age of 36.
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With a train on top? cussing:
Yes Nick... whistle:
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I like horses despite being trodden on by one at the age of 6 ..........
........................and bitten by one at the age of 36.
I prefer goats and pigs. I can hypnotise pigs, which is a rare skill angel1
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It was early last December, as near as I remember
I was walking down the street in tipsy pride
No one was I disturbing, as I lay down by the curbing
And a pig came up and lay down by my side
As I lay there in the gutter, thinking thoughts I cannot utter
A lady passing by was heard to say
"You can tell a man who boozes by the company he chooses"
And the pig got up and slowly walked away
whistle:
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Pigs LIKE being hypnotised evil:
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http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/bristol/8615446.stm
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at the time lots of stuff seems to be great ideas but most of the time turns to be complete nuts,,
stupid stuff seems to be great i have no idea why
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at the time lots of stuff seems to be great ideas but most of the time turns to be complete nuts,,
stupid stuff seems to be great i have no idea why
Booze normally... redface:
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at the time lots of stuff seems to be great ideas but most of the time turns to be complete nuts,,
stupid stuff seems to be great i have no idea why
Booze normally... redface:
believe me i dont need the booze, my brain seems to produce some crazy ideas that i sooner or LATER realize that only me would come up with such eaither really great ideas for normal humans or really really stupid ideas that only crack heads can come up with such bad bad bad ideas !!
oh well,
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at the time lots of stuff seems to be great ideas but most of the time turns to be complete nuts,,
stupid stuff seems to be great i have no idea why
Booze normally... redface:
believe me i dont need the booze, my brain seems to produce some crazy ideas that i sooner or LATER realize that only me would come up with such eaither really great ideas for normal humans or really really stupid ideas that only crack heads can come up with such bad bad bad ideas !!
oh well,
How about getting an avatart - good idea or not...?
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at the time lots of stuff seems to be great ideas but most of the time turns to be complete nuts,,
stupid stuff seems to be great i have no idea why
Booze normally... redface:
i was just thinking where did my avatar come from !!
you are such a star in my shining sky eyes: eyes:
believe me i dont need the booze, my brain seems to produce some crazy ideas that i sooner or LATER realize that only me would come up with such eaither really great ideas for normal humans or really really stupid ideas that only crack heads can come up with such bad bad bad ideas !!
oh well,
How about getting an avatart - good idea or not...?
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I pinched it from the other place... let me know if you want to use something else...
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you are such a star in my shining sky eyes: eyes:
eeek:
Is BM your stalker whistle:
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you are such a star in my shining sky eyes: eyes:
eeek:
Is BM your stalker whistle:
No! cussing:
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you are such a star in my shining sky eyes: eyes:
eeek:
Is BM your stalker whistle:
No! cussing:
Methinks he doth protest too much whistle:
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Indeed Snoops ...bit of an over reaction one might say whistle:
The VP court of Human Injustice declares the Barman guilty as charged 8)
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Indeed Snoops ...bit of an over reaction one might say whistle:
The VP court of Human Injustice declares the Barman guilty as charged 8)
Lol !! Leave Him Alone angry041: angry041:
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SHAN'T! eveilgrin:
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Indeed Snoops ...bit of an over reaction one might say whistle:
The VP court of Human Injustice declares the Barman guilty as charged 8)
Lol !! Leave Him Alone angry041: angry041:
BM has a bodyguard whistle:
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Indeed Snoops ...bit of an over reaction one might say whistle:
The VP court of Human Injustice declares the Barman guilty as charged 8)
Lol !! Leave Him Alone angry041: angry041:
BM has a bodyguard whistle:
eyes: eyes: very beautiful one hahaha
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Indeed Snoops ...bit of an over reaction one might say whistle:
The VP court of Human Injustice declares the Barman guilty as charged 8)
Lol !! Leave Him Alone angry041: angry041:
BM has a bodyguard whistle:
Mudguard more like.
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drumroll:
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Indeed Snoops ...bit of an over reaction one might say whistle:
The VP court of Human Injustice declares the Barman guilty as charged 8)
Lol !! Leave Him Alone angry041: angry041:
BM has a bodyguard whistle:
Mudguard more like.
evil:
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It isn't me I tells ya! Banghead
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Isn't you that what....bought in reinforcements whistle:
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Isn't you that what....bought in reinforcements whistle:
No, I... I'm not... I'm.... confused... . redface:
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My work here is done angel1
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My work here is done angel1
evil:
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Two Sundays ago had a "few" beers with father in law and decided we would like to take up a sport, left went to a bar and signed up to a football team. Now tonight I find myself having to play. The most exercise I have had in years is walking to the shops to buy ciggies and he is in his 60's.........
(btw in cyprus and v hot)......
Check out the departed thread tomorrow ???
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Two Sundays ago had a "few" beers with father in law and decided we would like to take up a sport, left went to a bar and signed up to a football team. Now tonight I find myself having to play. The most exercise I have had in years is walking to the shops to buy ciggies and he is in his 60's.........
(btw in cyprus and v hot)......
Check out the departed thread tomorrow ???
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.freesmileys.org%2Fsmileys%2Fsmiley-sick013.gif&hash=1c62f25f8bcc8ac2a4f6473a589fdff5660e754f) (http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys.php)
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Two Sundays ago had a "few" beers with father in law and decided we would like to take up a sport, left went to a bar and signed up to a football team. Now tonight I find myself having to play. The most exercise I have had in years is walking to the shops to buy ciggies and he is in his 60's.........
(btw in cyprus and v hot)......
Check out the departed thread tomorrow ???
I'll have the Deep Heat on standby whistle:
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Wintergreen Embrocation ~ for real men who play with oval shaped balls whistle:
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Oh dear, worse than I thought ,father in law ended up in hospital with concussion (ooopps) and I was violently sick at half time.Today I can hardly walk and he can't remember anything!!!!!
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happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001
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So no more football and less beers on Sundays.......
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FOR SALE.. two pairs of shin pads only worn once!!!!!!
Also two damaged egos............
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eeek:
What kind of football match was this ? noooo:
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Just a "pub friendly" ,
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noooo:
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Wintergreen Embrocation ~ for real men who play with oval shaped balls whistle:
#
Wintergreen Embrocation, wonderful stuff see also Tiger Balm and creosote. cloud9:
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FOR SALE.. two pairs of shin pads only worn once!!!!!!
Also two damaged egos............
We could have a whipround and see if we can raise enough money to buy them as a surprise present for somebody for a special event like whistle: