The Virtual Pub

Come Inside... => The Snug => Topic started by: Nick on September 16, 2008, 12:50:37 PM

Title: Sex Education:on the job
Post by: Nick on September 16, 2008, 12:50:37 PM
So the Boy has a cough. A bad cough. They called from school to say he wasn't well and could I fetch him. I did.

On the way home we had to stop off at the house we rent out to let in some workmen (boiler).

Car in the drive indicated someone at home.

We rang the bell. Nothing noooo:

We hammered on the door. Nothing noooo:

So I let us all in with my keys.

The Boy said "There must be someone in" and shot off upstairs.

He came back. "Yes, he is lying on top of a girl and sort of jumping and she is screaming.I told him to stop, but he didn't hear me"  eeek:

We fled!
Title: Re: Sex Education:on the job
Post by: Uncle Mort on September 16, 2008, 01:02:45 PM
That'll be the engineer servicing an old boiler perhaps?

Title: Re: Sex Education:on the job
Post by: Nick on September 16, 2008, 01:06:06 PM
 drumroll:
Title: Re: Sex Education:on the job
Post by: Darwins Selection on September 16, 2008, 01:21:01 PM
Joke #648735

"Daddy, Daddy, Mummy nearly died today. . ."  etc.. etc..
Title: Re: Sex Education:on the job
Post by: Nick on September 16, 2008, 01:21:41 PM
I am expecting further questions in due course  evil:

I shall refer them to Mrs Nick  eveilgrin:
Title: Re: Sex Education:on the job
Post by: Snoopy on September 16, 2008, 01:23:04 PM
 point:
Title: Re: Sex Education:on the job
Post by: Nick on September 16, 2008, 01:24:24 PM
At least they weren't being more inventive! They are vets!
Title: Re: Sex Education:on the job
Post by: Darwins Selection on September 16, 2008, 01:25:27 PM
At least they weren't being more inventive! They are vets!
A.I?
Title: Re: Sex Education:on the job
Post by: Nick on September 16, 2008, 01:26:32 PM
There could have been a sheep or summat in there  eeek:

I advised them once to cut the lawn and they brought a sheep home for the weekend  eeek:

In a car!
Title: Re: Sex Education:on the job
Post by: Darwins Selection on September 16, 2008, 01:28:19 PM
I advised them once to cut the lawn and they brought a sheep home for the weekend 
In a car!

Yes, and..?

No problem as long as it wasn't driving.
Title: Re: Sex Education:on the job
Post by: Snoopy on September 16, 2008, 01:28:27 PM
 noooo: Only in Nick World  noooo:
Title: Re: Sex Education:on the job
Post by: Nick on September 16, 2008, 01:28:55 PM
Normal hereabouts.

Oh... redface:
Title: Re: Sex Education:on the job
Post by: Bar Wench on September 16, 2008, 03:17:09 PM
Speaking as a tennant had you given them prior warning of your visit? Otherwise aren't you in breach of your contract?

Speaking as your mate  happy001 happy001 happy001 and Mrs Nick is going to be so pissed off!
Title: Re: Sex Education:on the job
Post by: Nick on September 16, 2008, 03:18:41 PM
Speaking as a tennant had you given them prior warning of your visit? Otherwise aren't you in breach of your contract?

Speaking as your mate  happy001 happy001 happy001 and Mrs Nick is going to be so pissed off!

1. They had had prior warning. They said they would not be there.

2. When we saw the car we rang and knocked

3. And Tenant has only one middle N unless it's Dr Who   point:
Title: Re: Sex Education:on the job
Post by: Bar Wench on September 16, 2008, 03:19:46 PM
I have a mild obsession with Mr Tennant as you know so it isn't suprising he slips in.
Title: Re: Sex Education:on the job
Post by: Barman on September 16, 2008, 03:21:05 PM
As you didn't see the, um... act... how do you know that there wasn't a murder most horrid taking place...?  rubschin:
Title: Re: Sex Education:on the job
Post by: Bar Wench on September 16, 2008, 03:21:36 PM
As you didn't see the, um... act... how do you know that there wasn't a murder most horrid taking place...?  rubschin:

Oddly I think The Boy would have been more likely to have recognised something like that.  rubschin:
Title: Re: Sex Education:on the job
Post by: Nick on September 16, 2008, 03:23:02 PM
Quote
so it isn't suprising he slips in

 eeek:
Title: Re: Sex Education:on the job
Post by: Barman on September 16, 2008, 03:23:13 PM
As you didn't see the, um... act... how do you know that there wasn't a murder most horrid taking place...?  rubschin:

Oddly I think The Boy would have been more likely to have recognised something like that.  rubschin:
rubschin:

Yes... he would prolly have poked the remains with a stick...  whistle:
Title: Re: Sex Education:on the job
Post by: Nick on September 16, 2008, 03:24:05 PM
I think that was already happening  eeek:
Title: Re: Sex Education:on the job
Post by: Bar Wench on September 16, 2008, 03:24:15 PM
As you didn't see the, um... act... how do you know that there wasn't a murder most horrid taking place...?  rubschin:

Oddly I think The Boy would have been more likely to have recognised something like that.  rubschin:
rubschin:

Yes... he would prolly have poked the remains with a stick...  whistle:

With second thoughts maybe he did and that is what the screaming was about.  rubschin:
Title: Re: Sex Education:on the job
Post by: Barman on September 16, 2008, 03:24:56 PM
You don't think Nick is working on an alibi do you...?  rubschin:
Title: Re: Sex Education:on the job
Post by: Snoopy on September 16, 2008, 03:42:34 PM
I shall keep an eye on the local news.  whistle:
Title: Re: Sex Education:on the job
Post by: Nick on September 16, 2008, 04:50:05 PM
The Boy has asked questions  evil:
Title: Re: Sex Education:on the job
Post by: Snoopy on September 16, 2008, 05:49:58 PM
 happy001

Well give him the answers then. ~ Next year it'll be condoms and bananas at school during RE.











Yes DS ~ I asked the same question .... How does fitting one of these over a banana stop my girlfriend from getting pregnant? ~ The THW tells me that one brave boy in her class actually asked that. The School Nurse fled the room.
Title: Re: Sex Education:on the job
Post by: Darwins Selection on September 16, 2008, 05:54:04 PM
Yes DS ~ I asked the same question .... How does fitting one of these over a banana stop my girlfriend from getting pregnant? ~ The THW tells me that one brave boy in her class actually asked that. The School Nurse fled the room.

Obviously it works by driving the girl into paroxysms of hysterical laughter, which as all us grown-ups know, makes them keep their clothes on.
Title: Re: Sex Education:on the job
Post by: Nick on September 16, 2008, 06:30:46 PM
 rubschin:
Title: Re: Sex Education:on the job
Post by: Snoopy on September 16, 2008, 06:35:32 PM
Most of my girlfriends wouldn't have been able to spell paroxysms let alone have any.  whistle:
Title: Re: Sex Education:on the job
Post by: Barman on September 16, 2008, 07:53:01 PM
Most of my girlfriends wouldn't have been able to spell paroxysms let alone have any.  whistle:
happy100
Title: Re: Sex Education:on the job
Post by: Mrs TG on September 17, 2008, 07:49:10 AM
show him this pic and explain your way out of whats happening... point:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.postimage.org%2FPq1I0bYr.gif&hash=d797d3ce33581076099a7d659601904e57f018a1) (http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=Pq1I0bYr)
Title: Re: Sex Education:on the job
Post by: Snoopy on September 17, 2008, 07:59:34 AM
Oh de knee bone's connected to de thigh bone and de thigh bone's connected to de hip bone ~ Praise de word o' de Lord.  whistle:
Title: Re: Sex Education:on the job
Post by: Mrs TG on September 17, 2008, 09:11:18 AM
Oh de knee bone's connected to de thigh bone and de thigh bone's connected to de hip bone ~ Praise de word o' de Lord.  whistle:

Yep Very good for the biology lesson... point: