The Virtual Pub

Come Inside... => The Comedy Room => Topic started by: ice and a slice on July 25, 2008, 05:15:46 PM

Title: Lonely Businessman
Post by: ice and a slice on July 25, 2008, 05:15:46 PM: A man checks into an hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely. He thought of one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you're calling for a cab. He popped into a phone booth near the hotel and found an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo. She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair, long graceful legs...... well, you get the picture! He copied the phone number and returned to his hotel. When back in the room he figures, what the hell, give her a call.
'Hello,' the woman says. God, she sounded sexy.

'Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one.. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night; tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything you want! Now, how does that sound?'

She says, 'That sounds fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line '
Title: Re: Lonely Businessman
Post by: Nick on July 25, 2008, 06:47:51 PM: noooo:
Title: Re: Lonely Businessman
Post by: Snoopy on July 26, 2008, 05:59:13 AM: Looks like somebody may find that a little close to the truth. whistle:
Title: Re: Lonely Businessman
Post by: Nick on July 27, 2008, 11:17:33 AM: evil:
Title: Re: Lonely Businessman
Post by: Snoopy on July 27, 2008, 11:30:43 AM: point: You've done something similar haven't you point:
Title: Re: Lonely Businessman
Post by: Nick on July 27, 2008, 11:57:34 AM: I did omit to dial 9 once, true, and delivered a tirade to some hapless switchboard operator, but it was a work related matter.
Title: Re: Lonely Businessman
Post by: Snoopy on July 27, 2008, 11:58:27 AM: The Prosecution Rests whistle:
Title: Re: Lonely Businessman
Post by: ice and a slice on July 28, 2008, 05:40:28 PM: Quote from: Nick on July 25, 2008, 06:47:51 PM
noooo:

Why noooo: rubschin:

Can't handle it eh???

My mum emailed this one too. ;D
Title: Re: Lonely Businessman
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 28, 2008, 05:49:03 PM: Quote from: ice n'a slice on July 28, 2008, 05:40:28 PM
Quote from: Nick on July 25, 2008, 06:47:51 PM
noooo:

Why noooo: rubschin:

Can't handle it eh???

Grumpmeister's first law of Captain Calamity:

No matter what kind of funny story you find, you can guarrantee that in one form or another it will have happened to Nick.

point:
Title: Re: Lonely Businessman
Post by: ice and a slice on July 28, 2008, 06:07:50 PM: Quote from: Grumpmeister on July 28, 2008, 05:49:03 PM
Quote from: ice n'a slice on July 28, 2008, 05:40:28 PM
Quote from: Nick on July 25, 2008, 06:47:51 PM
noooo:

Why noooo: rubschin:

Can't handle it eh???

Grumpmeister's first law of Captain Calamity:

No matter what kind of funny story you find, you can guarrantee that in one form or another it will have happened to Nick.

point:

What, even the story about the nun and the lederhosen? eeek:
point:
Title: Re: Lonely Businessman
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 28, 2008, 06:10:44 PM: Trust me, with Nick anything is possible no matter how far fetched. eeek:
Title: Re: Lonely Businessman
Post by: Snoopy on July 29, 2008, 09:46:58 AM: Quote from: ice n'a slice on July 28, 2008, 06:07:50 PM
Quote from: Grumpmeister on July 28, 2008, 05:49:03 PM
Quote from: ice n'a slice on July 28, 2008, 05:40:28 PM
Quote from: Nick on July 25, 2008, 06:47:51 PM
noooo:

Why noooo: rubschin:

Can't handle it eh???

Grumpmeister's first law of Captain Calamity:

No matter what kind of funny story you find, you can guarrantee that in one form or another it will have happened to Nick.

point:

What, even the story about the nun and the lederhosen? eeek:
point:

tunble: We're waiting.
Title: Re: Lonely Businessman
Post by: Nick on July 29, 2008, 05:17:18 PM: I did have an encounter (in Brussels) once with a dodgy monk in Lederhosen. When he got out a stepladder I left. I was young and innocent and thought he really did want to "show me the city".
Title: Re: Lonely Businessman
Post by: ice and a slice on July 31, 2008, 05:52:46 AM: Quote from: Nick on July 29, 2008, 05:17:18 PM
I did have an encounter (in Brussels) once with a dodgy monk in Lederhosen. When he got out a stepladder I left. I was young and innocent and thought he really did want to "show me the city".

Aw that's quite sweet!! point:

A monk in lederhosen? rubschin:
Title: Re: Lonely Businessman
Post by: Darwins Selection on July 31, 2008, 08:50:52 AM: Quote from: ice n'a slice on July 31, 2008, 05:52:46 AM
Quote from: Nick on July 29, 2008, 05:17:18 PM
I did have an encounter (in Brussels) once with a dodgy monk in Lederhosen. When he got out a stepladder I left. I was young and innocent and thought he really did want to "show me the city".

Aw that's quite sweet!! point:

A monk in lederhosen? rubschin:

Probably a Dominatrican or Cystitian Monk
Title: Re: Lonely Businessman
Post by: Snoopy on July 31, 2008, 09:12:30 AM: Quote from: Darwins Selection on July 31, 2008, 08:50:52 AM
Quote from: ice n'a slice on July 31, 2008, 05:52:46 AM
Quote from: Nick on July 29, 2008, 05:17:18 PM
I did have an encounter (in Brussels) once with a dodgy monk in Lederhosen. When he got out a stepladder I left. I was young and innocent and thought he really did want to "show me the city".

Aw that's quite sweet!! point:

A monk in lederhosen? rubschin:

Probably a Dominatrican or Cystitian Monk

drumroll:
Title: Re: Lonely Businessman
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 31, 2008, 12:31:15 PM: Quote from: Nick on July 29, 2008, 05:17:18 PM
I did have an encounter (in Brussels) once with a dodgy monk in Lederhosen. When he got out a stepladder I left. I was young and innocent and thought he really did want to "show me the city".

I guess he saw that you were Nun the wiser before making his move Nick whistle:
Title: Re: Lonely Businessman
Post by: Darwins Selection on July 31, 2008, 12:56:14 PM: Quote from: Grumpmeister on July 31, 2008, 12:31:15 PM
Quote from: Nick on July 29, 2008, 05:17:18 PM
I did have an encounter (in Brussels) once with a dodgy monk in Lederhosen. When he got out a stepladder I left. I was young and innocent and thought he really did want to "show me the city".

I guess he saw that you were Nun the wiser before making his move Nick whistle:

Cue 'habit' quip. .
Title: Re: Lonely Businessman
Post by: Snoopy on July 31, 2008, 07:30:50 PM: Quote from: Darwins Selection on July 31, 2008, 12:56:14 PM
Quote from: Grumpmeister on July 31, 2008, 12:31:15 PM
Quote from: Nick on July 29, 2008, 05:17:18 PM
I did have an encounter (in Brussels) once with a dodgy monk in Lederhosen. When he got out a stepladder I left. I was young and innocent and thought he really did want to "show me the city".

I guess he saw that you were Nun the wiser before making his move Nick whistle:

Cue 'habit' quip. .

Well if we are going down that line. Did he have a bass voice, was he plump? ............ in short did you have an encounter with a deep fat friar?
Title: Re: Lonely Businessman
Post by: Darwins Selection on August 01, 2008, 07:45:03 AM: Quote from: Snoopy on July 31, 2008, 07:30:50 PM
Did he have a bass voice,

(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.neonsign.com%2Feng_lightedsigns%2Fimages%2Fbasspub2.jpg&hash=99fce011ef4fe6623a927d0d2199c0d01b65e43a)

cloud9: Byegone days
Title: Re: Lonely Businessman
Post by: Barman on August 01, 2008, 08:23:42 AM: Quote from: Darwins Selection on August 01, 2008, 07:45:03 AM
Quote from: Snoopy on July 31, 2008, 07:30:50 PM
Did he have a bass voice,

(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.neonsign.com%2Feng_lightedsigns%2Fimages%2Fbasspub2.jpg&hash=99fce011ef4fe6623a927d0d2199c0d01b65e43a)

cloud9:Byegone days
Ah... Bass cloud9:

You can still get it can't you?

Bass I mean... ::)
Title: Re: Lonely Businessman
Post by: Snoopy on August 01, 2008, 10:29:27 AM: Yup!
Title: Re: Lonely Businessman
Post by: Barman on August 01, 2008, 10:37:48 AM: Quote from: Snoopy on August 01, 2008, 10:29:27 AM
Yup!
Good, I love it (Bass), gives me the shites tho... noooo:
Title: Re: Lonely Businessman
Post by: Darwins Selection on August 01, 2008, 10:47:12 AM: Quote from: Barman on August 01, 2008, 10:37:48 AM
Quote from: Snoopy on August 01, 2008, 10:29:27 AM
Yup!
Good, I love it (Bass), gives me the shites tho... noooo:
What doesn't?
Title: Re: Lonely Businessman
Post by: Snoopy on August 01, 2008, 11:00:22 AM: Quote from: Barman on August 01, 2008, 10:37:48 AM
Quote from: Snoopy on August 01, 2008, 10:29:27 AM
Yup!
Good, I love it (Bass), gives me the shites tho... noooo:

I have a similar problem with Marstons Pedigree
Title: Re: Lonely Businessman
Post by: Nick on August 01, 2008, 11:10:41 AM: Use a cork?
Title: Re: Lonely Businessman
Post by: Snoopy on August 01, 2008, 11:12:22 AM: I find bicycle clips are a useful accessory.