The Virtual Pub
Come Inside... => The Comedy Room => Topic started by: Just One More on July 22, 2008, 07:37:39 AM
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GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptise cats.
2) When your mum is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a dust-buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandads lap.
GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy.
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1 -- You believe in Santa Claus.
2 -- You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3 -- You are Santa Claus.
4 -- You look like Santa Claus.
SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is . . not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . having friends.
At age 17 success is . having a driver's license.
At age 35 success is . having money.
At age 50 success is .. . having money.
At age 70 success is . . having a driver license.
At age 75 success is . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . not peeing in your pants.
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lol: lol: lol: lol:
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We discovered a teapot full of meatballs the other day rubschin:
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When did you last cook meatballs Nick? scared2:
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When did you last cook meatballs Nick? scared2:
Or make tea. . .?
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rubschin: He made me a cup a few weeks ago scared2:
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rubschin: He made me a cup a few weeks ago scared2:
Lumpy or gamey at all (the tea not you)?
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It was green tea ~ he confessed that the packet had been hanging around for some time in his kitchen ~ prolly since before Macca ate all the Hobnobs ~ but I was touched that he had remembered that I don't drink ordinary tea.
Anyway it didn't seem lumpy.
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sick2:
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I know Wenchy but it does me less harm than black tea. I can't expect people to keep Green Tea and/or Decaf tea and coffee just on the off chance that I'll drop round.
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We have all three at our house.
Normal tea
Decaf tea
Chai tea
Earl grey tea
Instant coffee
Decaf instant coffee
Ground coffee x 3 types
Ground orange flavour coffee
Ground tiramisu flavour coffee
Green tea
Jasmine tea
Pink tea
Echninacea tea
Peach tea
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So do we but Chez Nick doesn't apparently.
Prolly got lots of Linda Mac's veggie sausages and stuff though ~ gets it wholesale I would think.
And come to think of it he invites me round which is more than you have done cry:
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I live dahrn sarf I didn't think you ever made it down this far!
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Do sometimes sad24:
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Well if you did of course you could come round for tea. Alternatively it might be better to meet elsewhere for a pint otherwise I would have to tidy! redface:
We should sort it out for next time BM/LL over.
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Well if you did of course you could come round for tea. Alternatively it might be better to meet elsewhere for a pint otherwise I would have to tidy! redface:
We should sort it out for next time BM/LL over.
As my old Auntie used to say "I've come to see you, not your house".
Don't ever feel you have to tidy up for me, just wash your hands and face.
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One would have to tidy as if one didn't one couldn't get in the house. redface:
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That bad eh? rubschin:
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Oh yes. redface: At the moment we are using the back door because picking up the post at the front door is too much like hard work. redface:
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Crikey! and I thought my house was a tip.
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redface:
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We have officially given up until the children go back to school in September. surrender:
The only thing we clean is the bathroom every day ......... where do they find all that dirt? The bath looks as if a hippo has made a mud wallow in it.
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See we are the opposite. Once Mr Wench is on school holidays he starts the "Big Tidy".
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See we are the opposite. Once Mr Wench is on school holidays he starts the "Big Tidy".
Well he has nothing else to do has he. Let him get on with it.
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Exactly! He has just called to ask where we keep the dustpan and brush. Banghead
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'Spect you told him it is where he left it last holiday ~ it hasn't been used since. whistle:
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Normal tea
Decaf tea
Chai tea
Earl grey tea
Instant coffee
Decaf instant coffee
Ground coffee x 3 types
Ground orange flavour coffee
Ground tiramisu flavour coffee
Green tea
Jasmine tea
Pink tea
Echninacea tea
Peach tea
Do you live in a shop?
We have
Coffee (instant and real)
Horlicks
Tea (normal sort)
Tea (Orange for Mrs NIck's batty friends)
Green Tea (which someone gave us)
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. . just wash your hands and face.
After you have left presumably?
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According to Eliza Doolittle the washing of face and hands should be "Before I come I did" whistle:
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According to Eliza Doolittle the washing of face and hands should be "Before I come I did" whistle:
Wasn't that Yoda?
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According to Eliza Doolittle the washing of face and hands should be "Before I come I did" whistle:
Wasn't that Yoda?
No ~ deffo Miss Doolittle
"I washed me 'ands an' face before I come, I did" Spoken both in the film and in the Stage Show of My Fair Lady
It seems Shaw wrote the line but didn't like it. The Musical version used it however just as Shaw had originally written it.
See:
http://books.google.co.uk/books?id=0z20_9geRqIC&pg=PA136&lpg=PA136&dq=%22Washed+my+hands+and+face+before+I+come+I+did%22&source=web&ots=yMKDKQuLy8&sig=gbLbvy96CYCFQ3oMiDPE5IajLJE&hl=en&sa=X&oi=book_result&resnum=2&ct=result
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Well if you did of course you could come round for tea. Alternatively it might be better to meet elsewhere for a pint otherwise I would have to tidy! redface:
We should sort it out for next time BM/LL over.
Indeed... eyes:
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Que?
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I am temporarily fixated with the phrase 'Que?'. Please try to understand and excuse me…
point:
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I am temporarily fixated with the phrase 'Que?'. Please try to understand and excuse me…
point:
Or according to : http://www.yodaspeak.co.uk/
Temporarily fixated with the phrase 'que, am I, hmm?' . To understand and excuse me try...
Or..
Seen a train in a cake shop, have I. Hmmmmmm.
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RIGHT. My mate Andy is coming up to stay later. We might just go to Ainsdale and I will take my effing camera!!
cussing: cussing:
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But with your back ~ will you be able to sit in a car for that long?
And anyway I bet my mate is bigger than your mate so don't threaten me with your mate Andy evil:
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RIGHT. My mate Andy is coming up to stay later. We might just go to Ainsdale and I will take my effing camera!!
cussing: cussing:
Of course you are didums. happy100
Would Andy be this Big Boy that makes you do bad things?
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RIGHT. My mate Andy is coming up to stay later. We might just go to Ainsdale and I will take my effing camera!!
cussing: cussing:
Of course you are didums. happy100
Would Andy be this Big Boy that makes you do bad things?
Or the bloke teaching you Photoshop? rubschin:
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Nick and Big Boy in bakery train set drag shock!
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.postimage.org%2FPq1lcMC0.jpg&hash=79686d768e4ccc9867214f749c20f4b16c86637d) (http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=Pq1lcMC0)
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Nick photographs Big Boy photographing him for proof of visit.
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.postimage.org%2FgxOIR6J.jpg&hash=b9060bd9f1b62d3c43fe320b01454ab8223e28a5) (http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=gxOIR6J)
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Donna has made my back considerably better cloud9:. I am seeing her again tomorrow cloud9: cloud9: cloud9: eyes: eyes: eyes:. At least I can sit down now. I have not sat down since Thursday evil:
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I am not asking censored:
but I want to know ~ how you have a sh*t then?
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evil: