The Virtual Pub

Come Inside... => The Comedy Room => Topic started by: Snoopy on May 29, 2007, 03:19:20 PM

Title: For the Bar Wench in view of recent events
Post by: Snoopy on May 29, 2007, 03:19:20 PM: Proposed Warning Labels for Alcohol Containers

1. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what happened to your bra.

2. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

3. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

4. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friend over and over again that you love them.

5. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
Title: Re: For the Bar Wench in view of recent events
Post by: Bar Wench on May 29, 2007, 03:41:08 PM: All of the above in one weekend. sad24: redface: point:
Title: Re: For the Bar Wench in view of recent events
Post by: Snoopy on May 29, 2007, 03:44:07 PM: Quote from: Bar Wench on May 29, 2007, 03:41:08 PM
All of the above in one weekend. sad24: redface: point:

How did I know????? rubschin:
Title: Re: For the Bar Wench in view of recent events
Post by: Bar Wench on May 29, 2007, 03:48:23 PM: Mind you number 2 is often a problem. Mr Wench says my family doesn't know the meaning of the word quiet. redface:
Title: Re: For the Bar Wench in view of recent events
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 29, 2007, 03:52:38 PM: Why do I have this sneaky feeling that 1 and 3 were combined at the weekend Wenchy? scared:
Title: Re: For the Bar Wench in view of recent events
Post by: Snoopy on May 29, 2007, 03:57:45 PM: Quote from: Bar Wench on May 29, 2007, 03:48:23 PM
Mind you number 2 is often a problem. Mr Wench says my family doesn't know the meaning of the word quiet. redface:

Mr Wench needs to understand the first rule of being a "Partner" as opposed to being a "Husband".
As a Partner he must not be critical of your family ~ as a Husband he becomes part of that family and is then fully entitled to rip them to shreds. This is of course way two way street.
Title: Re: For the Bar Wench in view of recent events
Post by: Nick on May 29, 2007, 04:04:29 PM: Not round here cry:

Good list though Snoopy. drumroll:
Title: Re: For the Bar Wench in view of recent events
Post by: Darwins Selection on May 29, 2007, 05:09:00 PM: Quote from: Snoopy on May 29, 2007, 03:19:20 PM
Proposed Warning Labels for Alcohol Containers

1. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what happened to your bra.

2. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

3. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

4. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friend over and over again that you love them.

5. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

6. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may seem to endow the likes of Jade Goody with wit and charm.
Title: Re: For the Bar Wench in view of recent events
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 29, 2007, 05:22:45 PM: Could just be coincidence but I notice that Wench wasnt online when Darwin posted that..... whistle:
Title: Re: For the Bar Wench in view of recent events
Post by: Snoopy on May 29, 2007, 05:52:23 PM: Quote from: Grumpmeister on May 29, 2007, 05:22:45 PM
Could just be coincidence but I notice that Wench wasnt online when Darwin posted that..... whistle:

Pick your weapon:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crafty-owl.com%2Fimages%2Fwooden-spoon-jar.jpg&hash=72bf48896985814e46219c5deb2db622d7283c9c)
Title: Re: For the Bar Wench in view of recent events
Post by: Uncle Mort on May 29, 2007, 06:54:12 PM: Quote from: Darwins Selection on May 29, 2007, 05:09:00 PM
6. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may seem to endow the likes of Jade Goody with wit and charm.

Somehow (and fortunately) the amount of alcohol required for that to happen would kill me first.
Title: Re: For the Bar Wench in view of recent events
Post by: Bar Wench on May 30, 2007, 08:29:25 AM: I have wit and charm! sad24:

I sort of have to allow Mr Wench to pick on my family seeing as I am not exactly complimentary about his Mother. redface:
Title: Re: For the Bar Wench in view of recent events
Post by: Nick on May 30, 2007, 12:27:08 PM: And what is wrong with his mother, precisely?
Title: Re: For the Bar Wench in view of recent events
Post by: Bar Wench on May 30, 2007, 12:29:50 PM: Do you really want to go down that road again?
Title: Re: For the Bar Wench in view of recent events
Post by: Darwins Selection on May 30, 2007, 12:30:29 PM: Quote from: Bar Wench on May 30, 2007, 08:29:25 AM
I have wit and charm!

And we all trust you look nothing at all like Ms Goody. shocked003
Title: Re: For the Bar Wench in view of recent events
Post by: Nick on May 30, 2007, 12:30:44 PM: A list would help us, so yes. spider:
Title: Re: For the Bar Wench in view of recent events
Post by: Bar Wench on May 30, 2007, 03:52:19 PM: Quote from: Darwins Selection on May 30, 2007, 12:30:29 PM
Quote from: Bar Wench on May 30, 2007, 08:29:25 AM
I have wit and charm!

And we all trust you look nothing at all like Ms Goody. shocked003

Of course I don't!!

Nick, next time I have a spare three or four days I will sit and write out a list!
Title: Re: For the Bar Wench in view of recent events
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 30, 2007, 03:55:19 PM: Quote from: Bar Wench on May 30, 2007, 03:52:19 PM
Nick, next time I have a spare three or four days I will sit and write out a list!

Well that's the bandwidth for this site well and truely knackered whistle:
Title: Re: For the Bar Wench in view of recent events
Post by: Darwins Selection on May 30, 2007, 04:13:58 PM: Quote from: Grumpmeister on May 30, 2007, 03:55:19 PM
Quote from: Bar Wench on May 30, 2007, 03:52:19 PM
Nick, next time I have a spare three or four days I will sit and write out a list!
Well that's the bandwidth for this site well and truely knackered whistle:
That sounds very technical.

Is it something to do with big hips?
Title: Re: For the Bar Wench in view of recent events
Post by: Snoopy on May 30, 2007, 04:22:55 PM: Oh Christ ............. Does my bum look big in this post?
happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001
Title: Re: For the Bar Wench in view of recent events
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 30, 2007, 06:04:56 PM: I'm not touching that one with a bargepole Snoopy. As soon as I read that I immediately thought "Mr Snoopy dont make Wench angry.....you wouldnt like her when she's angry......." scared2:
Title: Re: For the Bar Wench in view of recent events
Post by: Snoopy on May 30, 2007, 06:52:42 PM: Quote from: Grumpmeister on May 30, 2007, 06:04:56 PM
I'm not touching that one with a bargepole Snoopy. As soon as I read that I immediately thought "Mr Snoopy dont make Wench angry.....you wouldnt like her when she's angry......." scared2:

HE STARTED IT MISS
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimage.guardian.co.uk%2Fsys-images%2FTravel%2FPix%2Fpictures%2F2006%2F07%2F13%2Ffawltytowers360.jpg&hash=55547760da2bf60f965dedd818d533607ca65e43)
Title: Re: For the Bar Wench in view of recent events
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 30, 2007, 06:55:08 PM: Dont want to worry you Snoopy but she was in earlier doing something hidden and mysterious scared:
Title: Re: For the Bar Wench in view of recent events
Post by: Snoopy on May 30, 2007, 06:56:02 PM: eeek: eeek: eeek:
Title: Re: For the Bar Wench in view of recent events
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 31, 2007, 03:59:00 PM: scared: Just had a quick peek and it looks like we got away with it Snoopy whistle:
Title: Re: For the Bar Wench in view of recent events
Post by: Barman on May 31, 2007, 04:02:15 PM: Quote from: Grumpmeister on May 31, 2007, 03:59:00 PM
scared: Just had a quick peek and it looks like we got away with it Snoopy whistle:
I doubt it. ec;
Title: Re: For the Bar Wench in view of recent events
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 31, 2007, 04:52:51 PM: Shhhhh Barman, it's a cunning plan to get Snoopy to stick his head over the parapret eyes:
Title: Re: For the Bar Wench in view of recent events
Post by: Snoopy on May 31, 2007, 04:57:55 PM: I'm watching the cricket.

(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.kiwiblog.co.nz%2Flara-cricket-762702.jpg&hash=30ddf6e0a67fd54b89eb1b23f96742ad5456e5dd)
Title: Re: For the Bar Wench in view of recent events
Post by: Barman on May 31, 2007, 05:02:10 PM: Quote from: Snoopy on May 31, 2007, 04:57:55 PM
I'm watching the cricket.

(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.kiwiblog.co.nz%2Flara-cricket-762702.jpg&hash=30ddf6e0a67fd54b89eb1b23f96742ad5456e5dd)
I?d watch it if she was playing?

There?s a ?box? joke in here somewhere but I can?t quite put my finger on it? redface:
Title: Re: For the Bar Wench in view of recent events
Post by: Nick on May 31, 2007, 05:02:48 PM: Quote from: Barman on May 31, 2007, 05:02:10 PM
Quote from: Snoopy on May 31, 2007, 04:57:55 PM
I'm watching the cricket.

(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.kiwiblog.co.nz%2Flara-cricket-762702.jpg&hash=30ddf6e0a67fd54b89eb1b23f96742ad5456e5dd)
I?d watch it if she was playing?

There?s a ?box? joke in here somewhere but I can?t quite put my finger on it? redface:

Oh and yes.
Title: Re: For the Bar Wench in view of recent events
Post by: Snoopy on May 31, 2007, 05:07:08 PM: I do believe that Freddy Flintoff agrees

(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thismoment.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk%2Fblog%2Fflintoff.jpg&hash=39b178aa18bc86b4d1187547b308aaa0a51512c4)
Title: Re: For the Bar Wench in view of recent events
Post by: Darwins Selection on May 31, 2007, 05:13:48 PM: Quote from: Barman on May 31, 2007, 05:02:10 PM
Quote from: Snoopy on May 31, 2007, 04:57:55 PM
I'm watching the cricket.

(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.kiwiblog.co.nz%2Flara-cricket-762702.jpg&hash=30ddf6e0a67fd54b89eb1b23f96742ad5456e5dd)

There?s a ?box? joke in here somewhere but I can?t quite put my finger on it? redface:

Not to mention: ball tampering, leg byes, stump pulling, maiden overs, no balls, running out etc, etc etc.

Too much choice. shrugs:

Mind you, it's not often you see a girl standing on her own crease.