The Virtual Pub
Come Inside... => The Snug => Topic started by: Berek on May 16, 2007, 10:31:21 AM
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DISCARDED milk cartons from service stations make ideal Quaker hats for action men
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BOILED EGGS cut in half vertically, and with the yolk removed, make ideal miniature porcelain-style urinals for hamsters and guinea pigs.
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BOILED EGGS cut in half vertically, and with the yolk removed, make ideal miniature porcelain-style urinals for hamsters and guinea pigs.
And your method of training them to use it is...?
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Use Brick Acid to destroy wasps' nests, and actually about anything else that needs destroying, including Ruth Kelly and Patricia Hewitt etc.
Oh, flying ants
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The foundations of motorway overpasses make ideal places to put Berek when he is in this mood. ;)
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They are also apparently ideal places for growing mushrooms! eeek:
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Use Brick Acid to destroy wasps' nests, and actually about anything else that needs destroying, including Ruth Kelly and Patricia Hewitt etc.
Oh, flying ants
Well? Go on, what are flying ants good for?
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Use Brick Acid to destroy wasps' nests, and actually about anything else that needs destroying, including Ruth Kelly and Patricia Hewitt etc.
Oh, flying ants
Well? Go on, what are flying ants good for?
Keeping Wench indoors?
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Dettol kitchen spray kills ants instantaneously?
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Dettol kitchen spray kills ants instantaneously?
Flying or walking?
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Dettol kitchen spray kills ants instantaneously?
Flying or walking?
I've only tested it while walking...
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Dettol kitchen spray kills ants instantaneously?
Flying or walking?
Both. Flying ants do actually keep me inside scared2: so if I do go outside I go armed with Dettol
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I once bought some of that "Raid " fly/wasp killer, the wasp I sprayed took about 2 hours to die
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Bus drivers. Increase the number of people who believe you when you cite traffic as an excuse for your late arrival by not stopping halfway through a route to exchange a racist joke with a passing colleague.
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Power companies. After a power cut, wait until midnight before turning it back on again. That way, everybody?s alarm clock, videos, cookers and microwaves will be automatically reset to the correct time.
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Wife beaters. When hitting the Mrs., get hold of a crocodile, a string of sausages and a policeman to create a bit of seaside magic for the kids.
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I once bought some of that "Raid " fly/wasp killer, the wasp I sprayed took about 2 hours to die
You timed it?
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Wife beaters. When hitting the Mrs., get hold of a crocodile, a string of sausages and a policeman to create a bit of seaside magic for the kids.
Sage advice for our Desmond!
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Buying chain or wire at B & Q? Cut off the length you need and abandon it elsewhere in the store. Next day, buy it back from the reduced bucket for half price.
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LADY drivers. Draw a little diagram on a Post-it showing the position of the hand brake and gearstick, and stick it to your dashboard. This will save you having to look for them when the lights go green.
PUBLIC toilet users. When you realise the person in the next cubicle is holding fire until you leave, simply open and close the toilet door without leaving. Their first plop can then be greeted with a huge cheer.
Shoe bombers. Increase your payload by becoming a clown.
LADIES Whentreating genital thrush, always ensure you use natural bio-yoghurt and not raspberry flavoured Munch Bunch.
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eeek:
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When mailing faeces to Her Majesty the Queen (or other famous personalities such as Gareth Gates), avoid getting shite on your tongue by using self-sealing envelopes.
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LADY drivers. Draw a little diagram on a Post-it showing the position of the hand brake and gearstick, and stick it to your dashboard. This will save you having to look for them when the lights go green.
PUBLIC toilet users. When you realise the person in the next cubicle is holding fire until you leave, simply open and close the toilet door without leaving. Their first plop can then be greeted with a huge cheer.
Shoe bombers. Increase your payload by becoming a clown.
LADIES Whentreating genital thrush, always ensure you use natural bio-yoghurt and not raspberry flavoured Munch Bunch.
lol: lol:
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Power companies. After a power cut, wait until midnight before turning it back on again. That way, everybody?s alarm clock, videos, cookers and microwaves will be automatically reset to the correct time.
I like that one ;)
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For Men - How to Please a Woman:-
Compliment her;
respect her;
honor her;
cuddle her;
caress her;
love her;
kiss her;
stroke her;
buy things for her;
tease her;
comfort her;
protect her;
hug her;
hold her;
spend money on her;
wine and dine her;
listen to her;
care for her;
stand by her;
support her;
hold her.
For Women - How to Please a Man:-
Show up naked;
Bring beer.
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For Men - How to Please a Woman:-
Compliment her;
respect her;
honor her;
cuddle her;
caress her;
love her;
kiss her;
stroke her;
buy things for her;
tease her;
comfort her;
protect her;
hug her;
hold her;
spend money on her;
wine and dine her;
listen to her;
care for her;
stand by her;
support her;
hold her.
If I did ANY of those items, I'd be instantly intstitutionalised.
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For Men - How to Please a Woman:-
Compliment her;
respect her;
honor her;
cuddle her;
caress her;
love her;
kiss her;
stroke her;
buy things for her;
tease her;
comfort her;
protect her;
hug her;
hold her;
spend money on her;
wine and dine her;
listen to her;
care for her;
stand by her;
support her;
hold her.
If I did ANY of those items, I'd be instantly intstitutionalised.
Hmm - obviousely a romantic!
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For Men - How to Please a Woman:-
Compliment her;
respect her;
honor her;
cuddle her;
caress her;
love her;
kiss her;
stroke her;
buy things for her;
tease her;
comfort her;
protect her;
hug her;
hold her;
spend money on her;
wine and dine her;
listen to her;
care for her;
stand by her;
support her;
hold her.
If I did ANY of those items, I'd be instantly intstitutionalised.
Only because it is so out of the ordinary! Poor Mrs Growler. sad24:
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Live every day to the fullest. When going to the bog take a newspaper!
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Live every day to the fullest. When going to the bog take a newspaper!
If they give you the same pills as me ........ Take a novel! noooo:
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Live every day to the fullest. When going to the bog take a newspaper!
If they give you the same pills as me ........ Take a novel! noooo:
If you have my problem??.......? take a shovel. whistle:
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eeek:
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My problem. Take a hose. redface:
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My problem. Take a hose. redface:
Stockings?