The Virtual Pub
Come Inside... => Saloon Bar => Topic started by: Miss Demeanour on December 11, 2007, 08:21:02 PM
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So boys - they have finally catered for your every need. eyes:
John Lewis are organising an evening in the lingerie department especially for blokes - Organised just for men, you’ll find leather sofas, chilled beer, plasma screen TVs and plenty of lingerie to choose from. Allegedly they will even have models to show what the products will obviously look like on your beloved.
I know none of you would fall for such blatant marketing tripe noooo:
http://www.johnlewis.com/Shops/DSTemplate.aspx?Id=572 (ftp://http://www.johnlewis.com/Shops/DSTemplate.aspx?Id=572)
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I am forming a queue!!
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I am forming a queue!!
What on your own - is that possible ?????
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Yes. I am saving places for several mates.
OK?
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Yes. I am saving places for several mates.
OK?
Whatever you say Sir. I am not going to challenge you today the mood you are in scared2:
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I am in the mates queue - with Nick, not for condoms you understand... redface:
I have a fond memory of being at San Francisco airport many, many years ago when they ran a lingerie show – loads of gorgeous models walked around the tables wearing literally nothing but lingerie - including night wear. eeek:
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Disgusting old men the lot of you, noooo:
I wonder if you would reserve a place for a friend of mine. whistle:
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Disgusting old men the lot of you, noooo:
I wonder if you would reserve a place for a friend of mine. whistle:
Get to the back! cussing:
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Disgusting old men the lot of you, noooo:
I wonder if you would reserve a place for a friend of mine. whistle:
get to the bck! cussing:
Bok?
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Disgusting old men the lot of you, noooo:
I wonder if you would reserve a place for a friend of mine. whistle:
get to the bck! cussing:
Bok?
yes... redface:
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yes... redface:
Think the anticipation is having an adverse effect.
Quick get him some Damarts adverts on display to calm him down ;D
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Disgusting old men the lot of you, noooo:
I wonder if you would reserve a place for a friend of mine. whistle:
get to the bck! cussing:
Bok?
yes... redface:
Is this some Sarth Effrikan thing?
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yes... redface:
Think the anticipation is having an adverse effect.
Quick get him some Damarts adverts on display to calm him down ;D
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.spireworkwear.co.uk%2Fimages%2Fproduct_images%2Ffleece_bodywarmer%2FLongJohns.jpg&hash=bee5896e5c129fad68fa96ac43414c1a6db9c267)
rubschin:
Is this some 'Breaking News' item MD?
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Is this some 'Breaking News' item MD?
Blimey DS - lol:
You do know how to get a girl all hot and bothered - and before breakfast too eeek:
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yes... redface:
Think the anticipation is having an adverse effect.
Quick get him some Damarts adverts on display to calm him down ;D
M m my hands were shaking... noooo:
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One of the pubs round here had an Ann Summers party one evening!
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Is there room for a short fat one in this queue?
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Of course, of course.
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Is there room for a short fat one in this queue?
You mean another short fat one?
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Well Miss D could always organise a VP one for us here... whistle:
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I will sign up for that
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I am forming another queue!
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Well Miss D could always organise a VP one for us here... whistle:
VP ????
Virtual Panties?
Very Past -it?
Vultures & Predators?
Vile & Putrid?
Viscose & Polyester ?
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Virtual Pub even?
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Virtual Pub even?
Thats far too logical - lol:
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Anyone at your place gone down with salt poisoning?
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eeek:
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Anyone at your place gone down with salt poisoning?
I was interviewing some gorgeous bloke yesterday afternoon cloud9: - so I kept my eye off the kitchen situation.
However I have checked the levels this morning and it has remained untouched. I know there were a lot of office parties going on yesterday so there were not that many people around.
So I wait by this morning and at the first splutter I will be in there with an accusational finger lol:
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One assumes you hired him! Office eye candy is always a good thing! cloud9:
Salt?!?!? What have I missed?
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One assumes you hired him! Office eye candy is always a good thing! cloud9:
Salt?!?!? What have I missed?
Starts January 7th cloud9:
As for the salt - some individual in the Office thinks it is perfectly acceptable to never have to buy their own milk and nick others on a regular basis.
I have replaced some of the contents of my carton with enough salt to make you spit.
I await the unveiling of the evil fiend. evil:
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1) Well done!
2) Excellent! eveilgrin:
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I spose you will be trying it now. noooo:
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No because we all share milk that the boss buys.
And we have no vacancies for eye candy. angry041:
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Stick up a poster of David Hasselhof or similar? David Cassidy?
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Showing the generation gap is a wide as ever Nicholas? lol:
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I don't know about these things? David Niven then?
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Banghead
As you well know I'm a David Tennant girl.
How is it going with Mrs Nick being at home? Have you taken refuge in the attic yet?
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She is making a cake at present, which will take her some time. After that I shall be at her mercy. The Boy has made a Do Not Disturb sign for the office door, but she ignores things like that. He is back at school today scared2:
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I have a lock on my office door evil:
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He's gone back! For some reason I thought he was off till next term too. rubschin: Oh well, at least the peace can only be shattered by one of them for you!
What sort of cake? I need to know these things.
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A very large fruit cake for her sister's 50th birthday.
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Why VERY?
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Why VERY?
Lorra candles to support whistle:
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Which would also explain my next question of why not chocolate. Because it would melt.
I made stained glass window biscuits yesterday. Very pretty and tasty.
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Good Grief Bar Wench!!!!!!!
I am reminded of ......
HOW TO BE A GOOD WIFE
Home Economics High School Text Book, 1954
Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal, on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.
Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so that you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.
Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the home just before your husband arrives, gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift, too.
Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair, and if necessary change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.
Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer, dishwasher, or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and be glad he is home.
Some don'ts: Don't greet him with problems or complaints. Don't complain if he is late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind.
Listen to him. You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.
Make the evening his. Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and relax.
The Goal: Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.
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I couldn't agree more ~ 'cept that you left out the bit about putting the children to bed early and shagging him whistle:
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So this wouldn't be the time to announce that Mr Wench is getting a handknitted jumper for Christmas then?
Or that homemade Christmas cake, pudding, mince pies, stuffing, sloe gin, shortbread and cashmere bedsocks are travelling up the M4 to Wales for Christmas.
Oh also that I posted out handmade Christmas cards yesterdays, glazed a ham for the weekend gathering, tied ribbons on homemade salt dough ornaments and cleaned the windows.
redface:
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I think I shall print that off and give it to Mrs Nick,
................................................just before I go canoeing
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Why VERY?
It has to go around 90 people, so it is VERY BIG
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So this wouldn't be the time to announce that Mr Wench is getting a handknitted jumper for Christmas then?
Or that homemade Christmas cake, pudding, mince pies, stuffing, sloe gin, shortbread and cashmere bedsocks are travelling up the M4 to Wales for Christmas.
Oh also that I posted out handmade Christmas cards yesterdays, glazed a ham for the weekend gathering, tied ribbons on homemade salt dough ornaments and cleaned the windows.
redface:
All very laudable I'm sure but did you shag him?
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I took him out for dinner and to the cinema. I shan't comment further.
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I'll take that as a no then.
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I couldn't agree more ~ 'cept that you left out the bit about putting the children to bed early and shagging him whistle:
I will get back to you on that, after I have finished the ironing.... Mrs GOS spotted the home economics post, I am going to be punished.. severely!
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point:
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Lock on office door. PC password protected. I don't care ~ she gets to hear about only that which I select whistle:
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I would be seriously unimpressed if Mr Wench locked himself in a room! evil:
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The food mixer has packed up. I am being required to mend it. How TF do I know how to mend a food mixer. Mrs N is a-hunting for fuses. I can see us cannibalising a table lamp soon.
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The food mixer has packed up. I am being required to mend it. How TF do I know how to mend a food mixer. Mrs N is a-hunting for fuses. I can see us cannibalising a table lamp soon.
We usually take a fuse out of the hair curlers ~ on the grounds that Mrs S has short hair and never curls it anyway. Why then she should own three sets of curlers is another of life's mysteries.
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The milk thief has just been uncovered. cussing: boxing whacky007
The bastard just starting spluttering as he took a sip of his tea coming from the kitchen.
When confronted he claimed it was an innocent mistake. Innocent - my arse - my name is all over the carton.
Only trouble is he is one of the Coppers that works in our department. Could you adam and eve it eveilgrin:
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Um, did you explain that you had put salt in the milk to catch him out??
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Excellent happy088
Who's next on your hit list scared2:
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She has found her vocation. Poisoning people scared2:
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Excellent happy088
Who's next on your hit list scared2:
Probably me for suggesting she arranges a similar academy here at the pub scared:
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I have already done that. Who says men can't multi-task? spider:
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Excellent happy088
Who's next on your hit list scared2:
I am a nice girl honest ;)
Just don't like people taking the piss eveilgrin:
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Excellent happy088
Who's next on your hit list scared2:
I am a nice girl honest ;)
Just don't like peopel taking the piss eveilgrin:
Thankfully I'm not from peopelopolis so I'm safe for the time being whistle:
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The milk thief has just been uncovered. cussing: boxing whacky007
The bastard just starting spluttering as he took a sip of his tea coming from the kitchen.
When confronted he claimed it was an innocent mistake. Innocent - my arse - my name is all over the carton.
Only trouble is he is one of the Coppers that works in our department. Could you adam and eve it eveilgrin:
Assuming Copper to mean policeman ~ had you revealed that you worked with some of them I would have known who the milk thief was instantly. ::)
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Thankfully I'm not from peopelopolis so I'm safe for the time being whistle:
Right you are next.....
my chosen poison for you will be a pollonium filled coffee bean eveilgrin:
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Assuming Copper to mean policeman ~ had you revealed that you worked with some of them I would have known who the milk thief was instantly. ::)
They are the type of Police Officers who work in 'Partnership' with the local authority in the Crime and Disorder reduction team....#
sorry I am falling asleep while I types that lol:
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Always the first to "borrow" things that belong to others ~ they seem to think they are above the normal rules of civilised behaviour.
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Thankfully I'm not from peopelopolis so I'm safe for the time being whistle:
Right you are next.....
my chosen poison for you will be a pollonium filled coffee bean eveilgrin:
Ah but as I am a coffee snob you would need to know the correct bean and blend point:
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I suspect she may just insert the bean into one of your orifices without the option
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Think he likes that sort of thing though. Coffee beans shat through virgin's arses.
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Quite rare then, I imagine
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Sorry GM - I think you are under the impression you had a choice
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point:
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Just filed a bundle of bank and card statements.
Nothing to do with this really apart from a hit on my account for a lingerie purchase! lol:
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I hope they will fit you. ;)
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He got the idea from the Ladies' Night thread. eeek:
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Sorry GM - I think you are under the impression you had a choice
That's alright munchkin, I know you cant help it whistle:
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Permanent PMT I fear scared2:
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Permanent PMT I fear scared2:
I don't get PMT.
I am this happy and jovial all day - every day lol:
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Poisons the police on a good day scared2:
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I am expecting recognition in the New Years Honours List for this lol:
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And now I'm trying to post a new topic and it won't let me - the conspiracy grows evil:
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And now I'm trying to post a new topic and it won't let me - the conspiracy grows evil:
Can I help? whistle:
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I can't do PM's at work either so I'm afraid I shall have to bore everyone this morning.
I have tried to post a New Topic this morning and I keep getting the Page Cannot be displayed when I come to post it.
It really isn't that interesting a topic but just gives me another excuse to rant lol:
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I can't do PM's at work either so I'm afraid I shall have to bore everyone this morning.
I have tried to post a New Topic this morning and I keep getting the Page Cannot be displayed when I come to post it.
It really isn't that interesting a topic but just gives me another excuse to rant lol:
Must be your firewall or sumfink?
Did someone die there? scared2:
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I can't do PM's at work either so I'm afraid I shall have to bore everyone this morning.
I have tried to post a New Topic this morning and I keep getting the Page Cannot be displayed when I come to post it.
It really isn't that interesting a topic but just gives me another excuse to rant lol:
I shall post a new topic for you then.
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Maybe I should just see it as a sign and understand that today I am only meant to comment on the wisdom of others lol:
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But I already did it. redface:
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Permanent PMT I fear scared2:
I don't get PMT.
I am this happy and jovial all day - every day lol:
Dont panic Nick its just an act, she's a sweetie really whistle:
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Dont panic Nick its just an act, she's a sweetie really whistle:
SSSSSShhhhhhh Don't let everyone know - it will ruin my reputation ;D
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Dont panic Nick its just an act, she's a sweetie really whistle:
SSSSSShhhhhhh Don't let everyone know - it will ruin my reputation ;D
That went ages ago pet. ::)
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That went ages ago pet. ::)
Too true ;)
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Dont panic Nick its just an act, she's a sweetie really whistle:
SSSSSShhhhhhh Don't let everyone know - it will ruin my reputation ;D
So I should stay quiet about what I call you in private then? eyes:
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eeek:
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So I should stay quiet about what I call you in private then? eyes:
Now you are just scandel mongering GM ;D
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Oh really M.M.M. point:
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rubschin:
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rubschin:
Come on now Nick it's not like I have a history of such behaviour cry: lol: cry:
Think GM is just on having a Friday Feeling day - just as Robinson Crusoe recommends lol:
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Where is Jock the Window Cleaner when you need him?
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rubschin:
Come on now Nick it's not like I have a history of such behaviour cry: lol: cry:
Think GM is just on having a Friday Feeling day - just as Robinson Crusoe recommends lol:
rubschin:
Y'know ~ That almost makes sense ~ Scots are you?
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Nah Nick, you are thinking of Ticketyboo noooo:
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I don't think I was
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Y'know ~ That almost makes sense ~ Scots are you?
Oh no no no......
Born and early life = Somerset
Middle childhood = Birmingham
University onwards = London
Sum total = Bloody confused lol:
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I don't think I was
No I don't think you were either redface: redface: redface:
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It was the way you phrased that little bit "Think GM is just on having a Friday Feeling day" that suggested a Celtic background ~ Zummerset be orlroight tho'
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I don't think I was
No I don't think you were either redface: redface: redface:
Some of us have long memories..............
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I don't think I was
No I don't think you were either redface: redface: redface:
Some of us have long memories..............
Hmmmmm ~ The mists are clearing whistle:
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Born and early life = Somerset
Middle childhood = Birmingham
University onwards = London
That does explain an awful lot Miss D whistle:
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It was the way you phrased that little bit "Think GM is just on having a Friday Feeling day" that suggested a Celtic background ~ Zummerset be orlroight tho'
Think that probably suggests more about my retarded typing skills eeek:
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It was the way you phrased that little bit "Think GM is just on having a Friday Feeling day" that suggested a Celtic background ~ Zummerset be orlroight tho'
Think that probably suggests more about my retarded typing skills eeek:
Must be hard running, typing and holding a chopper an axe in your hand
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Born and early life = Somerset
Middle childhood = Birmingham
University onwards = London
That does explain an awful lot Miss D whistle:
Born and early life = Somerset=Writes daft poetry
Middle childhood = Birmingham=Unintelligible accent
University onwards = London=High maintenance.
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Brave today, aren't we?
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Brave today, aren't we?
I think our rules of combat are long established. ;)
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Brave today, aren't we?
I think our rules of combat are long established. ;)
It relies on anonymity and distance
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Born and early life = Somerset=Writes daft poetry
Middle childhood = Birmingham=Unintelligible accent
University onwards = London=High maintenance.
lol:
Wish I was high maintainance cry:
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So do I. sad24:
The high maintenance girls seem to do so much better. sad24:
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So do I. sad24:
The high maintenance girls seem to do so much better. sad24:
At what? rubschin:
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So do I. sad24:
The high maintenance girls seem to do so much better. sad24:
And so much more often. whistle:
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Born and early life = Somerset=Writes daft poetry
Middle childhood = Birmingham=Unintelligible accent
University onwards = London=High maintenance.
lol:
Wish I was high maintainance cry:
No you dont, I've had a couple of high maintenance exes and looking back I can't see a single reason why I didnt get the hell away from them at the first opportunity.
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Red rag time:
http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/beauty/article3029451.ece (http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/beauty/article3029451.ece)
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I've only skimmed it but to a certain extent what he says is true. However, having said that when beauty treatements and gym membership costs in this country come down to the same price they are in America then I am sure that British woman would bother more too.
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I’m not saying that I’m the greatest prize out there, but at least I’d put on a clean shirt, shaved and brushed my teeth. Sophie tumbled into the house looking like a refugee from Hurricane Katrina. She smelt like the R&D lab at Philip Morris. Her outfit was about as sexy as a half-pound of ground meat. And, surely, the only time she’d seen the inside of a gym was to ask directions to the nearest pub. I was hurt that my friends thought I’d be remotely interested in Sophie. ...I sat there watching Sophie tuck into a second huge plate of shepherd’s pie and realised why no self-respecting American girl consumes carbohydrates after 2pm. I’m not surprised Sophie was having trouble finding a boyfriend. Regardless of whether she was interested in me or not, she was unwittingly sabotaging her own chances with any man.
eeek:
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That isn't terribly flattering. eeek:
However, I've never been on a blind date. If I did go, I certainly wouldn't be eating shephards pie and certainly not two helpings of it!
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What would you eat then? eveilgrin:
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The author is a screenwriter (single) who divides his time between London and Los Angeles
Not someone who would likely meet a good cross section of either UK or US society. The American movie business? I'd imagine all the women he meets there are totally self obsessed.
I note that the women in the City are far better turned out and slimmer than those I see in Harlow shopping centre (for example). It's all down to where you look.
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no self-respecting American girl consumes carbohydrates after 2pm.
happy001 happy001
True, they do stop from 2 until 3pm, then shovel it down again for the next 23 hours.
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It is a well known fact that American women are better groomed. But when you can walk into a salon there and for under £40 get a leg, bikini, underarm wax, manicure and pedicure then what do you expect? A similar set of treatments here would be the best part of £100.
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It's all down to where you look.
About 12 inches below the eye-line usually. whistle:
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The author is a screenwriter (single) who divides his time between London and Los Angeles
Not someone who would likely meet a good cross section of either UK or US society. The American movie business? I'd imagine all the women he meets there are totally self obsessed.
I note that the women in the City are far better turned out and slimmer than those I see in Harlow shopping centre (for example). It's all down to where you look.
I entirely agree, I was expecting more angry041: angry041:, thasall eveilgrin:
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Not from me. I grew up with a lot of American friends and still speak to some of them ;) I am well aware of how they view British women. My American friends can't believe the way I look to go to work. It takes the vast majority of them one hour plus just on hair and makeup to go out in the morning. Plus at least two hours of professional grooming a week. I can't afford it and frankly can't be bothered either. But that is the normal expectation there.
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I think she's used her quota of angry041:
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It takes the vast majority of them one hour plus just on hair and makeup to go out in the morning. Plus at least two hours of professional grooming a week.
Good grief! what must they look like when they first get out of bed?
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No I am just selective on where I use them and a thread that has turned into how much better turned out American women are then British isn't the place! lol:
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It takes the vast majority of them one hour plus just on hair and makeup to go out in the morning. Plus at least two hours of professional grooming a week.
Good grief! what must they look like when they first get out of bed?
There you go! At least with us lot you have a rough idea of what you are getting! lol:
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It takes the vast majority of them one hour plus just on hair and makeup to go out in the morning. Plus at least two hours of professional grooming a week.
Good grief! what must they look like when they first get out of bed?
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Oh for goodness sake - time for a reality check.
Go to America - walk down the street and try to find one of these 'ideal' women of which they speak.
When you do come across them - they are so self absorbed, selfish and small minded that whatever beauty they may have on the outside quickly diminishes.
I am not saying British women are more beautiful but perhaps we are more honest.
But then we can't win - if we take too long getting ready then we are just true to type. Spend lots of money on cosmetics and body products etc we are just being wasteful and taken in by evil advertisers, cosmetic surgery is a scam etc etc etc.
I make the effort for myself (obviously I am implying I have a choice lol:).
However I love feeling that I have pampered myself and if it is appreciated by others then even better lol:
I wouldn't go to work dressed inappropriately or with my hair looking like a haystack, but likewise I wouldn't get up at 5 o clock to ensure I looked immaculate.
Lets have a bit of perspective in this.
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My hair looks like a hairstack. redface:
I do have mascara on though!
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My hair looks like a hairstack. redface:
I do have mascara on though!
But it is awfully windy today Wenchy - I am sure it was all in place when you left the house this morning ;)
Is it waterproof mascara?
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It's the office Christmas party tonight. The women in the office have all brought a change of clothes and will spend 30-45 mins later on getting ready. The men will go as they are.
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It's the office Christmas party tonight. The women in the office have all brought a change of clothes and will spend 30-45 mins later on getting ready. The men will go as they are.
We have one of ours tonight. Worse still it is fancy dress - the theme being The Wild West.
The men have bought in a cowboy hat and are wearing Jeans. The women have hired costumes from a shop noooo:
We have another one next Wednesday. This has no theme so all week the girls have been 'consulting' on what to wear. The men have been consulting on what beer is served in which pubs. noooo:
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I forgot who told me this, but someone on a transatlantic flight saw a wizened grey haired old lady disappear into the aeroplane toilet about 2 hours from Heathrow.
When she came out about 90 minutes later she was Joan Collins eeek:
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It's the office Christmas party tonight. The women in the office have all brought a change of clothes and will spend 30-45 mins later on getting ready. The men will go as they are.
We have one of ours tonight. Worse still it is fancy dress - the theme being The Wild West.
The men have bought in a cowboy hat and are wearing Jeans. The women have hired costumes from a shop noooo:
We have another one next Wednesday. This has no theme so all week the girls have been 'consulting' on what to wear. The men have been consulting on what beer is served in which pubs. noooo:
Perfectly normal behaviour
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I am just soooooooooooo glad I have retired and what work I do I do at home, in my own time and set my own fees.
Wild horses would not drag me back into an office environment.
Mind you, when I was so employed, I never attended any Christmas function.
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Ours were pretty much compulsory and always involved terrifying amounts of alcohol.
I am glad I no longer have to endure them too.
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Ours were pretty much compulsory and always involved terrifying amounts of alcohol.
I am glad I no longer have to endure them too.
Oh they tried the compulsory bit ~ management duty and all that shite .... I always had the same answer ... I'll be with a potential client. Talking to my colleagues does not earn me nor the company money, talking to clients does.
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Mind you, when I was employed, I never attended any Christmas function.
Guide dogs only was it?
My hair looks like a hairstack.
A what?
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Mind you, when I was employed, I never attended any Christmas function.
Guide dogs only was it?
My hair looks like a hairstack.
A what?
NO! I refuse to drink out of an ashtray ~ if they can't provide a decent bowl forget it. I hate being an afterthought.