The Virtual Pub
Come Inside... => The Snug => Topic started by: TG on December 10, 2007, 10:41:32 AM
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Mrs TG has left me....
...for a week. Buggered off To South Wales.
Which leaves me a whole week to engage in hedonistic debauchery.
As my first demonstration of devil-may-care Independence I shall leave the cap off the toothpaste! I may then move on to not doing the washing up within 5 minutes of having dinner. By Friday I expect to have reached the stage of booze fuelled cat hoovering and making the bed.
Can my constitution stand it?
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Are you off work? Mrs Nick used to do this at one time and I really had a nice time. Trouble is, I alsways used to overlook one tiny piece of incriminating evidence in the manic pre-return clean up noooo:
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Are you off work? Mrs Nick used to do this time and I really had a nice time. Trouble is, I alsways used to overlook one tiny piece of incriminating evidence in the manic pre-return clean up noooo:
No. At work still. But one sneeze and I'm off!
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Ahhh... a week without having to make the bed... cloud9:
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You live dangerously, innit?
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Leave the toilet seat up ~ Don't replace the toilet roll, just put the new one within reach and leave the cardboard inner of the old one on the holder. Oh you lucky devil.
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I really am lacking in housewifely duties. These are all normal at my house. eeek:
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Mrs S says put your feet on the furniture at every opportunity.
And Wench ~ Mrs S says hello to a fellow slattern.
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Thank goodness!!! I was beginning to feel quite bad!! lol:
I wonder if tat accumulation and bad household skills are genetically linked in someway? rubschin:
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Our house always looks like it's just been burgled, but Mrs Nick can still spot someting "out of place" if I am the culpable one. noooo:
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That is because it isn't a mess it's an open plan filing system!
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I think that is the view she takes. But she still can't find anything. The Boy has a Piano exam this afternoon. SHe has put the address we have to go to "in a safe place". So we will never see that again, then. noooo:
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We (Mrs S and I) used to work with a guy whose wife frequently upped sticks and left, bag and baggage to stay with her mother. She would take the children and threaten never to return but always came back after a week or two. On one occasion he came to work in a panic. Could we all help out as he had received the "I'm coming back tomorrow... meet us at the station" call. We had all made free of his flat for about two weeks and he had called in his mother and some professional cleaners to remove all signs of the curries, beer, vodka, shagging etc that had gone on. Meanwhile he had forgotten, for two weeks, to feed or water the budgie which he was now carrying the corpse of in a plastic bag.
Duly mobilised we swung into action on the phones to contact every pet shop and budgie breeder in North London to find an identical model to the deceased "Peter". We succeeded at the last gasp and a perfect replica blue budgie was installed with an hour to spare.
The following day our pal came into work looking very pleased with himself. During the evening his children had noticed the budgie was talking and his wife had said "Oh Darling.... I'm so sorry to have walked out like that, you must have missed us terribly if you spent the two weeks teaching the budgie to talk" and in his words "She hadn't shagged me like that since our we were married ~ all bloody night"
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rubschin:
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The PS to the story is that he rushed off to buy the budgie we located and parked on the yellow lines outside the shop relying on the fact that it was a marked security vehicle and most traffic wardens tend to ignore them. He copped for a £30 fine. Bloody expensive budgie in fact!
So TG whatever else you do FEED THE PETS.
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The PS to the story is that he rushed off to buy the budgie we located and parked on the yellow lines outside the shop relying on the fact that it was a marked security vehicle and most traffic wardens tend to ignore them. He copped for a £30 fine. Bloody expensive budgie in fact!
So TG whatever else you do FEED THE PETS.
Will do! happy088
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I just drop kicked the cat 3.75 metres up the garden path. A new record! happy088
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Crapped in the kitchen again huh?
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Crapped in the kitchen again huh?
No. Wanted stroking. Selfish bastard. cry:
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I just drop kicked the cat 3.75 metres up the garden path. A new record! happy088
They have long memories.
Better join Nick's 'duvet club'.
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I just drop kicked the cat 3.75 metres up the garden path. A new record! happy088
They have long memories.
Better join Nick's 'duvet club'.
Not a problem. I will nail the catflap shut before I go to work tomorrow. Fresh air will do them good.
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I just drop kicked the cat 3.75 metres up the garden path. A new record! happy088
They have long memories.
Better join Nick's 'duvet club'.
It's in the wash again! She is losing it! ::)
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P'raps you should try nailing your cat's flap shut.
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She is in now scared2:
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She is in now scared2:
Open a window. Drop kick. Sorted. happy088
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Out and chicken wings. OK?
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It is now nearly an hour since dinner and I have not yet washed up. eyes:
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So brave!!
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So brave!!
I know! This hedonistic debauchery lark takes some serious determination. How will I cope?
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Did you make the bed this morning or are you planning to really rebel and get back into it the way you got out?
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. . get back into it the way you got out?
Fully dressed you mean?
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'cept for his boots of course.
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'cept for his boots of course.
I love this forum. cloud9:
I am presently listening to LCFC get thrashed again. point:
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I'm so glad we can please someone.
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For tonights debauchery I shall not be moving the living room rug.
Normally, it has to perfectly parallel with the fireplace. If it is not then this sends Mrs TG in to a sort of demented state which involves me being shouted at best or possibly being poked in the eye with a sharpened pencil. It is now at about a 40 degree angle to the fireplace and I ain't moving it.
Hard me. happy088
Mind you, the bastard cat got it's revenge. It has taken to sleeping in the washing basket in the bedroom. Of course, no-one told me. Last night I threw some dirty clothes (or was it boots?) into the slot and the fvcking moggy exploded out the top like a rocket powered, clawed projectile. I nearly had a heart attack.
I'll have the bastard. evil:
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For tonights debauchery I shall not be moving the living room rug.
Normally, it has to perfectly parallel with the fireplace. If it is not then this sends Mrs TG in to a sort of demented state which involves me being shouted at best or possibly being poked in the eye with a sharpened pencil. It is now at about a 40 degree angle to the fireplace and I ain't moving it.
Hard me. happy088
Mind you, the bastard cat got it's revenge. It has taken to sleeping in the washing basket in the bedroom. Of course, no-one told me. Last night I threw some dirty clothes (or was it boots?) into the slot and the fvcking moggy exploded out the top like a rocket powered, clawed projectile. I nearly had a heart attack.
I'll have the bastard. evil:
Very brave about the rug. Very brave. I suggest you measure up carefully before she comes back. If you decide not to, we shall all be right behind you!! Truly scared2:
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Mrs. Barman has a thing about the rug too... noooo:
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She bought you a wig? eeek:
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She bought you a wig? eeek:
::)
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It's true then.
Orange with velcro fixing plate?
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.postimage.org%2FaV2zxhy9.jpg&hash=da9fd86df24f93284bfdf35ed5d646d1f53369b2) (http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=aV2zxhy9)
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It's true then.
Orange with velcro fixing plate?
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.postimage.org%2FaV2zxhy9.jpg&hash=da9fd86df24f93284bfdf35ed5d646d1f53369b2) (http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=aV2zxhy9)
::)
Wenchy does the wig jokes... noooo: