The Virtual Pub
Come Inside... => Saloon Bar => Topic started by: Mr Wench on October 01, 2007, 12:46:02 PM
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At last. I have taken a sicky today and am home alone, surrounded by tat, and making my virgin post here. Be gentle with me.
My life is a nightmare. Every day she comes home with candles, cushions, tat and fish, and often wool.
She fails to understand the Welsh. Why? My needs are simple, but involve none of the above items.
She is eating me out of house and home. I have to spend £30 a week on chocolate. SHe eats it like a Dyson.
I am a prisoner in my own half house. Please help!
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noooo: You are not Mr Wench... You are an impostor. There was not a hint of a Welsh Accent in that post. whistle:
Which bridge does your mother live near? Bet you cannot answer that. ;)
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It seems very odd. But then again..........
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rubschin:
Hmmm. Are you REALLY Mr. Wench? Or are you Wenchy in disguise looking for a way into the 'Boys Room'?
In what minute was the first goal scored by Cardiff City in their FA Cup win?
That'll sort her out... eyes:
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I can't answer it either! eeek:
Man-flu again. evil:
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He is making a break for freedom from wool and fish. I recommend the Human Rights Act.
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rubschin:
Hmmm. Are you REALLY Mr. Wench? Or are you Wenchy in disguise looking for a way into the 'Boys Room'?
In what minute was the first goal scored by Cardiff City in their FA Cup win?
That'll sort her out... eyes:
It's a trick question as there was only one goal. ::)
It isn't me. eeek:
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I can't answer it either! eeek:
Man-flu again. evil:
Yes you can ::) Think village name.
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Bang to rights. Poor Mr Wench. Are you there Mr Wench? Calling Mr Wench. Come in, over.
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I can't answer it either! eeek:
Man-flu again. evil:
Yes you can ::) Think village name.
That's a bridge. eeek: Kerist I really do need to start paying more attention. eeek:
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Ahem...
You are supposed to change BACK to the Mr. Wench identity before answering the question I asked him.
evil: evil:
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noooo: We may be on a slight tangent... whistle: I remember you once mentioning a nearby village that I used to frequent. Twas a bit obvious though. tunble:
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Ahem...
You are supposed to change BACK to the Mr. Wench identity before answering the question I asked him.
evil: evil:
Ahhhh, but it isn't me. I was just pointing out that even I knew the answer to that as any self respecting poor person that lives with a Cardiff fan would.
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All that talk about football is just a ruse. Every fourth weekend she chains me to the hoover, and later the oven, and makes me do stuff round the house. I generally hoover up pants and stuff, wool when I get the chance, but I can't sneak it all to the dump because she won't let me drive. She thinks it will give me "too much liberty".
She is a tyrant. A tyrant with a tat mountain. She knits my trousers. I am a laughing stock at school. I sneak real clothes out of the house when she isn't looking and change en route.
Has anyone got the number of the BFhelpline? Esther Rantzen let me down when I called her.
HELP!
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Ahem...
You are supposed to change BACK to the Mr. Wench identity before answering the question I asked him.
evil: evil:
Ahhhh, but it isn't me. I was just pointing out that even I knew the answer to that as any self respecting poor person that lives with a Cardiff fan would.
But... But You DIDN'T answer the question.
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Ahem...
You are supposed to change BACK to the Mr. Wench identity before answering the question I asked him.
evil: evil:
Ahhhh, but it isn't me. I was just pointing out that even I knew the answer to that as any self respecting poor person that lives with a Cardiff fan would.
But... But You DIDN'T answer the question.
Well, I don't know the answer to the actual question. Why confuse the issue? redface:
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I fear Wenchy is befuddled now. I also fear that Mr Wench is destined for a night on the sofa! scared2:
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I fear Wenchy is befuddled now. I also fear that Mr Wench is destined for a night on the sofa! scared2:
The bath actually. The sofas are full of tat. redface:
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noooo: noooo:
He is in sooooo much trouble. Unless he escapes of course.
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I fear Wenchy is befuddled now. I also fear that Mr Wench is destined for a night on the sofa! scared2:
The bath actually. The sofas are full of tat. redface:
This is too much, Wenchy. A man, even a Welsh one, should not take second place to tat.
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He is part of her tat.!
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I fear Wenchy is befuddled now. I also fear that Mr Wench is destined for a night on the sofa! scared2:
The bath actually. The sofas are full of tat. redface:
This is too much, Wenchy. A man, even a Welsh one, should not take second place to tat.
He could sleep in his sick2: chair sick2:
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I can't think of my all-consuming Welshness now. Help me deal with the tat, the wool and the fish. Also hair.
Men, please help. My therapist (Tuesdays 3-4) is at a loss. Though she has offered me a massage.
Should I accept that?
She is quite nice.
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evil:
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I can't think of my all-consuming Welshness now. Help me deal with the tat, the wool and the fish. Also hair.
Men, please help. My therapist (Tuesdays 3-4) is at a loss. Though she has offered me a massage.
Should I accept that?
She is quite nice.
You have femaleitis and you consult a FEMALE shrink? GONK!
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If it helps him relax. You have to work on your understanding of the male psyche.
The Welsh are weird, but think "testosterone". Oh, you can't. noooo:
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You have femaleitis and you consult a FEMALE shrink? GONK!
This is a Gonk........are you sure that is Mr Wench? eeek:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fupload.wikimedia.org%2Fwikipedia%2Fen%2Fthumb%2F2%2F23%2FGonk_c.jpg%2F200px-Gonk_c.jpg&hash=c8bd2eba7b126534b43df71d231a6d08aa5c7d82)
A Gonk is a small furry soft toy which was extremely popular in the 1960s and 1980s as a gift. They are usually plush toys, animal in nature but of no discernible species. They have no legs or arms (although small flaps of material sometimes serve this purpose) and large eyes (often crossed) and/or noses.
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Sounds like her kind of man.
I shared a flat with a girl in the 70s. She said there should be a third sex (boyfriend troubles), then added, "But it must have a willy"
Do Gonks qualify?
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I fear Wenchy is befuddled now. I also fear that Mr Wench is destined for a night on the sofa! scared2:
The bath actually. The sofas are full of tat. redface:
Hang on you lot ~ You missed one there. Note in the above quote "SofaS"
How many sofas does one home containing two people need and what is the female equivalent of willy waving????
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At least he has a choice!
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At least he has a choice!
According to the rest of the quote he does not have a choice as they (being the sofaS) are full of tat.
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She's home soon scared2:
I must hide. I know she has seen this, but I had to let it out.
I must run. I have a tent. Must buy a primus. Freedom beckons on the Common.
Bye.
Is there a helpline?
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I fear Wenchy is befuddled now. I also fear that Mr Wench is destined for a night on the sofa! scared2:
The bath actually. The sofas are full of tat. redface:
Hang on you lot ~ You missed one there. Note in the above quote "SofaS"
How many sofas does one home containing two people need and what is the female equivalent of willy waving????
There is the sofa in the living room and his sick2: chair sick2:
Then there is the sofa in the spare room.
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So much choice!
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I fear Wenchy is befuddled now. I also fear that Mr Wench is destined for a night on the sofa! scared2:
The bath actually. The sofas are full of tat. redface:
Hang on you lot ~ You missed one there. Note in the above quote "SofaS"
How many sofas does one home containing two people need and what is the female equivalent of willy waving????
There is the sofa in the living room and his sick2: chair sick2:
Then there is the sofa in the spare room.
Oh ~ we have three. One in the lounge and two in the sitting room. We also have two dining tables ~ one in the dining Room and one in the garage whence it resides awaiting those summer days that come round once in a blue moon and we eat outside. Oh and 12 dining chairs.
See Mrs Nick isn't the only one with more furniture that bums to put on it.
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Bums are taboo! (catholic you see, therefore sort of rude.)
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So see I wasn't waving any apendage!!!!
New sofa purchasing is in the pipeline though!!! eveilgrin:
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I fear Wenchy is befuddled now. I also fear that Mr Wench is destined for a night on the sofa! scared2:
The bath actually. The sofas are full of tat. redface:
Hang on you lot ~ You missed one there. Note in the above quote "SofaS"
How many sofas does one home containing two people need and what is the female equivalent of willy waving????
Sofa waving... obviously.
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Tent, primus, mug, knitted knickers.
HELP!
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How many sofas does one home containing two people need and what is the female equivalent of willy waving????
Oh ~ we have three. One in the lounge and two in the sitting room. We also have two dining tables ~ one in the dining Room and one in the garage whence it resides awaiting those summer days that come round once in a blue moon and we eat outside. Oh and 12 dining chairs.
See Mrs Nick isn't the only one with more furniture that bums to put on it.
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We had 2 sofas, then as we got older, and found them to be less suited to our needs, we decided that nice comfy recliners were the way to go, so we now have 4 reclining arm chairs instead. (it was going to be 2, it evolved into 4, long story). 1 large dinging table with very comfy chairs, one smaller kitchen table & chairs and as yet no outdoor garden table, have not found a use for one yet. Bistro (Kitchen ) table and chairs are easy to carry outside if and when the occasion arises, once in the last 18 months so far.
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sick2: Comfy recliners. sick2:
sick2: sick2: Orange paisley comfy recliners sick2: sick2:
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Pardon?
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How many sofas does one home containing two people need and what is the female equivalent of willy waving????
Oh ~ we have three. One in the lounge and two in the sitting room. We also have two dining tables ~ one in the dining Room and one in the garage whence it resides awaiting those summer days that come round once in a blue moon and we eat outside. Oh and 12 dining chairs.
See Mrs Nick isn't the only one with more furniture that bums to put on it.
We had 2 sofas, then as we got older, and found them to be less suited to our needs, we decided that nice comfy recliners were the way to go, so we now have 4 reclining arm chairs instead. (it was going to be 2, it evolved into 4, long story). 1 large dinging table with very comfy chairs, one smaller kitchen table & chairs and as yet no outdoor garden table, have not found a use for one yet. Bistro (Kitchen ) table and chairs are easy to carry outside if and when the occasion arises, once in the last 18 months so far.
Yes but with two of us + three kids + various relatives + Grandchildren + grown up children + in-laws.
I still had to hire two tables for the youngest's apres Christening Lunch.
Oh and I forgot to mention the breakfast bar in the Kitchen.
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Pardon?
Indeed.
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Poor chap.
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Poor chap.
He wants to keep it. It's an heirloom. ::)
sick2: chair sick2:
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Pardon?
Indeed.
evil: And what's wrong with a 'comfy' recliner? Specially one that cost more than the car!
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Pardon?
Indeed.
evil: And what's wrong with a 'comfy' recliner? Specially one that cost more than the car!
They take up an awful lot of room and look horrific especially when covered in orange paisley.
I shall take pictures when I get home. sick2:
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Pardon?
Indeed.
evil: And what's wrong with a 'comfy' recliner? Specially one that cost more than the car!
They take up an awful lot of room and look horrific especially when covered in orange paisley.
I shall take pictures when I get home. sick2:
No, No! Don't trouble yourself my dear ~ we'll take your word for it (well I will anyway)
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I have just forgotten where The Boy is scared2:. This social whirl. I have to collect him at 5.00. confused:
But where from? scared2:
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Pardon?
Indeed.
evil: And what's wrong with a 'comfy' recliner? Specially one that cost more than the car!
They take up an awful lot of room and look horrific especially when covered in orange paisley.
I shall take pictures when I get home. sick2:
No, No! Don't trouble yourself my dear ~ we'll take your word for it (well I will anyway)
Me too... noooo:
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I have just forgotten where The Boy is scared2:. This social whirl. I have to collect him at 5.00. confused:
But where from? scared2:
Start from School and work outwards.
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Tennis, phew noooo:
I lost the plot there for a second!
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sick2: Comfy recliners. sick2:
sick2: sick2: Orange paisley comfy recliners sick2: sick2:
You are young, you wait and see. ::) I always had matching pairs of Sofas then one day I realized that they were just not comfy and more. You grow out of sofas eventually.
I now have two very nice traditional Parker Knoll recliners, in a sort of Burgundy cloth (no velor or orange paisley in sight) and two modern cream leather swivel recliners (part of the long story).
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STOP IT!
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STOP IT!
You can talk, how many dining sets do you have now?
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STOP IT!
What are YOU doing here at 4:59:48 when the Boy is to be collected from (hopefully) tennis at five?
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I lost the plot there for a second!
You mean to say that at some point you've actually FOUND the plot? eeek:
Thats a very scary thought Nick scared2:
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At last. I have taken a sicky today and am home alone, surrounded by tat, and making my virgin post here. Be gentle with me.
My life is a nightmare. Every day she comes home with candles, cushions, tat and fish, and often wool.
She fails to understand the Welsh. Why? My needs are simple, but involve none of the above items.
She is eating me out of house and home. I have to spend £30 a week on chocolate. SHe eats it like a Dyson.
I am a prisoner in my own half house. Please help!
Haven't read all this shite. The first post was enough to convince me. thatsit:
Classic Nickotypo. ::)
NICK. You are a fraud, and I'm very disappointed. Banghead
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Pardon?
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Pardon?
;)
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Must buy a primus.
How will an electric car help your predicament?
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Is this the most boring thread in the history of the uniwench? bom
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Yep! lol:
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What is all this
shite tat?
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I refuse to engage in a conversation where tat is refered to as shite. evil:
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Whatever ::)