The Virtual Pub

Come Inside... => Saloon Bar => Topic started by: Nick on October 06, 2019, 07:38:02 AM

Title: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Nick on October 06, 2019, 07:38:02 AM
 Popcorn:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Barman on October 06, 2019, 08:01:41 AM
 sad32: sad32: sad32:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 06, 2019, 08:54:14 AM
Popcorn:

I'm guessing Baldymort hates Ikea furniture as much as you hate putting bird tables together...  whistle:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Nick on October 06, 2019, 08:58:30 AM
I got a man in  angel1
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Barman on October 06, 2019, 09:51:35 AM
I got a man in  angel1


Gayer:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Nick on October 06, 2019, 09:56:23 AM
We all look forward to hearing how you manage on your own, like   Popcorn: Popcorn: Popcorn: Popcorn:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Barman on October 06, 2019, 10:57:56 AM
We all look forward to hearing how you manage on your own, like   Popcorn: Popcorn: Popcorn: Popcorn:

I'll take pictures like!  :thumbsup:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Nick on October 06, 2019, 11:12:21 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/Js5kwHSR/ikea1.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/Js5kwHSR)
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Barman on October 06, 2019, 11:40:33 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/Js5kwHSR/ikea1.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/Js5kwHSR)

 redface:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Barman on October 06, 2019, 11:41:32 AM
I've got to put in the electric cooker, gas hob and washing machine tomorrer...  scared2:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Steve on October 06, 2019, 12:40:19 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/Js5kwHSR/ikea1.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/Js5kwHSR)
lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: apc2010 on October 06, 2019, 03:12:40 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/Js5kwHSR/ikea1.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/Js5kwHSR)

 lol: lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Nick on October 06, 2019, 05:49:04 PM
Hello darling, I have made pizza for tea. Hello.............


(https://i.postimg.cc/4Hx6hHws/ikea2.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/4Hx6hHws)
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: apc2010 on October 06, 2019, 07:53:09 PM
Hello darling, I have made pizza for tea. Hello.............


(https://i.postimg.cc/4Hx6hHws/ikea2.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/4Hx6hHws)

 ;D ;D
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Barman on October 07, 2019, 04:22:55 AM
Hello darling, I have made pizza for tea. Hello.............


(https://i.postimg.cc/4Hx6hHws/ikea2.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/4Hx6hHws)

 scared2:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Steve on October 07, 2019, 08:18:16 AM
Hello darling, I have made pizza for tea. Hello.............


(https://i.postimg.cc/4Hx6hHws/ikea2.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/4Hx6hHws)

 ;D ;D
lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Darwins Selection on October 07, 2019, 11:49:29 AM
Hello darling, I have made pizza for tea. Hello.............


(https://i.postimg.cc/4Hx6hHws/ikea2.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/4Hx6hHws)

 ;D ;D
lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Barman on October 08, 2019, 08:33:40 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/DSGwWRW2/IMG-20191008-100122.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/DSGwWRW2)



 eeek:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Steve on October 08, 2019, 10:47:11 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/DSGwWRW2/IMG-20191008-100122.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/DSGwWRW2)



 eeek:
This from a recent Sunday Times should cheer you up

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/the-clarkson-review-ford-focus-estate-h5w52jhjg

Yes I know it's a Clarkson review of a car but he does tend to wander and here's the relevant bit

Quote from: Jezzer Clarkson
Now, when I need a coffee table or a small armchair, I spend a day or two wandering round the Conran Shop. Or I visit an antiques fair. Certainly, I will make a mood board on Pinterest and study glossy magazines such as Coffee Table Weekly. But having just spent what he considers to be perfectly good beer money on a not-at-all-interesting washing-up bowl, my son was in no mood to waste time. He wanted to get into the furniture shop and out again as quickly as possible, so he could get home, order a curry and fire up the footie.

So he went to Ikea, did some speed-shopping and arranged to have everything he needed delivered on the day he moved in. Unfortunately, the van arrived at 6.30am, which is a time of day that no 22-year-old is aware of. Frantic phone calls were made, followed by a decision to go to the pub and have a nice cold pint until the whole thing blew over.

Amazingly, it did. Ikea found another van and that night a chirpy Scouser delivered so many boxes that, pretty soon, the sitting room looked like that warehouse where they stored Indiana Jones’s lost ark.

This is the sort of thing that fills me with dread. I know some people can look at a laptop or a steam train or a lawnmower and know instinctively how all the components go together, but I cannot. I look at a plug and a socket in the wall and, even to this day, I’m filled with pride and wonderment when I successfully join the two things together.

As my son is also like that, he suggested going back to the pub for another nice cold pint while the furniture goblins got busy. But I explained that, in the real world, you have to do things for yourself. And we got to work.

I unpacked the sofa, and as all the pieces and all the little bags of bolts and washers spread out like a wave across the floor, I began to feel overwhelmed. Because, to you, a bolt and a washer is a bolt and a washer, but to me, it’s a red wire and a green wire, and if I cut the wrong one, the ship and everyone in it will explode.

This meant I had to become unmanly and break out the instruction manual, which was a series of simple diagrams. Well, they would be simple to you, but to me they looked like the architectural drawings for a submarine base.

Nonetheless, with my special tongue-out concentrating face applied, it all started to come together. To get some parts attached to other parts, I had to adopt a few cruel and unusual yoga positions, and that made me out of breath. Also, I sprained my thumb at one point and then I dropped the big part on my finger, which really hurt, but after just three hours — and without once using a hammer — the sofa was built, and when I put it the right way up, it didn’t wobble or fall to pieces.

I’d never really come across Ikea before. I’d seen the shops, obviously, and I’d been told that everything in there is very cheap. And perhaps, because of that, I’d driven past as quickly as possible so I could get home to read my new copy of French Dressers Monthly. But having built that sofa, and seen how strong and robust the finished product was, I’m wondering why anyone would buy anything from anywhere else.


Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Miss Demeanour on October 08, 2019, 11:01:06 AM
 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Barman on October 08, 2019, 11:42:13 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/DSGwWRW2/IMG-20191008-100122.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/DSGwWRW2)



 eeek:
This from a recent Sunday Times should cheer you up

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/the-clarkson-review-ford-focus-estate-h5w52jhjg

Yes I know it's a Clarkson review of a car but he does tend to wander and here's the relevant bit

Quote from: Jezzer Clarkson
Now, when I need a coffee table or a small armchair, I spend a day or two wandering round the Conran Shop. Or I visit an antiques fair. Certainly, I will make a mood board on Pinterest and study glossy magazines such as Coffee Table Weekly. But having just spent what he considers to be perfectly good beer money on a not-at-all-interesting washing-up bowl, my son was in no mood to waste time. He wanted to get into the furniture shop and out again as quickly as possible, so he could get home, order a curry and fire up the footie.

So he went to Ikea, did some speed-shopping and arranged to have everything he needed delivered on the day he moved in. Unfortunately, the van arrived at 6.30am, which is a time of day that no 22-year-old is aware of. Frantic phone calls were made, followed by a decision to go to the pub and have a nice cold pint until the whole thing blew over.

Amazingly, it did. Ikea found another van and that night a chirpy Scouser delivered so many boxes that, pretty soon, the sitting room looked like that warehouse where they stored Indiana Jones’s lost ark.

This is the sort of thing that fills me with dread. I know some people can look at a laptop or a steam train or a lawnmower and know instinctively how all the components go together, but I cannot. I look at a plug and a socket in the wall and, even to this day, I’m filled with pride and wonderment when I successfully join the two things together.

As my son is also like that, he suggested going back to the pub for another nice cold pint while the furniture goblins got busy. But I explained that, in the real world, you have to do things for yourself. And we got to work.

I unpacked the sofa, and as all the pieces and all the little bags of bolts and washers spread out like a wave across the floor, I began to feel overwhelmed. Because, to you, a bolt and a washer is a bolt and a washer, but to me, it’s a red wire and a green wire, and if I cut the wrong one, the ship and everyone in it will explode.

This meant I had to become unmanly and break out the instruction manual, which was a series of simple diagrams. Well, they would be simple to you, but to me they looked like the architectural drawings for a submarine base.

Nonetheless, with my special tongue-out concentrating face applied, it all started to come together. To get some parts attached to other parts, I had to adopt a few cruel and unusual yoga positions, and that made me out of breath. Also, I sprained my thumb at one point and then I dropped the big part on my finger, which really hurt, but after just three hours — and without once using a hammer — the sofa was built, and when I put it the right way up, it didn’t wobble or fall to pieces.

I’d never really come across Ikea before. I’d seen the shops, obviously, and I’d been told that everything in there is very cheap. And perhaps, because of that, I’d driven past as quickly as possible so I could get home to read my new copy of French Dressers Monthly. But having built that sofa, and seen how strong and robust the finished product was, I’m wondering why anyone would buy anything from anywhere else.

 lol: lol: lol:

He's right...  :thumbsup:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Uncle Mort on October 08, 2019, 11:53:26 AM
Seconded   :thumbsup:


I've bought a wardrobe from them 25 years ago. Its been assembled and disassembled a couple of times. Still in good nick  :thumbsup:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Barman on October 08, 2019, 02:26:28 PM
Oh my poor hands and my poor back...  sad24:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Nick on October 08, 2019, 02:30:17 PM
 point: point: point:

Perhaps LL will  make you one of her special pizzas  :thumbsup:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: apc2010 on October 08, 2019, 06:29:41 PM
Oh my poor hands and my poor back...  sad24:


 noooo:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Miss Demeanour on October 08, 2019, 09:23:25 PM
Oh my poor hands and my poor back...  sad24:

At least your mind is still sharp  ;)
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 08, 2019, 09:46:13 PM
Oh my poor hands and my poor back...  sad24:

At least your mind is still sharp  ;)

Sharp compared to.....  rubschin:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: apc2010 on October 08, 2019, 11:19:18 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/MMxTfd6S/72128927-2459565524161770-7092010171370569728-n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/MMxTfd6S)

Kitchen looking good ........ whistle:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Barman on October 09, 2019, 03:30:14 AM
Oh my poor hands and my poor back...  sad24:

At least your mind is still sharp  ;)

cool14:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Barman on October 13, 2019, 03:17:47 PM
Made a bit of a mess with my angle grinder....  redface:


(https://i.postimg.cc/62ddSZjp/IMG-20191013-132712.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/62ddSZjp)

(https://i.postimg.cc/9wCGjfKt/IMG-20191013-132719.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/9wCGjfKt)

(https://i.postimg.cc/YLRQ2Hwc/IMG-20191013-132724.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/YLRQ2Hwc)

(https://i.postimg.cc/YjzPLLr7/IMG-20191013-133240.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/YjzPLLr7)

(https://i.postimg.cc/t7jfgNHD/IMG-20191013-142810.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/t7jfgNHD)
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: apc2010 on October 13, 2019, 03:23:30 PM
Made a bit of a mess with my angle grinder....  redface:


(https://i.postimg.cc/62ddSZjp/IMG-20191013-132712.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/62ddSZjp)

(https://i.postimg.cc/9wCGjfKt/IMG-20191013-132719.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/9wCGjfKt)

(https://i.postimg.cc/YLRQ2Hwc/IMG-20191013-132724.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/YLRQ2Hwc)

(https://i.postimg.cc/YjzPLLr7/IMG-20191013-133240.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/YjzPLLr7)

(https://i.postimg.cc/t7jfgNHD/IMG-20191013-142810.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/t7jfgNHD)


No bog..... rubschin:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Nick on October 13, 2019, 04:10:02 PM
He can use your neighbour's  :thumbsup:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Steve on October 13, 2019, 10:34:09 PM
 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: apc2010 on October 16, 2019, 04:43:33 PM
https://www.facebook.com/horacio.arce.96/videos/2004740922985975/?t=27

Actual footage ...... Thumbs:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Barman on October 16, 2019, 05:10:36 PM
https://www.facebook.com/horacio.arce.96/videos/2004740922985975/?t=27

Actual footage ...... Thumbs:

 evil:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: apc2010 on October 20, 2019, 06:00:37 PM
https://www.facebook.com/therealdarwinawards/videos/740746446441711/?t=3

Gardening now ........ noooo:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Just One More on October 20, 2019, 07:04:12 PM
https://www.facebook.com/therealdarwinawards/videos/740746446441711/?t=3

Gardening now ........ noooo:

 eeek:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Barman on October 21, 2019, 04:16:43 AM
https://www.facebook.com/therealdarwinawards/videos/740746446441711/?t=3

Gardening now ........ noooo:

 eeek:
eeek: eeek:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: apc2010 on October 21, 2019, 02:10:52 PM
https://www.facebook.com/therealdarwinawards/videos/740746446441711/?t=3

Gardening now ........ noooo:

 eeek:
eeek: eeek:

Making mountains out of ............ rubschin:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Steve on October 21, 2019, 05:04:12 PM
https://www.facebook.com/therealdarwinawards/videos/740746446441711/?t=3

Gardening now ........ noooo:

 eeek:
eeek: eeek:
lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Barman on October 23, 2019, 11:25:07 AM
Well installing the new shower screen went as well as could have been expected...  sad24:


(https://i.postimg.cc/MnyqJ58Y/IMG-20191023-132933.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/MnyqJ58Y)

(https://i.postimg.cc/cgJSYNtD/IMG-20191023-132940.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/cgJSYNtD)

(https://i.postimg.cc/B8p3XvbL/IMG-20191023-132943.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/B8p3XvbL)
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Steve on October 23, 2019, 12:28:13 PM
 noooo:

Another trip to Ikea then
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 23, 2019, 12:29:17 PM
noooo:

Another trip to Ikea then

Do you think it may be worth buying shares in the company?  rubschin:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Barman on October 23, 2019, 12:35:01 PM
noooo:

Another trip to Ikea then

Bastard thing literally exploded!  eeek:

That is our blood on the floor....  noooo:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Steve on October 23, 2019, 12:39:03 PM
noooo:

Another trip to Ikea then

Bastard thing literally exploded!  eeek:

That is our blood on the floor....  noooo:
Not good  noooo:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Barman on October 23, 2019, 12:47:23 PM
noooo:

Another trip to Ikea then

Bastard thing literally exploded!  eeek:

That is our blood on the floor....  noooo:
Not good  noooo:

No, and apparently it isn't unknown (https://www.thespruce.com/glass-shower-door-shattered-by-itself-3972517)...   noooo:

I've just pulled a piece of glass out of the top of my head!  eeek:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Nick on October 23, 2019, 12:51:13 PM
Compo  :thumbsup:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Steve on October 23, 2019, 01:32:27 PM
Compo  :thumbsup:
:thumbsup: :thumbsup:

Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Miss Demeanour on October 23, 2019, 06:44:21 PM
noooo:

Another trip to Ikea then

Bastard thing literally exploded!  eeek:

That is our blood on the floor....  noooo:

 eeek: eeek: eeek:

Free hotdogs for life  :thumbsup:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: apc2010 on October 23, 2019, 08:13:36 PM
Compo  :thumbsup:

Bit harsh ....wasn't he the smelly one in Last of the summer wine .. rubschin:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Steve on October 23, 2019, 10:52:54 PM
Compo  :thumbsup:

Bit harsh ....wasn't he the smelly one in Last of the summer wine .. rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 23, 2019, 10:55:50 PM
Compo  :thumbsup:

Bit harsh ....wasn't he the smelly one in Last of the summer wine .. rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:

I was wondering how long it would take Apey to pluck the low hanging fruit...  lol:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: apc2010 on October 24, 2019, 09:48:09 AM
https://www.facebook.com/hugo.smits2/videos/3270708756274406/?t=33

BM been training people ...... rubschin:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Barman on October 24, 2019, 10:29:40 AM
https://www.facebook.com/hugo.smits2/videos/3270708756274406/?t=33

BM been training people ...... rubschin:

 evil:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 24, 2019, 11:24:16 AM
https://www.facebook.com/hugo.smits2/videos/3270708756274406/?t=33

BM been training people ...... rubschin:

 evil:

Surely BM training would be more like this...

https://youtu.be/FwBjLCAodLw

 whistle:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Barman on October 24, 2019, 12:33:12 PM
https://www.facebook.com/hugo.smits2/videos/3270708756274406/?t=33

BM been training people ...... rubschin:

 evil:

Surely BM training would be more like this...

https://youtu.be/FwBjLCAodLw

 whistle:

 cussing:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: apc2010 on October 24, 2019, 08:13:50 PM
https://www.facebook.com/horacio.arce.96/videos/2004740922985975/?t=17
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Barman on October 25, 2019, 03:49:21 AM
https://www.facebook.com/horacio.arce.96/videos/2004740922985975/?t=17

 Angry9:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: apc2010 on January 06, 2020, 10:37:54 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/nsP0Dp68/LL.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/nsP0Dp68)




 Thumbs: Thumbs:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Steve on January 06, 2020, 10:56:04 PM
 eeek:   noooo:

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: apc2010 on January 06, 2020, 10:58:17 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/nsP0Dp68/LL.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/nsP0Dp68)




 Thumbs: Thumbs:

Or just LL's parking .......... whistle:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Barman on January 07, 2020, 05:26:43 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/nsP0Dp68/LL.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/nsP0Dp68)




 Thumbs: Thumbs:

Or just LL's parking .......... whistle:

 lol: lol: lol:  evil:
Title: Re: BM's all new "I hate IKEA self assembly furniture" thread
Post by: Darwins Selection on January 08, 2020, 04:10:00 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/nsP0Dp68/LL.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/nsP0Dp68)




 Thumbs: Thumbs:

Or just LL's parking .......... whistle:

 lol: lol: lol:  evil:
lol: lol: lol: lol: