The Virtual Pub
Come Inside... => The Comedy Room => Topic started by: Barman on September 05, 2007, 10:42:17 AM
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A little old lady is on a bus, buying a ticket from the bus conductor,
fumbling in a voluminous bag for the correct change. After 15 minutes
the conductor becomes so enraged that he hits her on the head with the
ticket-dispenser, and the poor old dear dies instantly.
Not surprisingly, he is convicted and put on death row. Just before he
is to be electrocuted, his last request is for 12 pounds of bananas,
which he devours. They strap him into the chair, flip the switch, and
he just sits there, smiling. According to tradition, this is
considered a reprieve from God and he is freed.
Somehow he gets his old job back, and he is happily dispensing tickets
when he sees a girl stick her gum on the back of a seat on the bus.
Enraged, he lunges out with the ticket dispenser, breaking the
offender's neck and killing her.
Again, he is convicted and sent to death row. He again eats the 12
pounds of bananas, and lo and behold, the electricity does not harm
him. This time the executioner cleans the contacts, makes him sit in a
bucket of water, he tries everything - but the conductor won't die. So
again, he is set free.
Amazingly he regains his job. It takes him 1 day to lose his temper
and beat to death a young boy who starts to chew his bus ticket. He
returns to death row, eats the bananas, and survives the
electrocution. At this point, the executioner can take no more - his
professional pride has been hurt.
Before setting our friend free again, he asks him his secret - "what
is it with the bananas?"
"Oh, the bananas have nothing to do with it", replies our friend...
"I'm just a bad conductor."
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That is soooo corny it has to be worth a smite!
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Arse! Banghead
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That is soooo corny it has to be worth a smite!
Agreed!
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-105 - a new record. Angry9:
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-105 - a new record. Angry9:
Well, someone's smiting on the QT it would appear. Mine took you to -102, Snoop's took you to (presumably) -103.
You now stand at -105 so there are a couple of hidden smites there somewhere.
Come on you lot - 'fess up! Who's been whacking the BarMan without telling?
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redface:
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redface:
Take that! cussing:
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redface:
Take that! cussing:
And Party!
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2F991.com%2FnewGallery%2FTake-That-Once-Youve-Tasted-18547.jpg&hash=2ab7749de97e6916ef0a223519199bd777b0fe97)
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redface:
Take that! cussing:
And Party!
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2F991.com%2FnewGallery%2FTake-That-Once-Youve-Tasted-18547.jpg&hash=2ab7749de97e6916ef0a223519199bd777b0fe97)
doh:
I knew you would do that! noooo:
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-107. This is getting exciting!
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redface:
Take that! cussing:
And Party!
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2F991.com%2FnewGallery%2FTake-That-Once-Youve-Tasted-18547.jpg&hash=2ab7749de97e6916ef0a223519199bd777b0fe97)
doh:
I knew you would do that! noooo:
point:
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-107. This is getting exciting!
Don't get too excited Mr. -98 point:
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I was one whistle:
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I was one whistle:
You just smote yourself down to 3 young man! point:
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Even after my "Little Johnny (again...) joke? Harsh, methinks...
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Okay... back to five...
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And you to -108 razz:
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-109 drumroll:
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-101 drumroll:
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-110
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-109 drumroll:
-102 point: