The Virtual Pub

Come Inside... => Saloon Bar => Topic started by: Nick on October 17, 2011, 11:48:12 AM

Title: Stoopid "Equal Opportunities" monitoring
Post by: Nick on October 17, 2011, 11:48:12 AM
As times are hard on the freelance front I am presently applying for jobs. All those I have so far gone for come with an "Equal Opps Monitoring Form". noooo:

So far I have been asked if I am gay, lesbian, "transgendered"  rubschin: rubschin:  rubschin: rubschin:Black, Asian, CHinese, Jewish, mixed race (in countless permutations), "abled"  Banghead  disabled, "partially abled"  cussing: and much other nonsense.

I have decided to claim gayness and disability to help the twats fulfil their quotas. At the same time I am concealing several of my qualifications so as not to make myself appear too clever  Banghead Banghead
Title: Re: Stoopid "Equal Opportunities" monitoring
Post by: Miss Demeanour on October 17, 2011, 11:53:02 AM
What was the disability ...the gingerness ?  rubschin:
Title: Re: Stoopid "Equal Opportunities" monitoring
Post by: Nick on October 17, 2011, 11:55:00 AM
 cussing: cussing: cussing:

I am asked "Do you consider yourself disabled?"

Anyone could say yes without saying why, especially customers of the VP  evil:
Title: Re: Stoopid "Equal Opportunities" monitoring
Post by: Miss Demeanour on October 17, 2011, 11:57:26 AM
My only disability is the people I know  whistle:
Title: Re: Stoopid "Equal Opportunities" monitoring
Post by: The Moan Ranger on October 17, 2011, 12:58:41 PM
My only disability is the people I know  whistle:

Ahem!
Title: Re: Stoopid "Equal Opportunities" monitoring
Post by: Nick on October 17, 2011, 12:59:42 PM
YOu can judge a wumman by the company she keeps  whistle:
Title: Re: Stoopid "Equal Opportunities" monitoring
Post by: Darwins Selection on October 17, 2011, 01:13:13 PM
I would have thought a gay Romany with Tourettes would be guaranteed a job, and very easy for you to impersonate. whistle:
Title: Re: Stoopid "Equal Opportunities" monitoring
Post by: Nick on October 17, 2011, 01:14:13 PM
But I might be competing with Tipsy's eldest  rubschin:
Title: Re: Stoopid "Equal Opportunities" monitoring
Post by: Darwins Selection on October 17, 2011, 01:22:28 PM
But I might be competing with Tipsy's eldest  rubschin:

Does he have Tourettes?
Title: Re: Stoopid "Equal Opportunities" monitoring
Post by: Nick on October 17, 2011, 01:24:11 PM
How would I know if they live in a castle? ::)
Title: Re: Stoopid "Equal Opportunities" monitoring
Post by: Barman on October 17, 2011, 01:27:15 PM
My only disability is the people I know  whistle:

 evil:
Title: Re: Stoopid "Equal Opportunities" monitoring
Post by: Darwins Selection on October 17, 2011, 01:28:24 PM
How would I know if they live in a castle? ::)

 drumroll:

Have you had to climb up TipoGipos hair?
Title: Re: Stoopid "Equal Opportunities" monitoring
Post by: Nick on October 17, 2011, 01:34:41 PM
 nonono:
Title: Re: Stoopid "Equal Opportunities" monitoring
Post by: Darwins Selection on October 17, 2011, 01:43:01 PM
nonono:

Wha?

(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fupload.wikimedia.org%2Fwikipedia%2Fcommons%2Fthumb%2Fb%2Fb5%2FJohnny_Gruelle_illustration_-_Rapunzel_-_Project_Gutenberg_etext_11027.jpg%2F220px-Johnny_Gruelle_illustration_-_Rapunzel_-_Project_Gutenberg_etext_11027.jpg&hash=c55f49f133916d13a7503834bdd270d0ab047744)
Title: Re: Stoopid "Equal Opportunities" monitoring
Post by: Nick on October 17, 2011, 01:51:29 PM
Don't try wriggling out with the help of the Grimm Brothers (why are they always called the Brothers Grimm, like the BeeGees like?  rubschin:)
Title: Re: Stoopid "Equal Opportunities" monitoring
Post by: Snoopy on October 17, 2011, 02:11:59 PM
Don't try wriggling out with the help of the Grimm Brothers (why are they always called the Brothers Grimm, like the BeeGees like?  rubschin:)

If only we knew an expert in Literature we could ask them  whistle: whistle:
Title: Re: Stoopid "Equal Opportunities" monitoring
Post by: Nick on October 17, 2011, 02:14:13 PM
 evil:
Title: Re: Stoopid "Equal Opportunities" monitoring
Post by: Snoopy on October 17, 2011, 02:16:09 PM
 point:
Title: Re: Stoopid "Equal Opportunities" monitoring
Post by: Nick on October 17, 2011, 02:17:25 PM
Oddly, I have just been invited to a talk about Tourette's Syndrome. In a gay pub  rubschin:
Title: Re: Stoopid "Equal Opportunities" monitoring
Post by: Barman on October 17, 2011, 02:47:46 PM
Oddly, I have just been invited to a talk about Tourette's Syndrome. In a gay pub  rubschin:

What could possibly go wrong...?  noooo:
Title: Re: Stoopid "Equal Opportunities" monitoring
Post by: Darwins Selection on October 17, 2011, 03:37:30 PM
Oddly, I have just been invited to a talk about Tourette's Syndrome. In a gay pub  rubschin:

I see nothing odd about that whatsoever.

As previously stated, you are ideally placed to carry it off.

I suggest you avoid shouting 'Fudge' when demonstrating profanities in Tourettes.
Title: Re: Stoopid "Equal Opportunities" monitoring
Post by: Nick on October 17, 2011, 03:40:39 PM
Why do people with Tourette's always scream obscenities rather than, "Back off, you cad" or "WHat a chump." Only asking
Title: Re: Stoopid "Equal Opportunities" monitoring
Post by: Darwins Selection on October 17, 2011, 03:42:41 PM
Why do people with Tourette's always scream obscenities rather than, "Back off, you cad" or "WHat a chump." Only asking

Who do we know who could tell us?  rubschin:
Title: Re: Stoopid "Equal Opportunities" monitoring
Post by: Nick on October 17, 2011, 03:47:01 PM
Growler?
Title: Re: Stoopid "Equal Opportunities" monitoring
Post by: Pirate on October 17, 2011, 08:11:42 PM
 shutup:
Title: Re: Stoopid "Equal Opportunities" monitoring
Post by: Nick on October 18, 2011, 01:02:52 PM
Filling in another form I have just been asked about my "sexuality". It gave me NINE options  eeek:
Title: Re: Stoopid "Equal Opportunities" monitoring
Post by: Barman on October 18, 2011, 01:09:24 PM
Filling in another form I have just been asked about my "sexuality". It gave me NINE options  eeek:

Suggest you just tick 'Mong' and let them fill in the rest for you....  whistle:
Title: Re: Stoopid "Equal Opportunities" monitoring
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 18, 2011, 02:25:48 PM
Why do people with Tourette's always scream obscenities rather than, "Back off, you cad" or "WHat a chump." Only asking

Tourettes symptoms includes physical tics and vocalisations. Normally these vocalisations include grunting, throat clearing, shouting and barking.  While its not as common as it is made out to be, the verbal tics may also be expressed as coprolalia (the involuntary use of obscene words or socially inappropriate words and phrases). That is basically down to societal influence, if Nick suddenly became an obscene word then they would start using it as well.

Title: Re: Stoopid "Equal Opportunities" monitoring
Post by: Snoopy on October 18, 2011, 02:54:34 PM
Why do people with Tourette's always scream obscenities rather than, "Back off, you cad" or "WHat a chump." Only asking

Tourettes symptoms includes physical tics and vocalisations. Normally these vocalisations include grunting, throat clearing, shouting and barking.  While its not as common as it is made out to be, the verbal tics may also be expressed as coprolalia (the involuntary use of obscene words or socially inappropriate words and phrases). That is basically down to societal influence, if Nick suddenly became an obscene word then they would start using it as well.

 rubschin: Vaireee Interesting
Title: Re: Stoopid "Equal Opportunities" monitoring
Post by: Pastis on October 18, 2011, 02:57:56 PM
Fry interviewed a woman on his "Planet Word" prog with Tourette's; in addition to plenty of "f*cks" she also used "biscuit" and even "happy christmas"

 rubschin:
Title: Re: Stoopid "Equal Opportunities" monitoring
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 18, 2011, 03:06:27 PM
Its been a good few years since I was a student nurse but that was pretty much what we were taught. Non offensive words were classed as being vocallisations as opposed to coprolalia
Title: Re: Stoopid "Equal Opportunities" monitoring
Post by: Darwins Selection on October 18, 2011, 03:53:17 PM
Its been a good few years since I was a student nurse but that was pretty much what we were taught. Non offensive words were classed as being vocallisations as opposed to coprolalia

I am surprised our learned Nick has not pointed out that 'coprolalia' literally translates as 'talking shit'.

Perhaps he has chosen to show us by example?  whistle:
Title: Re: Stoopid "Equal Opportunities" monitoring
Post by: Nick on October 18, 2011, 03:55:43 PM
 Finger:
Title: Re: Stoopid "Equal Opportunities" monitoring
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 18, 2011, 04:00:33 PM
Its been a good few years since I was a student nurse but that was pretty much what we were taught. Non offensive words were classed as being vocallisations as opposed to coprolalia

I am surprised our learned Nick has not pointed out that 'coprolalia' literally translates as 'talking shit'.

Perhaps he has chosen to show us by example?  whistle:

 happy001
Title: Re: Stoopid "Equal Opportunities" monitoring
Post by: Tipsy Gipsy on October 18, 2011, 08:08:50 PM

(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs3.postimage.org%2F1xsn65u4k%2FTourettes.jpg&hash=1c669e5ced1106e12fd68866ac69d005d6731447) (http://postimage.org/image/1xsn65u4k/)

I like Tourrettes Sur Loup.  cloud9:
Title: Re: Stoopid "Equal Opportunities" monitoring
Post by: Nick on October 18, 2011, 08:15:08 PM
Do the inhabitants all wander around shouting Merde and stuff rubschin:
Title: Re: Stoopid "Equal Opportunities" monitoring
Post by: Tipsy Gipsy on October 18, 2011, 08:25:24 PM
Do the inhabitants all wander around shouting Merde and stuff rubschin:

Oui!  ;D
Title: Re: Stoopid "Equal Opportunities" monitoring
Post by: Nick on October 18, 2011, 08:26:33 PM
And wee as well? eeek: