Disgusterous

Author Topic: Hat, coat...  (Read 73308 times)

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grumpyoldsoldier

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #30 on: May 24, 2009, 11:00:10 AM »
That may be so young Sir, but I had to translate it from the original Brumminjun into classical English before postng.

Offline The Moan Ranger (Orderer of the Youngs)

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #31 on: May 26, 2009, 08:38:51 AM »
Paddy and Colleen were making passionate love in Paddy's mini van when suddenly Colleen, being a bit on the kinky side, yells out "Oh big boy,whip me,whip me!"

Paddy, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously did not have any whips on hand, but in a flash of inspiration, he opens the window, snaps the antenna off his van and proceeds to whip Colleen until they both collapse in ecstasy.

About a week later, Colleen notices that the marks left by the whipping are starting to fester a bit so she goes to the doctor. The doctor takes one look at the wounds and asks, "Did you get these marks having sex?"
Colleen, a little embarrassed that she has slept with Paddy (let alone that she allowed the kinky boy to whip her) eventually admits that, yes, she did.

Nodding his head knowingly, the doctor exclaims, "I thought so, because in all my years as a doctor you've got the worst case of van aerial disease that I've ever seen".

Offline Barman

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #32 on: May 28, 2009, 05:12:16 AM »
Paddy and Colleen were making passionate love in Paddy's mini van when suddenly Colleen, being a bit on the kinky side, yells out "Oh big boy,whip me,whip me!"

Paddy, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously did not have any whips on hand, but in a flash of inspiration, he opens the window, snaps the antenna off his van and proceeds to whip Colleen until they both collapse in ecstasy.

About a week later, Colleen notices that the marks left by the whipping are starting to fester a bit so she goes to the doctor. The doctor takes one look at the wounds and asks, "Did you get these marks having sex?"
Colleen, a little embarrassed that she has slept with Paddy (let alone that she allowed the kinky boy to whip her) eventually admits that, yes, she did.

Nodding his head knowingly, the doctor exclaims, "I thought so, because in all my years as a doctor you've got the worst case of van aerial disease that I've ever seen".


See also...

http://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=3156.msg115378#msg115378

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Offline Snoopy

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #33 on: May 28, 2009, 05:49:27 AM »
It wasn't funny then either.
I used to have a handle on life but it broke.

Offline The Moan Ranger (Orderer of the Youngs)

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #34 on: June 01, 2009, 11:43:18 AM »
Have we had this one?

Far far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean , two prawns
were swimming around in the sea - one was called Justin and the
other called Christian.
The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks
that inhabited the area.
Finally, one day, Justin said to Christian, "I'm fed up with being a
prawn; I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries
about being eaten."
A large, mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted."
Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.
Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by
his old mate.
Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and
lonely.
All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them.
Justin didn't realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause
of his sad plight.
While swimming alone one day, he saw the mysterious cod again and he
thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn.
He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and
behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.
With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam back to his
friends and bought them all a cocktail.
(The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse).
Looking around the gathering at the reef, he realized he couldn't
see his old pal.
"Where's Christian?" he asked.
"He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides
to the enemy and became a shark," came the reply.
Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture,
he set off to Christian's abode.
As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back.
He banged on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin, your old
friend, come out and see me again."
Christian replied, "No way man, you'll eat me.. You're now a shark,
the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner."
Justin cried back, "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've
changed.........."

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>"I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Christian!"

Offline Snoopy

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #35 on: June 01, 2009, 11:45:53 AM »
I used to have a handle on life but it broke.

Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #36 on: June 01, 2009, 11:52:10 AM »
Have we had this one?

In future, I suggest that you assume the answer to this question is "Yes" and save your no doubt aching wrists.
I mostly despair

Offline The Moan Ranger (Orderer of the Youngs)

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #37 on: June 01, 2009, 11:54:28 AM »
Have we had this one?

In future, I suggest that you assume the answer to this question is "Yes" and save your no doubt aching wrists.

My wrist isn't aching, the second sample isn't due until Wednesday  ;)

Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #38 on: June 01, 2009, 11:58:37 AM »
Have we had this one?

In future, I suggest that you assume the answer to this question is "Yes" and save your no doubt aching wrists.

My wrist isn't aching, the second sample isn't due until Wednesday  ;)

No doubt you will be "dictating" not typing for that anyway?
I mostly despair

Offline Snoopy

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #39 on: June 01, 2009, 11:59:31 AM »
Have we had this one?

In future, I suggest that you assume the answer to this question is "Yes" and save your no doubt aching wrists.

My wrist isn't aching, the second sample isn't due until Wednesday  ;)

Good God Man! ~ That's wimmin's work.
I used to have a handle on life but it broke.

Online Miss Demeanour

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #40 on: June 01, 2009, 12:10:03 PM »
We prefer to call them chores  evil:
Skubber

Offline Snoopy

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #41 on: June 01, 2009, 12:27:10 PM »
We prefer to call them chores  evil:

Whatever ~ they seem guaranteed to cause a sudden headache  ::)
I used to have a handle on life but it broke.

Online Just One More

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #42 on: September 21, 2009, 08:20:20 PM »
Constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his
wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.

A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went  by the name of 'Artie.' Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was ?5,000. The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any
cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single ?1 Coin that rested inside.  Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the ?1 as down  payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Tesco Super Store.  There, he surprised her in the produce department & proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands & as the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath & slumped to the floor........

The manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene.. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras & observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police.. Artie was caught & arrested before he could even leave the store. Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.   

The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared ..
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'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for ?1.00 AT TESCO!' 

 
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Barman

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #43 on: September 22, 2009, 03:25:07 AM »
Pro Skub  Thumbs:

Online Just One More

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #44 on: September 22, 2009, 04:31:50 AM »
 redface: I haven't got time to read through all this shite
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie