Author Topic: Hat, coat...  (Read 72997 times)

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Offline The Moan Ranger (Orderer of the Youngs)

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Hat, coat...
« on: May 12, 2009, 10:00:13 AM »
There were three kingdoms, each bordering on the same lake. For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all.

The first kingdom was quite rich, and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires. The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted as their squires polished armor, cooked food, and sharpened weapons.

The second kingdom was not so wealthy, and sent only 10 knights, each with 2 squires. The night before the battle, the knights cavorted and sharpened their weapons as the squires polished armor and prepared dinner.

The third kingdom was very poor, and only sent one elderly knght with his sole squire. The night before the battle, the knight sharpened his weapon, while the squire, using a looped rope, slung a pot high over the fire to cook while he prepared the knight's armor.

The next day, the battle began. All the knights of the first two kingdoms had cavorted a bit too much (one should never cavort while sharpening weapons and jousting) and could not fight. The squire of the third kingdom could not rouse the elderly knight in time for combat.

So, in the absence of the knights, the squires fought.

The battle raged well into the late hours, but when the dust finally settled, a solitary figure limped from the carnage. The lone squire from the third kingdom dragged himself away, beaten, bloodied, but victorious.

And it just goes to prove, the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

Offline Snoopy

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #1 on: May 12, 2009, 10:04:14 AM »
Bastardo! You owe me a keyboard! lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
I used to have a handle on life but it broke.

Offline Barman

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #2 on: May 12, 2009, 10:05:17 AM »
[groan emoticon]  lol: lol: lol:
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Offline The Moan Ranger (Orderer of the Youngs)

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #3 on: May 12, 2009, 10:06:48 AM »
Bastardo! You owe me a keyboard! lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:

Sorry Snoops.  ;D

I have a selection of keyboards, ( whistle:), what colour?

Offline Miss Demeanour

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #4 on: May 12, 2009, 10:07:06 AM »
That's bad  noooo: noooo: noooo:

But while we're doing bad  whistle:

There was this guy and he had a girlfriend called Lorraine who was very pretty and he liked her a lot.

One day he went to work to find that a new girl had started. Her name was Clearly and she was absolutely gorgeous. He became quite besotted with her and after a while it became obvious that she was interested in him too.

But this guy was a loyal man and he wouldn't get involved with Clearly while he was still going out with Lorraine.

He decided that there was nothing for it but to break up with her and get it on with the new girl.

He planned several times to tell Lorraine but he couldn't bring himself to do it. One day they went for a walk along the river bank when Lorraine slipped and fell in to the river. The current carried her off and she drowned.

The guy stopped for a moment by the river and then ran off smiling and singing: "I can see Clearly now Lorraine has gone"
« Last Edit: May 12, 2009, 10:19:38 AM by Miss Demeanor »
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Offline Barman

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #5 on: May 13, 2009, 03:47:58 PM »
 noooo:
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Offline Miss Demeanour

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #6 on: May 15, 2009, 12:19:58 PM »
A small brotherhood of friars were behind in their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds.

Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to persuade them to close.

Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
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Offline Barman

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #7 on: May 15, 2009, 12:23:51 PM »
Shame on you...  noooo:
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Offline Miss Demeanour

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #8 on: May 15, 2009, 12:24:41 PM »
It's Friday afternoon ... come on ..I'm allowed a few before I start on the collapso aren't I  lol:

and there's more...

Larry Lobster and Sam Clam were great friends even though Larry was an upstanding, righteous, law abiding lobster and Sam was a bad clam. One day both are killed in a horrible accident; naturally Larry goes to heaven and Sam to hell.

Upon arriving in heaven and after getting suited up, Larry is told by St Peter that because he was such a good lobster, he could for one day have anything he wanted. Larry thinks about it and answers that he misses his friend Sam and would like to see him again. "Whatever", says Pete and next thing Larry knows he's in hell standing outside of Sam Clam's Disco.

The two spend the day together, then Larry goes back to heaven. At the gate Pete says, "Larry, didn't you forget something?" Larry goes, "Oh my gosh, I left my harp in Sam Clam's Disco.
« Last Edit: May 15, 2009, 12:27:27 PM by Miss Demeanor »
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Offline Miss Demeanour

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #9 on: May 15, 2009, 12:28:11 PM »
   
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Black and says, "Miss Black, I'd like to get a 100,000 loan to take a vacation."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this", and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow 100,000 and he wants to use this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knick-knack, Patty Black. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone".
Skubber

Offline Barman

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #10 on: May 15, 2009, 12:32:16 PM »
 noooo:

May I remind you that this is the Comedy Room...?
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Offline Miss Demeanour

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #11 on: May 15, 2009, 12:41:49 PM »
Ohhhhhh - sorry Sir  whistle:



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Offline Barman

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #12 on: May 15, 2009, 12:47:09 PM »
 eeek:
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Offline The Moan Ranger (Orderer of the Youngs)

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #13 on: May 15, 2009, 12:47:49 PM »
 eeek: eeek: eeek:

Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #14 on: May 15, 2009, 01:16:37 PM »
 eeek: eeek: eeek: eeek: eeek:
I mostly despair