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Come Inside... => The Comedy Room => Topic started by: Just One More on April 05, 2010, 11:01:15 AM

Title: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Just One More on April 05, 2010, 11:01:15 AM
It's on at 0040hr's tonight/morrow on Channel 4. Whatever it is, I reckon we can out-do them by midday....

And what is offensive to one, isn't to the other
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Snoopy on April 05, 2010, 11:14:29 AM
I have yet to hear a joke that offended me.

But then again ............

I was offended by the Russell Brand/Jonathon Ross telephone calls to Andrew Sachs. They claimed that was a joke. I still don't see how it qualified as a joke.
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Grumpmeister on April 06, 2010, 10:55:42 PM
I may be mistaken but if I remember correctly the worlds most offensive joke is the aristocrats.  rubschin:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 07, 2010, 11:54:02 AM
I may be mistaken but if I remember correctly the worlds most offensive joke is the aristocrats.  rubschin:

Tsk   noooo:

"Are the aristocrats" or "Is the aristocracy"

Unless you were making sure we knew you is not one.  ;)
 
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Snoopy on April 07, 2010, 03:44:07 PM
I may be mistaken but if I remember correctly the worlds most offensive joke is the aristocrats.  rubschin:

Tsk   noooo:

"Are the aristocrats" or "Is the aristocracy"

Unless you were making sure we knew you is not one.  ;)
 

Why nah bonny lad ~ he's a Geordie.
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: beerhead on April 07, 2010, 10:11:31 PM
I know the world's most offensive joke, but it is not for public repetition.
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on April 08, 2010, 06:39:30 AM
I know the world's most offensive joke, but it is not for public repetition.

PM me then...  ;)
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Miss Demeanour on April 08, 2010, 07:18:10 AM
Yeah BM doesn't care...he'll repeat anything  lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on April 08, 2010, 07:25:05 AM
Yeah BM doesn't care...he'll repeat anything  lol:

 lol: lol: lol:


 evil:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Snoopy on April 08, 2010, 07:55:43 AM
Well???????????????   tunble:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on April 08, 2010, 08:44:59 AM
Well???????????????   tunble:

No PM...  noooo:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Snoopy on April 08, 2010, 02:37:22 PM
Well somebody must know an offensive joke.  rubschin:


Here you go ~ this is sure to offend someone:

Young Susan asks her dad if she can borrow the car.
DAD: "Only if you suck my cock, Susan. You know the rules..."
Susan sighs and drops to her knees. Dad whips his unit out and she plants her lips around it. Instantly she recoils in disgust.
SUSAN: "Eurrghh! It tastes like shit!"
DAD: " Yeah, your brother wanted to borrow twenty bucks..."

Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on April 08, 2010, 02:41:07 PM
There is a Russian, a Cuban, an Englishman and a Pakistani on a train, the Russian takes out a bottle of his best vodka, drinks a bit and throws the rest off the train and says 'there's plenty more of that where I come from'.

The others are impressed so the Cuban takes out one of the finest Havana cigars, takes one puff and throws it off the train and says 'there's plenty more of those where I come from'.

Again everyone is rather impressed so the Englishman stands up and throws the Pakistani off the train.....
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on April 08, 2010, 02:51:07 PM
What is blue and fucks grannies...?

Hypothermia...
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Snoopy on April 08, 2010, 02:53:58 PM
An elementary school teacher, a lawyer, a Catholic priest and three young boys are on a plane with only three parachutes. Engines explode, plane starts going down.

The teacher says, 'Save the children!'

The lawyer yells, 'FUCK THE CHILDREN!'

The Catholic priest looks around and whispers, 'Is there time?'
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Miss Demeanour on April 08, 2010, 02:57:21 PM
Why don't they continue giving women smear tests when they reach pensionable age ?

Have you ever tried to open a cheese toasty
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Snoopy on April 08, 2010, 02:58:13 PM
Lady in labour, shouting the usual shit, "Get this out of me! Give me the drugs!" She turns to her boyfriend and says, "You did this to me, you fucker!" He casually replies, "If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your arse, but you said, 'fuck off it'll be too painful.'"





Sorry if that one has been done before.
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: The Moan Ranger on April 08, 2010, 02:59:50 PM
Q. What's pink, 12 inches long, stiff and makes women scream?

A. Cot death.
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Snoopy on April 08, 2010, 03:01:16 PM
Disabled toilets. Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Snoopy on April 08, 2010, 03:02:17 PM
I'm not racist, I own a colour tv!
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Snoopy on April 08, 2010, 03:13:53 PM



Q: What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?
A: Spitting, swallowing and gargling
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Pirate on April 08, 2010, 03:53:50 PM
Jesus walks into a hotel and throws 4 nails on the counter and says , can you put me up for the night
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Pirate on April 08, 2010, 03:56:23 PM
A white man , a black man and a yellow chink get caught in the jungle by head hunters

They are told they are going to be whipped 50 times and if they can stand the pain they will be released, and they get one request

Black man bends over the pole and says he would like to hear Marvin Gay while he is getting whipped

The chief puts on the song and they start the whipping, 23 lashes go by and he faints , take him down

Yellow chink bends over the pole and asks for a chicken curry, he eats it while getting whipped and only lasts 12 lashes, take him down

White man bends over the pole , chief says what do you want for your last request, white man says I want that black bastard on my back
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Snoopy on April 08, 2010, 04:40:33 PM
OK ~ So Jesus Loves You ......................... but does he swallow?
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Just One More on April 08, 2010, 05:35:04 PM
Two women are hiking in the woods. After an hour or so, they come to a stream. Unable to cross, they decide to walk along the stream and look for a narrower place. Fortunately they come to an old bridge spanning the stream. Deciding the bridge safe, the two women proceed to cross. Halfway across, one woman stops and says to the other, "I've always wanted to be like the guys, and urinate off a bridge." The other woman looks around and says, "well, I don't see anyone around, now's your chance!" The first woman drops her hiking shorts and backs over to the side of the bridge. As she begins to urinate, she looks over her shoulder. "Holly shit!" she exclaims, "I just pissed in a canoe!"
Alarmed, the second woman hurries over, and peeks at the stream. "Calm down," she says. "That wasn't a canoe you pissed in, it was only your reflection."

Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on April 09, 2010, 05:06:50 AM
This is all going well...  lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 09, 2010, 10:50:40 AM
"I used to be a necrophiliac until some rotter split on me"
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on April 09, 2010, 12:31:06 PM
"I used to be a necrophiliac until some rotter split on me"

 ::)

Dead boring Darwin...  noooo:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on April 09, 2010, 11:36:25 PM
What do you get when you put a monkey with a bucket??
harvey price............
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on April 09, 2010, 11:42:11 PM
What do u call a dog with a spade up its arse ??

untill two days ago dawn french....
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on April 10, 2010, 07:00:13 AM
What do u call a dog with a spade up its arse ??

untill two days ago dawn french....

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on April 10, 2010, 09:16:47 AM
I'm not racist, I own a colour tv!
have you noticed when it breaks and the screen stops working it goes BLACK...
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Nick on April 11, 2010, 02:41:18 PM
Son asked his mother the following question:

 'Mom, why are wedding dresses white?'  The mother looks at her son and replies:

 'Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.'

 The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.

 'Dad why are wedding dresses white?'

 The father looks at his son in surprise and says:

 'Son, all household appliances come in white.'
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on April 12, 2010, 12:41:00 AM
whats the difference between maddie mccann and elvis..........
some people believe elvis is alive...
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on April 12, 2010, 01:05:28 AM
whats the difference between lance armstrong and hitler...........
lance can actually finish a race.............
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on August 01, 2010, 06:09:57 PM
My mate just caught me smelling his sisters knickers. He went mental. He was screaming and shouting at me, calling me a sick pervert. To be honest it made the rest of the funeral akward for the both of us
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on August 02, 2010, 05:13:55 AM
 drumroll:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Just One More on February 02, 2011, 07:17:21 PM
I still remember play time at school with fondness, a bit of footie, sneaking a quick cigarette, fingering girls behind the bike sheds..... I loved that caretakers job!


I brought my wife a pair of crouchless panties last week.... Nothing to do with a sexual nature, it's so she can get a better grip on her broom stick!


MGM are making a film about a Jamaican who ran a drugs empire from his bedroom..... Itís called Chocolate and the Charlie factory.....


Job Vacancy: Small black person wanted. Must be flexible and willing to travel
Job Description: Mud flap


Saw a Muslim fall into the Thames this morning and being the caring citizen I am I informed the emergency services. Its 6pm now and they still have not responded. I am starting to think I have wasted a 2nd class stamp.


A Woman answers the phone to a pervert and he breathes "Have to got a tight twat?" Yes she replies, he's on the couch do you want to speak to him?


Just brought the wife a solar powered vibrator.... Seeing as the sun shines out of her arse it will save me a fortune on batteries!


Cluedo has been ruined! In the spirit of political correctness they have added a black character! So now you know who's done it before you started!
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on February 02, 2011, 09:34:43 PM
happy001
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Baldy on February 03, 2011, 01:24:25 AM
In an effort to be sexy, my girlfriend shoved a lollipop up her snatch.

I said " That's lovely darling, but don't you need that to get the children across the road?"
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on February 03, 2011, 05:58:46 AM
In an effort to be sexy, my girlfriend shoved a lollipop up her snatch.

I said " That's lovely darling, but don't you need that to get the children across the road?"

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Baldy on February 03, 2011, 07:33:22 AM
Little Johnny got kicked out of class today!

The teacher asked him "If I gave you Twenty pounds and you paid five pounds to Joanne, five pounds to Jane and five pounds to Katie, what would you have?"

Apparently "Three blow jobs and enough left over for a kebab" was the wrong answer!
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on February 03, 2011, 07:50:35 AM
 razz:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: beerhead on February 09, 2011, 09:22:49 AM
Rolf Harris is doing a charity record to raise money for Australian flood relief. Its called "Why's me kangaroo drowned, sport ?"
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on February 09, 2011, 09:31:31 AM
 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Baldy on February 09, 2011, 10:14:51 AM
Almost rang you earlier.

I was in Tesco and thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread.

Then I realised it said "Thick Cut".
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on February 09, 2011, 10:18:18 AM
 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Tipsy Gipsy on February 09, 2011, 08:15:42 PM
Never buy a wig made of bum hair - it keeps blowing off.  eeek:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Nick on February 09, 2011, 08:16:56 PM
Tipsy IS a potty mouth  noooo:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on February 10, 2011, 05:13:09 AM
Never buy a wig made of bum hair - it keeps blowing off.  eeek:

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Baldy on February 10, 2011, 07:21:42 AM
A man walks into a pub and asks the barman for a pint of anything but Stella.

"What's wrong with Stella?" Asks the barman.

"Well last night I bought 12 pints of Stella and I ended up fucking skint" says the man.

The barman says "Well if you bought 12 pints of any beer you would spend a lot!"

The man says "No, Skint is my Jack Russel!"
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on February 10, 2011, 07:23:12 AM
Oh groan....  noooo:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Baldy on February 10, 2011, 11:38:31 PM
Many men have nicknames for their cocks.

Mine was given to me by a girlfriend while she was giving me head.

She named it 'the impaler'.... yes the impaler.

Or at least that's what I thought she said!

It turns out she was asthmatic and it's my fault she died!
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Nick on February 10, 2011, 11:41:27 PM
 noooo:

Been there, done that  noooo:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Baldy on February 10, 2011, 11:45:29 PM
noooo:

Been there, done that  noooo:

Cluedopoly:

Nick in the bedroom, with the pork polaris.

Double six!

I win and get the five quid prize money, lemonades are on me.  smile:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on February 11, 2011, 05:41:11 AM
 eeek:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Baldy on June 24, 2011, 01:30:45 PM
Recession Beater!

Wife says to husband "If you cycle to work we could get rid of the 2nd car!"

Husband replies "If you take it up the arse and let me cum on your face we could get rid of the nanny"
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Nick on June 24, 2011, 01:33:37 PM
 eeek:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Baldy on June 24, 2011, 01:37:01 PM
eeek:

That is why I had to search on this Gubberama to find a particular thread to post it.
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on June 24, 2011, 02:17:13 PM
Recession Beater!

Wife says to husband "If you cycle to work we could get rid of the 2nd car!"

Husband replies "If you take it up the arse and let me cum on your face we could get rid of the nanny"

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Pirate on June 24, 2011, 08:47:12 PM
Recession Beater!

Wife says to husband "If you cycle to work we could get rid of the 2nd car!"

Husband replies "If you take it up the arse and let me cum on your face we could get rid of the nanny"

 happy002
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on June 24, 2011, 10:43:31 PM
If you want bad ............

"I hate it when women shout things out during sex,
Like, "HELP!" "RAPE!" and "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MY SON!"



No offence to Katie Price...........
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on June 25, 2011, 06:59:04 AM
 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on July 10, 2011, 11:24:59 AM
People say there is safety in numbers .............


Try telling that to 6 millions jews...............

(Jimmy Carr..)
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on July 10, 2011, 11:28:22 AM
People say there is safety in numbers .............


Try telling that to 6 millions jews...............

(Jimmy Carr..)

 lol: lol: lol:

Your stand-up routine must be a belter!  eeek:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on July 10, 2011, 11:30:09 AM
People say there is safety in numbers .............


Try telling that to 6 millions jews...............

(Jimmy Carr..)

 lol: lol: lol:

Your stand-up routine must be a belter!  eeek:

So you think I should leave that one out for the kids parties then.... rubschin:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on July 10, 2011, 11:54:09 AM
People say there is safety in numbers .............


Try telling that to 6 millions jews...............

(Jimmy Carr..)

 lol: lol: lol:

Your stand-up routine must be a belter!  eeek:

So you think I should leave that one out for the kids parties then.... rubschin:

Nah! They'll love it...  ;)
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on July 11, 2011, 12:02:24 AM
Did it tonight ..............the bloke who complained ........then asked for some "darkie" jokes .........

You could not make it up if you tried ........... noooo:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on July 11, 2011, 11:13:25 AM
Did it tonight ..............the bloke who complained ........then asked for some "darkie" jokes .........

You could not make it up if you tried ........... noooo:

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on July 15, 2011, 09:08:31 PM
Dad, how do you feel about abortions?"

"Well, why don't you ask your sister?"

"But I don't have a..."
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on July 16, 2011, 03:58:23 AM
Dad, how do you feel about abortions?"

"Well, why don't you ask your sister?"

"But I don't have a..."

 drumroll:

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Baldy on July 16, 2011, 05:38:28 AM
 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: The Moan Ranger on July 18, 2011, 01:45:21 PM
I told my wife that she has to buy me a Father's Day present.

I mean, why should I suffer just because she had a miscarriage?
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on July 18, 2011, 01:49:17 PM
I told my wife that she has to buy me a Father's Day present.

I mean, why should I suffer just because she had a miscarriage?

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Just One More on August 05, 2011, 08:34:15 PM
I found out 3 things yesterday;

1) I'm going to be a dad
2) I'm going to be an uncle
3) My sister is NOT on the pill
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Baldy on August 05, 2011, 11:42:46 PM
I found out 3 things yesterday;

1) I'm going to be a dad
2) I'm going to be an uncle
3) My sister is NOT on the pill

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: beerhead on August 06, 2011, 10:12:41 AM
Amy Whitehouse finds Michael Jackson wandering around the afterlife and asks
"hello Michael, were you looking for me"

"Go away" says Michael "I've been promised some Norwegian kids"
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on August 06, 2011, 12:44:42 PM
Amy Whitehouse finds Michael Jackson wandering around the afterlife and asks
"hello Michael, were you looking for me"

"Go away" says Michael "I've been promised some Norwegian kids"

Think more likely George Best and Ollie Reed would be looking for Winehouse.....
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: beerhead on August 06, 2011, 04:53:06 PM
Apparently Miss Winehouse's ashes are going for £200/gramme
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on August 15, 2011, 11:28:27 PM
Elton john is going to cover the Otis Reading classic

"sitting on the cock of a gay"
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: bodiam on August 20, 2011, 03:50:32 PM
Dear Santa
I don't need any presents this year, I already have lots of cool stuff

Love Leroy (aged 9)
Tottenham censored:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Nick on August 20, 2011, 03:53:20 PM
AFFS  cussing: cussing: cussing:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on August 20, 2011, 04:13:02 PM
Tsk, tsk....  noooo:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: bodiam on August 20, 2011, 06:38:03 PM
I take it then that I have posted the worlds most offensive joke? surrender:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on August 21, 2011, 12:58:44 AM
I take it then that I have posted the worlds most offensive joke? surrender:


Oh no ................
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on August 21, 2011, 05:38:38 AM
I take it then that I have posted the worlds most offensive joke? surrender:

Oh noes...  noooo:

http://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=8111.msg304261#msg304261 (http://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=8111.msg304261#msg304261)
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: bodiam on August 21, 2011, 06:45:34 AM
 redface: redface: redface: redface:oops that will teach me to read all the posts  char067 Jail:  noooo:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: bodiam on August 21, 2011, 06:49:15 AM
I told her time after time not to turn her head away at the end of a blow job. Did she listen? No. It went in one ear and out the other!! tunble:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Just One More on August 21, 2011, 06:51:54 AM
 lol:

APC will buy that one off yer  whistle:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on August 21, 2011, 07:55:43 AM
I told her time after time not to turn her head away at the end of a blow job. Did she listen? No. It went in one ear and out the other!! tunble:

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on October 06, 2012, 04:10:23 PM

For my birthday my girlfriend let me have sex with her sister while she watched..

At first it i was a bit uncomfortable..

Those cots aren't really made for adults..........
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: The Moan Ranger on October 06, 2012, 04:20:25 PM
That's appalling.

It's also been copied and sent on :-)
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on October 06, 2012, 05:02:13 PM
 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on October 06, 2012, 08:02:25 PM
Quiz question .....


I done a 5 mile run last weekend for children with cerebral palsy............ whistle:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on November 08, 2012, 06:55:16 PM
After my mate was blinded in a car crash, I tried to put a positive spin on things.......



"Look on the bright side" I said. "The kids will be made up they're getting a dog for Christmas."
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Baldy on November 08, 2012, 06:58:47 PM
After my mate was blinded in a car crash, I tried to put a positive spin on things.......



"Look on the bright side" I said. "The kids will be made up they're getting a dog for Christmas."

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on November 08, 2012, 07:08:20 PM
After my mate was blinded in a car crash, I tried to put a positive spin on things.......



"Look on the bright side" I said. "The kids will be made up they're getting a dog for Christmas."

 lol: lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Baldy on November 11, 2012, 08:48:58 PM
My Grandad died in a prisoner of war camp in WW2.......






He tripped over his machine gun and fell out of the watch tower.  redface:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on November 12, 2012, 08:28:21 AM
My Grandad died in a prisoner of war camp in WW2.......






He tripped over his machine gun and fell out of the watch tower.  redface:

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on December 22, 2012, 09:28:13 PM
 There was an American kid crying, so I said to him "What's the matter?" and he replied "We were told we were going to read books today...


 But all we got were magazines"

 redface:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on December 23, 2012, 10:40:56 AM
There was an American kid crying, so I said to him "What's the matter?" and he replied "We were told we were going to read books today...


 But all we got were magazines"

 redface:

happy001
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on January 06, 2013, 02:27:35 PM
Those Asians..........

first it was gangnam style............


now that gangrape style............. redface:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on March 16, 2013, 12:43:46 AM
Heard one so bad today I cannot post it.......... noooo:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Steve on March 16, 2013, 01:01:36 AM
Heard one so bad today I cannot post it.......... noooo:
what a tease  ::)
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on March 16, 2013, 01:23:11 AM
Heard one so bad today I cannot post it.......... noooo:
what a tease  ::)

I am not sure if it's funny or just shocking ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, rubschin:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on March 16, 2013, 05:40:37 AM
Heard one so bad today I cannot post it.......... noooo:
what a tease  ::)

I am not sure if it's funny or just shocking ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, rubschin:

Popcorn:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Just One More on March 16, 2013, 06:14:34 AM
 Popcorn:  Popcorn:   (The PM facility is F.O.C you know)
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Darwins Selection on March 16, 2013, 06:50:43 AM
 Popcorn: Popcorn: Popcorn:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: The Moan Ranger on March 16, 2013, 01:55:11 PM
 Popcorn: Popcorn: Popcorn: Popcorn:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Baldy on March 16, 2013, 01:56:59 PM
 Popcorn: Popcorn: Popcorn: Popcorn: Popcorn:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits) on March 16, 2013, 05:52:19 PM
Popcorn: Popcorn: Popcorn: Popcorn: Popcorn:

 Popcorn: Popcorn: Popcorn: Popcorn: Popcorn:  Popcorn: eastdrink048
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Steve on March 16, 2013, 06:42:12 PM
Maybe we can get Apey to give us a clue or answer 20 questions

So:  Does it involve an undertaker?
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on March 16, 2013, 06:44:40 PM
Maybe we can get Apey to give us a clue or answer 20 questions

So:  Does it involve an undertaker?

 Thumbs:

A prostitute for sure... or, um a spacker...  eveilgrin:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Steve on March 16, 2013, 06:53:53 PM
We need the Eviljokematic machine?   

That's prolly in the escipode of Wallace and Gromit they'll never show
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Just One More on March 16, 2013, 07:07:41 PM
Was it Jimmy Carr's the other night about her majesty having the shits [sniggers]
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on March 23, 2013, 07:36:29 PM
OK ,,,,,,,,,,not sure on this one...... rubschin:


Getting out of the shower slightly aroused, I thought it would be funny to hang a towel from my semi-erect cock.........




The local newspaper labelled me as the most disrespectful visitor to Auschwitz since the Nazis.........
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on March 23, 2013, 07:51:24 PM
OK ,,,,,,,,,,not sure on this one...... rubschin:


Getting out of the shower slightly aroused, I thought it would be funny to hang a towel from my semi-erect cock.........




The local newspaper labelled me as the most disrespectful visitor to Auschwitz since the Nazis.........


happy001  redface:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: The Moan Ranger on March 23, 2013, 09:47:01 PM
OK ,,,,,,,,,,not sure on this one...... rubschin:


Getting out of the shower slightly aroused, I thought it would be funny to hang a towel from my semi-erect cock.........




The local newspaper labelled me as the most disrespectful visitor to Auschwitz since the Nazis.........

 :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on March 23, 2013, 09:49:15 PM
At least I am down about 6 million hecklers........ whistle:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Steve on March 24, 2013, 01:04:35 AM
 lol: lol: lol:

there's got to be so many more offensive than that
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on March 24, 2013, 05:14:29 AM
At least I am down about 6 million hecklers........ whistle:

 lol: lol: lol:

You shouldn't have posted it at the other place tho....  noooo:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Baldy on March 24, 2013, 05:56:15 PM
OK ,,,,,,,,,,not sure on this one...... rubschin:


Getting out of the shower slightly aroused, I thought it would be funny to hang a towel from my semi-erect cock.........




The local newspaper labelled me as the most disrespectful visitor to Auschwitz since the Nazis.........

 lol: lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on March 26, 2013, 10:08:07 PM

My wife developed breast cancer and told me her doctor suggested a double mastectomy, so I went online to see if there was any alternative.....

Tracy, 36, from Newcastle looks a good one........
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Baldy on March 26, 2013, 10:18:10 PM

My wife developed breast cancer and told me her doctor suggested a double mastectomy, so I went online to see if there was any alternative.....

Tracy, 36, from Newcastle looks a good one........

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on March 27, 2013, 12:10:18 AM
14 year old girl killed by dogs in Wigan. Police say four of the dogs were killed.....


 She must have put up a fucking good fight then.........



(too soon  rubschin: )
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on March 27, 2013, 06:06:11 AM

My wife developed breast cancer and told me her doctor suggested a double mastectomy, so I went online to see if there was any alternative.....

Tracy, 36, from Newcastle looks a good one........

happy001
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on March 27, 2013, 06:06:40 AM
14 year old girl killed by dogs in Wigan. Police say four of the dogs were killed.....


 She must have put up a fucking good fight then.........



(too soon  rubschin: )

 lol: lol: lol:  redface:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on March 27, 2013, 03:14:19 PM
Latest food shocker...........




 Girl meat found in dogs.......


Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on March 27, 2013, 03:15:16 PM
happy001
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Baldy on March 27, 2013, 06:53:22 PM
14 year old girl killed by dogs in Wigan. Police say four of the dogs were killed.....


 She must have put up a fucking good fight then.........



(too soon  rubschin: )

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Baldy on March 27, 2013, 06:53:58 PM
Latest food shocker...........




 Girl meat found in dogs.......

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on March 30, 2013, 04:13:04 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZxTb01OgNE (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZxTb01OgNE)
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Steve on April 03, 2013, 12:05:44 PM
Fuel costs are rising to ridiculous levels.

To heat a house for one night, it costs a family in Derby about £20 in petrol.




 redface:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on April 03, 2013, 12:07:18 PM
Fuel costs are rising to ridiculous levels.

To heat a house for one night, it costs a family in Derby about £20 in petrol.




 redface:

happy001
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on April 03, 2013, 12:07:30 PM
Fuel costs are rising to ridiculous levels.

To heat a house for one night, it costs a family in Derby about £20 in petrol.




 redface:

 ;D   ;D   :thumbsup:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Steve on April 03, 2013, 12:20:30 PM
They get worse/better, you pick


Mick Philpot's wife asked him to make the kids toast
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on April 03, 2013, 12:21:44 PM
They get worse/better, you pick


Mick Philpot's wife asked him to make the kids toast

happy001
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on April 03, 2013, 12:22:08 PM
They get worse/better, you pick


Mick Philpot's wife asked him to make the kids toast

 ;D ;D :thumbsup:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Snoopy on April 03, 2013, 01:22:22 PM

What? WHAT?
Disgraceful!
Damned fella ought to be horsewhipped for jokes like those.

(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Furbanhorizon.files.wordpress.com%2F2012%2F07%2Ftladocb2.jpg&hash=83f8d92044f01675979591ac2215361e8eed15a7)
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 04, 2013, 03:08:43 PM

What? WHAT?
Disgraceful!
Damned fella ought to be horsewhipped for jokes like those.

(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Furbanhorizon.files.wordpress.com%2F2012%2F07%2Ftladocb2.jpg&hash=83f8d92044f01675979591ac2215361e8eed15a7)

Philpott has put on a bit of weight there.

Still, once he is sent down, spilling a gallon of unleaded in his passage will be the least of his worries.
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits) on April 04, 2013, 03:11:12 PM

What? WHAT?
Disgraceful!
Damned fella ought to be horsewhipped for jokes like those.

(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Furbanhorizon.files.wordpress.com%2F2012%2F07%2Ftladocb2.jpg&hash=83f8d92044f01675979591ac2215361e8eed15a7)

Philpott has put on a bit of weight there.

Still, once he is sent down, spilling a gallon of unleaded in his passage will be the least of his worries.

Indeed, once he's inside, they'll be inside faster than he can say "where's the soap?"

He'll have a passage you could build a house in . . . .
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on April 04, 2013, 03:24:08 PM

What? WHAT?
Disgraceful!
Damned fella ought to be horsewhipped for jokes like those.

(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Furbanhorizon.files.wordpress.com%2F2012%2F07%2Ftladocb2.jpg&hash=83f8d92044f01675979591ac2215361e8eed15a7)

Philpott has put on a bit of weight there.

Still, once he is sent down, spilling a gallon of unleaded in his passage will be the least of his worries.

Indeed, once he's inside, they'll be inside faster than he can say "where's the soap?"

He'll have a passage you could build a house in . . . .

Worserer than that I would hope...
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits) on April 04, 2013, 03:27:59 PM

What? WHAT?
Disgraceful!
Damned fella ought to be horsewhipped for jokes like those.

(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Furbanhorizon.files.wordpress.com%2F2012%2F07%2Ftladocb2.jpg&hash=83f8d92044f01675979591ac2215361e8eed15a7)

Philpott has put on a bit of weight there.

Still, once he is sent down, spilling a gallon of unleaded in his passage will be the least of his worries.

Indeed, once he's inside, they'll be inside faster than he can say "where's the soap?"

He'll have a passage you could build a house in . . . .

Worserer than that I would hope...

Quite probably. May even be able to get a job as a sword swallower when he's eventually released (probably in a couple of years - and yes, I know they said a minimum of 15 years, but they say a lot that doesn't come true)

Cynical? Moi? Jamais! I have a PhD in both Pure and Applied Cynicism I'll have you know!
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on April 04, 2013, 03:31:15 PM

What? WHAT?
Disgraceful!
Damned fella ought to be horsewhipped for jokes like those.

(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Furbanhorizon.files.wordpress.com%2F2012%2F07%2Ftladocb2.jpg&hash=83f8d92044f01675979591ac2215361e8eed15a7)

Philpott has put on a bit of weight there.

Still, once he is sent down, spilling a gallon of unleaded in his passage will be the least of his worries.

Indeed, once he's inside, they'll be inside faster than he can say "where's the soap?"

He'll have a passage you could build a house in . . . .

Worserer than that I would hope...

Quite probably. May even be able to get a job as a sword swallower when he's eventually released (probably in a couple of years - and yes, I know they said a minimum of 15 years, but they say a lot that doesn't come true)

Cynical? Moi? Jamais! I have a PhD in both Pure and Applied Cynicism I'll have you know!

[serious] I simply cannot comprehend why you would even consider releasing such a person under any circumstances whatsoever... ever...   noooo: [/serious]
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Steve on April 04, 2013, 03:43:04 PM
. . .
[serious] I simply cannot comprehend why you would even consider releasing such a person under any circumstances whatsoever... ever...   noooo: [/serious]
Quite

After that first offence of double attempted murder they should have thrown away the key.

Have to say I thought they were too harsh on that terrified dimwit wife of his [/serious]
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Baldy on April 04, 2013, 08:57:09 PM
A chap that rented a house from me was a prison officer in the UK. Ian Huntley was 'under their care'.....an easy ride he did not get aledgely. whistle:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on April 04, 2013, 10:24:16 PM
A chap that rented a house from me was a prison officer in the UK. Ian Huntley was 'under their care'.....an easy ride he did not get aledgely. whistle:

After the 1st two........ redface: redface:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on April 05, 2013, 04:54:37 AM
A chap that rented a house from me was a prison officer in the UK. Ian Huntley was 'under their care'.....an easy ride he did not get aledgely. whistle:

Excellent!  :thumbsup:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on April 12, 2013, 07:51:31 PM

My dad taught me how to masturbate properly............

I was seventeen before I realised I could use my own hand...........


 redface:.
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on April 13, 2013, 04:33:33 AM

My dad taught me how to masturbate properly............

I was seventeen before I realised I could use my own hand...........


 redface:.

happy001
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons) on April 13, 2013, 11:10:07 AM
Might be an AFFS but.....

What is the hardest part of a vegetable to eat.....

The wheelchair. redface:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on April 13, 2013, 11:11:11 AM
Might be an AFFS but.....

What is the hardest part of a vegetable to eat.....

The wheelchair. redface:

happy001
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Grumpmeister on April 22, 2013, 03:33:55 AM
The Most Offensive Jokes Ever (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h9DkK06zZ_o#ws)

The Most Offensive Jokes Ever Part II (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMfAFWo6Yec#ws)

The Most Offensive Jokes Ever Part III (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=srT6JkaLRtE#ws)

The Most Offensive Jokes Ever Part IV (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yK1Ewqxnn0#ws)

Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Baldy on April 22, 2013, 07:54:13 AM
The Most Offensive Jokes Ever (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h9DkK06zZ_o#ws)

The Most Offensive Jokes Ever Part II (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMfAFWo6Yec#ws)

The Most Offensive Jokes Ever Part III (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=srT6JkaLRtE#ws)

The Most Offensive Jokes Ever Part IV (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yK1Ewqxnn0#ws)

 lol: lol: lol: Plenty of material for Apey to piss the tourists off with.....It will be even more of a ghost town next year.
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on April 22, 2013, 10:14:16 AM
The Most Offensive Jokes Ever (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h9DkK06zZ_o#ws)

The Most Offensive Jokes Ever Part II (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMfAFWo6Yec#ws)

The Most Offensive Jokes Ever Part III (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=srT6JkaLRtE#ws)

The Most Offensive Jokes Ever Part IV (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yK1Ewqxnn0#ws)

excellent!  Thumbs:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on April 22, 2013, 01:56:40 PM
I have used a few of them........ Thumbs:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on April 24, 2013, 11:11:56 AM
I finally confided in the doctor. "Doc," I said. "I have this irresistible urge to come in my daughter's face."







"For fuck's sake, Mr Smith," he said, "I've told you: you're only here to identify the body................


Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on April 24, 2013, 11:28:15 AM
I finally confided in the doctor. "Doc," I said. "I have this irresistible urge to come in my daughter's face."







"For fuck's sake, Mr Smith," he said, "I've told you: you're only here to identify the body................

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Baldy on April 24, 2013, 12:10:16 PM
I finally confided in the doctor. "Doc," I said. "I have this irresistible urge to come in my daughter's face."







"For fuck's sake, Mr Smith," he said, "I've told you: you're only here to identify the body................

 lol: lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on June 01, 2013, 10:41:29 AM
"Hi there caller, you're through to Babestation. What's your name, sexy?"

"Michael. My name's Michael."

"Nice name. My dad's called Michael."

"Yeah, I kn... err, rub your tits a bit more for me, please."
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: boogs on June 01, 2013, 10:55:41 AM
"Hi there caller, you're through to Babestation. What's your name, sexy?"

"Michael. My name's Michael."

"Nice name. My dad's called Michael."

"Yeah, I kn... err, rub your tits a bit more for me, please."

AFFS  lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on June 01, 2013, 10:57:05 AM
"Hi there caller, you're through to Babestation. What's your name, sexy?"

"Michael. My name's Michael."

"Nice name. My dad's called Michael."

"Yeah, I kn... err, rub your tits a bit more for me, please."

AFFS  lol: lol: lol:

Where....... eeek:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on June 01, 2013, 02:09:03 PM
"Hi there caller, you're through to Babestation. What's your name, sexy?"

"Michael. My name's Michael."

"Nice name. My dad's called Michael."

"Yeah, I kn... err, rub your tits a bit more for me, please."

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on July 04, 2013, 01:48:09 PM

I went to see a psychic last night.

She looked at me and said, "In five years time you will have 3 children."

"But I already have 4 children!" I laughed.

She said, "I know, leukaemia is a bastard."
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on July 04, 2013, 01:55:29 PM

I went to see a psychic last night.

She looked at me and said, "In five years time you will have 3 children."

"But I already have 4 children!" I laughed.

She said, "I know, leukaemia is a bastard."

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Baldy on July 04, 2013, 04:15:55 PM

I went to see a psychic last night.

She looked at me and said, "In five years time you will have 3 children."

"But I already have 4 children!" I laughed.

She said, "I know, leukaemia is a bastard."

 lol: lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits) on July 11, 2013, 12:49:36 PM
What's the hardest thing about fucking making love to a virgin?


























Wait for it . . . .























Putting the nappy back on afterwards!
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: boogs on July 11, 2013, 02:23:19 PM
What's the hardest thing about fucking making love to a virgin?


























Wait for it . . . .























Putting the nappy back on afterwards!


 noooo: That has got to be the winner worst sickest joke ever ...... Shocked:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Steve on July 11, 2013, 02:25:25 PM
definte  noooo: noooo: noooo:  that one
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on August 07, 2013, 10:46:48 AM

"Hang on a minute, I'm nearly there," I urged, tugging my cock. "Just go back over the part where he penetrates you anally and I'm done."

She paused a few moments, "You must be the worst rape counsellor ever...........
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Baldy on August 07, 2013, 11:21:08 AM

"Hang on a minute, I'm nearly there," I urged, tugging my cock. "Just go back over the part where he penetrates you anally and I'm done."

She paused a few moments, "You must be the worst rape counsellor ever...........

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on August 07, 2013, 11:25:00 AM

"Hang on a minute, I'm nearly there," I urged, tugging my cock. "Just go back over the part where he penetrates you anally and I'm done."

She paused a few moments, "You must be the worst rape counsellor ever...........

 lol: lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: boogs on August 07, 2013, 03:22:18 PM

"Hang on a minute, I'm nearly there," I urged, tugging my cock. "Just go back over the part where he penetrates you anally and I'm done."

She paused a few moments, "You must be the worst rape counsellor ever...........

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Steve on August 07, 2013, 06:54:39 PM

"Hang on a minute, I'm nearly there," I urged, tugging my cock. "Just go back over the part where he penetrates you anally and I'm done."

She paused a few moments, "You must be the worst rape counsellor ever...........

 lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on September 22, 2013, 02:48:32 PM
When my down syndrome girlfriend is giving me a blow job she won't let me shoot my load in her mouth.

So I've started cumming on the windows and letting nature take its course.
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on September 22, 2013, 02:52:46 PM
When my down syndrome girlfriend is giving me a blow job she won't let me shoot my load in her mouth.

So I've started cumming on the windows and letting nature take its course.

 ;D ;D redface:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Baldy on September 22, 2013, 05:09:44 PM
When my down syndrome girlfriend is giving me a blow job she won't let me shoot my load in her mouth.

So I've started cumming on the windows and letting nature take its course.

Could be an AFFS.  rubschin:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Nick on September 22, 2013, 05:11:17 PM
Or just one of your memories  rubschin:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Baldy on September 22, 2013, 05:12:03 PM
Or just one of your memories  rubschin:

 cussing:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Nick on September 22, 2013, 05:15:53 PM
 redface:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on September 22, 2013, 05:18:30 PM
Or just one of your memories  rubschin:

 cussing:

 point:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on October 10, 2013, 12:07:59 PM
They say that masturbation ruins your eyesight.

It must be true, I can't tell if they're skipping or playing hopscotch....
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on October 10, 2013, 12:10:23 PM
They say that masturbation ruins your eyesight.

It must be true, I can't tell if they're skipping or playing hopscotch....

happy001
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Baldy on October 10, 2013, 12:20:52 PM
They say that masturbation ruins your eyesight.

It must be true, I can't tell if they're skipping or playing hopscotch....

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on November 10, 2013, 08:55:29 PM
I haven't made love to my girlfriend for 3 weeks..............









 Because she died. 6 weeks ago............
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: boogs on November 10, 2013, 08:57:30 PM
I haven't made love to my girlfriend for 3 weeks..............









 Because she died. 6 weeks ago............

  ::)
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on November 10, 2013, 08:59:20 PM
I haven't made love to my girlfriend for 3 weeks..............









 Because she died. 6 weeks ago............

 tunble:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Baldy on November 10, 2013, 09:05:24 PM
I haven't made love to my girlfriend for 3 weeks..............









 Because she died. 6 weeks ago............

Well I will larf at it.  lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on November 10, 2013, 09:06:34 PM
I haven't made love to my girlfriend for 3 weeks..............









 Because she died. 6 weeks ago............

Well I will larf at it.  lol:

Did you know her...?
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Baldy on November 10, 2013, 09:11:29 PM
I haven't made love to my girlfriend for 3 weeks..............









 Because she died. 6 weeks ago............

Well I will larf at it.  lol:

Did you know her...?

Foggy.  cloud9: .......How old was she?  rubschin:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Steve on November 10, 2013, 09:39:44 PM
I haven't made love to my girlfriend for 3 weeks..............









 Because she died. 6 weeks ago............

Well I will larf at it.  lol:
same here   lol: lol:


but  redface: redface: redface: redface: redface: redface:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on December 02, 2013, 10:11:55 PM
Whats more bent than Tom Daley?

Paul Walker's spine......... whistle:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on December 03, 2013, 07:31:22 AM
Whats more bent than Tom Daley?

Paul Walker's spine......... whistle:

happy001
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Baldy on December 03, 2013, 07:43:50 AM
Whats more bent than Tom Daley?

Paul Walker's spine......... whistle:

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: The Moan Ranger on December 09, 2013, 01:16:24 AM
My brother phoned me, and said his wife had given birth to a boy, and they'd named him Nelson, after Nelson Mandela.

"Why's that, is he black?" I laughed

"No mate, he's dead."
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on December 09, 2013, 03:28:52 AM
My brother phoned me, and said his wife had given birth to a boy, and they'd named him Nelson, after Nelson Mandela.

"Why's that, is he black?" I laughed

"No mate, he's dead."


 ;D ;D redface:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on December 09, 2013, 06:52:37 AM
My brother phoned me, and said his wife had given birth to a boy, and they'd named him Nelson, after Nelson Mandela.

"Why's that, is he black?" I laughed

"No mate, he's dead."

happy001
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: boogs on December 09, 2013, 09:05:23 AM
My brother phoned me, and said his wife had given birth to a boy, and they'd named him Nelson, after Nelson Mandela.

"Why's that, is he black?" I laughed

"No mate, he's dead."

 lol:   noooo: noooo:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Steve on December 09, 2013, 10:46:40 AM
My brother phoned me, and said his wife had given birth to a boy, and they'd named him Nelson, after Nelson Mandela.

"Why's that, is he black?" I laughed

"No mate, he's dead."

 lol:   noooo: noooo:
lol: lol: lol: redface: redface:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on February 10, 2014, 02:36:12 PM
What's the difference between a Chickpea and a Lentil?




Baldy wouldn't pay £200 to have a lentil on his face............... whistle:

Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Nick on February 10, 2014, 02:39:37 PM
 noooo:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on February 10, 2014, 03:15:02 PM
What's the difference between a Chickpea and a Lentil?




Baldy wouldn't pay £200 to have a lentil on his face............... whistle:

happy001
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on February 10, 2014, 03:19:49 PM
What's the difference between a Chickpea and a Lentil?




Baldy wouldn't pay £200 to have a lentil on his face............... whistle:

happy001

Please don't tell LL why you are laughing .....I'll never get brekkie..... redface:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on February 10, 2014, 03:23:43 PM
What's the difference between a Chickpea and a Lentil?




Baldy wouldn't pay £200 to have a lentil on his face............... whistle:

happy001

Please don't tell LL why you are laughing .....I'll never get brekkie..... redface:

Too late.... redface:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Baldy on February 10, 2014, 05:49:07 PM
What's the difference between a Chickpea and a Lentil?




Baldy wouldn't pay £200 to have a lentil on his face............... whistle:

Foggy does not charge that much, although I think she has loyalty cards for most of her customers.  Thumbs:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on February 10, 2014, 06:22:34 PM
What's the difference between a Chickpea and a Lentil?




Baldy wouldn't pay £200 to have a lentil on his face............... whistle:

Foggy does not charge that much, although I think she has loyalty cards for most of her customers.  Thumbs:

BOGOF Thumbs:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Baldy on February 10, 2014, 06:43:36 PM
What's the difference between a Chickpea and a Lentil?




Baldy wouldn't pay £200 to have a lentil on his face............... whistle:

Foggy does not charge that much, although I think she has loyalty cards for most of her customers.  Thumbs:

BOGOF Thumbs:

Baldy Obviously Gets One Free.  rubschin:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: miss Tchevious on February 10, 2014, 07:47:30 PM
What's the difference between a Chickpea and a Lentil?




Baldy wouldn't pay £200 to have a lentil on his face............... whistle:

Foggy does not charge that much, although I think she has loyalty cards for most of her customers.  Thumbs:

BOGOF Thumbs:

Baldy Obviously Gets One Free.  rubschin:

 noooo:

Bitter Old Git Oggles Foriegners.
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Steve on February 10, 2014, 08:06:33 PM
 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on February 22, 2014, 06:02:29 AM
After a girl dies, what organ in her body stays warm longest............?????









My cock........ whistle:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on February 22, 2014, 06:09:27 AM
After a girl dies, what organ in her body stays warm longest............?????









My cock........ whistle:

happy001
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Baldy on February 22, 2014, 07:19:53 PM
After a girl dies, what organ in her body stays warm longest............?????









My cock........ whistle:

You are Jimmy S....I claim my fiver.  Thumbs:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on March 06, 2014, 05:52:33 PM
So Russian skier Maria Komissarova has been left disabled forever,.....




just in time to re-try for the Paralympics.,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, redface:

Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Baldy on March 06, 2014, 05:56:32 PM
So Russian skier Maria Komissarova has been left disabled forever,.....




just in time to re-try for the Paralympics.,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, redface:

 lol:  redface:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on March 06, 2014, 07:31:11 PM
So Russian skier Maria Komissarova has been left disabled forever,.....




just in time to re-try for the Paralympics.,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, redface:

happy001
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on September 13, 2014, 08:55:46 AM
Englishman on holiday in Texas.

He wanders into a local shitkickers bar and has a good few beers.

After a while, he notices there's one of those mechanical bulls in the corner and he asks the barman if he can have a go.

The barman not only says yes but grabs a mic and proceeds to make a big show out of it. Englishman on a good ol' Texan bull, etc.

The Englishman climbs on and the bull starts moving.

"No one's ever made it past 5 minutes on their first try, Limey!" someone shouts.

But the Englishman sails through the 5-minute mark. He blasts past 10 and 15 and even 20 minutes, still holding on just fine.

The crowd is awestruck. He's fast approaching the World Record.

The barman cranks the bull up to 11 and it goes fucking apeshit. But the plucky Englishman hangs on in there.

Eventually, after 45 minutes, the bull breaks down and comes to a halt. The crowd are cheering and whooping as the barman grabs the hand of the sweating Englishman and shoves the mic in his face.

"Holy Goddam shit boy! You done broke the World Record by a clear 15 minutes! How'd you do that?"

The Englishman replies, "Easy. My wife's an epileptic. And if you can fuck her for 5 minutes, you can ride this bastard for an hour!"
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Baldy on September 14, 2014, 08:19:43 AM
 lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 17, 2014, 08:25:14 PM
I was given a recipe book for roadkill so I went out and got some and it was delicious..............I still don't know what to do with his bike though

 redface:

Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on September 18, 2014, 04:25:21 AM
I was given a recipe book for roadkill so I went out and got some and it was delicious..............I still don't know what to do with his bike though

 redface:

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Steve on September 18, 2014, 06:56:41 AM

I was given a recipe book for roadkill so I went out and got some and it was delicious..............I still don't know what to do with his bike though

 redface:

 lol: lol: lol:
happy001


______________________________
Your local friendly tapatalking heretic
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Darwins Selection on September 18, 2014, 10:14:05 PM

I was given a recipe book for roadkill so I went out and got some and it was delicious..............I still don't know what to do with his bike though

 redface:

 lol: lol: lol:
happy001


______________________________
Your local friendly tapatalking heretic
lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: The Moan Ranger on October 03, 2014, 10:18:38 AM
Headline on Sky News website: Online Child Porn Images 'Getting Worse'

I agree. Nowadays, they're so grainy you can't even make out the bruising.


 redface:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on October 03, 2014, 11:34:37 AM
Headline on Sky News website: Online Child Porn Images 'Getting Worse'

I agree. Nowadays, they're so grainy you can't even make out the bruising.


 redface:


 ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on October 03, 2014, 02:20:33 PM
Headline on Sky News website: Online Child Porn Images 'Getting Worse'

I agree. Nowadays, they're so grainy you can't even make out the bruising.


 redface:

happy001
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on November 05, 2014, 03:21:26 PM
So Oscar Pistorius is in jail..........

Wonder if he likes being woken up by 4 unexpected dis-charges during the night............ rubschin:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on November 05, 2014, 03:39:59 PM
So Oscar Pistorius is in jail..........

Wonder if he likes being woken up by 4 unexpected dis-charges during the night............ rubschin:

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Baldy on November 05, 2014, 05:07:15 PM
So Oscar Pistorius is in jail..........

Wonder if he likes being woken up by 4 unexpected dis-charges during the night............ rubschin:

 lol: lol: lol:

 lol: lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: boogs on November 05, 2014, 07:50:34 PM
So Oscar Pistorius is in jail..........

Wonder if he likes being woken up by 4 unexpected dis-charges during the night............ rubschin:

 happy001 happy001 happy001
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Nick on November 05, 2014, 08:31:16 PM

(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs18.postimg.org%2Fwf4wha2f9%2Fmouth.jpg&hash=d4ecd89ea005b59f0c9b21f078035dbec56dbd68) (http://postimg.org/image/wf4wha2f9/)
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: boogs on November 05, 2014, 08:32:24 PM

(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs18.postimg.org%2Fwf4wha2f9%2Fmouth.jpg&hash=d4ecd89ea005b59f0c9b21f078035dbec56dbd68) (http://postimg.org/image/wf4wha2f9/)

 happy001 happy001 happy001
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on November 05, 2014, 08:32:46 PM

(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs18.postimg.org%2Fwf4wha2f9%2Fmouth.jpg&hash=d4ecd89ea005b59f0c9b21f078035dbec56dbd68) (http://postimg.org/image/wf4wha2f9/)

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Baldy on November 05, 2014, 08:49:16 PM

(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs18.postimg.org%2Fwf4wha2f9%2Fmouth.jpg&hash=d4ecd89ea005b59f0c9b21f078035dbec56dbd68) (http://postimg.org/image/wf4wha2f9/)

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Just One More on December 03, 2014, 07:33:06 AM
2 pensioners are enjoying oral sex together.... The old man says, "I can't stay down here for too long it stinks"....
The old lady replies, "sorry it's my arthritis," ....
The old man says "arthritis in your fanny!?" .....
"no!" says the lady.... "The arthritis is in my shoulder, I can't wipe my arse!!"
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on December 03, 2014, 07:45:43 AM
2 pensioners are enjoying oral sex together.... The old man says, "I can't stay down here for too long it stinks"....
The old lady replies, "sorry it's my arthritis," ....
The old man says "arthritis in your fanny!?" .....
"no!" says the lady.... "The arthritis is in my shoulder, I can't wipe my arse!!"

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on February 10, 2015, 03:40:52 PM
"Baby dies in subway accident"......................




I'm guessing the coffin is a footlong......... redface:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on February 10, 2015, 03:43:09 PM
"Baby dies in subway accident"......................




I'm guessing the coffin is a footlong......... redface:

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on February 23, 2015, 04:08:57 PM
Off to the hospital with the pregnant wife tomorrow for the twelve week scan......



 

I can't wait to see what we're having, a boy...............


or an abortion...........
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on February 23, 2015, 05:17:38 PM
Off to the hospital with the pregnant wife tomorrow for the twelve week scan......



 

I can't wait to see what we're having, a boy...............


or an abortion...........

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Baldy on February 23, 2015, 10:27:35 PM
Off to the hospital with the pregnant wife tomorrow for the twelve week scan......



 

I can't wait to see what we're having, a boy...............


or an abortion...........

Muslim Apey?  rubschin:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: miss Tchevious on February 23, 2015, 10:30:08 PM
 noooo:

I live with him and his jokes....



poor Misty.  sad32:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on February 24, 2015, 06:31:04 AM
noooo:

I live with him and his jokes....



poor Misty.  sad32:

happy100
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on March 29, 2015, 06:46:51 PM
What's the difference between German planes and German trains.........?




German trains wait until they get to their destination before killing the cargo........ redface:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Baldy on March 29, 2015, 06:52:22 PM
What's the difference between German planes and German trains.........?




German trains wait until they get to their destination before killing the cargo........ redface:

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Baldy on March 29, 2015, 06:56:08 PM
It is such a shame that Jeremy Clarkson did not just sexually abuse a child...

The BBC would have covered it all up and he would still have his job.
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on March 29, 2015, 06:59:16 PM
What's the difference between German planes and German trains.........?




German trains wait until they get to their destination before killing the cargo........ redface:

happy001
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on April 03, 2015, 07:17:41 PM
Earlier today I saw the facebook group "Kids vs Cancer".........................






It turns out writing "My money is on cancer everytime" is one way to get quite a bit of hate mail........ redface:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Steve on April 03, 2015, 09:50:09 PM
Earlier today I saw the facebook group "Kids vs Cancer".........................






It turns out writing "My money is on cancer everytime" is one way to get quite a bit of hate mail........ redface:
happy001


 redface:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on April 04, 2015, 05:09:15 AM
Earlier today I saw the facebook group "Kids vs Cancer".........................






It turns out writing "My money is on cancer everytime" is one way to get quite a bit of hate mail........ redface:

happy001
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on July 13, 2015, 01:13:52 PM
Talk about double standards. I lose the car keys and never hear the end of it......








The wife loses a baby and she's a fucking Facebook legend........... noooo:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on July 13, 2015, 01:22:12 PM
Talk about double standards. I lose the car keys and never hear the end of it......








The wife loses a baby and she's a fucking Facebook legend........... noooo:

happy001
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Steve on July 13, 2015, 01:29:40 PM
Talk about double standards. I lose the car keys and never hear the end of it......








The wife loses a baby and she's a fucking Facebook legend........... noooo:

happy001
lol: lol: lol:    redface:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on January 01, 2016, 12:56:15 PM
Police have successfully put an undercover officer into a group of known paedophiles........................



I bet....... it was only a very small ring that had been penetrated........... rubschin:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on January 01, 2016, 01:04:27 PM
Police have successfully put an undercover officer into a group of known paedophiles........................



I bet....... it was only a very small ring that had been penetrated........... rubschin:

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Steve on January 01, 2016, 03:23:19 PM
Police have successfully put an undercover officer into a group of known paedophiles........................



I bet....... it was only a very small ring that had been penetrated........... rubschin:

 lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: 
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on May 02, 2016, 02:48:37 PM
A woman is in the hospital giving birth. The doctor takes the baby, then promptly throws it out the window. The woman screams, "My baby! You've killed my baby!".....





The doctor replies, "Jokes on you, it was already dead!"..........
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on May 02, 2016, 04:50:51 PM
A woman is in the hospital giving birth. The doctor takes the baby, then promptly throws it out the window. The woman screams, "My baby! You've killed my baby!".....





The doctor replies, "Jokes on you, it was already dead!"..........

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on May 04, 2017, 08:29:12 AM
Sick jokes are like kids with cancer .........






They never get old ............ redface:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Steve on May 04, 2017, 09:48:27 AM
facepalm:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on May 04, 2017, 10:02:08 AM
Sick jokes are like kids with cancer .........






They never get old ............ redface:

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: boogs on June 06, 2017, 07:05:22 AM
Not the right place I know  redface:



Nicola Sturgeon is touring Perthshire in the First Minister`s chauffeur driven car.

Suddenly a cow jumps into the road, the car hits it full on and comes to a stop.

Nicola, in her normal jaunty manner, says to the chauffeur

"You were driving, get out and see what was the matter"

The chauffeur gets out and reports, " The animal is dead".

"You were driving, go and tell the farmer" said Nicola, "I can`t afford to be blamed for anything".

The driver trudges up the track to the farmhouse and returns five hours later, totally plastered, his hair all ruffled and a big grin on his face.

"My God, what happened to you", asked Nicola.

The chauffeur replied "Well, when I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of Malt Whisky, the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the daughter made love to me"

"My God, what on earth did you say to them" asked Nicola.

"I knocked on the door and when it was answered I said " I`m Nicola Sturgeon`s chauffeur and I've killed the cow".



Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on June 06, 2017, 07:09:07 AM
Not the right place I know  redface:



Nicola Sturgeon is touring Perthshire in the First Minister`s chauffeur driven car.

Suddenly a cow jumps into the road, the car hits it full on and comes to a stop.

Nicola, in her normal jaunty manner, says to the chauffeur

"You were driving, get out and see what was the matter"

The chauffeur gets out and reports, " The animal is dead".

"You were driving, go and tell the farmer" said Nicola, "I can`t afford to be blamed for anything".

The driver trudges up the track to the farmhouse and returns five hours later, totally plastered, his hair all ruffled and a big grin on his face.

"My God, what happened to you", asked Nicola.

The chauffeur replied "Well, when I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of Malt Whisky, the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the daughter made love to me"

"My God, what on earth did you say to them" asked Nicola.

"I knocked on the door and when it was answered I said " I`m Nicola Sturgeon`s chauffeur and I've killed the cow".

 whistle:

http://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=8111.msg611547#msg611547 (http://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=8111.msg611547#msg611547)
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: boogs on June 06, 2017, 07:11:16 AM
Not the right place I know  redface:



Nicola Sturgeon is touring Perthshire in the First Minister`s chauffeur driven car.

Suddenly a cow jumps into the road, the car hits it full on and comes to a stop.

Nicola, in her normal jaunty manner, says to the chauffeur

"You were driving, get out and see what was the matter"

The chauffeur gets out and reports, " The animal is dead".

"You were driving, go and tell the farmer" said Nicola, "I can`t afford to be blamed for anything".

The driver trudges up the track to the farmhouse and returns five hours later, totally plastered, his hair all ruffled and a big grin on his face.

"My God, what happened to you", asked Nicola.

The chauffeur replied "Well, when I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of Malt Whisky, the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the daughter made love to me"

"My God, what on earth did you say to them" asked Nicola.

"I knocked on the door and when it was answered I said " I`m Nicola Sturgeon`s chauffeur and I've killed the cow".

 whistle:

http://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=8111.msg611547#msg611547 (http://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=8111.msg611547#msg611547)

AFFS   redface:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 06, 2017, 08:33:46 AM
Don't care that it's an affs, I'm currently cleaning coffee out of the monitor.  lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 17, 2017, 02:59:18 PM
I may be mistaken but if I remember correctly the worlds most offensive joke is the aristocrats. rubschin:

Tsk   noooo:

"Are the aristocrats" or "Is the aristocracy"

Unless you were making sure we knew you is not one.  ;)

Nope, the aristocrats has been around for decades now. It's a comedic challenge to create the filthiest most offensive joke of all time. There was even a documentary made about it a few years ago. The premise of the joke is weak but it's just a framework to allow the person telling the joke to see just how far beyond the line of what is considered acceptable they can go.

http://youtu.be/CxGD0rk547Y (http://youtu.be/CxGD0rk547Y)

Given the versions of it that I have heard over the years that's probably all of the film they could safely use for a green band trailer. I could be wrong but I suspect that even Apey would think some of them go too far.

There are videos of various comics telling it on youtube but I'll warn you in advance to say the are not safe for work would be a massive understatement. Some of them make Frankie Boyle at his most offensive look like Mary Whitehouse.
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on July 17, 2017, 04:11:49 PM
I may be mistaken but if I remember correctly the worlds most offensive joke is the aristocrats. rubschin:

Tsk   noooo:

"Are the aristocrats" or "Is the aristocracy"

Unless you were making sure we knew you is not one.  ;)

Nope, the aristocrats has been around for decades now. It's a comedic challenge to create the filthiest most offensive joke of all time. There was even a documentary made about it a few years ago. The premise of the joke is weak but it's just a framework to allow the person telling the joke to see just how far beyond the line of what is considered acceptable they can go.

http://youtu.be/CxGD0rk547Y (http://youtu.be/CxGD0rk547Y)

Given the versions of it that I have heard over the years that's probably all of the film they could safely use for a green band trailer. I could be wrong but I suspect that even Apey would think some of them go too far.

There are videos of various comics telling it on youtube but I'll warn you in advance to say the are not safe for work would be a massive understatement. Some of them make Frankie Boyle at his most offensive look like Mary Whitehouse.

Thanks for that, just watched Brandon Rogers...  eeek:

happy001
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 17, 2017, 04:23:45 PM
There is rumoured to be a recording of Bill Hicks doing his version of the joke, I don't know if I want to hear it or run away screaming at what could potentially be included in it.  rubschin:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on January 14, 2018, 10:05:44 AM
My granddad said " It's going to be horrendous on the roads this weekend,snow is forecast"................



" Tell me something I don't know" I replied..............












"I can get my whole fist up your Nanna's arse " he said ..............
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on January 14, 2018, 10:09:36 AM
My granddad said " It's going to be horrendous on the roads this weekend,snow is forecast"................



" Tell me something I don't know" I replied..............












"I can get my whole fist up your Nanna's arse " he said ..............

happy001
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Steve on January 14, 2018, 01:59:32 PM
My granddad said " It's going to be horrendous on the roads this weekend,snow is forecast"................



" Tell me something I don't know" I replied..............












"I can get my whole fist up your Nanna's arse " he said ..............

happy001
lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on February 19, 2018, 08:04:49 PM
I was raping this girl tonight in the middle of a supermarket car park and she kept shouting "No, please don't, I'm crippled, I'm crippled!"....




so I did the right thing.............

















I took her over to the disabled parking..................... Thumbs:

 redface:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on February 20, 2018, 07:59:13 AM
I was raping this girl tonight in the middle of a supermarket car park and she kept shouting "No, please don't, I'm crippled, I'm crippled!"....




so I did the right thing.............

















I took her over to the disabled parking..................... Thumbs:

 redface:

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on November 24, 2018, 06:31:09 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/qhbTyGmW/aRqNhiB.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/qhbTyGmW)


 redface:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on April 18, 2019, 04:52:44 PM
A Catholic girl went to confession and said to the priest,
 
"I'm pregnant...
.
He asked, "How did this happen, my child?"

She said, "I think it must be the second coming."

The priest, shocked by this reply asked, "What makes you think it's the second coming?"

She replied,.................






"Because I swallowed the first one.".................
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Steve on April 18, 2019, 05:36:12 PM
 tunble:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on April 20, 2019, 12:13:07 PM
A Catholic girl went to confession and said to the priest,
 
"I'm pregnant...
.
He asked, "How did this happen, my child?"

She said, "I think it must be the second coming."

The priest, shocked by this reply asked, "What makes you think it's the second coming?"

She replied,.................






"Because I swallowed the first one.".................

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on April 24, 2019, 11:19:41 PM
Hubby says... "I fancy kinky sex, can i cum in your ear?"




Wife says... "No, i might go deaf..............




Hubby says... "I've been cumin in your mouth for 20 years and you're still fucking talking!"..............
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on April 25, 2019, 04:32:54 AM
Hubby says... "I fancy kinky sex, can i cum in your ear?"




Wife says... "No, i might go deaf..............




Hubby says... "I've been cumin in your mouth for 20 years and you're still fucking talking!"..............

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on April 26, 2019, 09:10:08 PM
I got called in to see my son's teacher today...............



"Is everything ok at home?" she asked.



 
 "We're a bit concerned about your son's language in class."




"You're fucking concerned?" I said "I have to live with the little cunt!"



 noooo:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on April 27, 2019, 04:42:36 AM
I got called in to see my son's teacher today...............



"Is everything ok at home?" she asked.



 
 "We're a bit concerned about your son's language in class."




"You're fucking concerned?" I said "I have to live with the little cunt!"



 noooo:

happy001
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on October 14, 2019, 01:25:35 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/JyhG4nT7/72298738-10157077411284930-4529063324532342784-n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/JyhG4nT7)


 redface:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on October 14, 2019, 04:14:43 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/JyhG4nT7/72298738-10157077411284930-4529063324532342784-n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/JyhG4nT7)


 redface:

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Steve on October 14, 2019, 10:11:21 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/JyhG4nT7/72298738-10157077411284930-4529063324532342784-n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/JyhG4nT7)


 redface:

 lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Just One More on October 14, 2019, 05:22:56 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/JyhG4nT7/72298738-10157077411284930-4529063324532342784-n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/JyhG4nT7)


 redface:

 lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:

 lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on October 14, 2019, 05:40:09 PM
Whoever told me wanking is better with a dead arm..........



FUCK YOU >>>>>>>>


I just ruined a funeral ..... cussing:



Thanks alot ..!!!
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on October 14, 2019, 06:15:01 PM
Whoever told me wanking is better with a dead arm..........



FUCK YOU >>>>>>>>


I just ruined a funeral ..... cussing:



Thanks alot ..!!!

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Steve on October 14, 2019, 07:12:16 PM
Whoever told me wanking is better with a dead arm..........



FUCK YOU >>>>>>>>


I just ruined a funeral ..... cussing:



Thanks alot ..!!!

 lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on December 04, 2019, 07:51:11 PM
 Her..You slept with my sister !!!!!!!!!

Him ..."she was just lying there naked when I came into work ..What was I supposed to do ?? "


Her..."The F88king autopsy !!!  "......... redface:



Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Steve on December 04, 2019, 08:31:09 PM
Her..You slept with my sister !!!!!!!!!

Him ..."she was just lying there naked when I came into work ..What was I supposed to do ?? "


Her..."The F88king autopsy !!!  "......... redface:
lol: lol: lol:  redface:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on December 04, 2019, 09:49:58 PM
Her..You slept with my sister !!!!!!!!!

Him ..."she was just lying there naked when I came into work ..What was I supposed to do ?? "


Her..."The F88king autopsy !!!  "......... redface:
lol: lol: lol:  redface:
lol: lol: lol: lol: redface: redface:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on December 05, 2019, 05:38:40 PM
What word begins with M..ends in Arriage and is a man's favourite thing ..???





Miscarriage ,.......... Thumbs:















This joke never gets old .......just like ......... whistle:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on December 06, 2019, 07:01:09 AM
What word begins with M..ends in Arriage and is a man's favourite thing ..???





Miscarriage ,.......... Thumbs:















This joke never gets old .......just like ......... whistle:

happy001

 redface: redface: redface:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on December 15, 2019, 01:49:02 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/XBxnyQkG/offensive.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/XBxnyQkG)


 redface:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on December 15, 2019, 07:45:43 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/XBxnyQkG/offensive.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/XBxnyQkG)


 redface:

happy001

 redface: redface: redface:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on December 16, 2019, 12:08:43 AM
https://www.facebook.com/djchonz/videos/1114744551891815/?t=7

 whistle:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on December 16, 2019, 05:43:21 AM
https://www.facebook.com/djchonz/videos/1114744551891815/?t=7

 whistle:

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on December 19, 2019, 08:31:51 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/3dYF0Yxg/79479275-1148612498676787-9119827844296343552-o.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/3dYF0Yxg)
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Steve on December 19, 2019, 08:42:20 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/3dYF0Yxg/79479275-1148612498676787-9119827844296343552-o.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/3dYF0Yxg)
lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on December 19, 2019, 08:45:27 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/3dYF0Yxg/79479275-1148612498676787-9119827844296343552-o.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/3dYF0Yxg)

 ;D ;D ;D Thumbs:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on December 21, 2019, 11:21:28 PM
Xmas for most guys.........


Sitting at a table with a fat bird who doesn't gobble anymore ......... noooo:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on December 22, 2019, 05:31:49 AM
Xmas for most guys.........


Sitting at a table with a fat bird who doesn't gobble anymore ......... noooo:

 lol: lol: lol: redface:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Just One More on December 22, 2019, 08:21:58 AM
Xmas for most guys.........


Sitting at a table with a fat bird who doesn't gobble anymore ......... noooo:

 lol: lol: lol: redface:

lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on December 30, 2019, 10:26:14 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/dLyjkx3d/Abort.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/dLyjkx3d)


 redface:


 whistle:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on December 31, 2019, 06:40:47 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/dLyjkx3d/Abort.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/dLyjkx3d)


 redface:


 whistle:



 lol: lol: lol: redface: redface: redface: redface: redface:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on January 27, 2020, 09:54:36 AM
My wife bought me a really expensive Swiss watch for my birthday.....

She said, "Do you like it?"........ rubschin:



I said, "Yes it's great, it reminds of your pussy!"

She said, "Why, because it's sexy and exclusive?"................





I said, "No, because it's loose around my wrist!"......................... redface:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on January 27, 2020, 03:00:24 PM
My wife bought me a really expensive Swiss watch for my birthday.....

She said, "Do you like it?"........ rubschin:



I said, "Yes it's great, it reminds of your pussy!"

She said, "Why, because it's sexy and exclusive?"................





I said, "No, because it's loose around my wrist!"......................... redface:

happy001
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on March 04, 2020, 12:22:06 AM
On a site about chat=up lines ....


" Are you a school?............................. rubschin:





"Coz I want shoot kids inside you".......... eeek:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on March 04, 2020, 05:46:31 AM
On a site about chat=up lines ....


" Are you a school?............................. rubschin:





"Coz I want shoot kids inside you".......... eeek:

 eeek:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on April 27, 2020, 11:48:04 PM
My teenage daughter was running a temperature, so I rang the doctor...........

He asked was she hot............????



I said, "Well, with a little make-up..." rubschin:

 redface:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on April 28, 2020, 06:13:06 AM
My teenage daughter was running a temperature, so I rang the doctor...........

He asked was she hot............????



I said, "Well, with a little make-up..." rubschin:

 redface:

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Steve on April 28, 2020, 10:17:56 AM
My teenage daughter was running a temperature, so I rang the doctor...........

He asked was she hot............????



I said, "Well, with a little make-up..." rubschin:

 redface:

 lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 24, 2021, 03:50:08 AM
Did you know that a piranha can eat an entire child in under 3 minutes?

In other news, I got fired from my job at the aquarium

 redface:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on June 24, 2021, 07:29:41 AM
Did you know that a piranha can eat an entire child in under 3 minutes?

In other news, I got fired from my job at the aquarium

 redface:

 razz:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Steve on June 24, 2021, 11:44:32 AM
Did you know that a piranha can eat an entire child in under 3 minutes?

In other news, I got fired from my job at the aquarium

 redface:

 razz:
lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on July 07, 2021, 04:23:52 PM
Not been this worried about a semi since watching the Madeline McCann documentary.......... redface: redface: redface: noooo:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on July 08, 2021, 06:56:39 AM
Not been this worried about a semi since watching the Madeline McCann documentary.......... redface: redface: redface: noooo:

 lol: lol: lol: redface:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 12, 2021, 12:47:30 PM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-8a2341265cb41701e658e2022d4ba91e)
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on July 12, 2021, 01:14:04 PM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-8a2341265cb41701e658e2022d4ba91e)

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 19, 2021, 08:41:02 PM
(https://cdn.minds.com/fs/v1/thumbnail/1263915099721547776/xlarge/)

 redface:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on July 20, 2021, 04:34:17 AM
(https://cdn.minds.com/fs/v1/thumbnail/1263915099721547776/xlarge/)

 redface:

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Grumpmeister on August 08, 2021, 10:32:57 PM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-398bf63626089f25be13c9ecae3720fd)
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Uncle Mort on August 09, 2021, 07:47:50 AM
Shrugs:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Steve on August 09, 2021, 11:38:35 AM
Shrugs:
Google Cuomo and then Take it Easy by the Eagles or Jackson Browne
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Steve on August 09, 2021, 11:39:11 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-398bf63626089f25be13c9ecae3720fd)
lol:

earworm  evil:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Grumpmeister on August 09, 2021, 11:44:14 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-398bf63626089f25be13c9ecae3720fd)
lol:

earworm  evil:

That was an earworm? I had no idea.. whistle:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Grumpmeister on August 25, 2021, 02:45:01 PM
(https://cdn.minds.com/fs/v1/thumbnail/1277264606351331335/xlarge/)
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on August 25, 2021, 03:13:40 PM
(https://cdn.minds.com/fs/v1/thumbnail/1277264606351331335/xlarge/)

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: apc2010 on August 25, 2021, 06:59:55 PM
(https://cdn.minds.com/fs/v1/thumbnail/1277264606351331335/xlarge/)

 lol: lol: lol:

 ;D ;D Thumbs:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Grumpmeister on August 28, 2021, 04:13:48 AM
(https://cdn.minds.com/fs/v1/thumbnail/1278156635147079698/xlarge/)

 redface:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on August 28, 2021, 05:56:45 AM
(https://cdn.minds.com/fs/v1/thumbnail/1278156635147079698/xlarge/)

 redface:


happy001
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Steve on August 28, 2021, 09:26:57 AM
(https://cdn.minds.com/fs/v1/thumbnail/1278156635147079698/xlarge/)

 redface:


happy001
happy001 happy001
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 06, 2021, 02:31:19 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-c7f9c8a3969a8d8ef2659fae55600bdd)

 redface:
Title: Re: The World's most offensive joke
Post by: Barman on October 06, 2021, 06:04:31 AM
(https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-c7f9c8a3969a8d8ef2659fae55600bdd)

 redface:

 ;D