Author Topic: Hat, coat...  (Read 72847 times)

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Online Miss Demeanour

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #60 on: April 14, 2010, 09:23:43 AM »
What did the cowboy say to the German car dealer ?????


Audi
Skubber

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #61 on: April 14, 2010, 10:08:06 AM »
 drumroll:
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Offline Just One More

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #62 on: May 31, 2010, 06:43:30 PM »
So,there's this yellow toad wandering around in the forest, kind of pissed off because he doesn't want to be yellow. Life would be easier if he was brown or green like the other toads. He'd sure be less visible to predators for one thing. Anyway ... this yellow toad bumps into a Fairy Godmother, like you do, and he begs her; "Fairy Godmother please make me green like the other toads. I am tired of being so visible to predators and such."

The Fairy Godmother whips out her magic wand and says "Abracadabra! You're green."

The toad looks down and sees that he is green except for his tackle, which is still yellow. He says to the Fairy Godmother "Wait a minute; my meat & two veg are still yellow."

To this the Fairy Godmother said, "I don't do willies, go and see the Wizard Of Oz for that. The toad thanks her and hops off on his way.
 
There also happens to be a purple bear wandering around in the very same forest, must be one of them enchanted forests and he encounters the very same Fairy Godmother. He implores her; "Fairy Godmother, please make me brown like the other bears. None of the lady bears want to be seen with me on account of the hunters can spot me from a mile off." She being a nice Fairy Godmother, takes out her magic wand and says, "You're brown." The bear looks down and sees that he is, in fact, brown with the exception of the old twig and berries, they remain purple.

He says, "What about my wedding tackle, they're still purple!

She says, "I don't do genitals, you will have to see the Wizard of Oz for that."

To this the bear replies, "Well that's just dandy but how do I find the Wizard of Oz?"

The Fairy Godmother answers; "That's easy, just follow the yellow prick toad."
 redface:
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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #63 on: May 31, 2010, 06:45:56 PM »
 lol: lol: lol: lol:
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Offline Snoopy

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #64 on: May 31, 2010, 06:47:20 PM »
That is a five  lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: groan
I used to have a handle on life but it broke.

Online Miss Demeanour

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #65 on: June 03, 2010, 07:50:27 AM »
?Shakespeare walks into a pub?
?The landlord shouts, You?re Barred! (Bard)?
Skubber

Offline Snoopy

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #66 on: June 03, 2010, 08:07:45 AM »
 noooo:
I used to have a handle on life but it broke.

Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #67 on: June 03, 2010, 08:27:08 AM »
?Shakespeare walks into a pub?
?The landlord shouts, You?re Barred! (Bard)?

 noooo: Rule #1. Never print the explanation (unless you wear a bucket)


A dusky ethnic minority walks into a hotel and says "Is there a bar in here?".

The receptionist says "Yes, f*** off "

I mostly despair

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #68 on: June 03, 2010, 08:38:55 AM »
?Shakespeare walks into a pub?
?The landlord shouts, You?re Barred! (Bard)?

 noooo: Rule #1. Never print the explanation (unless you wear a bucket)


A dusky ethnic minority walks into a hotel and says "Is there a bar in here?".

The receptionist says "Yes, f*** off "



 drumroll:  lol: lol: lol:
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Offline Just One More

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #69 on: June 08, 2010, 09:33:26 PM »
I was in  the restaurant when I suddenly realised I desperately  needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my fart with the beat of the music.
 
After a couple of  songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,  and  noticed that everybody was staring at me....
 
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my  iPod.
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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #70 on: June 09, 2010, 06:01:49 AM »
I was in  the restaurant when I suddenly realised I desperately  needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my fart with the beat of the music.
 
After a couple of  songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,  and  noticed that everybody was staring at me....
 
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my  iPod.

 lol: lol: lol:
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Online Miss Demeanour

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #71 on: June 14, 2010, 08:09:56 AM »
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.

As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly," You've got to make love to me this very moment!"

My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!"

Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen, table.

Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.

Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"


She explained, "The egg timer's broken."
Skubber

Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #72 on: June 14, 2010, 08:18:27 AM »
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.

As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly," You've got to make love to me this very moment!"

My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!"

Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen, table.

Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.

Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"


She explained, "The egg timer's broken."

 lol: lol: lol:

I take it you prefer hard-boiled?
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Offline Snoopy

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #73 on: June 14, 2010, 08:24:22 AM »
Either that or she has the attention span of a goldfish. whistle:
I used to have a handle on life but it broke.

Offline The Moan Ranger (Orderer of the Youngs)

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Re: Hat, coat...
« Reply #74 on: June 14, 2010, 08:26:58 AM »
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.

As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly," You've got to make love to me this very moment!"

My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!"

Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen, table.

Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.

Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"


She explained, "The egg timer's broken."


See also http://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=2869.0  whistle: