Author Topic: The all new Criminal Mongstermind thread  (Read 4155 times)

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Offline Grumpmeister

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The all new Criminal Mongstermind thread
« on: June 25, 2014, 02:41:12 AM »
I've been thinking about doing one of these for a while now given the number of hapless criminal cockwombles who end up in the news. Basically it's similar to the Darwin awards except for criminals who are so astonishingly stupid that they may as well just walk straight to the nearest police station.

To start things off: Break into someone's home, nick some property, log into your facebook page and then forget to log out before legging it.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2667413/Burglar-busted-stopping-check-FACEBOOK-victims-computer-forgetting-log-out.html

Quote
Sometime later Mr Wood noticed a Facebook page on his computer he didn't recognize.

Realizing what must have happened, he shared a picture of Wig from Wig's profile.
Mr Wood announced Wig was a thief and shared his phone number, asking for anyone with information to call him.

He did not expect to get a text from Wig himself in the evening.

'I replied (saying) ''you left a few things at my house last night, how can I get them back to you?''' Mr Wood said.
Wig agreed to return to the house and pick up his things.

As Mr Wood saw him approaching, he called 911.


I'd say 7 out of 10 for that one.  lol:
« Last Edit: June 25, 2014, 02:44:56 AM by Grumpmeister »
Some days I think the only thing keeping me from becoming homicidal is that the voices can't agree on which weapon would be the most fun.

Offline Barman

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Re: The all new Criminal Mongstermind thread
« Reply #1 on: June 25, 2014, 04:44:08 AM »
I've been thinking about doing one of these for a while now given the number of hapless criminal cockwombles who end up in the news. Basically it's similar to the Darwin awards except for criminals who are so astonishingly stupid that they may as well just walk straight to the nearest police station.

To start things off: Break into someone's home, nick some property, log into your facebook page and then forget to log out before legging it.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2667413/Burglar-busted-stopping-check-FACEBOOK-victims-computer-forgetting-log-out.html

Quote
Sometime later Mr Wood noticed a Facebook page on his computer he didn't recognize.

Realizing what must have happened, he shared a picture of Wig from Wig's profile.
Mr Wood announced Wig was a thief and shared his phone number, asking for anyone with information to call him.

He did not expect to get a text from Wig himself in the evening.

'I replied (saying) ''you left a few things at my house last night, how can I get them back to you?''' Mr Wood said.
Wig agreed to return to the house and pick up his things.

As Mr Wood saw him approaching, he called 911.


I'd say 7 out of 10 for that one.  lol:


 lol: lol: lol:
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Offline apc2010

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Re: The all new Criminal Mongstermind thread
« Reply #2 on: June 25, 2014, 10:49:43 AM »
 noooo:

Offline Steve

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Re: The all new Criminal Mongstermind thread
« Reply #3 on: June 25, 2014, 04:03:38 PM »
I've been thinking about doing one of these for a while now given the number of hapless criminal cockwombles who end up in the news. Basically it's similar to the Darwin awards except for criminals who are so astonishingly stupid that they may as well just walk straight to the nearest police station.

To start things off: Break into someone's home, nick some property, log into your facebook page and then forget to log out before legging it.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2667413/Burglar-busted-stopping-check-FACEBOOK-victims-computer-forgetting-log-out.html

Quote
Sometime later Mr Wood noticed a Facebook page on his computer he didn't recognize.

Realizing what must have happened, he shared a picture of Wig from Wig's profile.
Mr Wood announced Wig was a thief and shared his phone number, asking for anyone with information to call him.

He did not expect to get a text from Wig himself in the evening.

'I replied (saying) ''you left a few things at my house last night, how can I get them back to you?''' Mr Wood said.
Wig agreed to return to the house and pick up his things.

As Mr Wood saw him approaching, he called 911.


I'd say 7 out of 10 for that one.  lol:


 lol: lol: lol:

 lol: lol: lol: lol:
Well, whatever nevermind

Offline Grumpmeister

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Re: The all new Criminal Mongstermind thread
« Reply #4 on: July 22, 2014, 02:43:58 AM »
Just released from prison and what does this genius do? He burgles a hairdressers and leaves his release papers behind.  lol:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2700810/The-bungling-burglar-Britain-Criminal-caught-thieving-day-released-prison-dropped-release-papers-break-in.html
Some days I think the only thing keeping me from becoming homicidal is that the voices can't agree on which weapon would be the most fun.

Offline Barman

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Re: The all new Criminal Mongstermind thread
« Reply #5 on: July 22, 2014, 05:03:47 AM »
Just released from prison and what does this genius do? He burgles a hairdressers and leaves his release papers behind.  lol:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2700810/The-bungling-burglar-Britain-Criminal-caught-thieving-day-released-prison-dropped-release-papers-break-in.html


Quote
And after pleading guilty to the salon burglary on June 25, and three other attempted burglaries on the same day, he was sent back to jail for 12 months.


 Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead
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Offline Steve

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Re: The all new Criminal Mongstermind thread
« Reply #6 on: July 22, 2014, 07:42:44 AM »
Just released from prison and what does this genius do? He burgles a hairdressers and leaves his release papers behind.  lol:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2700810/The-bungling-burglar-Britain-Criminal-caught-thieving-day-released-prison-dropped-release-papers-break-in.html


Quote
And after pleading guilty to the salon burglary on June 25, and three other attempted burglaries on the same day, he was sent back to jail for 12 months.


 Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead

I see your
 Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead  and raise you a  Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead

12 months FFS  ::) ::) ::)   
Well, whatever nevermind

Offline Grumpmeister

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Re: The all new Criminal Mongstermind thread
« Reply #7 on: August 07, 2014, 02:53:11 PM »
I'd have thought that the obvious thing if you are going to burgle someone is not to stare gormlessly at the CCTV camera for several seconds.  lol:

Quote
The open-mouthed thief stares directly into the lens for several seconds, seemingly unable to decide what to do with himself.
He then appears to shout the word ‘camera’, before continuing to stare at the lens - still with his mouth wide open.


http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2718836/Moment-gormless-burglar-stares-open-mouthed-CCTV-camera-stealing-try-cover-tracks-footage-downloaded.html

Unfortunately I have a cynical feeling that the footage won't be allowed in court when he is nabbed.  noooo:
Some days I think the only thing keeping me from becoming homicidal is that the voices can't agree on which weapon would be the most fun.

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Re: The all new Criminal Mongstermind thread
« Reply #8 on: August 07, 2014, 05:56:49 PM »
I'd have thought that the obvious thing if you are going to burgle someone is not to stare gormlessly at the CCTV camera for several seconds.  lol:

Quote
The open-mouthed thief stares directly into the lens for several seconds, seemingly unable to decide what to do with himself.
He then appears to shout the word ‘camera’, before continuing to stare at the lens - still with his mouth wide open.


http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2718836/Moment-gormless-burglar-stares-open-mouthed-CCTV-camera-stealing-try-cover-tracks-footage-downloaded.html

Unfortunately I have a cynical feeling that the footage won't be allowed in court when he is nabbed.  noooo:


"Cunt" is the only word that works....  noooo:
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Offline Grumpmeister

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Re: The all new Criminal Mongstermind thread
« Reply #9 on: March 01, 2015, 04:09:11 AM »
The manufacturers should use this video as a marketing tool "It takes more than a dickhead with a brick to break into one of our cars".

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2973808/Grand-theft-oh-no-Watch-dozy-thief-knocked-throws-brick-car-window-rebounds-strikes-head.html
Some days I think the only thing keeping me from becoming homicidal is that the voices can't agree on which weapon would be the most fun.

Offline Barman

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Re: The all new Criminal Mongstermind thread
« Reply #10 on: March 01, 2015, 06:16:49 AM »
The manufacturers should use this video as a marketing tool "It takes more than a dickhead with a brick to break into one of our cars".

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2973808/Grand-theft-oh-no-Watch-dozy-thief-knocked-throws-brick-car-window-rebounds-strikes-head.html


Hang him!  evil:
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Offline apc2010

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Re: The all new Criminal Mongstermind thread
« Reply #11 on: March 01, 2015, 09:11:20 AM »
The manufacturers should use this video as a marketing tool "It takes more than a dickhead with a brick to break into one of our cars".

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2973808/Grand-theft-oh-no-Watch-dozy-thief-knocked-throws-brick-car-window-rebounds-strikes-head.html


 ;D ;D    noooo:

Offline Grumpmeister

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Re: The all new Criminal Mongstermind thread
« Reply #12 on: April 13, 2015, 10:36:49 PM »
If you are going to rob a shop, don't choose the one your mother in law works in and especially on a day she is there...  noooo:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3037219/Armed-robber-recognised-mother-law-working-shop-till.html
Some days I think the only thing keeping me from becoming homicidal is that the voices can't agree on which weapon would be the most fun.

Offline apc2010

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Re: The all new Criminal Mongstermind thread
« Reply #13 on: April 13, 2015, 11:17:18 PM »
If you are going to rob a shop, don't choose the one your mother in law works in and especially on a day she is there...  noooo:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3037219/Armed-robber-recognised-mother-law-working-shop-till.html


 noooo:

Offline Steve

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Re: The all new Criminal Mongstermind thread
« Reply #14 on: April 13, 2015, 11:49:30 PM »
Well, whatever nevermind