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Author Topic: Apeys Cat woes  (Read 8559 times)

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Offline apc2010

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Apeys Cat woes
« on: March 12, 2014, 11:12:03 AM »
Cat 1 back from the vets ...have to keep him in for a week ...he is semi-wild ....so have to buy cat litter .. evil:
already he is crying the house down to get out .. noooo:

has to have different food from cat 2 ..(impossible ) and the 2 strays we feed are trying to get in the house coz of the rain... noooo:

Beer O'clock may well be early today...... noooo:

Offline Baldy

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Re: Apeys Cat woes
« Reply #1 on: March 12, 2014, 11:24:38 AM »
Cat 1 back from the vets ...have to keep him in for a week ...he is semi-wild ....so have to buy cat litter .. evil:
already he is crying the house down to get out .. noooo:

has to have different food from cat 2 ..(impossible ) and the 2 strays we feed are trying to get in the house coz of the rain... noooo:

Beer O'clock may well be early today...... noooo:

 Thumbs:

Offline apc2010

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Re: Apeys Cat woes
« Reply #2 on: March 12, 2014, 03:32:31 PM »
I am covered in  cat medicine .....he spat it out... evil:

Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Apeys Cat woes
« Reply #3 on: March 12, 2014, 03:37:40 PM »
Cat 1 back from the vets ...have to keep him in for a week ...he is semi-wild ....so have to buy cat litter .. evil:
already he is crying the house down to get out .. noooo:

has to have different food from cat 2 ..(impossible ) and the 2 strays we feed are trying to get in the house coz of the rain... noooo:

Beer O'clock may well be early today...... noooo:


Yep, better drug them up.

Try a drop of this:




It will turn




Into



In a few minutes  whistle:
I mostly despair

Offline Barman

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Re: Apeys Cat woes
« Reply #4 on: March 12, 2014, 04:38:57 PM »
How to give a cat a pill....

Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and apply gentle pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.

Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.

Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call Misty from garden.

Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get Misty to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for glueing later.

Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw away T-shirt and fetch new one from bedroom.

Ring Fire Brigade to retrieve cat from tree across road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to miss cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

Get Misty to drive you to Casualty, sit quietly while doctor stitches finger and forearm and removes remnants of pill from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

Call RSPCA to collect cat and ring pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
Pro Skub  Thumbs:

Online Nick

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Re: Apeys Cat woes
« Reply #5 on: March 12, 2014, 04:40:38 PM »
 noooo:

Tetanus in my bottom and bandages  noooo:
Warning: May contain Skub
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Offline Steve

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Re: Apeys Cat woes
« Reply #6 on: March 12, 2014, 06:03:35 PM »
Cat 1 back from the vets ...have to keep him in for a week ...he is semi-wild ....so have to buy cat litter .. evil:
already he is crying the house down to get out .. noooo:

has to have different food from cat 2 ..(impossible ) and the 2 strays we feed are trying to get in the house coz of the rain... noooo:

Beer O'clock may well be early today...... noooo:
Oh woes

They do become your life at times
Well, whatever nevermind

Offline Steve

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Re: Apeys Cat woes
« Reply #7 on: March 12, 2014, 06:10:58 PM »
How to give a cat a pill....

Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and apply gentle pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.

Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.

Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call Misty from garden.

Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get Misty to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for glueing later.

Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw away T-shirt and fetch new one from bedroom.

Ring Fire Brigade to retrieve cat from tree across road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to miss cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

Get Misty to drive you to Casualty, sit quietly while doctor stitches finger and forearm and removes remnants of pill from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

Call RSPCA to collect cat and ring pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

 lol: lol: lol:

Serious answer:

Believe it or not since Mrs K worked out these schemes CWMBO demands to get her daily tablets

For tablets:  Get Tesco el cheapo Meaty Stick treats and break into 1/2 inch chunks.  Insert tablet into one of the chunks

For liquid medicine. Buy Webbox Lik-e-Lix sachets and mix the medicine into one


If you want a really interesting challenge see if you can give daily Insulin and Calcium injections to a cat.   We both have at least most of our fingers and limbs still attached.
Well, whatever nevermind

Offline Baldy

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Re: Apeys Cat woes
« Reply #8 on: March 12, 2014, 06:43:34 PM »

Offline Barman

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Re: Apeys Cat woes
« Reply #9 on: March 12, 2014, 07:03:52 PM »
How to give a cat a pill....

Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and apply gentle pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.

Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.

Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call Misty from garden.

Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get Misty to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for glueing later.

Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw away T-shirt and fetch new one from bedroom.

Ring Fire Brigade to retrieve cat from tree across road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to miss cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

Get Misty to drive you to Casualty, sit quietly while doctor stitches finger and forearm and removes remnants of pill from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

Call RSPCA to collect cat and ring pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

 lol: lol: lol:

Serious answer:

Believe it or not since Mrs K worked out these schemes CWMBO demands to get her daily tablets

For tablets:  Get Tesco el cheapo Meaty Stick treats and break into 1/2 inch chunks.  Insert tablet into one of the chunks

For liquid medicine. Buy Webbox Lik-e-Lix sachets and mix the medicine into one


If you want a really interesting challenge see if you can give daily Insulin and Calcium injections to a cat.   We both have at least most of our fingers and limbs still attached.

Our last cat in the UK (Smudger) needed daily insulin injections.... he used to present himself at 6pm, every day for them good as gold.....  cloud9:
Pro Skub  Thumbs:

Offline Steve

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Re: Apeys Cat woes
« Reply #10 on: March 12, 2014, 07:15:25 PM »
How to give a cat a pill....

Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and apply gentle pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.

Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.

Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call Misty from garden.

Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get Misty to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for glueing later.

Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw away T-shirt and fetch new one from bedroom.

Ring Fire Brigade to retrieve cat from tree across road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to miss cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

Get Misty to drive you to Casualty, sit quietly while doctor stitches finger and forearm and removes remnants of pill from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

Call RSPCA to collect cat and ring pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

 lol: lol: lol:

Serious answer:

Believe it or not since Mrs K worked out these schemes CWMBO demands to get her daily tablets

For tablets:  Get Tesco el cheapo Meaty Stick treats and break into 1/2 inch chunks.  Insert tablet into one of the chunks

For liquid medicine. Buy Webbox Lik-e-Lix sachets and mix the medicine into one


If you want a really interesting challenge see if you can give daily Insulin and Calcium injections to a cat.   We both have at least most of our fingers and limbs still attached.

Our last cat in the UK (Smudger) needed daily insulin injections.... he used to present himself at 6pm, every day for them good as gold.....  cloud9:
:thumbsup:

So in the end did our Sam as we always fed him afterwards.  And it wasn't the diabetes that did for him in the end (FIV). 
 
sad32: sad32: sad32:   Shit, I really do have moist eyes now  cry:.
Well, whatever nevermind

Online Nick

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Re: Apeys Cat woes
« Reply #11 on: March 12, 2014, 07:51:49 PM »
 sad24: sad24: sad24:
Warning: May contain Skub
Cat sitter extraordinaire
Semi-professional crocodile

Offline Steve

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Re: Apeys Cat woes
« Reply #12 on: March 12, 2014, 09:49:45 PM »
sad24: sad24: sad24:
:thumbsup:   Sometimes you have to.  You should have seen the vets when he died, never seen vet staff break down in floods of tears before, they were his other home.  I think we were the only ones holding it together so 12 years on I figure it's OK for me to shed a tear

Over the years I've shed more for dead pets than break ups and definitely than over dead relatives and never a tear over relegated football teams or lost jobs.  Life's weird - thankfully.
Well, whatever nevermind

Offline apc2010

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Re: Apeys Cat woes
« Reply #13 on: March 12, 2014, 09:53:46 PM »
sad24: sad24: sad24:
:thumbsup:   Sometimes you have to.  You should have seen the vets when he died, never seen vet staff break down in floods of tears before, they were his other home.  I think we were the only ones holding it together so 12 years on I figure it's OK for me to shed a tear

Over the years I've shed more for dead pets than break ups and definitely than over dead relatives and never a tear over relegated football teams or lost jobs.  Life's weird - thankfully.

My childhood cat who moved around the country with me died at the ripe old age of 23 .... sad24:  was absolutly gutted ....

Offline Steve

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Re: Apeys Cat woes
« Reply #14 on: March 12, 2014, 10:05:13 PM »
sad24: sad24: sad24:
:thumbsup:   Sometimes you have to.  You should have seen the vets when he died, never seen vet staff break down in floods of tears before, they were his other home.  I think we were the only ones holding it together so 12 years on I figure it's OK for me to shed a tear

Over the years I've shed more for dead pets than break ups and definitely than over dead relatives and never a tear over relegated football teams or lost jobs.  Life's weird - thankfully.

My childhood cat who moved around the country with me died at the ripe old age of 23 .... sad24:  was absolutly gutted ....
Not surprised after 23 years.  We had one for 19 and CWMBO is ~17 .  Little sod will be wanting to drive the car soon.



Well, whatever nevermind