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Author Topic: Celebrate Tourettes Day?  (Read 86 times)

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Online Steve

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Celebrate Tourettes Day?
« on: November 04, 2018, 04:23:40 PM »
(half baked idea #23)

I know there's a "there there dear" Tourettes Awareness day in June but how about we have a World Embrace Tourettes Day?

A day when we can say what the fuck we like to who the fuck we like in fucking graphic terms about how their mutant genitalia should be fed to stinking of shit animals.  Clintons could sell cards with 'Fuck off Cunt' on them, the Post Office could have a special stamp issue with the Queen going  Finger: all to be delivered by a mailman that tears them up on your doorstep wearing a 'What you looking at Tosser?' T shirt.  Fiona Bruce would read the four letter word news where every sentence has to have 'shit' in it  The possibilities are endless. 

Think of the munny we could make through royalties

Well, whatever nevermind

Offline Barman

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Re: Celebrate Tourettes Day?
« Reply #1 on: November 04, 2018, 04:56:30 PM »
Shit, fuck, cunt!
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Offline Nick

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Re: Celebrate Tourettes Day?
« Reply #2 on: November 04, 2018, 04:58:39 PM »
BISCUIT!
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Offline Barman

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Re: Celebrate Tourettes Day?
« Reply #3 on: November 04, 2018, 05:01:40 PM »
An out of work pianist with Tourettes Syndrome is strolling around the streets and bars of Soho one unemployed afternoon. Walking down Dean Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window 'Pianist wanted for evening performances'. 'Fucking get in there you cunt!' he says to himself and goes to the bar.

'Get the fucking manager of this pigshit middle class wankhole please you cunt', he says to a somewhat startled barman. The barman however obliges and his manager comes upstairs. 'Can I help you sir?' he says 'Yes you can you fat piece of shit, I saw your poxy advert in the cunting window and I'm here for an audition.....wanker.'

The manager is naturally put off by the man's abrasive manner but his dire need for a top class pianist forces him to agree to an audition. The first tune the Pianist plays is an uplifting jazzy number,not too involving, yet utterly melodic. At the end the thrilled barman cries, 'Wonderful, wonderful. What was that called?' 'That song, you big nosed twat, was called "Excuse me prime minister but I just jizzed in your daughter's
eye, and now the cunts blind...'

'Oh' says the manager 'err, can you play me another. Something a little less "lively". 'Wanker..' interjects the pianist before launching into a powerful ballad which leaves the manager in tears. The manager through his salty teardrops asks him the title. 'That little number was called "Sometimes when you do a bird up the shit box you get crap on your bell end.'

'I see' says the manager, 'Have you got any songs with less offensive titles?' 'Well there's my jazz number "Do you want me to split your ringpiece", or there's the epic "I don't care if you're older my dear,you've still got nice jugs". 'Look' says the manager interrupting, 'I think you're a superb pianist but the title of your songs are a little "racy". I will hire you on the condition that you do not introduce your songs or speak to the audience.' 'Fuck it' says the pianist 'Why not'.

On his first night everything is going superbly the crowd are lapping up his repertoire and his silence is being received as modesty. The only thing putting off the pianist is that in the front row there is a gorgeous blonde in a black evening dress with a split up the side revealing the tops of her stockings, and a plunging neckline which boasts a proud and inviting cleavage.

During the interval the pianist has got such a stonking hard on that he decides to go to the bog and knock one out. Just as he has shot his muck he hears himself being re-introduced over the tannoy, so he rushes back to the stage and finishes his act.

After the show he is at the bar relaxing when the blonde approaches him.'Hi' she says. 'Hello' he winces, struggling to hold in the expletives. She leans over and whispers in his ear, 'Do you know your cock is hanging out of your trousers, and spunk is dribbling onto your shoes?'

'Know it?' says the pianist putting his beer on the bar confidently, 'I fucking wrote it!!!'
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Online Steve

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Re: Celebrate Tourettes Day?
« Reply #4 on: November 04, 2018, 05:17:14 PM »
happy002  priceless
Well, whatever nevermind

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Offline Barman

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Online Steve

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Well, whatever nevermind

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Offline Barman

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Re: Celebrate Tourettes Day?
« Reply #9 on: November 05, 2018, 11:41:44 AM »
Got a speeding ticket!  cussing:
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Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Celebrate Tourettes Day?
« Reply #10 on: November 05, 2018, 12:11:50 PM »
Got a speeding ticket!  cussing:
Didn't know they did them over there.
Donation to the police benevolent fund required?
I mostly despair

Offline Barman

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Re: Celebrate Tourettes Day?
« Reply #11 on: November 05, 2018, 12:24:02 PM »
Got a speeding ticket!  cussing:
Didn't know they did them over there.
Donation to the police benevolent fund required?

They used to take cash...  rubschin:

Now they print a ticket and you have to pay it at a bank within 15 days... Fifty bastard €uros!  cussing:
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Online Steve

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Re: Celebrate Tourettes Day?
« Reply #12 on: November 05, 2018, 12:39:50 PM »
The fucking tone of this shitty thread has become way too fuckface polite
Well, whatever nevermind

Offline Barman

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Re: Celebrate Tourettes Day?
« Reply #13 on: November 05, 2018, 01:05:17 PM »
* checks ticket * And two fucking points!  cussing:
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