The Virtual Pub

Come Inside... => Saloon Bar => Topic started by: Barman on June 27, 2009, 07:08:49 AM

Title: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on June 27, 2009, 07:08:49 AM
Came downstairs this morning and there was a mahooosive spider on the kitchen ceiling!  eeek:

We're talking mahoosive!

Told LL about is and she sent me back to capture the beast, in a bucket or summat... returned to the kitchen and it had gone!  scared2:

Where the fuck is it?  Shrugs:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Miss Demeanour on June 27, 2009, 07:53:31 AM
in the back of your computer  char062
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on June 27, 2009, 07:54:31 AM
Still no sign of the beast!  scared2:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: grumpyoldsoldier on June 27, 2009, 11:27:43 AM
It is waiting.. once your guard is down and you are at your most vulnerable, (carrying something hot)it will scuttle.. across your feet!
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on June 27, 2009, 11:39:19 AM
It is waiting.. once your guard is down and you are at your most vulnerable, (carrying something hot)it will scuttle.. across your feet!
I know...  scared2:

Or one of its arms will come down and grab me from behind...  scared2:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Miss Demeanour on June 27, 2009, 11:45:41 AM
It's probably mating  eyes:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on June 27, 2009, 11:46:46 AM
It's probably mating  eyes:
In your room!  eeek:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Miss Demeanour on June 27, 2009, 11:50:29 AM
Check with the Teddy  evil:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on June 27, 2009, 12:30:51 PM
Check with the Teddy  evil:
redface:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on June 27, 2009, 03:03:54 PM
Found it yet?  whistle:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on June 27, 2009, 03:08:07 PM
Found it yet?  whistle:
Nope...  noooo:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on June 27, 2009, 03:09:18 PM
It's deffo hiding until you go to bed  scared2:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Miss Demeanour on June 27, 2009, 03:26:08 PM
or under the bed  whistle:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on June 27, 2009, 03:26:58 PM
Oh yes.  eveilgrin:

As soon as it hears snoring it will emerge and pounce venomously  noooo:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on June 27, 2009, 03:31:22 PM
Oh yes.  eveilgrin:

As soon as it hears snoring it will emerge and pounce venomously  noooo:
That'll be on LL then!  happy001
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: grumpyoldsoldier on June 27, 2009, 03:31:41 PM
Deffo lurking, awiting its moment.. sniggering at the thought of you shitting yourself and having a minor MJ moment ;D
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on June 27, 2009, 03:32:57 PM

(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg194.imageshack.us%2Fimg194%2F540%2F87317663.th.jpg&hash=3f47823657ed23488b05d8aeb427c342) (http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=Pq1TNwtJ)
 eeek:

Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Pastis on June 27, 2009, 03:33:37 PM

(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg43.imageshack.us%2Fimg43%2F3043%2F70018478.jpg&hash=fd67679766de8ab8be938253a00d9035) (http://www.postimage.org/)
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on June 27, 2009, 03:35:05 PM
I shall wear my protective bucket to bed...  cloud9:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Miss Demeanour on June 27, 2009, 03:38:03 PM
and how exactly will you ensure LL's protection  noooo: noooo: noooo:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Snoopy on June 27, 2009, 03:39:58 PM
Have a headache like he usually does  whistle:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on June 27, 2009, 03:40:50 PM
 drumroll:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on June 27, 2009, 06:10:45 PM
It prolly came in by boat. They are deffo doomed  noooo:

http://bobsworthindustries.com/keyboardcat/index.php?id=7bwJhj4pu68&start=69/] spider (http://bobsworthindustries.com/keyboardcat/index.php?id=7bwJhj4pu68&start=69)
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 27, 2009, 06:39:25 PM
Not that I want to worry you BM but the really mahoosive ones love the warmer climes...

(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fblogs4brownback.files.wordpress.com%2F2008%2F01%2Fcamel_spider_sm.jpg&hash=360d44b5f563d58c4d2e14237964a654)

 whistle:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: grumpyoldsoldier on June 27, 2009, 08:20:45 PM
Not that I want to worry you BM but the really mahoosive ones love the warmer climes...

([url]https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fblogs4brownback.files.wordpress.com%2F2008%2F01%2Fcamel_spider_sm.jpg&hash=360d44b5f563d58c4d2e14237964a654[/url])

 whistle:
He will only need a very small bucket fot that area then!
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 27, 2009, 08:23:57 PM
You been gossiping with LL again GOS?  whistle:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on June 27, 2009, 08:49:29 PM
Q What?s black and got eight legs?
















































A The Jackson Four
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 27, 2009, 08:51:57 PM
Part of me is surprised you havent started a Michael Jackson joke thread yet Nick.  whistle:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on June 27, 2009, 08:53:00 PM
I don't need to. There are already about three running!
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: grumpyoldsoldier on June 27, 2009, 09:37:20 PM
You been gossiping with LL again GOS?  whistle:
Common knowledge GM,  there is even  an entry on Wiki about it eyes:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on June 27, 2009, 09:38:20 PM
Don't you mean Wili?
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: grumpyoldsoldier on June 27, 2009, 11:02:47 PM
Behave!
BTW The internet is often referred to as the 'WEB' as it was originally conceived by the Welsh Enterprise Board. The internet that we know now is based on their initial idea of connecting all of the computers in Wales with a tiny thread, along which spiders would carry messages.
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 27, 2009, 11:16:52 PM
I hate to disagree with you GOS but it wasnt spiders that were used in networks, it was pixies, imps and the like  whistle:

Quote
Basically, networks operate by having a number of pixies work together in order to move packets of data from one place to another. To control the movement and interaction of these pixies, various types of protocol exist which we will look at in greater detail in the rest of this document. At this point, it must be pointed out that Microsoft use imps instead of pixies, and Novell use both.
Various different pixie control protocols are in common use, and we will look in more detail at some: This is an oversimplfication since it sort of bundles transport protocols with other things. To networks people this is important to systems managers it isn't.

TCP:

TCP stands for "Totally Controllable Pixies" - This protocol was invented by the Americans who are well known for exaggerating many claims. In actuality, the pixies are not under much control and do pretty much what they want. Often seen in association with the Totally Controllable Pixie protocol are two other phrases, "IP" (Intelligent Pixies) and "UDP" (Unusually Dumb Pixies). As a general rule, if you use the Intelligent Pixie protocol, you stand a better chance of the packets being delivered than if you use the Unusually Dumb Pixie protocol. Since TCP is by far the most common pixie protocol these days, we will look at this in more detail later, but for completeleness, we will look at some others.

DECNET:

No-body knows what DECNET stands for, nobody knows how DECNET works. It just does. There were rumours in the late 60's that DECNET expolited faries who had sniffed too much magic dust, but this has never been proven.

X25:

X25 was invented by a Rumanian scientist called Yarakov Gevtenads. It works by having differing numbers of pixies carrying various different sizes of packets in a very strict manner. The British stole Yarakov's system and renamed it simply "Pixie Synchronisation System" or PSS. In the 1970's, Janet Higgins at Rutherford Labs changed the structure of PSS to fit into an academic framework. She gave the pixies smaller packets and gave them lots of tea breaks and shorter working hours, and thus Janet's Network was founded. Janet's Network (JANET for short) was "the place to work" for pixies, with the Camtec cafes, "Tea Service Reset" breaks and a practically zero confidence level from the users of having their packets delivered, making their life a doddle. [See also ATM]

SNA:

SNA actually stands for "Send No Acknowledgement" - Basically, it is the same as X25 except that the pixies have to wear suits and get to drive from location to location in blue Vauxhall Cavilers. Because these pixies are considered so reliable, they don't need to acnowledge delivery of the packets.

NETBUI:

This is Microsoft's own, "NETworked, Blue Ugly Imp" protocol. In typical Miscoroft style, this name was chosen as a subtle dig at IBM. The Blue Ugly Imp protocol is a propietry protocol. Little information about how it works is available since Microsoft have employed everyone who can speak Imp language. It is not advisable to try and run NETBUI and any Pixie protocol on the same network since Imps eat Pixies.

IPX:

IPX (Imp/Pixie eXchange protocol) is Novell's attempt to make the Imp protocol and the Pixie protocols interact. Generally speaking, it gave the pixies roller skates and smaller packets in the hope that they could escape the Imps and not be eaten. Whilst IPX is believed to be a good protocol, it is quite expensive and if you are running it on the same network as pixies who don't have rollerscates, the Imps may still eat them!

ATM:

ATM is what happened when the Germans got hold of X.25 and decided that it wasn't efficient enough. Firstly, a bunch of Large Pixies with Newcastle accents go and build a bobsleigh run from one place to another and then truckloads of much smaller pixies all pick up a tiny bit of information and are shot at high speed down this bobsleigh run. Efficient German pixies then join together all the bits of infomation at the other end and deliver the message. The bobsleigh is a two way affair, how this is done is unknown but it seems to work. Although the super efficient German Pixies are amazingly good at what they do, the pixies on the bobsleigh run occasionally get carried away and shoot off the end of the run without ever being seen again. No-one knows what happens to these poor lost pixies. Note that ATM has nothing to do with Magic Money Machines although some of these use ATM to move their magic money around.

Ok, so that's the transports and protocols, what about the networks?
This is a slightly over simplistic explanation, since none of our networking experts were prepared to tell us too many details. Presumably, like systems management, the field of network management wants to keep some secrets to itself.
Basically, all a network is, is a means by which a group of (hopefully) co-ordinated pixies to get from one place to another. They do this by running very very fast (except in the case of SNA, where they use blue Vauxhall Cavilers, and IPX where they use roller skates) along the inside of the network cables. If the cables are made of glass, they occasionally "glass skate" which means the pixies get from one end of a cable to another more quickly.

Pixies can't run that far - This is an important thing to remember and this, is where networks managers come onto the scene. If you only have a small network, that will fit on a single peice of cable, you don't need a network manager. All the pixies are required to do is to run from one machine to another, deliver a packet of information and then have a little rest - An average Local Area Network will have about 10 million pixies with only a few percent of them doing anything at a given time. If you want to deliver too many packets of information and you get all the pixies working too hard, they will tire out, and start to bump into one another - As a general rule, if more than 30% of the pixies are active at once, things will start to go wrong.

Network managers can be viewed as "pixie tamers" and "pixie travel agents". As soon as a network gets too big for a single pixie to be able to deliver the packet in a single mad dash, they have to relay the packets to other pixies so they can do the next leg of the journey. Also, when a network gets really big, the pixies may have to start using public transport, and even fly across the sea in some cases! They will also need to know where to go.

What do all the networky bits do, and what are the protocols for?
The best way of explaining this is to look at various components of a network, and to show what they do. We will also look at some protocols that this equipment uses and how they work. Some of the information in this section may not be 100% accurate since the networking people I spoke to were loath to tell me too much. It seems they want to keep some of the darker aspects of this secret.
Repeaters:

This is best viewed as a refreshment and resting hole for pixies. Basically, it is a little house containing a few million pixies at all times. When a pixie comes in, exhausted from its run, it will give its packet to a refreshed pixie, who will then do the next leg of the journey.

Routers:

A router is similar to a repeater, only it is a lot bigger, costs more and usually comes in a prettier box. A router is also the basic unit of a network manager's salary, the more routers they control, the more money they earn. In pixie operational terms, a router is more like a postal sorting office; a pixie will run into the router, exhausted, give his packet to a supervisor and the supervisor will then decide what to do with it. This supervisor has a lot of power, and is usually a fairy, rather than a pixie. The fairys often talk to network managers over the course of a day, and the network manager tells the fairy how it should be running things and where the packets should go.

Lines:

The concept of a line can be quite confusing to systems managers. In normal terms, a line is a peice of wire, or a peice of glass that, if you are sufficiently drunk, you can often see and hear the pixies running along. When network managers talk of lines, they don't necessarialy mean "peices of wire" they sometimes just mean "lines of communication". Lines come in all sorts of shapes and sizes and they all have names that bear little connection to reality. A hint here, when a networks manager says "we are getting a T3 in to the USA" what he means is that he is giving your network the capability of moving 45 million pixies a second from a suitably big router on your home network to another suitably big router in the USA - How this is done is magic, but, and this is an important but, if you want to be cocky, ask what will happen when 45 million pixies a second try to all get at once onto a peice of physical wire that will only allow 10 million pixies a second on - And, on top of that, remember what happens to this wire then all the little pixies are working too hard! Obviously, this is where good network managers win over bad ones, they take care of their pixies, and they will have thought of ways round this.

Protocols:
A protocol can be thought of as a jockey's whip. By their very nature, pixies are workshy and playful (we suspect this is why Microsoft use Imps, and why IBM make their pixies wear suits) so they need some motivation and encouragement to move packets around. The supervising fairys in conjunction with the network managers use the "speak softly and carry a big stick" approach.
It is no mistake that most routing protocols were invented in Sicily, with RIP, a rather unsubtle protocol, where pixies that didn't perform to standard are killed and unceremoniously dumped in the routers "underperformers graveyard", being the most famous. A newish protocol from America called the Big Gremlin Protocol (BGP) takes the unique approach of deliberately introducing big gremlins into the routers (theoretically under the control of the network managers) to chase the pixies out of the routers and on their way. There is an overhead to this protocol in that gremlins are a lot bigger than pixies and so take up some of the room that pixies would otherwise use for running around.

Whilst not a protocol as such, it is a good place to mention "SMDS" (Some May Die Soon) - SMDS is a rather clever idea where the older senile pixies are all dumped into a big cloud and fed on fairy dust. Packet movement is achieved by the natural Brownian motion of the stoned, senile pixies and more by luck then judgement, the packet eventually reaches its destination.

In summary:
It is hoped that this report will enable a competent systems manager to see that networks managers do have their place in society. Whilst one may not want to take them to the pub and talk about politics to them (after all, they spend most of their lives talking to fairys) they do an important job and should be respected for this.
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: grumpyoldsoldier on June 28, 2009, 04:14:15 AM
Bloody 'eck! lol:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on June 28, 2009, 09:19:47 AM
Spider turned up yet?  whistle:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on June 28, 2009, 09:26:17 AM
Spider turned up yet?  whistle:
noooo:  scared2:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on June 28, 2009, 09:27:23 AM
I have appended a helpful instruction video to this thread for you  angel1
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 28, 2009, 01:27:55 PM
Spider turned up yet?  whistle:
noooo:  scared2:

Spiders are cunning buggers BM, you'll find him hiding in the last place you would expect. somewhere you havent seen in a long time that rarely sees the light of day as they will feel safe there.




Checked the inside of your wallet lately?  whistle:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on June 28, 2009, 02:29:14 PM
Spider turned up yet?  whistle:
noooo:  scared2:

Spiders are cunning buggers BM, you'll find him hiding in the last place you would expect. somewhere you havent seen in a long time that rarely sees the light of day as they will feel safe there.




Checked the inside of your wallet lately?  whistle:
happy001












 evil:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on June 28, 2009, 02:37:07 PM
BM decides to give LL the fright of her life by concocting attire for the dog


(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg7.imageshack.us%2Fimg7%2F6881%2F21719630.th.jpg&hash=38cfdbbabc10f738f92b1dd77ec5abec) (http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=aV1H3pZ0)

and then releasing some flies into the house
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 28, 2009, 03:32:57 PM
Spider turned up yet?  whistle:
noooo:  scared2:

Spiders are cunning buggers BM, you'll find him hiding in the last place you would expect. somewhere you havent seen in a long time that rarely sees the light of day as they will feel safe there.




Checked the inside of your wallet lately?  whistle:
happy001












 evil:

 whistle:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Snoopy on June 28, 2009, 08:46:58 PM
Spider turned up yet?  whistle:
noooo:  scared2:

Spiders are cunning buggers BM, you'll find him hiding in the last place you would expect. somewhere you havent seen in a long time that rarely sees the light of day as they will feel safe there.




Checked the inside of your wallet lately?  whistle:

No chance the spider would be in there. The moths would have eaten it.
Miss D swears that when he was forced to extract a note to pay for a round of drinks the queen on the fiver he produced bore more than a passing resemblance to Queen Victoria.
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on June 29, 2009, 04:54:43 AM
I caught it!  eeek:

Walked in the kitchen this morning and there was the enemy... between me and the kettle, astaring at me with all its little eyes....  scared2:

If it wasn't for my craving for tea I would have made a hasty exit... but I knew it had to be him or me...  scared2:

Quick as a flash, I leapt for the industrial sized kitchen roll tore off two sheets and dropped them on my nemesis!

Shocked by the unexpected turn of events he headed for the door, taking the roll with it. I knew I had but one chance to save the day... I grabbed the moving paper!  eeek:

The next few minutes are somewhat of a blur, a desperate struggle as he tried to prise my fingers open and strike at me with his vicious fangs of death! Eight strong, hairy legs against my ten fingers... sweat poured from my brow... fortune passed one way and then the other...

Time passed, I struggled toward the door in a desperate battle with my dangerous cargo. I stepped outside and with the last strength in my body hurled the beast into the garden!

He his the floor with a loud 'thud!' then turned slowly and looked at his foe before walking away...

We both knew he would be back.  scared2:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Miss Demeanour on June 29, 2009, 06:36:09 AM
Is this like how the story of David and Goliath started  noooo: noooo: noooo:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: The Moan Ranger (Orderer of the Youngs) on June 29, 2009, 06:36:12 AM
You just stamped on it, didn't you?
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on June 29, 2009, 06:41:30 AM
I bet he has loads of hairy mates  scared2:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Miss Demeanour on June 29, 2009, 06:42:57 AM
His mother will come looking for her beloved who hasn't returned home  8)
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on June 29, 2009, 06:45:06 AM
I bet he has loads of hairy mates  scared2:
That's why I let him go like... to curry favour with them...  scared2:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on June 29, 2009, 06:47:11 AM
His mother will come looking for her beloved who hasn't returned home  8)

Like that thingy in Alien  scared2:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Miss Demeanour on June 29, 2009, 06:48:16 AM
Need to check you haven't broken any of his spindly legs with that big drop onto the patio floor  whistle:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: grumpyoldsoldier on June 29, 2009, 06:58:28 AM
Oh dear! You are in trouble now!

An angry spider, evicted from his family home spider:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on June 29, 2009, 07:00:34 AM
Oh dear! You are in trouble now!

An angry DEADLY spider, evicted from his family home spider:
scared2:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on June 29, 2009, 07:20:27 AM
Need to check you haven't broken any of his spindly legs with that big drop onto the patio floor  whistle:
He was fine... gave me a nasty stare then sprinted off...
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on June 29, 2009, 07:37:07 AM
He will be back
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on June 29, 2009, 07:39:54 AM
He will be back
I know...  surrender:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on June 29, 2009, 07:41:32 AM
http://www.getridofthings.com/get-rid-of-spiders.htm (http://www.getridofthings.com/get-rid-of-spiders.htm)

Alternatively

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XeDXVN52cHI&eurl=http://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php%3Ftopic%3D6377.0&feature=player_embedded (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XeDXVN52cHI&eurl=http://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php%3Ftopic%3D6377.0&feature=player_embedded)
 eveilgrin:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on June 29, 2009, 10:49:07 AM
I'm sure he has realised that he has met his physical and intellectual superior...  whistle:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on June 29, 2009, 10:51:08 AM
 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001

















And he still has more legs and fangs than you  point:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Snoopy on June 29, 2009, 11:08:30 AM
More hair too ~ prolly.  whistle:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 29, 2009, 11:09:03 AM
More hair too ~ prolly.  whistle:

 lol: lol:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on June 29, 2009, 11:09:14 AM
 evil:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 29, 2009, 02:03:48 PM
I'm sure he has realised that he has met his physical and intellectual superior...  whistle:

Looks like BM is cracking up with the strain. Talking about yourself in the third person is never a good sign whistle:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Snoopy on June 29, 2009, 02:05:29 PM
When he starts in the third person plural we call the green van!
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on June 29, 2009, 02:18:13 PM
 Explode:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: grumpyoldsoldier on June 29, 2009, 07:08:24 PM
More hair too ~ prolly.  whistle:
And a bigger willie?
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on June 29, 2009, 07:12:26 PM
More hair too ~ prolly.  whistle:
And a bigger willie?
evil:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: grumpyoldsoldier on June 29, 2009, 07:16:08 PM
do spiders have willies?
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Miss Demeanour on June 29, 2009, 07:20:08 PM
No - they just give you them  lol:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 29, 2009, 07:22:44 PM
No - they just give you them  lol:

Still hope for BM then whistle:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 29, 2009, 10:05:16 PM
No - they just give you them  lol:
drumroll:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on July 02, 2009, 11:16:25 AM
The fecker is back!  scared2:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on July 02, 2009, 11:16:57 AM
Sure it's the same one?
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on July 02, 2009, 11:18:59 AM
Sure it's the same one?
eeek:

He looks the same... I've just put on my wide angle lens to take a picture like...  scared2:

Watch my back.
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on July 02, 2009, 11:21:21 AM
He won't be alone. Check round the corners for the rest of the gang
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on July 02, 2009, 11:22:34 AM

(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg21.imageshack.us%2Fimg21%2F2841%2F65854104.jpg&hash=2f9c747cb027c5368f0cc01fd37f0769) (http://www.postimage.org/)

 scared2:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on July 02, 2009, 11:23:50 AM
We need something in there for scale, like. Is it the size of a hob nob or the size of a Nissan Micra?
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: The Moan Ranger (Orderer of the Youngs) on July 02, 2009, 11:24:40 AM
Just put your hand beside is BM, for scale purposes...
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on July 02, 2009, 11:24:47 AM
We need something in there for scale, like. Is it the size of a hob nob or the size of a Nissan Micra?
Oh, I'll just go and get it to hold a ruler should I...?  ::)

It's fecking massive!
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on July 02, 2009, 11:25:27 AM
Just put your hand beside is BM, for scale purposes...

Or a smaller organ
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Snoopy on July 02, 2009, 11:25:42 AM

([url]https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg21.imageshack.us%2Fimg21%2F2841%2F65854104.jpg&hash=2f9c747cb027c5368f0cc01fd37f0769[/url]) ([url]http://www.postimage.org/[/url])

 scared2:



Not a very good paint job BM ~ all those pits and brush marks ~ we said you should have got a man in.
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on July 02, 2009, 11:26:40 AM
I was just thinking that. He appears to favour the peasant look
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: The Moan Ranger (Orderer of the Youngs) on July 02, 2009, 11:27:37 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GmU_q5xrnto

Scale.
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on July 02, 2009, 11:27:59 AM
Kerristtttt! It can move quickly... it has run up the wall to safety...  scared2:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on July 02, 2009, 11:30:21 AM
Quote
Wolf spiders are members of the family Lycosidae, from the Greek word "λύκος" meaning "wolf". They are robust and agile hunters, and have good eyesight. They live mostly solitary lives and hunt alone. Some are opportunistic wanderer hunters, pouncing upon prey as they find it or chasing it over short distances. Others lie in wait for passing prey, often from or near the mouth of a burrow.

Either way, he's doomed

Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on July 02, 2009, 11:47:20 AM
He's disappeared again...   noooo:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on July 02, 2009, 11:50:09 AM
Quote
Others lie in wait for passing prey
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on July 02, 2009, 11:51:18 AM
Quote
Others lie in wait for passing prey
scared2:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on July 02, 2009, 11:52:53 AM
Quote
or chasing it over short distances
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on July 02, 2009, 11:54:19 AM
LL will be back from the shops soon... I'll use her as bait...  whistle:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on July 02, 2009, 11:56:39 AM
Secretly though, she mustn't suspect. Just get her to walk about slowly, pointing out things to her. YOu might smear her with something like jam too, but unobtrusively
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on July 02, 2009, 11:58:30 AM
Secretly though, she mustn't suspect. Just get her to walk about slowly, pointing out things to her. YOu might smear her with something like jam too, but unobtrusively
Our minds are as one...  whistle:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: The Moan Ranger (Orderer of the Youngs) on July 02, 2009, 12:05:13 PM
Secretly though, she mustn't suspect. Just get her to walk about slowly, pointing out things to her. YOu might smear her with something like jam too, but unobtrusively
Our minds are as one...  whistle:

Is that a good thing? rubschin:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on July 02, 2009, 12:07:11 PM
Secretly though, she mustn't suspect. Just get her to walk about slowly, pointing out things to her. YOu might smear her with something like jam too, but unobtrusively
Our minds are as one...  whistle:

Is that a good thing? rubschin:
Um, on that particular subject I meant, obviously...  whistle:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Miss Demeanour on July 02, 2009, 12:09:34 PM
Too late - you are condemned  -

BM and Nick - separated at birth  lol:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: grumpyoldsoldier on July 02, 2009, 12:47:04 PM
LL will be back from the shops soon... I'll use her as bait...  whistle:
I like your thinking BM, tie her to a long pole, push her into the room, waggggle pole  with the aforementioned LL attached.. seductively, when spider appears, attracted by LL's movements..POUNCE!! I would recommend the Vulcan Death Grip at the back of the thorax.. sorted!
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on July 02, 2009, 01:26:59 PM
We are of one mind  cloud9:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on July 02, 2009, 01:27:08 PM
It werked!  eeek:

LL was faffing around putting the shopping away and out came the spider!

I trapped it and dumped it in a neighbour's garden...  whistle:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Uncle Mort on July 02, 2009, 01:31:32 PM
He will be back.
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on July 02, 2009, 01:33:05 PM
Why don't you just shoot it and be done with?
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Uncle Mort on July 02, 2009, 01:33:40 PM
Drown it in the pool.
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on July 02, 2009, 01:33:52 PM
Why don't you just shoot it and be done with?
LL?  eeek:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on July 02, 2009, 01:34:49 PM
 ::)
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on July 02, 2009, 01:35:56 PM
::)
OIC you mean the spider!   whistle:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on July 02, 2009, 01:36:22 PM
So why not?
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Uncle Mort on July 02, 2009, 01:39:26 PM
LL: "what's that spider doing in the pool?"

BM: "the front crawl"


Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on July 02, 2009, 01:42:00 PM
So why not?
What?  Shrugs:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: grumpyoldsoldier on July 02, 2009, 01:52:10 PM
BM, I'm not intending to imply insult or judgment here but I am curious to know in order to be able to respond to your posts in an appropriate manner, so please forgive what appears to be, but in fact is not intended as, an insulting question: Are you  a twonk?

It will be back just like a homing pigeon and you are on a spider migration trail in a week or two it will be like living on the Serengeti Plain during the rainy season
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on July 02, 2009, 01:53:40 PM
They migrate  eeek:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on July 02, 2009, 01:54:37 PM
BM, I'm not intending to imply insult or judgment here but I am curious to know in order to be able to respond to your posts in an appropriate manner, so please forgive what appears to be, but in fact is not intended as, an insulting question: Are you  a twonk?

It will be back just like a homing pigeon and you are on a spider migration trail in a week or two it will be like living on the Serengeti Plain during the rainy season
Pah!

I'm sure my neighbour's home will provide a domicile much more to his liking...  whistle:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on July 02, 2009, 01:55:06 PM
48 hours?
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: grumpyoldsoldier on July 02, 2009, 01:57:06 PM
I'll have a quid each way on that
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on July 02, 2009, 02:01:40 PM
How will we know if it is the same one tho...?  whistle:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on July 02, 2009, 02:04:08 PM
Sure it's the same one?
eeek:

He looks the same... I've just put on my wide angle lens to take a picture like...  scared2:

Watch my back.

You will recognise him  ::)
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Snoopy on July 02, 2009, 02:04:29 PM
Wouldn't have been any doubt if you had trodden on it in the first place ~ you some kind of Buddhist?
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on July 02, 2009, 02:05:48 PM
Sure it's the same one?
eeek:

He looks the same... I've just put on my wide angle lens to take a picture like...  scared2:

Watch my back.

You will recognise him  ::)
So basically, if any spider turns up again I lose a quid?  rubschin:

And how can you have an each-way bet on it turning up or not?  Shrugs:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on July 02, 2009, 02:07:03 PM
We win. You always lose.

Simples
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on July 02, 2009, 02:10:28 PM
We win. You always lose.

Simples
Oh yes... I forgot the roolz...  noooo:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: The Moan Ranger (Orderer of the Youngs) on July 02, 2009, 02:54:29 PM
How will we know if it is the same one tho...?  whistle:

I've told you before - deftly dab its back with a bit of Tipp-Ex.

Simples.
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on July 02, 2009, 04:55:21 PM
How will we know if it is the same one tho...?  whistle:

I've told you before - deftly dab its back with a bit of Tipp-Ex.

Simples.
Good point.... or a 6" brush and a gallon of whitewash...  rubschin:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: grumpyoldsoldier on July 02, 2009, 06:36:14 PM
How will we know if it is the same one tho...?  whistle:

I've told you before - deftly dab its back with a bit of Tipp-Ex.

Simples.
Good point.... or a 6" brush and a gallon of whitewash...  rubschin:
Wouldn't it be simpler to ask it's name?
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 02, 2009, 06:46:30 PM
They migrate  eeek:

They get carried by African Swallows whistle:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on July 02, 2009, 07:25:27 PM
Sounds rude
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Bar Wench on July 02, 2009, 08:05:55 PM
I really have no clue what is going on on this thread.  noooo:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on July 02, 2009, 08:06:56 PM
NO change there then. Wenchy provides consistency to our lives  cloud9:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Miss Demeanour on July 02, 2009, 08:15:50 PM
BM is making a crisis out of a drama  ::)

If LL had seen the spider in the kitchen it would have been sorted . BM however has spent 3 days being stalked by an itsy bitsy spider and his tales are becoming more embellished each day  whistle:

Tomorrow it will be like something out of War of the Worlds  lol:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on July 02, 2009, 08:16:31 PM
LL would just stamp on it, we know
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Pastis on July 02, 2009, 09:36:17 PM
The spider or the embellishments?  rubschin:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Bar Wench on July 02, 2009, 09:59:43 PM
LL would just stamp on it, we know

Why didn't BM?
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Pirate on July 03, 2009, 12:19:41 AM
Tazer the bastard thing...or put it it your car all day, like, whistle:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on July 03, 2009, 05:09:38 AM
How will we know if it is the same one tho...?  whistle:

I've told you before - deftly dab its back with a bit of Tipp-Ex.

Simples.
Good point.... or a 6" brush and a gallon of whitewash...  rubschin:
Wouldn't it be simpler to ask it's name?
Name, rank and serial number? And any band memberships...?  rubschin:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: grumpyoldsoldier on July 03, 2009, 05:40:05 AM
They migrate  eeek:

They get carried by African Swallows whistle:

But the African swallow is not migatory
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on February 08, 2016, 05:48:53 PM
There are spiders out there with hands???  eeek: eeek:

(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.dailymail.co.uk%2Fi%2Fpix%2F2016%2F02%2F08%2F08%2F30FD4D2700000578-0-image-a-7_1454921343422.jpg&hash=648c98be4000af223ce0701fa7a395b8)

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3436861/Why-want-poke-Insect-breeder-taunts-freaky-looking-whip-spider-gets-bitten-multiple-times-camera.html (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3436861/Why-want-poke-Insect-breeder-taunts-freaky-looking-whip-spider-gets-bitten-multiple-times-camera.html)
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: apc2010 on February 08, 2016, 06:14:31 PM
There are spiders out there with hands???  eeek: eeek:

([url]https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.dailymail.co.uk%2Fi%2Fpix%2F2016%2F02%2F08%2F08%2F30FD4D2700000578-0-image-a-7_1454921343422.jpg&hash=648c98be4000af223ce0701fa7a395b8[/url])

[url]http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3436861/Why-want-poke-Insect-breeder-taunts-freaky-looking-whip-spider-gets-bitten-multiple-times-camera.html[/url] ([url]http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3436861/Why-want-poke-Insect-breeder-taunts-freaky-looking-whip-spider-gets-bitten-multiple-times-camera.html[/url])


 eeek: eeek:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on February 08, 2016, 08:14:31 PM
There are spiders out there with hands???  eeek: eeek:

([url]https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.dailymail.co.uk%2Fi%2Fpix%2F2016%2F02%2F08%2F08%2F30FD4D2700000578-0-image-a-7_1454921343422.jpg&hash=648c98be4000af223ce0701fa7a395b8[/url])

[url]http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3436861/Why-want-poke-Insect-breeder-taunts-freaky-looking-whip-spider-gets-bitten-multiple-times-camera.html[/url] ([url]http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3436861/Why-want-poke-Insect-breeder-taunts-freaky-looking-whip-spider-gets-bitten-multiple-times-camera.html[/url])


 eeek: eeek:


 eeek: eeek: eeek:

Get to fuck!  noooo:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on February 09, 2016, 05:10:49 PM
There are spiders out there with hands???  eeek: eeek:

([url]https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.dailymail.co.uk%2Fi%2Fpix%2F2016%2F02%2F08%2F08%2F30FD4D2700000578-0-image-a-7_1454921343422.jpg&hash=648c98be4000af223ce0701fa7a395b8[/url])

[url]http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3436861/Why-want-poke-Insect-breeder-taunts-freaky-looking-whip-spider-gets-bitten-multiple-times-camera.html[/url] ([url]http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3436861/Why-want-poke-Insect-breeder-taunts-freaky-looking-whip-spider-gets-bitten-multiple-times-camera.html[/url])


 eeek: eeek:


 eeek: eeek: eeek:

Get to fuck!  noooo:


They could be using your computer while you sleep, surfing the world wide web.  redface:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: apc2010 on February 09, 2016, 05:40:33 PM
There are spiders out there with hands???  eeek: eeek:

([url]https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.dailymail.co.uk%2Fi%2Fpix%2F2016%2F02%2F08%2F08%2F30FD4D2700000578-0-image-a-7_1454921343422.jpg&hash=648c98be4000af223ce0701fa7a395b8[/url])

[url]http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3436861/Why-want-poke-Insect-breeder-taunts-freaky-looking-whip-spider-gets-bitten-multiple-times-camera.html[/url] ([url]http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3436861/Why-want-poke-Insect-breeder-taunts-freaky-looking-whip-spider-gets-bitten-multiple-times-camera.html[/url])


 eeek: eeek:


 eeek: eeek: eeek:

Get to fuck!  noooo:


They could be using your computer while you sleep, surfing the world wide web.  redface:



 noooo:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on February 09, 2016, 06:17:24 PM
That's one bloody fast spider  eeek:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3438452/Huntsman-spider-runs-straight-camera-Australia.html (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3438452/Huntsman-spider-runs-straight-camera-Australia.html)
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on February 09, 2016, 06:20:02 PM
Another reason to not go to Australia  scared2:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on February 09, 2016, 06:38:41 PM
They are prolly over here by now, same was as tarantulas are now that they are considered good pets. Apparently there is a colony(?) of them near St Austell after someone decided to get rid of theirs by dumping them.
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on February 09, 2016, 06:41:39 PM
 scared2:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on February 09, 2016, 06:55:22 PM
Given that I only go to St Austell if I am forced to as it's an absolute hole populated by some of the strangest people I've ever seen it's a safe bet I won't be finding out.  lol:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: apc2010 on February 09, 2016, 06:59:40 PM
Given that I only go to St Austell if I am forced to as it's an absolute hole populated by some of the strangest people I've ever seen it's a safe bet I won't be finding out.  lol:

 Thumbs:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Steve on February 09, 2016, 11:01:39 PM
Another reason to not go to Australia  scared2:
rubschin:

I should cancel my non refundable airfare then?    noooo:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 08, 2016, 02:53:44 PM
http://newsthump.com/2014/09/03/house-spiders-taking-the-piss-now/ (http://newsthump.com/2014/09/03/house-spiders-taking-the-piss-now/)

 lol:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on June 09, 2016, 05:23:07 AM
[url]http://newsthump.com/2014/09/03/house-spiders-taking-the-piss-now/[/url] ([url]http://newsthump.com/2014/09/03/house-spiders-taking-the-piss-now/[/url])

 lol:


 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 10, 2016, 10:38:54 AM
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-3633267/Swimmer-suffering-earache-horrified-nurse-pulls-wriggling-SPIDER-living-inside-her.html (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-3633267/Swimmer-suffering-earache-horrified-nurse-pulls-wriggling-SPIDER-living-inside-her.html)

 eeek:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on June 10, 2016, 10:47:58 AM
[url]http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-3633267/Swimmer-suffering-earache-horrified-nurse-pulls-wriggling-SPIDER-living-inside-her.html[/url] ([url]http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-3633267/Swimmer-suffering-earache-horrified-nurse-pulls-wriggling-SPIDER-living-inside-her.html[/url])

 eeek:


 eeek: eeek:

Lucky it wasn't an Earwig!  redface:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 10, 2016, 12:11:30 PM
[url]http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-3633267/Swimmer-suffering-earache-horrified-nurse-pulls-wriggling-SPIDER-living-inside-her.html[/url] ([url]http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-3633267/Swimmer-suffering-earache-horrified-nurse-pulls-wriggling-SPIDER-living-inside-her.html[/url])

 eeek:


 eeek: eeek:

Lucky it wasn't an Earwig!  redface:


And the Padlock Pockets award for bad jokes goes to Baldymort...  noooo:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 24, 2016, 12:36:55 AM
So having shoved a twig into the spider hole and pissing off it's large resident your technique then involves putting your face near the entrance and making stupid noises?  eeek:

http://youtu.be/G7dMXbQXeFg (http://youtu.be/G7dMXbQXeFg)
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on July 24, 2016, 07:02:14 AM
So having shoved a twig into the spider hole and pissing off it's large resident your technique then involves putting your face near the entrance and making stupid noises?  eeek:

[url]http://youtu.be/G7dMXbQXeFg[/url] ([url]http://youtu.be/G7dMXbQXeFg[/url])


 eeek:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 05, 2016, 09:49:51 PM
I'm sorry but if a 12cm long spider crawls out of the woodwork in my home putting it in a shed will be the furthest response from my mind.  noooo:

http://metro.co.uk/2016/09/05/sex-crazed-spiders-the-size-of-mice-set-to-invade-homes-this-autumn-6110171/ (http://metro.co.uk/2016/09/05/sex-crazed-spiders-the-size-of-mice-set-to-invade-homes-this-autumn-6110171/)

I'm claiming rights to SpiderPoonTM and SpiderzookaTM
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on September 06, 2016, 06:02:56 AM
I'm sorry but if a 12cm long spider crawls out of the woodwork in my home putting it in a shed will be the furthest response from my mind.  noooo:

[url]http://metro.co.uk/2016/09/05/sex-crazed-spiders-the-size-of-mice-set-to-invade-homes-this-autumn-6110171/[/url] ([url]http://metro.co.uk/2016/09/05/sex-crazed-spiders-the-size-of-mice-set-to-invade-homes-this-autumn-6110171/[/url])

I'm claiming rights to SpiderPoonTM and SpiderzookaTM


 evil:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 06, 2016, 10:23:03 AM
I'm sorry but if a 12cm long spider crawls out of the woodwork in my home putting it in a shed will be the furthest response from my mind.  noooo:

[url]http://metro.co.uk/2016/09/05/sex-crazed-spiders-the-size-of-mice-set-to-invade-homes-this-autumn-6110171/[/url] ([url]http://metro.co.uk/2016/09/05/sex-crazed-spiders-the-size-of-mice-set-to-invade-homes-this-autumn-6110171/[/url])

I'm claiming rights to SpiderPoonTM and SpiderzookaTM


 evil:


You snooze you lose...  point:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on September 06, 2016, 10:40:09 AM
I'm sorry but if a 12cm long spider crawls out of the woodwork in my home putting it in a shed will be the furthest response from my mind.  noooo:

[url]http://metro.co.uk/2016/09/05/sex-crazed-spiders-the-size-of-mice-set-to-invade-homes-this-autumn-6110171/[/url] ([url]http://metro.co.uk/2016/09/05/sex-crazed-spiders-the-size-of-mice-set-to-invade-homes-this-autumn-6110171/[/url])

I'm claiming rights to SpiderPoonTM and SpiderzookaTM


 evil:


You snooze you lose...  point:


 sad24:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 06, 2016, 10:43:06 AM
I'm sorry but if a 12cm long spider crawls out of the woodwork in my home putting it in a shed will be the furthest response from my mind.  noooo:

[url]http://metro.co.uk/2016/09/05/sex-crazed-spiders-the-size-of-mice-set-to-invade-homes-this-autumn-6110171/[/url] ([url]http://metro.co.uk/2016/09/05/sex-crazed-spiders-the-size-of-mice-set-to-invade-homes-this-autumn-6110171/[/url])

I'm claiming rights to SpiderPoonTM and SpiderzookaTM


 evil:


You snooze you lose...  point:


 sad24:


You can have the rights to NickpoonTM  Thumbs:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on September 06, 2016, 11:55:09 AM
I'm sorry but if a 12cm long spider crawls out of the woodwork in my home putting it in a shed will be the furthest response from my mind.  noooo:

[url]http://metro.co.uk/2016/09/05/sex-crazed-spiders-the-size-of-mice-set-to-invade-homes-this-autumn-6110171/[/url] ([url]http://metro.co.uk/2016/09/05/sex-crazed-spiders-the-size-of-mice-set-to-invade-homes-this-autumn-6110171/[/url])

I'm claiming rights to SpiderPoonTM and SpiderzookaTM


 evil:


You snooze you lose...  point:


 sad24:


You can have the rights to NickpoonTM  Thumbs:


 eveilgrin:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 06, 2016, 01:15:09 PM
I'm sorry but if a 12cm long spider crawls out of the woodwork in my home putting it in a shed will be the furthest response from my mind.  noooo:

[url]http://metro.co.uk/2016/09/05/sex-crazed-spiders-the-size-of-mice-set-to-invade-homes-this-autumn-6110171/[/url] ([url]http://metro.co.uk/2016/09/05/sex-crazed-spiders-the-size-of-mice-set-to-invade-homes-this-autumn-6110171/[/url])

I'm claiming rights to SpiderPoonTM and SpiderzookaTM


 evil:


You snooze you lose...  point:


 sad24:


You can have the rights to NickpoonTM  Thumbs:


 eveilgrin:


Afterall, whats the worst that could happen if the Blundermeister lobs one at the Ginger Shambles....

 rubschin:

 rubschin:

 rubschin:

 eeek:

 scared2:

 scared:

I'll be somewhere else, just as soon as I can work out what would be minimum safe distance.
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 03, 2016, 09:28:10 PM
Saw this and it reminded me of BM vs the spider...  whistle:

(https://metrouk2.files.wordpress.com/2016/09/funny-homer-simpson-chasing-spider-box-animated-gif-pics.gif?w=620&h=465&crop=1)

Came downstairs this morning and there was a mahooosive spider on the kitchen ceiling!  eeek:

We're talking mahoosive!

Told LL about is and she sent me back to capture the beast, in a bucket or summat... returned to the kitchen and it had gone!  scared2:

Where the fuck is it?  Shrugs:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Steve on October 03, 2016, 10:05:52 PM
happy001 spider: spider: spider:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on October 04, 2016, 06:59:41 AM
Saw this and it reminded me of BM vs the spider...  whistle:

(https://metrouk2.files.wordpress.com/2016/09/funny-homer-simpson-chasing-spider-box-animated-gif-pics.gif?w=620&h=465&crop=1)

Came downstairs this morning and there was a mahooosive spider on the kitchen ceiling!  eeek:

We're talking mahoosive!

Told LL about is and she sent me back to capture the beast, in a bucket or summat... returned to the kitchen and it had gone!  scared2:

Where the fuck is it?  Shrugs:

 lol: lol: lol:

 evil:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 24, 2016, 09:59:04 PM
A spider carrying a mouse?  eeek:

(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fmetrouk2.files.wordpress.com%2F2016%2F10%2F14666160_10210975513650955_2235312530097188584_n.jpg&hash=e978278cd658a1a1be3547848c6baf1e)

http://metro.co.uk/2016/10/24/a-spider-carrying-a-mouse-is-the-only-reason-you-need-to-never-visit-australia-6211613/ (http://metro.co.uk/2016/10/24/a-spider-carrying-a-mouse-is-the-only-reason-you-need-to-never-visit-australia-6211613/)
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: apc2010 on October 24, 2016, 10:23:53 PM
A spider carrying a mouse?  eeek:

([url]https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fmetrouk2.files.wordpress.com%2F2016%2F10%2F14666160_10210975513650955_2235312530097188584_n.jpg&hash=e978278cd658a1a1be3547848c6baf1e[/url])

[url]http://metro.co.uk/2016/10/24/a-spider-carrying-a-mouse-is-the-only-reason-you-need-to-never-visit-australia-6211613/[/url] ([url]http://metro.co.uk/2016/10/24/a-spider-carrying-a-mouse-is-the-only-reason-you-need-to-never-visit-australia-6211613/[/url])


Or a fridge magnet ....... rubschin:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 24, 2016, 10:30:25 PM
A spider carrying a mouse?  eeek:

([url]https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fmetrouk2.files.wordpress.com%2F2016%2F10%2F14666160_10210975513650955_2235312530097188584_n.jpg&hash=e978278cd658a1a1be3547848c6baf1e[/url])

[url]http://metro.co.uk/2016/10/24/a-spider-carrying-a-mouse-is-the-only-reason-you-need-to-never-visit-australia-6211613/[/url] ([url]http://metro.co.uk/2016/10/24/a-spider-carrying-a-mouse-is-the-only-reason-you-need-to-never-visit-australia-6211613/[/url])


Or a fridge magnet ....... rubschin:


Yep, clearly a fridge magnet....  whistle:

http://youtu.be/CIfOO4bLQdE (http://youtu.be/CIfOO4bLQdE)
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Steve on October 24, 2016, 10:31:32 PM
A spider carrying a mouse?  eeek:

([url]https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fmetrouk2.files.wordpress.com%2F2016%2F10%2F14666160_10210975513650955_2235312530097188584_n.jpg&hash=e978278cd658a1a1be3547848c6baf1e[/url])

[url]http://metro.co.uk/2016/10/24/a-spider-carrying-a-mouse-is-the-only-reason-you-need-to-never-visit-australia-6211613/[/url] ([url]http://metro.co.uk/2016/10/24/a-spider-carrying-a-mouse-is-the-only-reason-you-need-to-never-visit-australia-6211613/[/url])


 scared2:

so that'll be 15 non sleeps before I get there then
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on October 25, 2016, 04:20:40 AM
A spider carrying a mouse?  eeek:

([url]https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fmetrouk2.files.wordpress.com%2F2016%2F10%2F14666160_10210975513650955_2235312530097188584_n.jpg&hash=e978278cd658a1a1be3547848c6baf1e[/url])

[url]http://metro.co.uk/2016/10/24/a-spider-carrying-a-mouse-is-the-only-reason-you-need-to-never-visit-australia-6211613/[/url] ([url]http://metro.co.uk/2016/10/24/a-spider-carrying-a-mouse-is-the-only-reason-you-need-to-never-visit-australia-6211613/[/url])


 scared2:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on November 03, 2016, 02:10:18 PM
Is this bugger mahoosive enough for you.....  eeek:

(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.dailymail.co.uk%2Fi%2Fpix%2F2016%2F11%2F03%2F05%2F3A02BB7600000578-0-image-a-74_1478150961978.jpg&hash=5725deb0b0e47bde8dcf47d4770c9284)

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3900164/Giant-spider-pictured-Queensland-biggest-huntsman-ever.html (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3900164/Giant-spider-pictured-Queensland-biggest-huntsman-ever.html)
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on November 03, 2016, 02:22:40 PM
Is this bugger mahoosive enough for you.....  eeek:

([url]https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.dailymail.co.uk%2Fi%2Fpix%2F2016%2F11%2F03%2F05%2F3A02BB7600000578-0-image-a-74_1478150961978.jpg&hash=5725deb0b0e47bde8dcf47d4770c9284[/url])

[url]http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3900164/Giant-spider-pictured-Queensland-biggest-huntsman-ever.html[/url] ([url]http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3900164/Giant-spider-pictured-Queensland-biggest-huntsman-ever.html[/url])


KILL IT!  eeek:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on November 03, 2016, 02:26:56 PM
Is this bugger mahoosive enough for you.....  eeek:

([url]https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.dailymail.co.uk%2Fi%2Fpix%2F2016%2F11%2F03%2F05%2F3A02BB7600000578-0-image-a-74_1478150961978.jpg&hash=5725deb0b0e47bde8dcf47d4770c9284[/url])

[url]http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3900164/Giant-spider-pictured-Queensland-biggest-huntsman-ever.html[/url] ([url]http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3900164/Giant-spider-pictured-Queensland-biggest-huntsman-ever.html[/url])


KILL IT!  eeek:



IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN THE BLUE CORNER WE HAVE THE MASTER OF DISASTER, THE BUCKETHEAD OF BUGGERATION, THE ONE AND ONLY BALDYMORT!!!!!

AND IN THE RED CORNER WE HAVE THE BIGGEST HUNTSMAN SPIDER WE HAVE EVER BLOODY SEEN....

PLACE YOUR BETS!!

 rubschin:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on November 03, 2016, 02:45:51 PM
Is this bugger mahoosive enough for you.....  eeek:

([url]https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.dailymail.co.uk%2Fi%2Fpix%2F2016%2F11%2F03%2F05%2F3A02BB7600000578-0-image-a-74_1478150961978.jpg&hash=5725deb0b0e47bde8dcf47d4770c9284[/url])

[url]http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3900164/Giant-spider-pictured-Queensland-biggest-huntsman-ever.html[/url] ([url]http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3900164/Giant-spider-pictured-Queensland-biggest-huntsman-ever.html[/url])


KILL IT!  eeek:



IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN THE BLUE CORNER WE HAVE THE MASTER OF DISASTER, THE BUCKETHEAD OF BUGGERATION, THE ONE AND ONLY BALDYMORT!!!!!

AND IN THE RED CORNER WE HAVE THE BIGGEST HUNTSMAN SPIDER WE HAVE EVER BLOODY SEEN....

PLACE YOUR BETS!!

 rubschin:


 scared2:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 26, 2017, 01:33:39 AM
I don't care if it is a rare creature or not, bright colours tend to mean dangerous...   eeek:

(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.dailymail.co.uk%2Fi%2Fpix%2F2017%2F09%2F25%2F10%2F44B19C9300000578-4916918-image-a-2_1506331410238.jpg&hash=d8c9606a1a0bef9679daaf9ce38021df)

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-4916918/Incredible-video-shows-rare-species-BLUE-tarantula.html (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-4916918/Incredible-video-shows-rare-species-BLUE-tarantula.html)
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on September 26, 2017, 03:38:20 AM
I don't care if it is a rare creature or not, bright colours tend to mean dangerous...   eeek:

([url]https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.dailymail.co.uk%2Fi%2Fpix%2F2017%2F09%2F25%2F10%2F44B19C9300000578-4916918-image-a-2_1506331410238.jpg&hash=d8c9606a1a0bef9679daaf9ce38021df[/url])

[url]http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-4916918/Incredible-video-shows-rare-species-BLUE-tarantula.html[/url] ([url]http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-4916918/Incredible-video-shows-rare-species-BLUE-tarantula.html[/url])


KILL IT!  eeek:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Steve on September 26, 2017, 08:24:49 AM
I don't care if it is a rare creature or not, bright colours tend to mean dangerous...   eeek:

([url]https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.dailymail.co.uk%2Fi%2Fpix%2F2017%2F09%2F25%2F10%2F44B19C9300000578-4916918-image-a-2_1506331410238.jpg&hash=d8c9606a1a0bef9679daaf9ce38021df[/url])

[url]http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-4916918/Incredible-video-shows-rare-species-BLUE-tarantula.html[/url] ([url]http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-4916918/Incredible-video-shows-rare-species-BLUE-tarantula.html[/url])


KILL IT!  eeek:

 noooo:

imho it's stunning
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 26, 2017, 11:00:04 AM
I don't care if it is a rare creature or not, bright colours tend to mean dangerous...   eeek:

([url]https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.dailymail.co.uk%2Fi%2Fpix%2F2017%2F09%2F25%2F10%2F44B19C9300000578-4916918-image-a-2_1506331410238.jpg&hash=d8c9606a1a0bef9679daaf9ce38021df[/url])

[url]http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-4916918/Incredible-video-shows-rare-species-BLUE-tarantula.html[/url] ([url]http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-4916918/Incredible-video-shows-rare-species-BLUE-tarantula.html[/url])


KILL IT!  eeek:

 noooo:

imho it's stunning


I think it looks amazing but it's always fun to scare Baldymort with this stuff...  whistle:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on September 26, 2017, 11:04:16 AM
I don't care if it is a rare creature or not, bright colours tend to mean dangerous...   eeek:

([url]https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.dailymail.co.uk%2Fi%2Fpix%2F2017%2F09%2F25%2F10%2F44B19C9300000578-4916918-image-a-2_1506331410238.jpg&hash=d8c9606a1a0bef9679daaf9ce38021df[/url])

[url]http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-4916918/Incredible-video-shows-rare-species-BLUE-tarantula.html[/url] ([url]http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-4916918/Incredible-video-shows-rare-species-BLUE-tarantula.html[/url])


KILL IT!  eeek:

 noooo:

imho it's stunning


I think it looks amazing but it's always fun to scare Baldymort with this stuff...  whistle:


It looks stunning/amazing until it gets its big blue arms around yer throat and squeezes!  scared2:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on September 26, 2017, 11:17:51 AM
I thought they mainly targetted the willy department  rubschin:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Steve on September 26, 2017, 11:54:04 AM
No one noticed my pun  sad32:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on September 26, 2017, 12:00:27 PM
No one noticed my pun  sad32:

Italics too!  lol:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 26, 2017, 12:17:16 PM
No one noticed my pun  sad32:

Italics too!  lol:

It's also fun to wind Steve up as well...  whistle:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Steve on September 26, 2017, 02:14:40 PM
No one noticed my pun  sad32:

Italics too!  lol:

stunning punning in fact
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on November 14, 2017, 06:22:59 AM
Just to make Baldymort's day...  whistle:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5079559/Massive-huntsman-spider-cleans-fangs-windowsill.html (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5079559/Massive-huntsman-spider-cleans-fangs-windowsill.html)
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on November 14, 2017, 06:55:45 PM
All he needs is a bucket on his head....  whistle:

http://youtu.be/ruTB5jBGXsE (http://youtu.be/ruTB5jBGXsE)