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Author Topic: Fresh from the Inbox  (Read 741704 times)

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Offline apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #3645 on: February 25, 2015, 10:58:18 AM »
Today's BBC News - 'it is confirmed that three British school girls have now entered Syria'...........




Next week's Sun - 'it is confirmed that half of Syria have now entered three British school girls'.........

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #3646 on: February 25, 2015, 12:05:17 PM »
Today's BBC News - 'it is confirmed that three British school girls have now entered Syria'...........




Next week's Sun - 'it is confirmed that half of Syria have now entered three British school girls'.........

happy001
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Offline Baldy

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #3647 on: February 25, 2015, 09:37:18 PM »
Today's BBC News - 'it is confirmed that three British school girls have now entered Syria'...........




Next week's Sun - 'it is confirmed that half of Syria have now entered three British school girls'.........

 lol: lol: lol:

Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #3648 on: March 02, 2015, 08:58:02 PM »
An Affs?  Well whatever  . . .

Mickey The Altar Boy


'Bless me Father, for I have sinned.
I have been with a loose girl.'

The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Mickey Pagano?'

'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?' 'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation.'


Well, Mickey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you
may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?'

'I cannot say.'

'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'

'I'll never tell.'

'Was it Nina Capelli?'

'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'

'Was it Cathy Piriano?'

'My lips are sealed.'


'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'


'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'



The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped,
and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to
atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months.


Now you go and behave yourself.'

Mickey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and
whispers, 'What'd you get?'

'Four months holiday and five dead certs for Saturday night...'

Well, whatever, nevermind

Offline apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #3649 on: March 02, 2015, 09:25:23 PM »
An Affs?  Well whatever  . . .

Mickey The Altar Boy


'Bless me Father, for I have sinned.
I have been with a loose girl.'

The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Mickey Pagano?'

'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?' 'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation.'


Well, Mickey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you
may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?'

'I cannot say.'

'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'

'I'll never tell.'

'Was it Nina Capelli?'

'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'

'Was it Cathy Piriano?'

'My lips are sealed.'


'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'


'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'



The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped,
and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to
atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months.


Now you go and behave yourself.'

Mickey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and
whispers, 'What'd you get?'

'Four months holiday and five dead certs for Saturday night...'

 ;D ;D

Offline apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #3650 on: March 16, 2015, 10:20:50 AM »
So there I was on the golf course, when I bellowed out, "FORD"........

The two guys ahead turned round and shouted back, "the term is FORE you ignorant cvnt".......





Then the plane hit them.............

Offline Baldy

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #3651 on: March 16, 2015, 10:57:24 AM »
So there I was on the golf course, when I bellowed out, "FORD"........

The two guys ahead turned round and shouted back, "the term is FORE you ignorant cvnt".......





Then the plane hit them.............

 lol:

Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #3652 on: March 16, 2015, 11:03:30 AM »
So there I was on the golf course, when I bellowed out, "FORD"........

The two guys ahead turned round and shouted back, "the term is FORE you ignorant cvnt".......





Then the plane hit them.............

 lol:
lol: lol:
I mostly despair

Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #3653 on: March 16, 2015, 12:08:37 PM »
So there I was on the golf course, when I bellowed out, "FORD"........

The two guys ahead turned round and shouted back, "the term is FORE you ignorant cvnt".......





Then the plane hit them.............

 lol:
lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol:
Well, whatever, nevermind

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #3654 on: March 16, 2015, 03:25:43 PM »
So there I was on the golf course, when I bellowed out, "FORD"........

The two guys ahead turned round and shouted back, "the term is FORE you ignorant cvnt".......





Then the plane hit them.............

 lol:
lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol:

 lol: lol: lol: lol:
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Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #3655 on: March 17, 2015, 05:37:17 PM »
The Dwarf

A dwarf with a lisp goes into a stud farm.
"I'd like to buy a horth" he says to the OWNER of the farm. "What sort of horse?" said the OWNER. "A female horth" the dwarf replies.

So the OWNER shows him a mare. "Nithe horth." says the dwarf, "Can I thee her eyeth?"
So the OWNER picks up the dwarf to show him the horses eyes. "Nithe eyeth.", says the dwarf,
"Can I thee her teeth?" Again the OWNER picks up the dwarf to show him the horses teeth. "Nithe teeth.... can I see her eerth?" the dwarf says.
By now the OWNER is getting a little fed up but again, picks up the dwarf to show him the horses ears. "Nithe eerth". he says, Now...can I see her twot?"
With this the owner picks the dwarf up by the scruff of his neck and shoves his head deep in just under the horses tail. He holds him there for a couple of seconds before pulling him out and putting him down.

The dwarf shakes his head and says: "Perhaps I should weefwaze that...
Can I see her wun awound?"
Well, whatever, nevermind

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #3656 on: March 17, 2015, 06:24:59 PM »
The Dwarf

A dwarf with a lisp goes into a stud farm.
"I'd like to buy a horth" he says to the OWNER of the farm. "What sort of horse?" said the OWNER. "A female horth" the dwarf replies.

So the OWNER shows him a mare. "Nithe horth." says the dwarf, "Can I thee her eyeth?"
So the OWNER picks up the dwarf to show him the horses eyes. "Nithe eyeth.", says the dwarf,
"Can I thee her teeth?" Again the OWNER picks up the dwarf to show him the horses teeth. "Nithe teeth.... can I see her eerth?" the dwarf says.
By now the OWNER is getting a little fed up but again, picks up the dwarf to show him the horses ears. "Nithe eerth". he says, Now...can I see her twot?"
With this the owner picks the dwarf up by the scruff of his neck and shoves his head deep in just under the horses tail. He holds him there for a couple of seconds before pulling him out and putting him down.

The dwarf shakes his head and says: "Perhaps I should weefwaze that...
Can I see her wun awound?"

 lol: lol: lol:
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Offline Nick

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #3657 on: March 19, 2015, 09:40:56 AM »
Warning: May contain Skub
Cat sitter extraordinaire
Semi-professional crocodile

Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #3658 on: March 25, 2015, 08:40:40 PM »
Bloody WiFi went down at home last night so I had to talk to the missus.
Apparently she doesn't work at Woolworths any more
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #3659 on: March 25, 2015, 08:45:21 PM »
Bloody WiFi went down at home last night so I had to talk to the missus.
Apparently she doesn't work at Woolworths any more

 ;D ;D ;D