Material for apc

[Just One More]

I've just watched the Simpsons and realised it's a load of bollocks. Who would put a load of funny yellow people in charge of running a nuclear power station?

 

Some bastard's just pinched a pair of my wife's knickers off the washing line. She's not bothered about the knickers but she wants the 12 pegs back

A close call yesterday, the woman next door accused me of stealing her underwear off her washing line. I nearly shat her knickers

[apc2010]

Need more guys ..........Sunday is a full set .........

[Nick]

We should get paid for this

[apc2010]

We should get paid for this

You are Bm and I claim my fiver ............

[Baldy]

Apparently it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethnic minority, so try this one:


An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Jew, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a  Mexican, a Spaniard, a  Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a  Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a  Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, a Libyan, a Muslim, a Hindu, a  Buddhist and an African, all went to a night  club.


The bouncer  said, "Sorry, I can't let you lot in without a Thai. "

[Barman]

Apparently it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethnic minority, so try this one:


An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Jew, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a  Mexican, a Spaniard, a  Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a  Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a  Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, a Libyan, a Muslim, a Hindu, a  Buddhist and an African, all went to a night  club.


The bouncer  said, "Sorry, I can't let you lot in without a Thai. "

 


He wouldn't remember that lot.... 

[Baldy]

Dear Deidre,

I was watching my next door neighbour's daughter sunbathing topless from my bedroom window.

As I was knocking one out I turned to notice my wife just stood there, arms folded...watching me.

Is she a pervert?

[Barman]

 

[Just One More]

My wife said, "How would you describe me?"

I said, "A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."

She said, "What does that mean?"

I said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, and Hot."

She smiled and said, "That's so sweet, but what about I, J, and K?"

I said, "I'm just kidding."

[Darwins Selection]

My wife said, "How would you describe me?"

I said, "A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."

She said, "What does that mean?"

I said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, and Hot."

She smiled and said, "That's so sweet, but what about I, J, and K?"

I said, "I'm just kidding."

[Baldy]

Apparently a masked superhero double act were seen on the streets of Tottenham last night.

Blackman & Robbing

[Barman]

Apparently a masked superhero double act were seen on the streets of Tottenham last night.

Blackman & Robbing

 

[Just One More]

Sod buying flypapers in future. I'm gonna get a couple of those Somalian kids, have you seen the amount of flies they attract 

[Pastis]

The rioters have looted the BodyShop here; the skin lightening cream went within seconds 

[Just One More]

In further news Tottenham Hotspur have just signed a new Italian striker called Grabatelli...