Fresh from the Inbox

[The Moan Ranger]

Ten years ago we had Steve Jobs, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope. Now we have no jobs, no cash and no f***ing hope

Better hope Kevin Bacon doesn't die!

And P.S. I bet the whole of Ethiopia are shitting it that Anneka Rice don't snuff it.

[Darwins Selection]

Ten years ago we had Steve Jobs, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope. Now we have no jobs, no cash and no f***ing hope

Better hope Kevin Bacon doesn't die!

And P.S. I bet the whole of Ethiopia are shitting it that Anneka Rice don't snuff it.

Not to mention the Greeks and the Loan Ranger. 

[Just One More]

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Devon, are excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to
discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a chemist.  Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob asks the man behind the counter, "Are you the owner?"
The pharmacist says, "Yes."
Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course we do."
Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds. "
Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"
Pharmacist: "Definitely."
Jacob: "How about suppositories?"
Pharmacist: "Of course."
Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, and Alzheimer's?"
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety."
Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"
Pharmacist: "Absolutely."
Jacob: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?"
Pharmacist: "We certainly do."
Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?"
Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."
Jacob: "Adult incontinence pants?"
Pharmacist: "Certainly."







Jacob: "We'd like to use this shop for our wedding presents list..."

[Tipsy Gipsy]

 

[Barman]

Ten years ago we had Steve Jobs, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope. Now we have no jobs, no cash and no f***ing hope

Better hope Kevin Bacon doesn't die!

And P.S. I bet the whole of Ethiopia are shitting it that Anneka Rice don't snuff it.

Not to mention the Greeks and the Loan Ranger. 

  

[Just One More]

If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have £49.00 today.
 
If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you would have £33.00 today.

If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you would have £0.00 today.
 
But, if you had purchased £1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then crushed in the aluminum cans for recycling, you would have received a £214.00 payment from the scrap metal dealer.

Based on the above, without doubt, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle.


A recent study found that the average Briton walks about 900 miles a year.

Another study found that Britons drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.

That means that, on average, Britons get about 41 miles to the gallon!

Makes you proud to be British, doesn't it? 

[Barman]

If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have £49.00 today.
 
If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you would have £33.00 today.

If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you would have £0.00 today.
 
But, if you had purchased £1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then crushed in the aluminium cans for recycling, you would have received a £214.00 payment from the scrap metal dealer.

Based on the above, without doubt, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle.

I'm sure this is an AFFS moment but I can't find it... perhaps it was at the other place.... 

[Miss Demeanour]

Or perhaps you are mistaken 

[Just One More]

Again 

[Barman]

I remember debunking getting £1,000 of beer and £214 back for the cans.... 

[Barman]

Well aluminium cans are worth ~£950 per tonne...

So you'd have to get ~200Kg of cans with your £1,000 of beer for it to be valid...

A can weighs ~15g so you'd have to have bought 13,000 tins of beer with your £1,000 at ~ £0.08p each.... 

[Just One More]

You are obviously rushed off your feet today 

[Snoopy]

Well aluminium cans are worth ~£950 per tonne...

So you'd have to get ~200Kg of cans with your £1,000 of beer for it to be valid...

A can weighs ~15g so you'd have to have bought 13,000 tins of beer with your £1,000 at ~ £0.08p each.... 

Don't you think this is taking pedantry just a tad too far ..... even by our standards? 

[Barman]

Well aluminium cans are worth ~£950 per tonne...

So you'd have to get ~200Kg of cans with your £1,000 of beer for it to be valid...

A can weighs ~15g so you'd have to have bought 13,000 tins of beer with your £1,000 at ~ £0.08p each.... 

Don't you think this is taking pedantry just a tad too far ..... even by our standards? 

Oh noes... 

[Snoopy]

Well aluminium cans are worth ~£950 per tonne...

So you'd have to get ~200Kg of cans with your £1,000 of beer for it to be valid...

A can weighs ~15g so you'd have to have bought 13,000 tins of beer with your £1,000 at ~ £0.08p each.... 

Don't you think this is taking pedantry just a tad too far ..... even by our standards? 

Oh noes... 

Fair 'nuff