Author Topic: Fresh from the Inbox  (Read 149932 times)

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Offline Just One More

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Fresh from the Inbox
« on: July 10, 2010, 10:49:53 AM »
Channel 4 thought of trying a new show called 'The Black Apprentice'
Alan Sugar refused,saying. ''I don't have no time for no monkey business!''

Raoul Moat.
The most dangerous ginger to emerge from the woods since last month's fox attack.   whistle:

I'm not convinced Raoul Moat is a natural ginger. Evidence...
1) He had a girlfriend.
2) He can walk around in daylight without spontaneously combusting.
3) Two 'friends' helped him.
4) Surely a real ginger would never wear an orange t-shirt.   whistle:

As I sat in my armchair eating a bacon sandwich, an advert came on TV showing starving African children, and I couldn't help thinking.........
......how great my bacon sandwich tasted.

Northumberland Police had ordered the closure of all local fish and chip shops. They said they couldn't have their fishy on a dishy till the Moat came in

Ok no more jokes about the Geordie murderer there not even ..... Raulmoatley funny ..................  redface:
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1 on: July 10, 2010, 05:58:01 PM »
 lol: lol: lol: lol:
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Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #2 on: August 14, 2010, 06:31:52 PM »
Paddy got arrested in B & Q today for punching an African woman at the till. He claims it wasn't his fault as his father had told him to go in and get a Black and Decker.
 
Paddy and his wife were discussing their sex life. Paddy said, "I want to try that wheelbarrow position tonight."
His wife asked, "What is that?"
Paddy told her, "You bend over, put your hands on the floor then I pick your legs up and take you from behind!"
His wife said, "Hmm, okay, I'll do it on two conditions. First, if it hurts you stop immediately and, second, ... we don't go down past my mother's house!"
 
My teenage son told me that he had sex with the neighbour's daughter last night for the first time. "Well done, son," I said, "I hope you used something though?"
He replied, "Yeah, a balaclava!"
 

I went to the doctor while I was on holiday in Bangkok recently, to get my testicles checked out. While the doc was cupping my dangly bits, she said, "Don't worry, it's normal to get an erection during this kind of examination."
I said, "I haven't got an erection!"
She replied, "No, but I have!"
 
Ramadan is here again. The one time of the year when Muslims cannot eat or drink within the hours of daylight, they just starve. Never has the term, "Not enough hours in the day" been more appropriate!
 
A little Pakistani girl goes to her mother and says, "Mummy, I don't want to be a lesbian when I grow up!"
Her mother says, "What makes you think you'll be a lesbian, Minjeeta?"
 
A bloke was sitting on a bus when a gorgeous woman next to him starts breastfeeding her baby. The baby won't take it so she says, "Come on, eat it all up or I'll give it to this nice man here." Ten minutes later, the baby is  still not feeding so she says again, "Eat it all up or I'll give it to this nice man here."
The bloke says, "Listen, love, can you make your bloody mind up, I should've got off four stops ago!"
 
French foreplay: Dinner, wine, sex!
Italian foreplay: Dinner, wine, caressing, sex!
Latino foreplay: Dinner, wine, dancing, caressing, sex!
Scottish foreplay: "Haw, ye awake?"
 
I fostered a Muslim child yesterday..... all four cans hit him on the head!
 
I got banned from a Muslim clothes shop today. I only asked for a bomber jacket. Touchy basta*ds!
 
Why do Cadbury's make white chocolate buttons?
So that black kids can have messy faces as well!
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Pirate

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #3 on: August 14, 2010, 07:05:10 PM »
 lol: lol: lol:

Australian foreplay: Brace yourself Sheila

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4 on: August 15, 2010, 07:04:48 AM »
Excellent jokes!  lol: lol: lol:
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Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5 on: August 20, 2010, 08:44:33 PM »
Joke of the year

Two women were sitting quietly together, minding their own business.
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6 on: August 20, 2010, 08:47:24 PM »
Joke of the year

Two women were sitting quietly together, minding their own business.


 happy001
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Offline apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #7 on: August 21, 2010, 04:25:09 PM »
Apparently, one of the most popular boys' names in Britain nowadays is Mohammed.

Compare that to Pakistan, where the most popular boys' name is now Bob............

Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #8 on: August 25, 2010, 10:42:34 PM »
A friend of mine just started his own business, making land-mines that look like prayer mats. Itís doing well. 

He says Prophets are going through the roof.
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Tipsy Gipsy

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #9 on: August 25, 2010, 10:58:54 PM »
What do you call the first Pakistani off the boat?      Amhere.

What do you call the second Pakistani off the boat?  Amhere Azwel.

What do you call the third Pakistani off the boat?  Amhere Azwel Azhim.
It's better than I ever even knew.  They say that the world was built for two.  Only worth living if somebody is loving you.  Baby now you do.

Offline Tipsy Gipsy

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #10 on: August 26, 2010, 09:22:51 PM »
From Sky News:  The dead Mi6 Agent found in a bag in his London flat has been named as Brian Shepherd.  He is thought to have been stabbed and put into a hot bath first.  Police are treating it as a boil in the bag Shepherd Spy.....
It's better than I ever even knew.  They say that the world was built for two.  Only worth living if somebody is loving you.  Baby now you do.

Offline Nick

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #11 on: August 26, 2010, 09:25:50 PM »
Bad Tipsy  Spank2:
Warning: May contain Skub
Cat sitter extraordinaire
Semi-professional crocodile

Offline Tipsy Gipsy

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #12 on: August 26, 2010, 09:28:46 PM »
WAKE UP NICK!  You've been asleep!  It's just a dream.  scared2:
It's better than I ever even knew.  They say that the world was built for two.  Only worth living if somebody is loving you.  Baby now you do.

Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #13 on: August 26, 2010, 11:23:05 PM »
From Sky News:  The dead Mi6 Agent found in a bag in his London flat has been named as Brian Shepherd.  He is thought to have been stabbed and put into a hot bath first.  Police are treating it as a boil in the bag Shepherd Spy.....

 ;D
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #14 on: August 27, 2010, 05:00:06 AM »
From Sky News:  The dead Mi6 Agent found in a bag in his London flat has been named as Brian Shepherd.  He is thought to have been stabbed and put into a hot bath first.  Police are treating it as a boil in the bag Shepherd Spy.....

 lol: lol: lol:
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